


Where I Am Without You

by 19_Xanadu_19



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, OT5 Friendship (One Direction), One Direction Reunion, One Direction Tours, larry stylinson - Freeform, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:28:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 119,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26833714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/19_Xanadu_19/pseuds/19_Xanadu_19
Summary: Harry Styles has spent three years without Louis Tomlinson. Harry has never been able to move on from the one that stole his heart, despite every intention of doing so. But how do you ever let go of the love of your life?With Fine Line bare to the world and an exclusive One Direction reunion planned for 2020 for the boys to reconnect and tour Made In The AM, life is about to get very complicated.Or. Harry and Louis split in 2016 and haven't really spoken in three years, a One Direction reunion throws both men back into each other's lives. But will it be permanent this time or is history set to repeat itself?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Larry Stylinson
Comments: 193
Kudos: 305





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever One Direction fanfic so I'm pretty green! I love writing and have been a One Direction (and solo!) stan for a long while now! I'm also (obviously) a Larry. 
> 
> A few important points before you start:  
> \- This fic, whilst based on the characters, does not entirely follow a realistic timeline of events from 2020 (Obviously as there has not yet been any reunion).  
> \- Covid - 19 does not happen in this fic.  
> \- There are aspects of this fic which do not follow the timeline which has actually happened, this is solely for the purpose of the plot!  
> \- I do not claim to know any inside information, nor is this any form of reflection on the actual lives of characters in this fic!
> 
> Alright! I have also posted this story to Wattpad, under my own account, Xanadu19, please do NOT copy, translate or share this story without asking me first - thank you!
> 
> I will try my best to update every Monday (NZT) but I live a very busy life so updates may vary just slightly!
> 
> My official Twitter acc is AvenaVierre if you ever want to chat :) I promise I'm not scary!
> 
> And lastly!!!! Enjoy :)

December 17th 2019

The problem with London in winter wasn’t the bitter chill, it was the prospect of light temporarily being a void concept. With the high of finally releasing Fine Line still coursing through Harry, he’d barely had a moment in the past few weeks to press pause. He’d spent the past few nights with friends celebrating the release and performing in a number of venues and interviews he’d long lost track of, but as he walked through the front door into his private home in London, the sudden feeling of loneliness flooded into him. 

Weariness threatened to overwhelm him for a moment but he sighed and pushed through it, his sluggish movement leading him through the narrow corridor that lead down to the spacious living room and adjourning kitchen. It had been several weeks since he’d last been here and he doubted that there was any edible food actually in the kitchen. Judging by the brief glance he spared towards the fruit bowl and very dehydrated potted plants beside it, he thought better than trying to rummage through to find some form of sustenance. Instead he turned away from the space and headed towards his bedroom on the second floor. 

His phone vibrated somewhere in a coat pocket, one of the three he’d thrown on as he’d left the plane at Heathrow. He’d landed an hour or so ago, the bitter night air had grabbed at the oxygen in his tired lungs, pulling most of his remaining strength from him as he’d stepped from the plane and had been headed through the gathered crowd that had awaited him despite the late hour. He’d smiled, the gesture practically automatic after nine and a half years but he’d still stopped for several photos and had politely, and genuinely, thanked the four girls who’d been a mess of tears over congratulating’s him over the album. It meant the world to him, the support, no matter how much time had passed, and the experiences he’d had, there was nothing quite like people connecting so deeply with the words he wrote and sang. To this day he had to pinch himself at moments that this was actually his life, and despite the heavy exhaustion and overworked schedules he’d followed for nigh on a decade, he still wouldn’t change any of it. 

His bedroom door, firmly closed, greeted him at the end of the hallway. He managed to push his way in, dropping the large brown and gold Gucci duffle bag barely in the entrance of the room as he trudged towards the large king sized bed, adorned in dark grey sheets, and promptly fell sprawled upon the covers. He was more than content to simply fall asleep where he lay, fully clothed and figure disheveled but the blaring sound of his phone ringing startled him from his state of semi unconsciousness. 

His hand slipped beneath his top coat, finding the side pocket of one of the three coats and pulled the small device free. One look at the caller ID and he knew this was perhaps one of the few people he couldn’t avoid till morning. 

“You are aware you’re calling me after a twelve hour flight at 11pm?” He said the moment the call connected, his own voice startling him at how slow and slurred his words were due to his overtiredness. 

Gemma’s laugh greeted him, the smallest hint of a smile gracing his lips at the familiar sound, “I just wanted to check you’d got back alright?”

“Yeah, mh’ all good. Just got home.”

“How you doing?”

“Honestly? I feel like I’ve been repeatedly run into a brick wall, “He said with a huff, “One that refuses to give any ground.” He could almost picture Gemma’s smile through the phone.

“Poor little rock star.” His sister said teasingly, and he supposed that some things never change.

“Mhh.” Was his only grumbled reply.

“Ok, you sound barely awake so I’m gonna let you get some sleep, but I’ll see you on Thursday ok? Love you H.”

“Love you too Gem.” He mumbled in reply before the line went dead. 

Despite his protesting limbs, he dragged himself upright. He may be a brand ambassador, but Gucci suits hardly make for comfortable sleep wear. The tight fabric would feel like a suffocating grip when he woke up in the morning he knew, having experienced just that once before and made a mental note never to do such a thing again. So he stood from the bed and shrugged off the layers of fabric covering his tattooed skin. With him being absent from London for so long, and telling his usual house care taker to forgo preparing the house for his arrival, the house was barely warmer than the outside temperature and goosebumps arose over his skin the moment it was exposed to the night air. Shrugging his loose white flare pants from his hips and throwing them over the back of his comfortable blush blue armchair near his bed, he pulled back the covers and sank beneath the cold sheets. His head barely hit the pillow before he was pulled into a deep sleep.

~~~~

The shrill sound of his door bell grabbed at Harry’s attention as he left the kitchen bench and wandered towards the front door. He pulled it open without bothering to glance at who awaited him, Ny and Sarah smiled tiredly at him as they stepped past him and into the warmth of the house. 

“Fucking freezing out there.” Ny mused in her still thick New Zealand accent. Harry smiled at her as the two women comfortably settled into one of the sofas in front of the elegant electric marble fireplace in the living room. 

“It’s London in December, not sure what else you expected.” Harry mused to her as he made his way back to the kitchen bench to grab the still untouched tea he’d made for himself almost twenty minutes ago, sure it had now gone cold. “Want anything?”

“Already covered.” Sarah said holding a spotted black and white flask in the air above her head. A similar cup grasped in Ny’s fingers. “Mitch was still asleep when I left, I didn’t want to disturb him but he mentioned calling round later.”

“He’s fine, it’s our day off.” Harry said as he made his way into the living room and pulled his legs under him as he sat opposite Ny and Sarah. Cradling the indeed cold tea in his lap between his hands. 

“You must have got back late last night.” Sarah said, taking a small sip from her flask, her phone beside her lighting up with a message.

“Around ten or so, it was all a bit of a daze by then.” Intense travelling had become normal from his years with the band, their crazy schedule had had them flying across the globe on what had often felt like a daily basis. Sometimes he thinks the only thing that had kept him sane during those five years was the four boys he’d been with. But the moment his thoughts drifted int hat direction he halted, he really couldn’t deal with those kinds of intruding thoughts when he was still recovering from the past few days. 

The rest of his band had flown back into London mid-morning yesterday. He’d been delayed by a final two interviews in Los Angeles before he’d made his own way back to his home country. 

“Did you reply to Liam’s message?” Ny asked and Harry got caught in her words for a moment before he looked up at her with a frown.

“Shit, I completely forgot.” Liam had messaged him the morning before he’d flown out from LA, he knew the meeting with their managers was set for Friday, but he’d conveniently chosen to bury that piece of information for the time being, until the actual day arrived that is. With July now only seven months away he’d known for over a year that the planning of the reunion to tour Made in the AM would begin with their involvement in the early days of January 2020, but that did little to settle his nerves for the situation, especially as the date drew rapidly nearer. The meeting on Friday, as he’d discussed with Jeff, was for the sole intent of sorting through NDA’s and agreeing on the broader terms of the reunion tour. Still, the thought of it sent unease rocketing through him. He’d been longing for the tour these past five years, as much as he adored the freedom of a solo artist, he’d missed the familiarity of the group dynamic. The shared experience, that not even his current bandmates, whom he considered each close personal friends, could fill. Not after the monumental things he’d experienced with One Direction. That didn’t make this any easier however, not at the thought of reconnecting so closely with his band members. But this wasn’t 2010. And he wasn’t sixteen anymore. Wide eyed and unaware of the grueling industry he’d been thrusted in. The lies, manipulation, backstabbing and utter hurt that went with being the face of a worldwide brand. 

He forced his thoughts away from there, realising he’d completely missed most of what Ny had replied to him as his eyes snatched back to her. “… what a way that would be to start!”

“I’ll reply to him later, just… not right now.” He answered, running a tired hand across his face. Glad that he’d not put on any of his signatures rings when he’d pulled himself out of bed only an hour ago in desperate need of a shower and food. 

“You look like you could spend the rest of the day asleep H.” Sarah mused to him, her eyes darting away from her phone screen. 

“The adrenaline high is certainly worn off that’s for sure.”

“What do you have to do tomorrow?”

“Interview with Nick at eight. Then Jeff wants to meet up afterwards to discuss our conditions before Friday. Then I’m meeting up with Gemma for the afternoon.”

“So not too bad?”

“Better than our hectic schedule from LA.”  
“Ok,” NY said as she pulled her legs up to her chest, “But The Forum show is honestly something I’m never gonna forget, that show was just magically. Having the audience not know most of the album and seeing everyone’s reaction was just incredible. I still get goosebumps just thinking about it.”

Harry smiled, his thoughts tumbling back to last week as he’d performed for the first time through Fine Line. It had been such a moment for him, performing on that stage in front of all those people, pouring his heart into each of the agonizing words he’d written over the past few years combined and fine tuned into those songs. It was a feeling he’d certainly never forget.

“Have you thought over the songs you’ll perform for the reunion tour?” Sarah asked him before he had a chance to reply. His entire band knew about the reunion tour, how could they not with tour dates needing to be scheduled around his own solo career as well as the other boys. It had been on his mind for a while now, choosing which songs to perform.

“Uhm,” He started, pulling his bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger, “Watermelon Sugar just seems fitting because of its tempo, and it will be widely known so I guess that’s kind of a shoe in, I’d like to do Fine Line and Golden too but until we properly go through things I’m not sure what the rules are about personal song choices, might get to do however many I want, change them up each time you know?”

“What about One Direction songs, have you given any thought to which ones you’ll personally put forward? From any of the albums?”

“You know, always thought Hey Angel and Infinity would make some of the best stadium songs, I know we’ve done Infinity a few times but with the boys, in a full stadium environment, I don’t think it would get much better. I’m not so bothered about the songs chosen from the other albums, ones we didn’t get to perform as much maybe, change it up a bit? But I reckon that’s for us to decide all together." 

“And any more news of Zayn joining you guys?” Ny asked, and Harry knew she’d been wondering it for a while now, they all had been. Technically, Zayn had officially been removed as a member of One Direction, but with their ten year anniversary held next year and the reunion tour being such a focus in their minds, it had only been right to offer Zayn a position back for the tour. Harry had heard little from the three individual mangers of the other boys who’d been leading negotiations and planning. 

“I’m still reasonably in the dark about it, I guess I’ll find out more on Friday.”

“And have you spoken to Louis yet?” Sarah braves and Harry swears his heart nearly stops just at the mention of his name. Pathetic. He thinks briefly to himself, that after all these years just his name still sparks a physical reaction from him. He’s acting like a child, not a twenty five year old man.

“No.” He breathes out, averting his gaze from the two of them.

“Harry…” Sarah starts after a slight pause, and he knows they’re only trying to help him. It had taken the better part of two years for him to finally come clean to them all about his relationship with Louis, how it began, what they’d been through, why it had ended… He was glad he’d told them, knew he could trust each and everyone of them whole heartedly. It had made it somewhat easier having them all know, so that they knew when he was in certain places which held treasured memories of his time with Louis, why he sometimes went silent, would fall into a daze as they travelled the world. 

“I know… I know I should speak to him before Friday, I’m just… It’s been chaotic recently and that kind of emotional strength isn’t quite there at the moment.”

“Ignoring it is only going to make it harder H, I know you don’t want to hear that, but this is Louis. Seeing him on Friday isn’t going to erase these past few years, and it’s going to hurt regardless, but don’t you think it would be easier if you two at least spoke before going in for that meeting?” 

“You’re right, I know you are Sare, it’s just… it hurts you know.”

“I know,” She says, reaching across the space to give his folded knee a reassuring squeeze. “And we’ll be right here beside you the entire time ok.”

“We’re here for you H, always.” Ny chimes in, eyes intently focused on him and he fights the rising tightness in the back of his throat. He’s always valued their friendship, in his life where he could so easily, and has done in the past, be betrayed by others, they have stuck relentlessly by his side, and he appreciates it more than they’ll ever know. 

“Thank you.” He manages to choke out, finally settling his still untouched tea down on the table beside his arm chair. 

~~~~

By the next morning, his head is at least slightly clearer than the previous day. Sarah and Ny had stayed for hours, Mitch had arrived sometime around mid-day and the four of them had lounged around in the warmth of his home, ignoring the dreary rain that had been a constant presence outside. They’d only left after ordering a large amount of food to be delivered to Harry’s home later that day and played several rounds of scrabble. A steady presence of music had played through the speakers and the four friends had enjoyed spending genuine time together that didn’t involve being shuffled around various venues and expectations weighing heavily on their shoulders. 

He’d managed a full twelve hours of sleep that night too, so by the time he’d been driven to the main headquarters of BBC Radio One before seven thirty the next morning, his head was clear and eyes bright. 

He was ushered into the building, through the ever present presence of drizzling London rain. He made his way through the somewhat familiar building, several people surrounding him from security, to show assistants as he was lead to one of the dressing rooms. 

Jeff walked into the room when he was just finishing buttoning the black silk top tucked hallway into his trousers. The look was far from the outlandish ones he wore on stage, slightly more him, and the thousands of pounds price tag of the clothing labelled as Gucci still was something he had to wrap his head around. Coming from where he’d grown up, even after nine and a half years, the sheer wealth in his industry took him by surprise sometimes. Let alone that the slight fact that he himself was a multi-millionaire. 

“Morning.” Jeff said, a bright smile upon his face and Harry groaned.

“How are you so chipper?”

“Been a good week, can’t complain.”

“Whatever sleeping pills you’ve been taking I want some.” Harry replied and Jeff laughed at that.

“Might take more than some sleeping pills to get us through these next few months. No but seriously, you’ll be happy come Friday, negotiations are going well. This tour is gonna be something else.”

“It’s not run under Syco and Modest, that’s why.” Harry replied half heartedly and Jeff paused from where he’d moved to snatch a strawberry from the dressing station table, giving him a knowing look.

“That’s exactly why. I just got off the phone with Niall’s manager, she’s great you’ll like her.”

“Five minutes before air Mr. Styles, you’ve been asked to make your way to the studio.” A young female assistant said from the open doorway, he glanced up, nodding once at her. 

“Last interview, for this year at least.” Jeff said to him with a smile as he clapped Harry on the shoulders before the two of them made their way back out into the hallway and towards the main morning show both. 

They arrived just as a song began playing, one Harry had not heard, and he spotted Nick rising from his chair behind the main panel controls. It took a moment for Nick to spot Harry but once he had a smile broke out across his face as the older man made his way over to Jeff and Harry. He pulled Harry in for a hug. 

“Good to see ya Harry.” He said with his signature accent pulling away from him and turning to shake Jeff’s hand. “How’s things?”

“Not too bad.” He says with a smile.

“Hey congrats on Fine Line man, album is bloody incredible!” Nick says as he turns back towards the main desk, gesturing for Harry to take a seat as the song plays quietly in the back ground.

“Thanks man.” He says, taking a seat. Despite much public speculation, he’d never shared a romantic interest in Nick. It had certainly been implied by the older man way back when, but Harry had been so lost in Louis that he’d firmly shut down any advances and that had been that. Nick had taken it like a champ, but Louis had never fully trusted Nick around Harry. Despite himself, Harry had always liked a jealous and protective Louis. 

Shaking himself from his thoughts he pulled himself closer into the desk, resting his forearms on the table as he watched the countdown to air slowly narrow. 30 seconds. 

“Not forgetting you owe me a drink Styles.” Nick said, pointing an accusing finger at him whilst also sporting a wide grin. 

A blinding flash registered in his periphery, the final five seconds flashing on the time display as Nick switched into his professional persona and Harry pushed any lingering thought of Louis from his mind, aware of the camera about to begin recording. 

“Welcome back, we’re delighted to have the one and only Harry Styles here joining us in the studio this morning.”

“Thanks for having me.” He answers with a small smile.

“First off, congratulations on the album mate, you must be pretty happy with it!”

“Yeah, the response so far has been overwhelming, it’s certainly something I’m really proud of and it’s incredible to see just how well its being received so thank you to everyone who’s supported me so far.”

“Now you played at The Forum in California just like week, how was that?”

“It was incredible, such an amazing show and it’s certainly made me really look forward to the tour coming next year.”

“Speaking of tour, it’s been very secretive about tour dates so far, is there any development you’d like to share with us for those listening about when we can expect to hear something?” Nick says to him.

“Ah, can’t go spilling all my secrets, now can I?” He answers tactfully instead. 

“You artists and your clever responses.” Nick gibes at him and his smile grows at the playful banter.

“So tell us Harry, inspirations behind the album, any favourites? What songs are you really looking forward to performing again?”

“Uhh, this album is really just a reflection on a lot of emotions I’ve been sorting through, especially these past few years. It’s about being sad, and trying to find a way of sorting through it all I think. But I’d hope that everyone takes something away from at least of the songs that they can personally reflect upon. As for performing specific songs from the album, I loved Falling and Golden, they’re definitely two of my favourites from the album.”

“Now Harry, as I’m sure you, you have some very dedicated followers, so I thought we’d do something fun this morning and go through some comments from fans who have picked out some particular lyrics and moments in the songs?”

“Sounds good.” He says, leaning back in the chair as Nick is handed a sheet of paper.

“Ok, more of a question than an observation, but what was the inspirations behind the ending vocal add in’s in Sunflower Volume. 6?”

“I really just wanted something a bit different, something that was a bit whimsical and different to portray the kind of flexible nature of a relationship. I don’t think, well I certainly didn’t intend for the outro to have any specific meaning so I guess people can think what they will about the ending vocals.” Liar. He tells himself, he knows exactly why he put those in, but it certainly wasn’t something he was willing to share. Not when it held such a personal meaning, not when it all linked back to Louis. 

“Alright then, next question. People are quite caught up in the music notes in the interlude in Golden, again an unexpected feature to the song certainly not unwelcome, Ellie, on Twitter has asked ‘Golden seems to tell the story of reminiscing of a positive relationship, but I want to know the relevance between the lyrics and the 28 musical notes in the song?’ Any comment Mr. Styles?”

He paused, if only for a moment under the persistent red light that signaled the recording camera and weight of knowing that thousands of people were likely listening to his next words.

“I wanted something, again, that would spice up the song and introduce a new element to my music. I think one of the beautiful things about the album, and it applies to practically all the songs on it, is that it can be interpreted in whatever way the listener likes. I wouldn’t want to define someone’s experience of the songs by giving it a definite meaning.” And ok, fully skirt around a straight answer to the question. But it would do, in the heat of the moment that was the best possible response he could think of.

“Cryptic but we like it.” Nick said, nodding his head as is eyes dropped to read the next question. “Moving on, Viviane wants to know ‘Who are the main musical influencers behind the album?’”

Now this one was easy, something he could answer honestly. “I think a few people know this now, but I had the privilege of having Stevie Nicks listen through the album, I’ve always been a huge Fleetwood Mac fan so that was truly something special. Ah, I love Pink Floyd, perhaps some of the more unique sounds and style of some of the songs could be linked back to their influence, ah, Rolling Stones, The Beatles, listened to a lot of their music during the writing process. Some Van Morrison, Paul Simon, Mick Jagger, those kinds of figures.” He trails off towards the end, not wanting to ramble but struggles to contain the slight joy in reminiscing hot summer nights in California with writers and his bandmates as they’d sung through hundreds of those artists songs.

“Ok, some great musicians in that midst that’s for sure. Now last fan question here Harry, Olivia wants to know, ‘What is a special memory you have from the writing process of Fine Line?’” 

“Ah, biting off the end of my tongue certainly wasn’t one of the greatest moments. A lot of people have made sure to bring that up, especially this past week!” He begins and a few laughs from behind the camera can be heard, Nick flashing him a wide grin, “But one particular moment would be the writing of To Be So Lonely when my good friend, and guitarist, Mitch Rowlands, sent through a voice memo of him strumming this melody and I got hooked on it right away. He came over after he sent it and we wrote the entire song just based off that melody. That was a pretty cool afternoon.”

“Ok well we’re going to have a short break now and play for you a very special, radio premier of one of the latest non-single tracks from Fine Line. This is the infamous, Sunflower Volume. 6! We’ll be back soon for more of a chat with Harry Styles!” The recording lights switched off the moment the opening chords of the song began and Harry slumped down in his chair just slightly, raising his hand to run it through his styled hair. “You minx!” Nick called across to him, that same wide grin plastered across his face as Harry met his gaze, “Dodging those questions like that.” 

“It was partially true.” He mumbles back, a twitch arising in the lower corner of his mouth that he firmly tells himself not to let break out into a smile. 

“Uhh huh, all those years of media training and that’s the best you can come up with?” 

“I may not have spent a lot of time reading through the questions in the dressing room.” He mutters back and notices Jeff smiling at him encouragingly from behind the various camera equipment. 

He barely gets a moment to take a sip from the bottle of water an assistant hands him, which he promptly thanks her for, before the warning lights for returning to air comes on and he’s back into the media trained Harry Styles mode.

~~~~

His meeting with Jeff following the radio interview doesn’t last very long. Jeff receives a call barely fifteen minutes in and he has to leave to deal with a situation across London. It doesn’t bother him that much, apparently the meeting set for tomorrow mid-day isn’t going to be all that important, more just a catch up of sorts, so there wasn’t much to go over anyways. 

It does however, mean that he can text Gemma, who’d driven down to London early that morning, and say that he’s free for the rest of the day and asks her where they want to meet up. Her reply come back moments later, the small café she mentions barely a ten-minute drive from Jeff’s work place where’d they’d gone to have the supposed meeting. He wanders outside into the still drizzling London street, his car parked just across the road on the side path but he still runs across the empty street in hopes of not getting too wet. 

He makes it to the secluded coffee shop before Gemma. Inside he can see about a dozen people seated already, milling about their day. Reaching behind him he pulls out an umbrella he’d been wise enough to through in the back seat of his Range Rover earlier that morning before stepping out onto the side walk. 

A bell rings above his head as he pushes the door open into the main room. He’s been here once before, early last year he thinks but he barely remembers anything more of the small shop aside from the cute little section in the upstairs seating area. 

While his dress is perhaps a little more flamboyant than most other occupants in the room, he’d thrown a big black coat over his silk shirt, he barely receives a glance from anyone as he orders and makes his way upstairs. Pulling out his phone he sends a quick message to his sister telling her where he’d headed so she wouldn’t be left searching for him when she arrives. He figures she must be driving as no reply comes as he settles down into a small booth near the large windows at the front of the story, a level above the sidewalk outside. 

He remembers then that he’d yet to reply to Liam yesterday, so he goes to grab his phone from his pocket once more and rests his forearms against the wooden table with a glass coating as he opens the messenger app on his phone. 

'Have you spoken with Louis yet?'

And… right. This is why he hadn’t answered. He didn’t exactly feel like rehearsing what he admitted to Sarah and Ny yesterday, especially when he’d yet to actually reach out to Louis still. But he knew that Liam deserved an answer.

'Not yet. Will do so later today, have been busy.' 

He sends it before he can chicken out and change his mind but then reads through the text and feels slightly guilty.

'Look forward to seeing you tmrw though, need to catch up properly before next month.'

He quickly shoots off before Liam can see the previous message. Because despite everything between Louis and him, he misses the boys, Zayn included. The easy going nature that had developed over the years that they had spent together. 

'Sounds good, make sure you do contact him – see you tmrw H!'

Liam’s reply comes back swiftly and he just has enough time to read through the message when Gemma slips into the booth beside him.

He glances up, startled by her sudden arrival as he looks up to find a wide smile gracing her features. “Hey stranger!” She says as she pulls him into a hug and he quickly wraps his arms firmly around her. 

“Long time no see.” He says when they finally pull away from each other.

“I saw you last week!”

And she had, he’d flown her out to California, her and his mum, to watch his first live performance of the show, but the both of them had had to fly back to the UK the following day because of work. 

“True, but doesn’t mean I can’t miss my favourite sibling.” He answers back cheekily and she lightly hits the back of her hand against his arm.

“I’m your only sibling you twat!”

“Exactly.” He replies with a grin as a waiter arrives at their table with the drinks they’d both ordered.

“So how are you feeling about tomorrow?” Gemma asks him after they’d both taken a long sip from their smoothies. Somehow both of them had managed to order the same smoothie. 

“Mixed emotions I guess.” He admits honestly, and that’s one of the things he’s always valued the most about Gemma. That he could be undyingly honest with her about anything and everything, and that he knew she’d sit and listen to everything he had to say. She’d been one of the only people he’d opened up to about the full truth of Louis and his break up, her and his mum. “I’m not quite sure yet. Sarah and Liam want me to contact Louis tonight though. So we have a chance to talk before we see each other tomorrow.” Because he and Gemma both knew that whilst he’d exchanged the odd text message with Louis in the past three years, it would be the first time they were actually going to see each other in person since 2016. 

“I think that’s really good idea H. If you go in tomorrow with zero communication, I think we both know it will end awkwardly. I know it’s been a while, but he was your best friend, for years, even when you were together, you told each other everything. You both know each other so well; I don’t think it’s fair on either of you to suddenly race back into each other’s lives when things are so distant between you two. Even just a simple conversation before tomorrow. I know it’s going to be hard H, but I think it’s something that just has to be done.”

“I know you’re right, Sarah practically said the same thing but just… what do I even say?” And he thinks for a moment how much he hates that one sentence. That Louis was the love of his life and his best friend and he couldn’t figure out any words to say to him. He’d written countless songs about their relationship, framed multiple things in his life around moments and things about Louis, despite how much he tried to convince himself weren’t because of him. Yet, the thought of ringing Louis in just a few hours sent him into a state of near panic. How on earth was he going to actually face him tomorrow?

“I don’t know H, you’ll figure it out. It’s Louis we’re talking about here.” She says with a kind smile. 

“I just… can we change the topic. I don’t want to think about this all right now.” 

Something in Gemma’s eyes change, and Harry hates that he knows its sympathy shinning back at him, he doesn’t want sympathy, he wants the thought of communicating with his ex, touring with him, being back in a band with him, practically living with him, to feel normal. To feel as though he’s not drowning. Not when it hasn’t even started yet.

But Gemma, amazing, beautiful Gemma, does exactly what he asks, promptly changing the subject. Telling him all about her new design ideas for her business and where she plans on travelling to when summer finally arises. Carefully avoiding any mention of the tour shows she’ll no doubt come too. 

They spend two hours in the restaurant, the first time in two months that he’s properly been able to catch up with his sister before she finally tells him that she has a meeting in half an hour and needs to leave. They part ways at the entrance to the café, thankfully the rain having eased right off sometime during their catch up. He walks over to her car with her and with one final hug goodbye, he watches as she climbs into her vehicle and drives off.

~~~~

He spends the drive back to his home in silence., Ignoring his instinct to connect his music to the sound system, knows he needs the silence to process his next move once he’s home. It’s now nearing mid afternoon, and if he doesn’t do something about the Louis situation the moment he walks in the door, he knows he never will.

The minute he walks through the main door to his home, ignoring the slightly harder slam of the door as he clicks off the security system he makes his way into the living room. He tries to sit down in his favourite arm chair, but as he reaches into his coat pocket for his phone, he stands again, beginning to pace in front of the fire place.

He’d long since accepted the fact that some part of him would always love Louis Tomlinson. Since the earth shattering moment he’d realised the fact that he was in love with his best friend when he had just turned seventeen years old, and consequently spent the following four months barely containing those three damming words until it had inevitably spilled from his lips, he had known a piece of his heart would always belong to the blue eyed boy from Doncaster. 

He hadn’t seen Louis in person in three years, but wherever Louis went, a piece of Harry’s heart always went with him. He’d fought it for so long after they’d split in 2016, had raged over the fact that this feeling simply wouldn’t abandon him, had cried over it, numerous times, had sat for hours in wallowing silence before he’d finally accepted it. Even if he ever found someone he even vaguely shared the same depth of feeling as he did for Louis, a part of him would always belong to Louis. They’d been through too much, had loved each other too deeply for there to be any other alternative. 

Harry Styles had been in the thick of him fighting those feelings, he’d let slip just a few moments of vulnerability, but whilst writing Fine Line he’d let all his emotion and pent up feelings spill from him. No longer worrying for how blatant his affection had, was, for the love of his life, he’d let himself share in his heartbreak. The sheer ache that had felt like a constant companion for four years. The thought of Louis listening to the album sent him spiraling each time he’d thought about it. It was inevitable sure, they’d already been discussion of them playing some of their solo music on tour and Harry knew he’d been on stage, with Louis, performing right in front of him the very song he’d written about Louis, or at least his feelings of their relinquished relationship.

Its not as though they were enemies currently either. In fact, their break up hadn’t even ended in fighting, just Harry with a heart scattered into a million pieces which he knew had never healed. It wasn’t as though contacting Louis right now would be breaking some sort of barrier, only It was. They hadn’t spoken, well barely. But every part of Harry Styles missed Louis Tomlinson. Missed his smile, his laugh, his sass and wit and sometimes barely appropriate remarks. Misses the messy lifestyle of living with the love of his life. The lazy days they woke up tangled in each other. The way they’d lay for hours without speaking, simply content to be with one another. The countless failed attempts of Harry trying to teach some culinary skills, to no avail. And the way that Harry had never once finished a cup of tea since Louis had left him. Nobody could make it the way he had, nobody. 

Harry had been left so heart broken, and sometimes he felt that the past few years had been made up of him barely able to keep his head above a raging sea. And now, finally, with Louis’ phone number displayed bright on his phone screen, he can barely manage to suck in enough oxygen.

How the fuck did he ever think he’d be able to stand in front of him tomorrow. Face Louis without crumbling to pieces. He’d never fallen out of love with him, he knew that. But that didn’t mean Louis hadn’t. The time spent apart, the changes to the man he’d once thought he knew better than his own self. How could he do this? What was he even going to say? 

'Hey' – He shakily types out, feels a burn at the back of his throat rise, 'Think we should talk before tmrw, are you around?'

He sends the message before he can even think beyond that last word and sinks back into the comfort of the blush armchair.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise? Updating as I've had a bit more time today to work on it and decided not to wait till Monday to update. 
> 
> Don't know the normal response to first time works but currently over 140 people have read chapter one in the past two days and that's pretty incredible to me so thank you so much to everyone who's read the very beginning of this story! I can only imagine this is going to be a 100,000+ story, EASILY! I'm seriously so excited to write the tour moments of this story, but before that can happen, these first few interactions are fairly important...
> 
> Also - Sorry about the weird text format of the first chapter, I'd yet to figure out the freeform setting so from now on, the writing might make a bit more sense!
> 
> Twitter - AvenaVierre
> 
> Enjoy! And let me know what you think!

He waits, baited, for hours. The afternoon slips away into early evening and with every buzz of his phone he jumps and fights against racing to check his notifications. Of course, the one message he secretly longs for, never comes. He gives up around seven o’clock, turning his phone onto silent mode after realizing just how ridiculous he’s being. He takes his time making dinner, taking full advantage of his now fully stocked fridge and settles down in front of his large screen tv to watch a film.

But his mind is racing. Was Louis also caught up in his feelings before tomorrow? He must be in London, or at least the dam country now before the meeting, and at thought a weight settles in Harry. He doesn’t even know where Louis _is_ , what he’s seen and experienced. The time of Harrys’ life when he’d always know the very emotions of Louis Tomlinson were long gone. Whilst they may be a just another broken piece of history, Harry sat throughout the entire first ten minutes of the film struggling to fully grasp now that he’d let his mind wander to the thought, just how his life had tumbled away from Louis and Harry to just Harry. And he could hardly convince himself it was the first time he’d thought this out.

It wasn’t as though he didn’t want to be his own person. Because of course he did, if anything these past four years had taught him, is that he loved his freedom. He’d come out as bisexual in 2017, though many people already had strong suspicions, especially after years of ‘Larry Stylinson’ rumours chasing him. Camille had been… well, he didn’t quite have the words for that period of his life. He’d been so emotionally drained, so vulnerable, that the innocent suggestion of finding him a relevant girlfriend had gotten the better of his usual, morally grounded self. He had been angry. Brash about the whole thing. Still vaguely tied to his links with _Modest_ , he’d agreed to the year long contract out of spite. It had taken him two weeks into the agreement before he realised that he didn’t even _like_ Camille. At least not at all romantically.

He’d been placed with so many beards by that point in his life, from Caroline, to Taylor to Kendall that it had at least lost the sharp sting of realising what his public image had transformed into. He knew, throughout it all, that the only person he wanted to be with was Louis. But that was _before._ Before his heart had been ripped open and he’d had to force himself to find ways to piece himself together at least enough to convince the public that he was _fine_. That it was just an effect from five years of touring and intense pressure. And yes, that had been part of it, but not nearly enough of what tore away at him.

It wasn’t as if he needed Louis to live. He’d realised that soon enough, despite those initial months where he’d wake in a sweat, an empty bed and cold sheets beside him, that the world would go on, regardless of his emotional state. So he’d moved on, or at least tried too. And whilst the thought of Louis would always hurt when he was reminded of something or allowed his thoughts to slip just enough in the dead of night to a blue eyed, brown haired northerner, he had moved past his initial hurt. Well and truly so. Not enough to feel like opening his heart to anyone anytime soon, but enough to not feel like the word shatter.

He realised as he sat there, emersed in his own thoughts, that he needed to see Louis. Just to talk with him, to fully be in to move past the last nine years of his life. He’d never lose his love for Louis, but it was clear that he needed to focus his own life passed the last four years where he’d felt trapped in the remnants of one sided emotions.

He’d been fine for a long time now, despite his devoted lyrics suggested in _Fine Line._ But he’d been just… fine. His personal life had been fine. He would be fine.

Absentmindedly, the film plays in the background, he couldn’t even remember the main characters names by the end of the film, let alone the actual name of the film. He decides then and there to simply go to sleep. His mind filled with too many racing thoughts for him to do anything remotely productive any time soon.

Pushing himself up from the sofa, he grabs for his dinner tray and walks back through into the kitchen. His phone sits, torturous in temptation on the bench, the screen dark. He forces himself to do the dishes, switch on the dishwasher and head upstairs into his bedroom before he finally gives in and switches on his phone -

_Missed Call – Louis T._

Missed _fucking_ call.

His mind fumbles to a halt as he stares down at his screen. He opens the notification, staring for several seconds before he opts for opening a new message. It’s been almost a year since they’d last sent each other a text. A simple exchange between them on Harry’s birthday, he’d been drunk when his phone had buzzed in the dense crowd at his party where he’d read and reread the words on the screen.

_Happy Birthday Harry._

That had been it. Three simple words, and he’d been drunk enough to reply, much to his horror when he’d awoken much later the next day and gone back through his messages.

_Thanks Lou._

He’d sent back. And ever since he’d always turned his phone off when he went out, only taking it with him for emergencies. Because not only had he messaged him back, drunk, he’d called him _Lou_. After three years he’d called Louis Lou. And sure, heaps of Louis’ friends had always called him that, but Lou was a nicknamed Harry had always used with him. Spoken with just as much adoration as Louis calling him Haz, or Hazza.

But as he hesitated in the messenger app now, alone on a cold winters night, ten months since the last time either of them had actually communicated, with no reply from Louis, Harry sat on his bed almost frozen. It was just passed ten pm now, and Louis had always been the night owl between them, but it felt wrong to suddenly call Louis now when it was so late. If they were close, then sure, but Louis and Harry were are long, long way from being ‘close’ at the moment.

_Sorry I missed your call – Can I call in the morning?_

He sends the message after five agonizingly long minutes fussing over it. The minute he sends it he stands and his pacing begins. He forces himself to stop after a few minutes, realising that he’s being ridiculous and instead focuses his attention on getting ready for bed. He bundles the clothes in the basket labelled ‘Dry Cleaning’ and steps into the shower.

He’d just pulled his duvet covers up over himself when his phone beeps on the small bedside table and he reaches out blindly to grab it. The moment Louis’ name flashes across as the ID his heart involuntarily quickens. Dam his bloody emotions.

He slides the message across and his screen takes a split moment to change between his lock screen - a picture of him, Gemma and his mum bundled together - before Louis’ message displays across the screen.

He takes several moments to read through the message, pauses, and reads it again. And again. Checking to see if his eyes are in fact playing tricks on him.

_Think it’s better to talk in person before we see everyone tmrw – You wanna come round to mine, think it’s better not to do this in public?_

And ok, that’s the last thing he’d expected to read.

Go around? To Louis’!?

He didn’t even know where he lived, only knew that he’d moved from the house he’d once shared with Harry. It meant he was in London at least. And he knew that Sarah and Gemma would definitely support the idea, that meeting up in person with Louis before they were meant to act totally fine around each other in front of the rest of the boys and their managers was easily the best option, especially when Louis was the one suggesting this.

_Sure, what time?_

He waits for a moment, wondering how long it will take to garner a reply when his phone buzzes in his hand and a new message appears.

_Sounds good._

~~~~

Louis had sent him an address almost across to the other side of London in Hertfordshire. Surprisingly, he’d managed to sleep through most the night and Harry at least felt that the tiredness he’d first felt arriving in London was slowly ebbing away.

It was 8:57. He’d never been fond of being late, unlike _someone_. But he’d been sitting in his car across the street from Louis home for the past five minutes, his body refusing to move. His knuckles clenched against the steering wheel, and it was a conscious effort to relax them before they turned white.

He was nearing twenty six, are a world famous musician who’s performed in front of millions, have been faced with countless media hounding’s and impossible deadlines but somehow, sitting in front of his semi-bandmates’ house, who also happened to be his ex-boyfriend, brought on more fear than any of that.

He was being silly at this point. Things hadn’t ended in a fight, there had been no drama between the two of them, just heartbreak. The last time he’d seen Louis was at his 2016 X – Factor performance, and he’d come yes to see Louis, but mainly to support him through losing Jay, and they’d be fine. In fact, Louis had even pulled him in for a tight hug and whispered _thank you_. There was no reason he should be considering driving out of the city and forgetting all responsibilities he has. None.

And with that final thought he opens his car door and steps out into the frigid air. At least the rain had held off for today he thought to himself as he plunged his hands into his large sweater which acted more as a blanket than a real protection from the elements.

Louis’ house was exactly as Harry thought it would be. Two stories of an elegant, yet comfortable styled home, much different than the three properties he owned across London but he liked it all the same.

A locked gateway greeted him as he wandered towards the property, he hesitated only briefly before pressing the buzzer and waited. There was a click and the sound of an electronic lock being moved when the gate light flicked from red to green and he gave the gate a gentle push.

There was a small pathway which lead up to the main house, as the property was slightly north of London, there was a lot more space for features such as a front garden. The neighbouring houses were over a fair lot, and judging from the garden which wrapped around either side of the house, there was also space behind the house for a backyard.

All of this flashed through Harry’s mind by the time he’d made it across the pathway and up to the front door. He fought the slight shake in his hands as he pressed the doorbell and stepped back decisively from the front door.

Immediately, the sound of barking and scattering paws could be heard from inside. Growing louder as two large shapes’ shadows appeared behind the thick coated glass either side of the main door.

“Oi!” A muffed shout could be heard from inside. “Fuckin’ rude of ya.” An all too familiar northern voice mumbled from behind the closed door and Harry honestly wanted the ground to swallow him in this moment. He could hear Louis’ footsteps nearing the door but it did little to prepare him for when the door swung open and Louis stood there before him.

He’d changed, well… hadn’t, but he looked… older? More mature? His hair had grown since Harry had last seen him, the brown locks falling to just below his ears and appeared to have had hands brush through it numerous times. Louis was still just as heartachingly beautiful as he’d remembered but seeing him actually in person was like a direct punch to the gut. He thought he’d spend the rest of his life with the person before him, but he felt for a moment like he was standing in front of a stranger. Louis is wearing a simply short sleeve black top and grey joggers, exactly as he always had when he was comfortable at home.

He restrained himself from physically shaking his head to clear his thoughts. He was past this. Them talking this morning was much needed clarification, not for his traitorous mind to take in every part of Louis that he missed desperately.

The moment the door had opened, and he’d been given a brief glance of Louis, he was quickly brought out of his daze by two bundles of overexcitement bounding into him. He laughed down at the two dogs. One with curly black fur and white splotches across his paws whilst the other dog was slightly smaller, with curly dirty blonde fur.

“Hi.” Harry said, his own voice sounding low and slightly uneven, even to him.

“Hi yourself.” Louis said back, and whatever inner turmoil Harry was facing, Louis seemed unaffected. His eyes were clear and there was the smallest hint of a smile on his face. Harry wondered for a moment whether it was the right thing for him to hug Louis in greeting, even a fucking handshake, but the moment passed before he could make up his mind with Louis stepping aside from the door to let Harry inside.

“Nice place.” Harry murmured as he made way into a large open room with a simple yet smart arrangement of living room furniture on his right, a medium sized kitchen to his left and a huge ground level veranda before him which, sure enough opened up into a huge field with a large amount of space for two football goals to be set up and a small cluster of trees which hid the property from the neighbouring land. And it was all just very _Louis._ From the simple, yet upmarket layout of the house, to the football field, to even the clustered frames of various football matches, artistic photos describing each, and a mess of random family photos spanning several years.

“Cheers.” He vaguely registered Louis replying to his comment as he headed straight for the kitchen but Harry paused as his eye caught on several of the photos strung across the photo wall. Half of them where the five of them together, only one without Zayn. All in which they were smiling like fools, private moments still somehow caught on camera over the years. Even one he knew had been taken as the five of them had piled on top of one another on their very first night in the X – Factor house. But there, amongst the photos of Louis with his family, and even the ones of the other boys, was a single photo of Louis and Harry. He couldn’t picture in his mind where exactly the image was, but there was Harry, perhaps three years into the band when his hair was just starting to get longer, arm casually thrown around Louis’ shoulders as he beamed at the camera, his eyes bright with happiness. And beside him, tucked right into his side, was Louis. But he wasn’t looking at the camera, his head was turned. And he was looking directly at Harry.

He fought the rising tightness in his throat, turning away from the picture which conveyed so much more and briskly walked to the kitchen bench.

“Congrats on the album by the way, s’fuckin amazing!” Louis says from where he was rummaging through one of the drawers and Harry just wasn’t ready for that. He’d listen to the album, already? Well shit.

“Thanks, it’s nice to have it out there you know.” He replied instead, pulling out one of bench chairs and setting his keys and phone down atop the bench. Anything to keep him distracted from the fact that he was actually here, after four years, he was sitting in Louis’ home attempting to sort through whatever this was.

“Gemma sent me a recording of it you know.” Louis says, his back mostly turned to him but he swears he catches the brief uplift of his lips before his face is fully hidden from view. And oh, he was gonna get Gemma back for that later.

“Did she now? I didn’t realise you two still kept in contact.” He adds, as an afterthought under muted breath.

Louis didn’t respond, instead he turns back round to face him and sets down a steaming cup of tea down before Harry, his own cup gripped firmly in his right hand. He hadn’t had a Louis made tea in over four years, and at just once glance of tea that had just a dash of milk and he guessed half a teaspoon of sugar, his stomach dropped.

“How you feeling about everything, next year I mean.” He asks, attempting to move the subject away from the fact that almost his entire album was inspired by the very man before him. He’s trying to be friends, after all these years apart from Louis’ life, there’s so much he needs to learn about the man he’d been so enraptured with before he can even begin to feel at ease around him. And if sitting here now, having what in any other scenario would be a normal conversation with someone, but with the air practically static around them, he soldiers through it. Normalcy. That’s what he’s fighting for. Even if that means giving the very conversation they so desperately need to have to progress to that point a wide birth, cause Harry is just not ready for that. Not when he’s only just coming back into Louis’ life. In whatever way that currently is.

“Excited really, I mean, s’gonna be weird innit? Touring with everyone when we’ve spent so long apart.” And Harry tries not to think of the other meaning, tries, and fails. So long apart indeed.

“Yeah we’ve all changed a fair bit, getting back into being on stage with you lot is gonna take some time to get used to again.” And this is _fine_ , he can totally have this conversation.

“You decided which of your songs you’re gonna perform?”

“I wanna see how the meeting goes today, and perhaps a few of the ones next month before I really decide. Still feels a bit surreal coming back together when we’ve spent so long now as solo artists.”

“Yeah,” Louis says bringing the cup to his lips and staring almost dazed out into the football field, “I know what ya mean.” There’s a heavy pause before, “Niall would have me head if we didn’t come back though.” And Harry has to look away at the fond smile that lights up Louis’ entire face. “Still, will be nice having Zayn back with us.”

“What?” Harry blunders out without a moment’s hesitation, his head whipping back around to Louis’.

“Didn’t you know? Spoke to Zayn this morning, he’s gonna be there today, flew in t’ London last night.”

“He’s actually coming back?” Harry asks, still dumbfounded.

“Took a bit of convincing, but I got him round in the end. Made him realise what he’d be missing out on. You know, now we’re out from Modest!, s’gonna be different this time round.”

And sure, Harry knew that Louis had forgiven Zayn long ago, despite the fairly rough patch they had been through, but he didn’t ever stop to think that Louis and Zayn had truly gone back to being close friends, as they had been all along in the band. “That’s fucking great news.”

“Jeff’s still as I remember him you know.” Louis says after another pregnant silence.

“You’ve spoken with him?”

“Couple days ago. He called, said he just wanted to touch base before everything really ramps up, but I reckon he’s trying to see how I was feelin’, you know, at the fact we’ll be back touring together.” And Harry knows that the ‘we’ isn’t all the boys, it’s that it’s Louis touring with Harry.

“We’ve had four years to move past that, how hard could this be?” Harry tries, but even he can hear how unconvincing his own words sound. It doesn’t stop the slow blink Louis gives him, as though he doesn’t catch on to the pain in Harry’s voice. But it’s not important, Louis was the one to end things. And even those his words are a lie, that he is hurting so much right now that he barely thinks he’s breathing, he needs to be here. To get through this without falling to pieces.

Louis hums in agreement and doesn’t say anything more. Harry uses the lingering stretch of silence to raise the cup of tea before him and take a sip. He doesn’t know what it is that makes Louis’ tea so special, he’s never been able to replicate it and the moment he takes his first sips he forces down the feeling of familiarity and comfort that arises within him. The flood of memories from lazy days spent in bed or curled on the sofa together, writing music, watching films, travelling the length of world time and time again together.

He blinks away the memories, eyes skimming over the text that flashes across his screen from his mum.

“How is she?” Louis asks suddenly and it startles him. At the inquisitive glance he shares to Louis the older man flickers his eyes to his phone screen, “Anne.”

“Oh, yeah she’s doing well. She flew out to Cali with Gem for the show last week. But she’s doing good.” Louis nods once, and nothing, Harry thinks solemnly, speaks more about how much time has passed than talking about their families, “How are the girls?” He asks instead.

“Coping, I guess.” Louis says and the bright smile that had been there not a few minutes ago was long gone. A spark of pain now lingered in his eye. Because, right. Fizzy. “Daisy has a boyfriend you know,” Louis says after a long pause and his lips quirk up just slightly, “Fuckin’ arsehole.”

And Harry smiles at that, because Louis had always been overly protective of his sisters, and the mere fact that he was using humour right now at least meant he was trying. It had always been a slight coping mechanism for Louis, his humour, but he was trying, and that mattered.

“She’s a smart girl, she’ll figure him out soon enough. And if he isn’t worth it, she’ll leave him.” He says before properly thinking through his words and freezes the moment they’re out of his mouth, because… shit.

“Harry I…” Louis starts, fulling looking at him now, his eyes pained, “I didn’t… it wasn’t because…”

“It’s fine Louis, sorry I just, it slipped out.” Because he really, _really_ , wasn’t ready for this conversation. Not with this being his first time seeing Louis in person in three years.

They fall back into that tense silence, and Harry positively despises it. With everything that he is, he hates that even though Louis was, is, the love of his life, he can barely be in the same room as him without it feeling so uncomfortable, so unnatural. They’d been best friends before they were together, that hadn’t changed when they’d entered into their relationship though. He’d always thought of Louis as his best friend right from those early days of them in the band. The fact that they were sat here now, with what felt like the entire world between them was almost unbearable. How the fuck did he think he was going to manage going on tour with him?

“Me album comes out end of next month you know.” Louis finally offers and Harry looks back to him.

“That’s amazing Louis, I’m really happy for you.”

“Figured it had been long enough in the works.”

Harry had listened to all of the limited music that Louis had released. Easily the most memorable was _Miss You_ where Gemma had had to actually confiscate both Harry’s phone and laptop from him for an entire week because he’d refused to stop replaying it. And at nearly a year and a half after their breakup, Harry didn’t think he’d cried as much as he had that week since those first two months.

“You read through the email Liam’s manager sent through last night about offering song options?”

“Yeah, I went through it a bit last night, was doing so when I got your text after I tried ringing you actually.”

“Any thoughts?”

“ _Hey Angel_ and _Infinity_ were always two of my favourites, especially to play stadium shows so I put those in me list.” And Harry _seriously_ has to grip the edge of the kitchen bench because those were the exact two songs he’d been mentioned not two days ago. “Other than that, I reckon I’d like to do at least half of the songs from AM, the album that is, and only two or three from the others. But with all our solo music out I don’t reckon we’re gonna get the stage time.”

“It’s gonna be hectic that’s for sure.” Harry says with a small smile.

“It’s us five boys, when has it ever not been hectic?” Louis says, that same bright smile returning and Harry swears his heart clenches at the sight.

“Good point.” Louis’ smile falls after a moment and there’s a long moment where it’s just the two of them staring at each other.

“I get we’ve been outside each others’ lives for a long time now but it honestly just feels really fuckin weird you sitting here and it’s like we’re strangers to each other.”

“Yeah that’s honestly how I’m feeling right about now.”

“I just… if we want this not to be weird I think we should probably become friends again you know? Not that we weren’t ever its just… do you get what I’m tryna say?”

“So that we aren’t sitting here awkward as fuck with each other when we were once together for five years?”

“Yeah.” Louis breathes out with a small laugh and it’s the first time he’s heard anything remotely similar to Louis’ laugh in years. “Just like, where have you been, what’ve you been up to you know? Just, stuff we should know about each others lives?”

“I went back to Jamaica.” He starts, and that stills all of Louis’ movements, his half-drunk tea momentarily forgotten in his hand. “I wrote my first album there, needed to get away you know? I have a pretty fucking awesome band too now, you’d like them. This tour is gonna feel kinda weird without them, I’m pretty close with two of them in particular, Mitch and Sarah. First solo tour was absolutely terrifying, spent most of the first several shows shaking in all honestly, it got easier after that though. But it was just so strange without you guys up there with me.”

“You mean you miss the ripped skinny jeans and band tees we always wore?” Louis says in a deadpan voice, and Harry cracks a smile.

“Don’t forget the water fights.”

“Fuck you remember when Liam almost broke his dam back when he jumped onto one of those platforms?” Louis continues and Harry definitely remembers.

“I distinctively remember your and Niall’s games of hide and seek on our toilet breaks.”

“Hey! That Boston show was not my fault, I fucking swear Paul was in on it, bloody traitor.”

“Louis you searched almost the whole backstage for him and missed half of the next song before you realised that Niall was actually back onstage.”

“He still didn’t fuckin’ win that one, he cheated.” Louis says with an actual pout on his face and Harry thinks he might just melt right there. “Anyway, we’re getting distracted, you were saying?”

“Well I spent a lot of time in LA after that, guess I just wanted some real time away from London. But I’ve been back here a lot recently, think I’ll stay over this side of the Atlantic once we’re finished with this tour.”

“You’re not gonna solo tour Fine Line?”

“Not like I did with my debut. I feel like I’ll be ready to write my third album by then. I’ve already talked to management and Jeff about doing small, solo performances even whilst we tour, think Niall’s thinking of doing the same thing. We’re gonna discuss that today I think, what with my album out, yours next month and Niall’s latest one coming soon enough. Makes sense. Otherwise, I think I’ll need a break, some time to cool off after coming down from tour you know?”

“Yeah, I get that.” And of course Louis does, because they’d spent five years together. He knew how draining touring and performing multiple times every week was and how it just exhausted you, despite how much you might love it.

He’s about to continue when the shrill sound of a phone rings. He glances down at his own, his mums message the last notification on the screen and realizes it must be Louis’.

“Sorry, I really gotta take this.” Louis says glancing up from the phone he’s pulled from his joggers’ pocket.

“Course.”

Louis disappears from the main living space, headed for the small corridor behind the kitchen which he assumed lead up the stairway and to the second floor. Louis’ voice becomes more distant, his thick northern accent slowly ebbing away as his footsteps can be heard making their way upstairs and Harry is left in relative silence.

He hadn’t noticed the two dogs, which he still didn’t know the names of, lying in two big, fluffy beds to his left. As he turns to face them, the black one raises its head, tail softly thudding against the floor as he wags it. Harry steps off the chair and makes his way to the two dogs, because if there’s one thing he absolutely loves, it’s animals. He might be more of a cat person, but that didn’t mean he could resist the two adorable dogs before him.

He crouches down on the floor by their beds, reaching for their collars as he reads the names Bruce and Clifford on each of their tags.

That’s how Louis finds him five minutes later, sprawled out on the wooden floor with his back to the wall with Clifford’s head firmly in Harry’s lap and Bruce tucked up against his side.

“I feel betrayed.” Louis says as he stops before them but can’t quite help the small smile on his lips as he looks at the three of them bundled together on the floor.

“I’m must just be a more likeable person, try not to take it too personally.” Harry teases and Louis only huffs before he turns away and heads back behind the kitchen bench to make himself a new cup of tea.

“I’d love to tell you that they’re taking a special liking towards you but honestly I think they’d still do that with a mass murderer so I wouldn’t say it’s too much of a reflection on your personality I’m afraid Harry.” Louis says but the hint of humour in his voice is enough to make Harry smile at the slight bit of familiarity that’s filtered back in between them.

“What are you gonna do with the two of them while we’re gone?”

“Eleanor offered to have them but didn’t really want people getting the wrong idea so they’re heading up to Donny to be with Lottie.”

And Harry freezes at the sound of her name. He utterly refuses to let his thoughts stray any further and he forces a smile to his face. One that he’s had drilled into him through countless years of media training. A smile that holds no meaning and genuine feeling.

“The wrong idea?” He asks however without a second more thought and immediately regrets it. Louis freezes in his actions, he’d gone to pour the newly boiled water into his cup but had frozen at Harry’s words.

“Yeah… uhh, El and I aren’t, we haven’t… we haven’t been together for a while now. We’re still like, friends, but we called it quits a while back now…”

“Oh.” Harry says frowning, the last he’d checked, the public still very much thought that they were together. And so had Harry. Eleanor and Louis had never dated in the years that band had been together, she had in fact been a beard whilst Modest! tried to keep the heterosexual appeal of the band alive and cover up he and Louis’ very real relationship. But after Louis had broken up with him, he had learnt that Louis had gotten with Eleanor. There was a very legitimate reason he agreed to the whole Camille thing. “Sorry to hear that.” He finishes, trying to sound at least half genuine.

“I think we both know you don’t mean that. You never liked Eleanor.” Louis says finally, returning to finishing making his tea.

“And I think we both know it’s a bit hard to like the girl who is supposedly dating your boyfriend.” Harry counters, and whilst he’d meant it to come across lighthearted he wasn’t so sure that’s how it came out.

“Fair, you know how much I just love Kendall.”

“You’d have liked Camille even less.” Harry murmurs and he wishes he could just keep his bloody mouth shut.

“She’s the French one aye?”

“Yeah.” Is Harry’s only reply. Because sitting here with his ex-boyfriend talking about the other people they’ve ‘dated’ isn’t exactly how he’d thought this morning would go. But it is a start, to clearing things up between them.

“You haven’t explained how you’ve gotten back in touch with Zayn though?” Harry tries, desperate now to change the subject.

“Well you already know that we started patching things up at the start of 2016, things were slow till sometime mid last year when we randomly caught up in New York and it’s been good ever since. We talk a lot actually. Even stayed with him and Gigi for a weekend earlier this year. He was my best friend in the band you know, apart from you of course,” Harry’s heart definitely doesn’t flutter, “Felt only right to but it behind us and try to reconnect. I like who he’s become since then though, like he can finally be himself.”

“I think we’ve all been able to do that.” Harry mutters from his spot on the floor, hand buried in Clifford’s fur.

“Yeah.” Louis answers but it lacks any depth behind it. And not for the first time Harry wishes he knew what Louis was actually feeling right now.

“So how long have you been in London for?” He asks instead.

“Five weeks, been up in Donny for the odd weekend recently though. Tryna spend as much time with the girls ya know?” Louis asks as he moves to sit in the bench chair beside the one Harry had previously occupied. Turning the chair so that he was facing Harry still sat on the floor.

And Harry hated sitting there not knowing whether or not it would be alright for him to ask how they were really holding up. After first losing Jay, now Felicity, he could only imagine just how distraught they each were.

“You could ask for them to tour with us you know? Even just the UK leg.” Harry says instead, Louis’ eyes snapping to him.

“Daisy and Phoebe will be back in school, I convinced them to finish the year, and Lottie has her own life. I’m sure they’ll come to as many shows as they can, but they’ve got their own lives.”

“I know that, I just also know how hard you find it being away from them for so long.” Especially right now. He doesn’t have to add, but he knows Louis picks up on the unsaid words.

“We’ll see.” Louis says with a small smile, turning to take a sip from his tea.

“I should probably head off now, I have to meet up with Mitch before the meeting this morning and it’ll take a bit to get back into the city anyway.”

“Yeah, of course.” Louis says standing, the sudden movement starling both dogs as they see the movement of their owner. Both dogs, undoubtedly hoping that they’re heading off for a walk, start towards the door. Harry heaving himself up off the floor with help from the wall.

It’s an odd moment where Harry remembers the height difference between he and Louis. He’d gotten so used to it over the years they’d been together, but even when he’d walked in the door half an hour ago the thought had escaped him. Now, with Louis waiting expectantly before him, his eyes trained slightly upwards at Harry, it seems to be the thought most on his mind.

“I’ll see you in a few hours anyway.” Louis says as he turns in the direct the dogs had now disappeared off and Harry trails behind him.

“Right.”

“It was good to catch up again, I’m sure Niall will force us all together soon enough regardless.” Louis muses and Harry genuinely smiles at the thought, positive that’s exactly what Niall will do.

“I’m sure he will.” Harry replies as Louis pulls open the front door and Harry takes a step outside into the gloomy day.

“Drive safe.” Louis says, flashing him one last smile and Harry only nods, turning and tells himself to walk away from Louis.

He’s half way back to his house when he realizes that for the first time in four years, he finished a cup of tea.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... a day late and sorry about that but I had my graduation dinner last night and just didn't have time to upload this! So here it is a day late !! I'm loving reading everyone's comments and really enjoying writing this story, I have a lot planned with it and I know it's starting off fairly slowly but I'm a slow burn kind of reader and that definitely translates to my writing so... bare with me? 
> 
> A quick important note - For the sake of plot, the 2020 Brit Awards is set in Jan not feb (as it actually was) and the stage moment described is from the actual masterpiece of a performance of 'Falling' that Harry performed at the 2020 Brit Awards :) 
> 
> \- I haven't had a chance to properly go through and edit this yet but will do so in the next week so sorry for any spelling mishaps !!
> 
> Twitter - AvenaVierre
> 
> Enjoy !!

_April Sun in Cuba_ is playing through his Range Rover speakers when he finally pulls up in front of the building, somewhere near Knightsbridge, where he’d been instructed to arrive for the meeting. He’d been far longer with Mitch than he’d planned for so he was very grateful to find a parking space near enough to the building that it wouldn’t make him later than he already was. He grabbed for the warmer coat he’d thrown in the back, just in case the weather turned for the worst, and headed towards the nondescript building.

Making his way inside, a middle aged woman sat behind a desk directed him to the elevator and told him to head up to the fourth floor.

With a distinct _ding,_ the elevator doors pulled open and the first thing he was greeted with as he stepped into a large room, sectioned off only by a meeting room to his left, was being engulfed into someone’s arms.

“Bout time you arrived!” Niall said as he pulled away, his hands remaining clasped around Harry’s forearms, “Good to see ya!”

He smiled at the Irishman’s antics, “You too man.” His eyes searched around Niall and it took a moment for him to recognize the other man stood behind Niall with a knowing look on his face.

“Been a while H.” Zayn said as he flashed him a small smile as Niall stepped back.

“Glad you’re here Zayn, it really wouldn’t be the same without you for this one.” He replied, wiping all of the pent-up thoughts he’d had of Zayn leaving the band, despite fully understanding the reasoning why, as he stepped forward and embraced him.

“Yeah well, s’gonna be different this time round aye?” Zayn eventual offers when they pull apart.

“Can’t believe Louis had to be the one to tell me you were coming back though, thought I at least deserved a text or somethn’.”

“Wait you’ve spoken to Louis?” Niall interjects.

“Went and saw him this morning.”

“Fuck man, how’d it go?”

“Fine, it went fine.”

Something in his voice obviously registered with both of them as they seemed to drop the topic, realising it wasn’t something he wanted to expand on.

“Yeah well anyway,” Zayn begins again, shuffling slightly to draw their attention, “I wasn’t sure for a while whether I was gonna come back or not. I mean, of course I wanted to but I needed to be sure of how this was all going to run, what restrictions we’d have and how things would be different from before.”

“As you should have done. I think we all know how shit we were treated under Modest! Hell, even the fans divulged much of what we went through. If it was that clear, then it speaks volumes about how bad things were.” Niall said, tone rarely serious and lacking his often lighthearted humour and carefree personality.

“I thought being serious was my role in the band?” A new voice called from behind them and they all turned to find Liam walking towards them. Each of them pulled him in for an embrace, the four of them sporting wide smiles as they stood huddled together outside the meeting room.

“You know I’m really not surprised that Louis is the last one to arrive I’ve gotta say!” Niall said once they’d all settled in a misshaped circle. As unconventional as they’ve ever been.

“It wouldn’t be One Direction if Louis wasn’t fashionably late to a meeting.” Liam said with a knowing glint in his eye.

It was going to take Harry some time before he was used to the casual manner in which people addressed Louis in conversation around him.

“So, anyone got any idea’s which solo songs they’re gonna choose?” Niall asks as the elevator dings open and a young woman steps out, flashing the four of them a smile before disappearing into the meeting room. 

“Barely even thought about it, we can change it up though right?” Zayn asks.

“I’d say so, sure the band won’t mind changing up the songs every once in a while, give the crowd something new too.”

“Shit what is the plan for the band anyway?” Liam asks and Harry realizes it’s a good point, one that he hadn’t even considered properly. Sarah had made a comment on it the other day, but he’d spent so long with his own band now that it would be strange being up on stage without those familiar faces.

“No clue mate, guess that’s probably a good point to raise today though.”

As Harry went to comment, behind him the elevator dinged once more and at the quick glance Niall across from him sent towards Harry he already knew who’d arrived before turning around. It had been only a matter of hours, but still as he turned around to find Louis walking towards them, a smile on his face, it took a moment to register to Harry that this was actually happening. He was actually in a few month’s time embarking on a world tour with his old bandmates, including Louis. He wondered for a moment, even after this morning, whether it was too late to back out.

He wasn’t given much time to linger on the thought as Louis reached them and the boys all pulled him in for a hug. Harry lingered back, the gesture seeming void to him as Louis finally pulled away from Zayn and settled at Harry’s side, choosing only to send him a brief smile.

“Fuckin’ freezing out there.” Louis commented; indeed the weather was now turning and Harry was grateful he’d remembered to thrown in his umbrella.

“If you’d all like to come in we’re ready to start now.” The same woman who’d walked past them a few minutes ago called from the now open doorway to the meeting room.

Following in behind Liam, the room had only six people seated around a large dark glass table. He took a seat with Jeff on his left and Niall opting to take the seat on his right.

“Thanks for coming in boys, we want to keep this one fairly general for only the first time we’re all together, most of the finer details the tour crew and us managers will work out for you. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Rebecca and I’m Liam’s manager, but for the sake of the next year I’m one of the key people any of you can come to with any questions or suggestions.” An older woman Harry wasn’t familiar with spoke up.

“First of all, I’d like to start with at least introducing the rest of the managing team. This is Tilly,” Rebecca said gesturing to a middle aged woman seated near the head of the table, “She’s with Zayn. Then we have Rania, who’s with Louis. Jeff with Harry and finally Amanda with Niall. And finally this one,” Rebecca said gesturing to the man seated opposite Tilly, “I’m sure needs no introduction to you all.” Harry smiled at the familiar face seated at the other end of the table from where he sat. He’d been delighted when Jeff had messaged him, letting him know that Paul Higgins had agreed to return as tour manager. Thinking that it would be better if they had someone all of the boys were familiar with, rather than choosing someone only one or two of them might have known. Harry had seen Paul only a few weeks ago but it still felt truly like returning to the past with Paul know seated before them, ready to get underway with another tour. But they all knew this one would be different, they were older now, their lives forever intertwined with the five years they’d shared together yet so different with the way their individual lives had played out over the last few years.

“Alright, well now that’s out of the way, I’d like to start with addressing the duration and locations of the tour. As you’re all aware, the tour will begin in late March, the official announcement will be made three days prior to the release of Louis’ album next month and tickets will go on sale on February 1st.” Harry nodded, this was knowledge that had been shared with them all a month ago. “We’d like each of you to increase fan engagement on your social medias immediately following the announcement, as well as one or two subtle mentions of it to spark interest in the public in the weeks leading up to it. I know you Harry aren’t particularly active on social media but we’ll speak with you personally about this as we don’t want to pressure you into engaging if that’s something you aren’t willing to do.”

“No, it’s alright. I think I can make an exception in this case.” He said towards Rebecca and added after a moment, “But thank you for asking anyways.” He’d spent years in the band being targeted on social media, the sheer overwhelming pressure from the public and Modest! Driving him away from wanting to personally interact on any platforms. He had done, occasionally, but he tried to stay away from it as much as possible. This was different though, and taking five minutes out of his day to interact with people who’d spent years supporting him and essentially giving him the lifestyle he lead wasn’t too much of an ask.

“Brilliant, so before we get into much else. We managers would like to ask that all five of you really start thinking over which of each of your solo songs you’d like to perform. You will have one song of your choice from your own music each show, we’re hoping to do 18 – 20 songs at the moment so the set lists will be long. As you aren’t doing as many shows, about 70, we decided to go for the longer setlists. It’s totally up to you about which songs you choose, you may change which one you perform whenever but obviously you’ll have to keep the band in the loop.”

“Speaking of the band, who’s joining us?” Niall pipped up.

“Great question.” Tilly said with a smile on her face. “We did a lot of work into planning this, have recently spoken with all the artists you all individually have worked with on your tours, under full discretion of course, and have decided that after speaking to them all that Sarah Jones on drums, Mitchell Rowland and Michael Blackwell on Guitars, Sandy Beales on Bass and Ny Oh on piano and keys.”

“Fuck that’s gonna be sick!” Niall said with a wide grin.

“Those ratbags, they didn’t even mention you’d spoken with them to me!” Harry said with an equally wide smile. So maybe being up on stage wouldn’t be so bad when half his own band would be joining him. He was thrilled that Sandy would be joining them again, he’d always gotten along well with him but he didn’t know Michael, he must be one of the other boys musicians.

“We asked them not to tell you yet, we wanted to finalize everyone before word got out and we only just heard back from Sandy in confirmation yesterday. He had to go over his schedule and family plans before agreeing.” A woman, Amanda, offered with a small smile.

“Perfect, so as we were saying earlier, the song choices will be yours. After this meeting, you aren’t all expected to meet back together business wise till January 8th but we would ask that you all speak to one another about the group songs you’d like on the setlist. We’re giving that responsibility to you five as well. But we would like to stress that we know you all have personal favourites from the bands discography but the fans will be wanting specific songs, especially from Made in the A.M. We’ll work out incorporating Zayn into the vocals during rehearsals.”

Out the corner of his eye he saw Zayn nodding at the news, they’d all known that would be one of the trickier things, working in Zayn’s incredible vocal talent into the songs from an album he hadn’t be a part of.

“So moving on from song choices, next month you have a photoshoot on the 23rd which will be the official images for the tour announcement. You’ll be in London for the announcement of the reunion, and Louis’ album release. It’s entirely up to each of you whether you will be supporting him through that but on Feb 2nd we have scheduled you all a flight to LA where interviews will begin. The first being on Feb 4th. From there, promo will be in full swing, you’ll each be able to attend your own promotion for albums, particularly you three.” Rebecca said nodding at Harry, Louis and Niall respectively.

“Tour rehearsals begin March 3rd back in London, you’ll have a week between your last promo in Sweden and the start of rehearsals. Tour kicks off in London at Wembley Stadium on March 28th, the Europe leg of the tour hosts 30 shows across several different countries ending on May 2nd. You’ll then have a week before the North America shows begin, followed by South America and finally shows in Asia and Oceania. The tour concludes in October 2020 and then that’s it. The future will therefore lie with the five of you.” Rebecca finishes and he leans back into the soft leather of the chair.

“Sounds alright.” Liam muttered once the room had fallen silent.

“From here on out each of you are free to contact any one of us five at any time. We’re working as a team from this point, or have done really for the past three months organizing this. The tour crew is already formed and fully on board and it has been decided with the shift of One Direction’s ownership, that you are under the label of Columbia Records. And in case none of you aren’t yet aware, Syco has been dropped from Sony so you needn’t worry about any interference from them. Though this is not official for another several months so please keep that information quiet.”

At that Harry paused in his movements. This was huge, Syco had been _dropped_ by Sony. All the pain and heartache that he’d suffered because Syco and Modest! Had been so determined to keep him and Louis’ relationship out of the public eye as not to ‘taint’ their public image. And to find out now that they’d no longer have to face either company in the reunion was almost too much for him in that moment.

“Did you know about this?” Zayn said, speaking for the first time since the meeting had started, the question directed towards Louis who squirmed uncomfortably under his stare.

“I may have had something to do with it…” Louis offered and Niall whirled around to face him.

“You what? What do you mean, ‘had something to do with it?”

“Well I’m kinda in the process of dropping all ties with them, they’re gonna collapse and I may just have bought One Direction from them…”

“You did what!” Liam exclaimed, almost leaping from his chair.

“I didn’t want us to reunite while we were still in their grasp, so I’ve been working away at it for a while, the deal will be confirmed mid next month. Then we’re free from Syco forever, and Modest!”

“Louis you fucking legend!” Niall said actually leaping up from his seat and walking round the table to pull Louis into a bone gripping hug.

Harry just sat there, numb and in shock. He’d done _what_!

“Bout time!” Zayn said grinning at Niall and Louis who he was sat beside.

“Alright well there’s a few things to go over, documents to sign before we can finish up here today, from here we’ll see you again on January 8th.” Rebecca said beginning to pull out a thick stack of documents from a brief case. Harry stayed silent, still reeling from Louis’ announcement.

~~~~

It was Niall who convinced them. It was late in the evening and the five of them were huddled together in Niall’s living room close to where Harry lived. They’d been here for little over an hour, ordering an abundance of pizza from a nearby takeout shop and had gorged themselves in front of the tv. Louis, Niall and Liam sat squished together on the biggest sofa, Zayn and Harry having opted for the comfort of one of the single reclining chairs having learnt from years prior not to get involved amongst the three of them when it came to sofa rights. Of course, in the past it had usually been Louis fighting the others for the best place on the sofa only to pull Harry straight into his lap and wrap his arms securely around him. But times have changed.

They’d spent an hour going through various security measures, tour agreements and NDA’s before leaving around 1:30 in the afternoon. Harry had gone straight home and spent an hour sitting under hot water in his shower, his thoughts barely together. He’d tried to write to fill in some time after that but promptly given up and face timed Gemma instead. Telling her all about his and Louis’ little meeting before she’d eventually had to go.

He’d dragged himself over to Niall’s around eight and had hardly moved from his spot on the small chair. Some golf tournament was currently playing on the tv at Niall’s insistence and he looked over to find Liam and Niall squabbling with one another about how they thought was the superior player of the tournament. Golf had never been particularly interesting to Harry, nor did he remotely pretend to know who they were both arguing over so Harry had zoned out mostly and found himself messaging Mitch.

Louis was seated at the other end of the sofa from where he was positioned in the room, talking quietly with Zayn who sat bundled up in an identical chair to the one Harry found himself in.

He excused himself to the bathroom, nodding in reply to Niall’s shouted direction about where it was. When he wandered back through into the kitchen a few minutes later he found Zayn pouring himself another drink.

“You two are being surprisingly civil about this whole thing you know.” The dark haired man drawled towards him as Harry stopped on the other side of the counter.

“It’s not like things ended badly between us, it’s just a bit awkward at the moment.”

“You’ll find your rhythm with each other soon enough.”

“Yeah well, it’s gonna be hard after our past isn’t it?” Harry commented, his own chest falling as he realised the emotional struggle the next nine months would be.

“Don’t think Louis left his house for a straight month after you two called it quits, its at least good that you’re both here but it would be nice to see you two not trying to avoid each other like the plague! Did this morning not go well?” Zayn asked as he brought the glass up to his lips.

“You mean after _he_ broke up with _me_? And yea, this morning went fine. I wasn’t really expecting to fall back into an easy friendship with the man I once fully believed I’d spend the rest of my life with.”

“Ok, that’s fair. I’m sorry if it’s gonna come off these next few months that me and the other boys are trying to force you two together but H, you were his best friend, and the love of his life. It’s not like your pasts are going to magically resolve themselves of their hurts but it’s hard for him too man, it’s gonna take some time.”

“He left me Zayn, I don’t think people just up and leave the one they call love of their life.” He replied, eyes trained on a slight scratch in the kitchen bench’s’ surface as too not give in to the burning in his eyes.

“You two went through impossible circumstances together. You were pushed so thoroughly apart it’s a testament to the kind of love you have for one another that you lasted as long as you did. He still cares for you deeply Harry, he does. Things are just different now.” Zayn said with a sign and Harry finally lifted his gaze from the bench.

“Love we _had_ for one another.”

“Fine, whatever.” Zayn said as he moved around the kitchen, “Just try not to be to hard on yourself, or Louis, we’re all here for you both. We always have been, even if circumstances have indeed changed.”

Zayn laid his hand on his shoulder for a moment, a long moment passing by before he tore his eyes away from Harry’s and finally walked back out into the living room. The moment he was gone a long breathe drew out of Harry’s mouth.

From the living room the sound of Louis’ laugh filtered in through to the kitchen. This was going to be a test of Harry’s mental strength if he was going to get through this tour without his heart once more falling to pieces.

~~~~

He had spent Christmas day with his mum and Gemma, couped up in his London home exchanging various gifts and the three of them had spent most of the afternoon and evening having a highly competitive bake off. His kitchen had been a mess by the time they’d finished, two bottles of wine consumed and a whole lot of memories still fresh in his mind.

New Year’s consisted of flittering around London, caught up in the run over adrenaline from releasing _Fine Line_ and trying not to think too much about the year ahead. Spending the count down on a roof of someone’s fancy London condo home surrounded by women in sparkling outfits and men in dashing, and sometimes outrageous suits.

By the time the next meeting came around for tour preparations, he hadn’t even seen any of the other boys around but judging from the constant messages they had been sending through their shared group chat, they were all doing fine. A consistent stream of messages exchanged between the five of them kept the thoughts of tour fresh enough in his mind however, the low buzzes of his phone sounding every few minutes for the past couple weeks.

The meeting this time around didn’t require all of them together, instead he spent a better part of his morning hauled up in Jeff’s office with him, Rebecca and Tilly going over various documents and any specific tour requests he had.

By the time they’d all well and truly had enough of scouring through page after page of official documents and papers and had gone over every personal request he had from stage production to dressing room design, he found himself heading out into one of the nearby parks from his home. On a rare London day in January where it actually wasn’t raining and the slimmest ray of sunshine was peaking through the grey clouds, the open air was a welcome release. He’d pulled on a beanie and bandana that was pulled up over his nose and mouth. A large black and white sweater and jeans that he thought looked normal enough as too not draw too much attention. He’d never minded being stopped by fans, endlessly thankful for their support however on days like today it was often quite nice to fool himself into thinking he was just like everyone else. No millions of fans screaming for his attention and demands of the music industry. It was just him. Just Harry.

The first hint he gave on his social media came in early January. And to hi it felt like the simplest act he could do. Niall had posted a selfie of him in a studio on his Instagram, it had been one of the first images to come up when he opened the app in bed that morning and with a simple double tap, hysteria broke out. Twitter went nuts over the simple like, _#Narry_ had trended for twenty four hours and while he thought that was perhaps a little obsessive, it was nothing compared to late one afternoon when all five of them had simultaneously followed each other on all their social media platforms. A week later and is Twitter mentions were still going crazy. He’d had no choice but to mute them all.

He wound his way around the path which wove through the small park. On a dozen or so other people were around him as he stuffed his hand in his jean pockets and walked in somewhat of a haze. He’d just spotted a café on the street corner in the distant, planning on grabbing a drink before he headed back home when his phone rang.

He accepted the call when Liam’s name popped up on his screen, still heading in the direction of the small café. “If you’re calling me to be a mediator for you and Niall’s latest argument I have to side with Niall on this one.” He said as way of greeting. Indeed Niall and Liam’s most recent message debacle was over which slasher film was considered the ultimate classic. Liam was currently perusing the argument with _A Nightmare on Elm Street_ but Harry thought Niall had it with John Carpenters _Halloween_.

“Oi! Freddie Kreuger would beat out Michael Meyers any day! Anyway, I was actually ringing to ask whether you were free later tonight, we’re all meeting up at mine to discuss set list options. Thought it would be easier to do this together before we have to hand in the final copy next week.”

“Oh, yeah that sounds like a good idea actually. What time?”

“Around 7ish?”

“Perfect, want me to bring anything?”

“Nah it’s all good, I’ll see you later!”

~~~~

“Nah, let’s put it after _If I Could Fly_ then it picks up tempo a little before _Perfect_ begins!” Liam says from where he was leaning over towards a coffee table from the sofa, a scribbled punch of notes before him as he scratched out yet another title.

“We could just chuck a talking break between _If I Could Fly_ and Perfect, the it won’t matter so much.” Zayn offers instead, seated beside Liam.

They’d been here for little over twenty minutes, already a pile of papers had formed as they’d thrown around ideas for the set list. They’d at least settled on 18 songs with two for the encore, now they were simply trying to choose the order.

There was only two pieces of paper that weren’t covered in scribbles; the first was the 20 songs, and the other paper contained a neatly arranged list of the boys solo songs they’d chosen.

Liam:

Remember

Strip That Down

Familiar

Polaroid

Louis:

Don’t Let It Break Your Heart

We Made It

Always You

Defenseless

Too Young

Two of Us

Niall:

Slow Hands

On The Loose

Small Talk

Black and White

Moral of the story

Zayn:

Fool For You

There You Are

Pillowtalk

Dusk Till Dawn

Harry:

Medicine

Fine Line

Falling

Golden

Watermelon Sugar

He was happy with his choices, having chosen not to include any from his debut. But he couldn’t quite contain his curiosity at Louis’ songs, he hadn’t heard any of the unreleased album yet. Louis hadn’t made an offer of sharing them with any of them earlier, well not that he knew of, so he hadn’t pressed it. Merely by the song titles he was intrigued but it was Louis’ choice if he shared the songs with them or not, and it currently seemed like he’d have to wait for the album’s release just like everyone else.

“Nah I reckon we just go _If I could Fly_ , straight into _Story of My Life_ then go to _Perfect_ , put the break before Harry’s performance, s’what we’ve done for every other solo one.” Niall says drawing Harry’s gaze from where he’d been looking across the names written on the sheet.

“I like that idea, the order of those three.”

“But you’ve chosen some slow ones haven’t you H?” Liam asks looking up at him.

“Two of them are yeah, but the other three are upbeat that they’d work well after _Perfect_.” He replies.

“Well how bout this, when it’s the two slower ones, they go straight after _Story of My Life_ then when it’s the upbeat tracks they go after _Perfect_? That changes things up at least a little with complicating things and as long as the band knowns well in advance of those performances they’ll be no problems with it.”

“Good thinking Niall.” Zayn says with a nod of his head.

“So that’s it then?” Louis says from Harry’s left, he’d already been here when Harry had arrived. Even went as far as too offer him a small smile but other than that the two of them had done exactly as Zayn had said, avoided one another. “Set list done.”

“I guess so.” Liam said finally leaning back into the sofa. “Everyone happy?”

“It’s good with me.” Niall says and the three of them nod in agreement, “Fuck I actually can’t wait for this. Back with you lot up on stage, touring and this time without bloody Modest! And Syco making our lives a living hell and working us into the ground.”

Before he can reply his phone rings, a brief glance at the screen shows it’s Gemma calling him. Knowing she’s leaving London tomorrow he quickly glances back up at Liam, “Sorry, you guys mind if I take this? It’s Gems.”

“Course not.”

He stands, grabbing his phone from where it had been lying on the coffee table and striding towards the kitchen, accepting the call.

“Hey Gems.”

“Hey, sorry to bother you I know you’re with the boys but I’ve got a quick question?”

“Wait, how did you know I was with the boys?”

“Lottie, we were talking earlier.”

“Oh, right.” He says with a small frown, he hadn’t realised that Gemma and Lottie had stayed in touch much after he and Louis broke up.

“Anyways, I know you’d asked for me to accompany you to the Brits with you, and I know this is very late notice but I’ve just got a call through from Eleanora and she’s getting married on the 18th now in New York, you know I’ve already agreed to be her bridesmaid and I really don’t think I can back out now, she’s one of my best friends, I’m so sorry H but do you mind if I don’t come, I know you’re really looking forward to it and if you really want…”

“Gemma.” He says, firmly cutting off his sisters ramblings, “It’s fine, I’d never ask you to skip the wedding, you’ve both been planning it for months. Honestly it’s fine, I think I can manage going to an awards show by myself. I am a grown man you know.”

“Are you sure H? Really sure?”

“Yes Gems, it’s totally fine.”

“Maybe you could ask one of the boys to go with you? I mean, it would be good rumours to spark interest before the tour is announced right? Get peoples’ interest.”

“Yeah, actually that might be a good idea, I’ll talk to Jeff about it.”

“Ok, well I really have to finish packing, my train leaves in an hour but I love you H, say hi to the boys from me!”

“Love you too Gems, safe trip!” He says before the line goes dead.

He’d been standing in the kitchen, his back turned from the living room but he turned and found Louis making his way towards him.

“How’s Gemma doing?” Louis asks him, and Harry thinks it might be the first proper time Louis has addressed him since he left his house back in December.

“She’s doing good, she’s heading back home for a few days though.”

“Oh, that’ll be nice.” Louis says as he pulls open the fridge and grabs a beer. Gesturing towards the bottle but Harry shakes his head.

“Nah I’m good thanks.”

“It’s weird ain’t it.” Louis says after a moment of silence passes between them. “Doing this sort of thing again, with you lot.”

“Yeah, kinda is. It feels partly like it did ten years ago, when we were really just finding our feet, wanted it so badly but had no clue how to get it. Here we are now, trying to find our way together once again but with so much experience and far better haircuts.” He says with a small smile and Louis barks a laugh.

“I remember being quite fond of your curls back then actually.” Louis seems to say without thinking too much about his words, judging from the slight pink tinge that spreads across his cheeks.

“Well, what can I say. I’m a charmer.” He offers, trying to ease some of the tension that’s come between them once more.

“Someone really should have thought more about our outfits back then too.”

“Whoever decided to put Zayn in all those varsity jackets and me in those bloody blazers needed to be fired. Though I didn’t mind the braces.” He adds, trying to level the same admission Louis had made. It seemed to work as Louis smiled, genuinely, back towards him as he took a sip of the beer in his hand.

“Yeah well, guess our fashion choices this time round might be a little different from back then.”

“I’d say.” He replies leaning back against the counter and folding his arms across his chest. “How are you feeling about your album release?” He asks deciding to be brave.

“Good, I guess. S’been in the works long enough that it’s gonna be nice to have it out you know?”

“Yeah, I know exactly what that feels like.”

“I’m happy with it though you know, think I managed to finally get what I wanted to say. Gonna be nice performing those songs in front of a home crowd too.” He finishes, his eyes downcast but that same one sided quirk of his lips Harry had always been drawn to was visible. He also knows that Louis doesn’t mean performing in front their British home crowd, he means the One Direction fans in general, the people who have been with them on this crazy journey over the past nine and a half years.

“I’m sure they’re all gonna love it Louis, they’ll be proud, we’re all proud of you.” Harry says after a moment, being emotionally open with Louis had always felt easy, natural, and despite their history it still seemed that way buried underneath all the pent up awkwardness.

“Thanks Harry.” Louis says, lifting his eyes up to meet Harry’s. It’s a long way from the pet names and loving glances they’d once shared, but it was a hell of a lot better than being strangers.

~~~~

January 15th

It was late, and he was cold, wet and tired. He had three days before the Britt Awards, and he was still yet to decide who of the boys he was going to ask to accompany him. He’d gone over it with Jeff, and Amanda, both thinking that Gemma’s idea of taking one of the boys as a great idea. One that would certainly stir up interest. Of course his heart was practically begging him to ask Louis, he’d been the one to say they should try become friends again anyway! But his brain had always stopped him before he tried to call. It was too soon, or was it? Louis wouldn’t want to come, it would spark up _too_ much interest, and maybe not the right kind at that. There was still far too many _Larry Stylinson_ shippers out there, and he knew the fans support of the two of them as a romantic couple was still flourishing. His lyrics in _Fine Line_ hadn’t exactly tried to conceal his heartache.

But maybe it would be good, the publicity of them being seen together, attending an awards show that Harry was set to perform at. He hadn’t seen Louis since he’d left Liam’s a week ago, but they’d at least texted one another on the odd occasion. Even twice outside of the group chat with the rest of the lads when Louis had sent him a photo of Harry’s vinyl in a store. The image soon after followed by a short video of Louis actually buying it.

Harry had had to stop and take several deep breathes when he’d received that video, sitting outside in a quiet café with Mitch and Sarah at the time but had quickly sent back; ‘ _I know some people and could even scrounge up a signed copy you know…’_

Louis’ reply had come ten minutes later; ‘ _Heard the artist is a bit of a tosser ;)’_

Thankfully, by that time he’d said his goodbyes to Sarah and Mitch and was safely back in his car so he’d felt slightly better when he’d scoffed at the reply with a certain fondness he tried not to read too much into and had driven promptly home.

He’d made himself go for a run earlier, returning home and throwing himself under the hot water of his shower had been a welcome reprieve from the pouring rain he’d been faced with. It would be just his luck to come down with a cold three days before a live show.

With that in mind, he stepped out of the shower, quickly throwing on some comfortable clothes and headed downstairs to make himself a tea. He’d not yet managed to finish a full cup since that day at Louis’ house and he was now convinced that his mind had put up a mental barrier against the act, but still, a cup of tea was a comforting idea.

Flicking on the kettle he leaned back against his kitchen bench, pulling his phone out from where he’d stuffed it into the joggers pocket.

 _‘Decided yet or…”_ Read the message from Jeff and Harry groaned at the thought. Right, chose a bandmate.

He thought about just calling Niall, he’d certainly be up for it and had always been good value at award shows. Liam would be the most supportive, the wise hand of the group and would be a steady force at his side all night. Then again, despite the distance the past few years had brought between he and Zayn, the man would also make a statement. Seeing the two ‘ex’ bandmates attend the show together. Maybe it would be even more scandalous for Harry to turn up with Zayn than it would be with Louis.

He didn’t give himself a moment longer to think it over, opening his contacts he clicked on the name and waited with baited breath for the line to connect.

“Hello?” A calm voice answered and Harry’s restless movements halted at the voice.

“Zayn?”

“Oh, hi Harry.”

“What are you doing answering Louis’ phone?” He asks instead of a greeting.

“Oh, I’ve been at his house for the past couple hours, going over some songs. He’s just in the kitchen hold on a second!”

“Wait Zayn!” Harry called into the receiver but apparently Zayn had lowered the phone from his ear and his cry went unanswered. There was a brief moment where scuffle and distant voices sounded through the phone before,

“Harry?”

And, that was Louis.

“Uhh hi, how are you?” Harry spluttered and mentally face palmed at his awkward address.

“Fine, is something wrong?” Louis asks and honestly what the fuck was Harry doing.

“Yeah, everything’s good I actually wanted to ask you something. Well I talked it over with Jeff and Amanda actually and they think it’s a really good idea, before the tour announcement you know, and your album release, and you don’t have to agree or anything but I just…”

“Harry.” Louis cuts him off blankly. “First, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk so fast. Second, it’s me, whatever you want to ask just spit it out.”

“Course yeah right. Uhh, well I’m performing at the Brits in three days, Gemma was meant to be coming with me, but she has a wedding and I suppose I wondered whether you would accompany me instead? You know, publicity and that…”

“You want me to come with you to the Brit Awards?” Louis asks after a painful long three seconds of silence.

“Yeah…”

“Ok. Sure, I’ll come.”

“I don’t want to force you or make you feel as if you have to come, I just… well you said we should try being friends again and I thought that this would be a good chance to spend some time together and also our managers think it will spark a lot of public interest, but mainly I just…” He firmly stops himself from carrying on that sentence, _I just want you to be with one who comes with me because we never could have done this before._ “Want a familiar face there with me you know?”

“It’s not a problem Harry, honestly. Think we both know these things are far more tolerable with someone else there.”

“Yeah,” He says with a slight chuckle, “Very true.”

“You not gonna ask me to wear a bright pink Gucci suit though are you, because I’m afraid that’s where I draw the line.” Louis continues and Harry barks a laugh at the thought.

“Certainly not, though I’m sure I could arrange one for you.”

“Prick.” Louis replies and Harry can almost see his smile. It’s hard to imagine in this moment that they’d spent four years apart from one another. They’d used to tease each other about the others fashion sense, the bickering between them playful and light and had more often than not ended with both of them with no clothes, tangled together under the sheets. But that was in the past.

“Alright, well I’ll send you the details, leave you to get back to your evening with Zayn but Louis?” He says and waits for the man on the other end of the phone to hum in response, “Thank you, for this.”

“Of course Haz, anytime.”

Harry’s very glad in that moment that he has the solid weight of the kitchen bench at his back as his legs threaten to give out.

~~~~

January 18th

It takes four hours for him to get ready. He’d spent an hour early that morning at the venue in his sweats, Ny and Charlotte with him as he’d gone over the song three times. Minor adjustments to the sound systems made each times before he’d finally been able to leave.

He’d showered, then had a professional hair and make-up crew rewash his hair, style it and brush his face till it appeared almost perfect. Even after all these years he wasn’t used to the way the brushes swept over his skin and even the slight tiredness evident in the bags under his eyes could be wiped away from a few strokes of a skilled hand and brush.

He had two outfits for tonight, one for the red carpet and actual awards and the second for his performance. He knew the two Gucci fits had been commissioned for him months ago, undoubtedly hand made to fit his exact measurements.

By the time he was finally ready and the dozen people who filtered in and out of the room constantly, including Jeff, all seemed satisfied with his appearance he was being ushered towards the door. Jeff had insisted he get ready in a private hotel suite in mid London rather than his own home and he had readily agreed. Despite the fact he liked everyone on his hair and make-up team he didn’t want a how bunch of people crowded in his personal space.

Louis would be joining him there, having got ready in a hotel not far from where Harry had been. Jeff and Rania had been sending the two of them email after email detailing every aspect of how the night could go.

After receiving the first one Harry had panicked, thinking too much of how Modest! Had once forced Louis and him apart, not even enabling them to look at one another, let alone acknowledge, however the instructions which had come through had been simple enough. Do not give away the tour announcement or reunion. And not much else which he had to be concerned about. He was so versed in how to act in important social environments that he was almost immune to the stares, whispers and shouts that would no doubt trail them from the press all night. But he was determined not to let that ruin his night. Finally, after years and years of waiting, he was actually going to be able to attend an event with Louis and not have to act as if he disliked the man.

It was four years and a whole lot of heartache too late, but it was better than nothing.

The line of fans, all armed with either cell phones or signs greeted him out the cars tinted window long before the stream of media personal. The screams were as loud as ever as the car eventually came to a halt, a dozen security between where he would step out too and the fans eagerly awaiting the next celebrities arrival.

He’d be arriving ahead of Louis, who would join him half way down the red carpet, right in the thick of the media. This was thankfully the only part of the night which would be staged between them.

Stepping out into the blinding camera flashes, he heard the rising level of screams before his eyes could fully adjust to the flashes from various cameras. This would be the first public appearance between any of the five of them in months, and certainly the first after the recent social media frenzy.

He smiled at the gathered crowd before him, waving to a number of people who shouted his name and offered a peace sign to a dozen or more fans as he made his way towards the entrance of the building. Closer and closer to the photo wall, primed with dozens of photographers and interviewers waiting baited just on the other side.

He’d just about reached the photo wall, having stopped to sign a few of the posters and cards some of the fans had thrust towards him, offering each of them a wide smile when the screams around him went almost deafening.

“Louis!” “Louis over here!” “Oh my gosh its Louis!”

He held back the smile that threatened to show as he turned, making a show of acting surprised as he caught sight of his bandmate casually walking towards him. He was wearing a deep blue suit that was left unbuttoned, a crisp white shirt underneath that also had its top buttons undone, revealing a large section of the _It Is What It Is_ tattoo plastered across his chest.

He found himself struggling to breathe for moment as Louis’ striking blue eyes caught his and Louis offered him a wide, open smile. One that, though partially was for the cameras and screaming fans, seemed genuine and meant just for him.

It took Louis halting before him for his breathe to return, a wide grin breaking out across his face as he remained caught up in the older man just for a moment longer. Before he had a chance to speak however, Louis wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in for an embrace.

He didn’t react for a long moment, shock rippling through him and sparks igniting in every place which Louis held him. He realised then that they were surrounded by hundreds of people, cameras and reporters and quickly threw his arms around Louis, returning the embrace.

“S’good to see ya!” Louis said pulling away from him, eyes dancing.

“Thank you, for coming.” He answered under his breathe, knowing that under the wave of noise no one would ever catch those simple words, but Louis’ eyes softened, and he smiled once more.

“What are friends for aye?”

“Wanna head in?” Harry asked instead of replying, head turning to glance down at the photo wall not twenty meters behind him where he soon spotted a whole wall of cameras already trained on the international superstars and long-lost bandmates finally reuniting in public.

“Face the wolves, right?” Louis replied, the age-old words the five of them had once quoted before each public appearance surfacing and Harry couldn’t help but find comfort in them. Knowing that he had someone with him, even just for tonight, and that person was Louis.

He heads towards the main photo wall, Louis a comforting presence at his side. Even four years on and a void between them, having Louis walk calmly by his side was more than Harry could explain. It felt so easy to have Louis by his side, always had done.

Their names were being shouted by too many people for him to notice any one person in particular, he didn’t recognize the middle aged couple who walked off the center of the wall, instead he waited for a steward to turn to him and Louis, not raising any alarm at the sight of them together and instead ushering them forward onto the empty space.

They’d gone over this with Jeff and Rania, but it still felt strange when Louis casually threw an arm around his waist, as he’d done so many times before and smiled brightly for the cameras. A trained, professional smile. Not the one Harry had fallen in love with.

His emotions running in turmoil under his skin, he draped his arm around Louis’ shoulders, just two friends who’d travelled the world and spent five years of their youth living amongst each other. Platonic. Nothing more.

They stood together for a minute, two. Shifting positions as their names were screamed over and over again, almost drowned out by the screaming fans behind the extensive media crews. He had no doubt that the next time he checked his socials it would be an absolute mess. But if anything would come of tonight, it would be the attention drawn to them before tour was announced, and that was exactly what they wanted.

Finally moving off from the wall, he felt Louis’ hand graze over his back briefly as they turned and headed towards the interviewers, waiting like sharks with hungry looks in their eyes. Just waiting to snare the two of them and pull them into awkward and difficult questions.

“Harry! Louis! What a welcome and unexpected surprise, I must say I think you’ve left a good number of people shocked here tonight! Tell me, what has bought on this sudden, unexpected public reunion of the two of you?” The first interviewer asked, a woman Harry knew he’d likely done an interview with before but simply couldn’t remember her name.

“As a group we may be on a break but it’s always really special having one of the boys at a show, we started in this together, so we’ll always have that connection.” He answers, Louis standing confidently at his side.

“Now fans are fairly excited with this year being the tenth anniversary of the forming of One Direction, can you give us any hints to if there will be any sort of reunion happening any time soon?”

“I think we’re all in a good place right now, we’ve certainly talked about doing something a little down the line but we’re all pretty caught up in doing our own things for the time being.” Louis says and Harry has to fight the smile that threatens to break through his media mask.

“Someday in the future is better than never, so we’ll take that one!” The woman replies with a smile so bright and media worthy it almost looks painful, “Now you’re performing one of your singles from your latest album, _Fine Line,_ tonight Harry, how are you feeling about that? Having Louis here to support you?”

“I’m looking forward to it, sure it’s going to be a great night.”

They breeze through the rest of the interview, answering mundane questions on their outfits and Harry has to try very hard to simply stare at Louis to take him all in. As he has been forcing down since the moment that he’d first seen him walking towards him. From there, they stop for three more interviews, each one a repetition of the last. Inquiring about any possible chance of a One Direction reunion, which he and Louis take turns in answering with only slight variations to the answer that Harry had first given.

“Wasn’t so bad.” Louis murmurs to him as they are being shown to their seats.

“Might take some time for my ear drums to recover, I’ll be lucky to hear the music in my in-ears tonight.” He mutters back and sees from the corner of his eye a smile, a true Louis smile this time, come to light.

The young man who had led them through the now bustling building stops before a large, round table dressed in elegant form and takes his exit. There are three purses left across the other side of the table so he figures whomever they’re sat with is off talking with someone. He doesn’t yet recognize anyone around him he would know well enough to go strike up a conversation so pegs for simply taking a seat. Figuring the show must be starting soon enough anyway.

“You know, still find these things a blood bore most of the time.” Louis whispers to him as he takes a seat to his right. Louis had always had the most trouble settling in for hours on end as numerous awards and speeches were given. The two of them used to pass the time slipping notes to one another and playing games across the table with one of the other boys. And he’d be completely lying to himself if he told himself he hadn’t daydreamed of those memories in the long process of attending these things since becoming a solo artist.

“Well I’m glad to be providing some form of entertainment for you tonight.”

“What song are you performing, I never asked.”

Harry smiles at that, “It’s a surprise, you’ll have to wait and see just like everyone else.”

“You’re sour because I haven’t played you my album yet aren’t you?”

And ok, maybe Louis does still know him. “Of course not.” He replies with instead.

“Yeah alrigh’.” Louis says, shuffling in his seat as people begin finding their seats.

~~~~

He’s escorted from his table half way through the night. He’d been chatting with Lizzo for the better part of ten minutes when he’d been tapped on the shoulder and told it was time for him to get ready backstage. Louis had turned from where he’d been having a conversation with a couple seated across the table, wishing him luck before turning back to the couple.

Now, as he stood barefoot and dressed in the gorgeous white lace fabric on the dark stage, water pooling at his feet he fought the shaking in his hand. He knew Louis had heard the album already, but it was one thing to listen to a song through headphones and completely another to hear it sung live. He’d long since gotten past his fright at the thought of his performances being broadcasted to millions of people. But here now, as he stood about to sing a very personal song in front of a large, respected audience and more so the love of his life, he couldn’t quite calm the slight shake in his hands.

His in-ears dinged, signaling him for the start of the song and he felt the heat of the stage lights as they flicked on and all he could see was darkness before him. The music began, filling his head with the soft sound of the piano.

His voice shock as he sang the first line.

_I’m in my bed, and you’re not here._

Pain.

He fought to get through to the next few lines.

_Forget what I said, it’s not what I meant._

His voice was slower growing stronger, clearer.

_What am I now?_

_What if I’m someone I don’t want around?_

He stared out into the dark abyss before him.

_And I’m well aware I write too many songs about you._

There was no pain. No feeling.

_And I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again._

And his heart wasn’t as it was four years ago, broken, shattered and left scattered in pieces.

_What if you’re someone I just want around?_

Or was it?

And there was no more meaning behind those words.

The lights went dark as he finished, breathless as the audience applauded him. But all he could see in the darkness that swallowed him in those moments before he was led off stage, was the single person in the room he hadn’t stopped thinking of for nine and a half years.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very good at this whole 'updating schedule' thing aren't I?
> 
> Thank you so much to every single one of you that has read this story so far, particularly those who have left Kudo's or commented, I honestly didn't expect a single person to ever read this so this has been so cool !!
> 
> Again, I haven't edited this properly so I'm sorry for any mistakes! I'll fix these at a later date !!
> 
> Enjoy :)
> 
> (Also, I'm SO bloody excited for Golden mv !!)
> 
> Twitter - AvenaVierre

The moment he’s alone backstage, the dressing room door closing with a soft click, he slides down against the pastel white wall. He pushes his hands, covered in the slim white gloves, into his hair and hangs his head. Taking in several deep, shaky breathes.

He’d managed to pry himself away from the numerous people who had swamped him backstage, forcing his lips to tilt upwards, yet his eyes remained empty and barren. Ny had noticed almost instantly, the moment there had been a pause between the onslaught of people she’d grabbed for his arm and led him back to the dressing room, practically shoving him inside before closing the door and leaving him with his thoughts.

He’d have to go back out soon, knew there was still an abundance of people he had to greet and speak with before he could even consider slipping away. That and the fact that there was still likely half an hour left of the actual show. He seriously contemplated in that moment staying in this very room, claiming to be getting changed till the awards were over, but he also knew he couldn’t just leave Louis sitting by himself at the table, regardless of the number of people around him. They were trying to be friends after all, and Harry knew that Louis would suspect something was up with him if he hid backstage after a performance. It had always been a silent signal between them, when one was simply too tired to go back out and face a crowd of people, socialize as they’d been so trained for and just needed a quiet night away. They’d go back home, or to whatever hotel they were in, wrap themselves in one another and stay like that till morning.

Bracing his hands against the wall, he pushed his way up from the floor. Delicately removing the white gloves from his hands and begins to unbutton the lace. He wishes his mum were here in this moment, so he could curl up beside here like a child and tell her everything that was on his mind. But that was the thing, he wasn’t sure he even knew exactly what he was going through, what he was truly thinking about all this.

Sure, he was still drawn to Louis but it was so unclear whether it was because they’d spent five years deeply in love with one another and he missed that connection he’d once so dearly cherished, or because he’d spent so long alone and the sparks he felt whenever he was with Louis were just fooling his mind. It was all just so… confusing. Confusing and bloody infuriating.

He was about to spend months touring with Louis, the least he could do for his own sanity would be to sort out his emotions before they would spend months on end in close proximity together.

By the time he’s at least structured those thoughts he’s pulling his trousers off and folds them neatly onto the chair. Grabbing for the suit he’d arrived in he hastily throws it back on, not taking the time he had done only a few hours ago to put it on carefully, aware of tearing any of the hand stitching.

He pauses as he runs his gaze over himself in the mirror, as if checking for any visible physical signs of his torn inner emotions. He’s greeted with the same powdered face, hair perhaps a little more disheveled than it had been earlier, and dull green eyes. _It’ll do_ , he thinks. The media doesn’t particularly take much notice of his state of mind, they’ll never know the difference. _The fans will_. The thought enters his mind before he can stop it but quickly pushes it to the back of his mind and turns, heading for the door.

There’s no one in the short corridor when he steps out, closing the door once more behind him and he begins making his way back out into the main seating area, following the signs on the wall.

There’s a speech going on whilst he slips back to his table. Fumbling his way through the rows of tables and chairs in the semi darkness. He shoots off a quick smile to Ed when he spots him, the ginger haired man catching his eye and flashing him a big thumbs up. _I’ll see him later_ he tells himself as he finally spots the raven-haired woman that he remembers is sat with them on his table. And on the other side of the table is Louis, half turned in his chair to listen to the presenter on stage.

He half trips over the back leg of a chair pushed back from the nearby table just as he reaches his seat. Louis’ head whipping to him at the slight noise but thankfully the room has a certain buzz to it and no one else consequently seems to notice his misstep.

“Watch it.” Louis mutters to him with a playful note to his voice.

He murmurs something unintelligible back as he finally slips into his chair, praying that no camera caught his little stumble. He sits through the rest of the presentation in somewhat of a daze, not taking in anything that the presenter is saying before finally a polite applause breaks out across the room and chatter starts up once more.

He’s about to turn to the man seated to his left, who he thinks might be a producer, someone who’s worked with Niall once perhaps when he’s tapped on the shoulder and turns to find Ed standing before him.

“Hey!” He says excitedly as he stands from his seat and pulls Ed in for a hug.

He hears Ed’s laugh into his hair before they pull away from one another.

“Mate, what a performance! That was unreal!” Ed tells him, he’s not seen Ed for over six months. The two of them had always been close, more so when the band was just formed but he’d always appreciated the friendship he’d shared with him. He’d been one of the first people to discover the true nature of Louis and Harry’s relationship, but had always claimed that they’d made it so painstakingly obvious that anyone would be able to figure out the truth if they looked close enough.

“Some praise coming from you.”

“ _Fine Line_ has got to be one of my favourite albums, honest, it’s insane, I’m proud of you Styles.”

“Thank you, means a lot coming from you ya know.”

“I’ve gotta head off, but don’t be a stranger Styles, we need a proper catch up!” Ed calls as he begins backing away.

“Course!” He calls after him. The lights begin to dim once more before he’s given a chance to talk to Louis, who’s sat messaging someone on his phone but quickly tucks it back in his pocket in the last few moments of light, flashing him a quick, reassuring smile before the next presentation begins.

~~~~

Exiting the venue is only slightly less chaotic than entering. There’s still hundreds of fans lined up against the railing, desperate to catch sight of their favourite artist or producer. He’s not had a single moment to talk with Louis since he had returned from backstage, the two of them had slowly made their way out of the venue, being stopped every few steps by someone coming up to him, congratulating him on the album, his performance, or talking to Louis about the upcoming release of his own album. It takes nearly another half hour after the awards finally close for them to even reach the exit and once more are faced with flashing lights and shouting voices.

The sound of screams only increases the moment he and Louis step out into view of the crowds, hundreds of younger fans spotting them immediately and the frenzy begins over again. The upside of not winning an award tonight, is that he’s not required to do more interviews, which means they’re both free to leave whenever they wish. He knows there’s two main afterparties being held, and on any other occasion he’d fancy going. But after the roller-coaster of a night it’s been, he just wants his bed and a large cup of tea that he knows he won’t finish.

“I’m gonna head home, I’ll see you for the photoshoot on the 23rd.” He says to Louis, having to lean into him in order to be heard over the volume of noise.

“You’re not staying out?”

“Not this time.” He says back to him and Louis turns his head to face him, an emotion along of lines of concern, or perhaps curiosity, is filtered somewhere in the gaze but Harry quickly averts his eyes. Instead flashing a media smile out towards the numerous cameras aimed at them.

“Alrigh’. Your driver here yet?”

“Yeah, the car’s coming round now, you?”

“Same, I might head home too actually.” Louis says and they take a few more steps towards the designated area to be picked up at.

“Don’t not go because of me.” Harry says before he properly thinks over the words and quickly tries to back track, because of course that’s not the reason Louis isn’t going out.

“Nah it’s fine, would feel weird going out without ya.” Louis cuts him off before he can stammer a reply.

“If you wanna go honestly I don’t mind going out for a bit, it’s not like I have anything on I just…”

“Haz.” Louis says, halting and turning him with a firm but gentle grip on his arm, “It’s me, you don’t have to explain yourself.” And Harry really ever questioned why he fell in love with this man.

He doesn’t say anything, just gulps and gives him a single nod and closed lip smile. Louis hesitates for a moment longer, as if he knows exactly what’s running through his head before starting off once more towards the cars.

Harry sees the vehicle he’d arrived in pull up two cars back from the front on the line. Realising he still has a few more moments before it’s his turn to climb into the back seat he turns away from Louis and heads towards the barrier fence. Several girls are in front of them, including two young teenage boys pushed just slightly off from the back of the fence.

“Harry! Your performance was incredible!” One of the girls tells him as he stops before the barrier, several hands flying out to touch him and he grabs the first pen and poster he can and starts to sign.

“I love you Harry!” He hears from several different voices and it’s something he never quite got used to. The fact that strangers have watched him for years, knew things about him when he didn’t even know their names.

“ _Fine Line_ is my favourite album ever, honestly it’s so amazing Harry!”

“So is this you confirming Larry Stylinson?” Another fan asks and Harry fights the laugh surfacing within him. It’s definitely not that.

“Thank you.” He tells the girl that commented on his album, handing her back a now signed post note.

“Were you sad performing on stage now One Direction has broken up?” Another asks and he looks up, well down, from where he’d moved on to signing the next card thrusted at him.

“We’re on hiatus, we haven’t broken up. One Direction isn’t over yet.” He says very deliberately and slowly, knowing that the several IPhones currently filming him would be spreading that sentence across media platforms in mere minutes. Jeff will be very happy with him.

He catches a glimpse of the two young boys shielded from him by the line of girls at the front of the barrier. Looking at him with a marveled intent, as if they can’t quite believe he’s actually standing before them.

“You alright back there?” He calls out to them gently, causing a few of the girls in the front row to crane their heads back at the two boys.

“You’re amazing.” One of them stammers, and that’s definitely awe on their faces and he breaks out a wide smile, remembering a time when he’d said those exact words to one of his favourite actors, Ian McKellen.

“So are you, would you like me to sign something?” He asks, noticing a copy of one of the printed versions from the _Fine Line_ photoshoot.

“Do you mind?” The other one asks, his voice barely audible over the noise around them.

“Of course not.” He says holding out his hand and one of the girls in the front turns to grab the picture from the boy. He thinks for a moment that she’s trying to steal it from them but she turns to him with a warm smile and holds it out to him. He takes with a nod of thanks, scribbling his signature over a picture of himself from a day he well remembers and writes a little note on the corner edge.

_Only the brave._

He writes, not quite knowing were the words come from but writes them none the less. The pride flag pinned proudly onto both boys labels hadn’t gone unnoticed to him.

The same girl offers out her hand, and as she takes the picture and promptly hands it back to the two boys, flashing them a bright smile Harry can’t help but feel humbled about the goodness people have in their hearts. He’d been through so much with Louis, their sexualities, but seeing a young girl proudly accept and acknowledge two young, teenage boys visibly showing themselves, he can’t help think that maybe it was worth it. If it meant something to even just two people, what he’d struggled through and fought so long and hard for. Maybe it really was all worth it.

He turned then, saying a general last goodbye to the fans realising he’d been much longer than he’d thought and his car was likely waiting for him. What he didn’t expect when he turned was to see Louis, stood just off the center of the walkway that lead to the cars. Hands in his pockets and back straight as he watched the entire exchange between Harry and the fans and the sheer look in his eyes.

Harry knew that look, had been on the receiving end of it himself numerous times. Awe. Awe and admiration. And he decided there in that moment that he was so fucking glad he’d been so vulnerable in his song writing, in expressing himself and his openness to people from all walks of life. If he could witness that look on Louis’ face, it was all worth it.

~~~~~

He’s sat with Mitch the morning before the first official photoshoot with the five of them. The sun has finally come out and they’re sat outside of his home, a guitar sprawled across his lap and Mitch strumming quietly at his side. He doesn’t think either of them have said a word in the past fifteen minutes but their friendship has always had this kind of dynamic.

His and Louis’ appearance at the Brit Awards was still raging across the internet. Countless articles had come out which he’d made a conscious effort tot only read through three of them before dismissing the rest. He’d also only once given in to the temptation of logging into his secret Twitter account he’d created back in 2011 to see the proper reaction to their appearance. It was positive by a large majority, having come across almost no bad comments and even the ones he saw were fairly harmless. Mostly, the news was focused on two things; the possible One Direction reunion (which was very true but still six days away from being announced) and the fact that _‘Larry Stylinson’_ was very much happening. At least, according to the fans.

It had been entirely overwhelming to wake up on the morning of the 19th to see seven hashtags trending worldwide on Twitter, all ‘Larry’ related, the number one being #LarryIsReal. It wasn’t just the hashtags either, it was the fact that there were 47.8 million references to the hashtag. In twelve hours.

Harry had had several phone calls with Jeff about it, their group chat was having a field day about it, Liam had claimed that he didn’t even know that Louis was going with him and felt cheated. Gemma and his mum had been a god send, he’d spent several hours on the phone to the two of them and their words had perhaps been the only thing that was keeping him mentally stable at the moment. But at least it had brought in a whole lot of interest to the band and Louis’ upcoming album, which, in theory, was the whole purpose of him asking Louis to join him.

The thing which had truly sparked off the media, and his, attention however, was the now viral video of him signing the picture of the two teenage boys. Well, that and the words he’d written. He hadn’t even thought to look at the titles of Louis’ songs in the album, thought he’d learn them when the album came out. Sure, he’d read over the ones Louis had put forward as tour songs, but he now knew each of them by heart.

_Only the brave._

Of all the fucking things he could have written. He’d thought it fitting in the moment, two young gay teenagers standing amidst a crowd of mostly screaming girls, their pride in themselves on full display. But he doesn’t regret it in the slightest, is in fact glad that he’d written those words.

Of course the fans now simply presumed he’d heard the album and deliberately written the words, causing the name sake of one of the seven worldwide hashtags; #OTBLarry.

He hadn’t seen Louis again. He’d been busy with radio shows and interviews before his album release and couldn’t make it to the drinks the other four of them had had at Niall’s two nights ago.

“You know,” He distantly heard Mitch’s voice, “You could just text him.”

“Who?”

Mitch doesn’t reply, his eyes burning holes into Harry.

“What would I even say? _Sorry I brought you along and now the whole world thinks we’re together? Again._ ”

“He agreed to come with you, knowing full well the reaction you’d both get. He doesn’t need an apology, he needs to know you aren’t cooped up and freaking out about it.” Mitch says flatly.

“But I am freaking out!” He says halfway between a pout and a frustrated sigh.

“I know you two aren’t together anymore, but shit H, from everything I know you were best mates, as well as partners, you know him. You’re gonna tell me he isn’t feeling just as flustered by all this?”

“I don’t know, not now, not anymore. I did know him, but we’ve changed Mitch, a lot. I know a younger Louis, not the man he is now.”

“So change that, it’s clear you’re still fighting some feelings for him, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t feel the same way, but wouldn’t you rather be friends with the man than nothing at all?”

“I… guess so.” Harry says picking at the strings of his own acoustic guitar laid across his lap.

Wanting to avoid this particular conversation, he searches for his phone as he hears the faint sound of a notification coming through. Digging his hand into his shorts’ pocket he pulls the device and out scans over the Twitter notification. It’s from Zayn, a simple tweet that reads;

_Blueberries or Raspberries?_

It’s been a long while since any of them have just tweeted out a random thing, apart from his infamous _‘Do’_ incident a while back, he knows he certainly hasn’t. It’s the first time he’s seen a normal tweet from any of the boys, he thinks over when their managers had asked for the boys to interact and before he can think better of it he swipes across on the tweet and waits for it to load up on the screen.

He opens up the comment section, forgoing liking the pic and simply writes;

 _@zaynmalik_ _Frozen raspberries but fresh blueberries._

And quickly presses send.

Perhaps it was a way of side tracking the fans from the whole Brit Awards debacle which was still very much in full swing across the media platform. And the moment he presses send a wave of replies flood in across his screen. It’s one thing for Harry to go out with Louis, who is still technically his bandmate, and another for him to publicly interact with his ‘former’ bandmate. As far as the public is aware, it’s been years since he and Zayn have publicly addressed one another online without it being a forced interview question or nosy fan.

He sits for a moment, scrolling through the list of replies when a particular notification catches his eyes as it comes through.

_@Harry_Styles I’m disowning you H, Raspberries straight up._

It’s Liam who sends the reply and sparks off yet another round of frantic fan replies. The most prominent thing seems to be that Liam has managed to reinvent an ‘iconic’ moment with the use of ‘straight up’. It takes Harry a moment to sort through what the fans consider through the bands iconic lines and sayings and remembers the whole Dinosaur thing.

_@NiallOfficial If you don’t side with Blueberries, this friendship is over._

Louis writes a second later, and ok, perhaps Harry has kickstarted something. He thinks briefly that at least management will be thrilled with them.

_@Louis_Tomlinson Offended you’d even think I’d go for Raspberries over blueberries, @LiamPayne, you’re on your own here mate._

Niall replies promptly, and yeah, management is definitely going to love them.

Harry watches for a time as the likes steadily climb passed 300k likes, rising rapidly and he wonders whether they’ll break a record with the rate this is going, considering they’re only five minutes into starting this.

_@NiallOfficial, @Louis_Tomlinson - I’m siding with Liam._

Zayn’s’ next tweet comes through and they may as well be talking on their group chat now.

_@zaynmalik, @LiamPayne Traitors._

He quickly types back out, liking the original tweet and going back through to also like each of the boys contributions. Within ten minutes, their conversation about the two fruits has officially surpassed a million likes and Harry definitely thinks that’s got to be a record now.

He looks up at Mitch, the man sitting with his own phone in his hand, though his eyes meet Harry’s and he flashes him a smile.

“Gotta give you guys credit for being the most unconventional band ever, a berry debate?”

“If it was strawberries I feel like I’d have had to answer differently.” He says, face flat as he hides his own smile and Mitch barks a laugh at the reference.

“Not to mention had it been a Watermelon.”

“Alright, now I think we’re just being try hards.”

“What about a Kiwi fruit?” Mitch says all seriously with a slight pout, “Or a Cherry? You can eat Sunflower’s, right?” And Harry groans at all the references.

He glances back down to his phone then when a private message from their group chat, currently dubbed by its title (Niall’s current doing) as ‘Niall and the Brit’s’.

_Niall: I volunteer to pick our next topic of conversation, and I’m suggesting a discussion about seasons._

_Liam: Not even surprised._

_Zayn: Spring._

_Harry: Summer._

_Niall: What about snow!_

_Louis: Definitely summer, who the fuck likes bitterly cold weather when all it does for three months is rain and make you cold_

_Liam: Louis has a point._

_Zayn: I hate you all, my phone is going off its head and I’m turning it off now._

_Niall: Mate we’re all in that conversation, we’re all getting the notifs, just fuckin mute em!_

_Zayn: Too much effort, bye losers._

_~~~~_

“Losers.” Is the first thing Harry hears as he steps into the dressing room the next morning ready for the photoshoot. “That’s the only insult you could come up with.” Niall says with a whine from where he’s sprawled over a couch in the far corner of the room. Already dressed in an open brown and white shirt tucked into dark pants.

“I was distracted, it was the first thing I thought of.” Zayn says in his defense and Louis snorts from where he sitting next to Zayn, phone in his hand.

And, fuck. Harry really wishes Louis hadn’t spoken because it would have meant he could avoid looking at him for at least a while longer. Instead, his gaze flickers over to the man, dressed in a simple white shirt with a black jacket slung open over top and black skinny jeans which immediately brought Harry’s mind tumbling back to 2015.

A knock sounded at the door before anything more could be said between them, three women walking into the room after Liam called out for them to come in.

He spends twenty minutes sitting before the make up mirror as his hair is styled and light coating of powder is applied over his face so that the stage lights don’t overly expose against his skin.

He’s directed towards a small rack of clothing choices, asked to choose between the outfits on display and for a moment he’s stunned. He’d always only ever been told what to wear in shoots. Even now as a brand ambassador for Gucci, and even before then, he’d always just been handed what clothes to wear. Sure, all the clothes before him are ones he’d approved last month for his latest wardrobe of Gucci attire, but it still felt nice to have the choice in which he chose to wear.

He’s barely changed into the open white and gold silk shirt and black dress pants with a slight flare at the bottom and chunky black boots when the five of them are called through.

They’re in north east London at a discreet location where they know they have little risk of being found out by any members of the public. Still, black fences have been put up around the perimeter of the grounds so no prying eyes can see through to where they are led to an outside venue surrounded by camera equipment and lighting rigs.

“I know you’ve all gone through the schedule for today, but we’re here for an hour and a half before we move to the other location. We’re going for everyone being shot together for this first shoot, individual shots and small groups will be at the next location. I believe only Niall has worked with our photographer for today so boys this is Mario Lucero.” Amanda tells them as they wander out onto the small set that’s been placed outside. A tall, slim man somewhere in his sixties offers his hand out for all five of them to shake and with a nod of his head he begins directing them around the small set up. There’s a black backdrop set up in one corner, an arrangement of chairs and low sofas set up before it and they’re simply told to sit down and start having a conversation.

It’s easy and fun, the five of them falling swiftly into a conversation once Niall takes the prompt and immediately decides to offer his opinion on the latest trend of owning a Hamster.

It’s ridiculous, and so very _them_ that Harry falls back into the rhythm of it within minutes. They shift around the different seating options frequently, for the most part ignoring the camera angled towards them as they talk and laugh with one another, topics falling away quickly to be replaced by the next outrageous comment.

They’re mostly through the next setting, the five of them sprawled out against a dark brick wall when Louis shuffles his way in between him and Zayn, his thigh pressing into Harry before he tucks his legs up too his chest and throws his arms casually over his knees. A smile on his face and eyes bright, Louis looks like a true picture of content as Harry turns to him, a quizzical expression laced across his face.

“What?” Louis eventually asks, head turning towards him and Harry is fully aware of how close they are.

“I’m simply pondering whether this new thing between us is moving to fast,” Harry says teasingly, pretending to be serious, “You know I usually don’t go for physical contact until at least the third date.”

“Is that so?” Louis says with a raised brow, an equally amused expression befalling him.

“In that case, I’ll just go sit with Zayn, think he might…”

“Don’t you dare!” Harry interrupts and his hand is halfway snatched out to grab onto Louis’ arm before he stops himself. “How can I possibly decide if I want a second date if I don’t even get to talk with you on our first?” He switches back into a playful demeanor.

“In that case, let me remind you that we’ve been on _plenty_ of dates, and I’d say we’re likely far past the stage of worrying about physical contact.” Louis says blankly and Harry very nearly blushes at the way he pronounces the sentence. Because this is not fair, Louis teasing him like this when he knows exactly the extent of how far they’re relationship had progressed. Especially in the middle of a photoshoot.

“I’ll make you a deal, I’ll allow the contact only after I’ve heard the album.”

Louis takes a long moment to take him in, and Harry swears he’s simply imagining that Louis’ eyes flicker down to his lips for a fraction of a second. But then he shrugs, eyes once more meeting Harry’s and says, "You know I never got to tell you what I thought of your performance at the Brits."

"And what did you think of it?" Harry asks after a moment, he'd really hoped he could avoid this subject, at least for a while yet.

It's a long moment before Louis says anything else, and Harry wonders for a moment whether he's about to pretend he didn't just bring it up when, "I've never heard you sing like that. With so much... emotion... you know? It was amazing. You were amazing."

Harry has to turn away from Louis then. He's afraid he'll do something totally stupid otherwise. He isn't sure what, but in that moment in can't make himself look at Louis.

“Are you free later?”

“What?” Harry blurts out before his mind can fully process the words.

“Later, to come listen to me album.”

“Oh.” He says dumbly, “Right, uhh yeah sure. I’d like that.”

“Now smile Harold, you’re on camera.”

~~~~

They’ve moved twenty minutes away to the next location. This time the five of them are redressed completely and laying out across several large rugs lain out on the grass in the middle of a closed park.

Somehow, despite all the space, they’d all immediately piled onto the same rug, practically laying across each other. Harry is on the edge, Niall is laying with his head across the butterfly tattoo on Harry’s lower belly, lying horizontally from Harry. Louis and Zayn are both stuffed together, their own heads resting across Niall and finally Liam is sprawled across their lower legs. It’s a mess, but it’s so very them that Harry can’t help to have missed this over the past four years. He really enjoys how he does things now, how he can be so open and expressive with his personality and media persona, but sometimes it’s just really nice to fold together into four people you spent the better part of five years with and for it to seem so natural.

“So are we’re gonna get the full dance right, otherwise I’m quitting.” Niall exclaims as they’re all laying there.

“Ni there’s gonna be like, eight-year old’s in the crowd.” Liam says unamused.

“So! You did it at a festival in front of tens of thousands, there were kids at that show, why won’t you do it at ours?”

“Because we might be all nearing thirty, but this is still One Direction we’re talking about.”

“I can’t believe you’re trying to convince Liam to do the Strip That down dance Niall, isn’t that usually Louis’ line of thinking, to cause mischief?” Zayn puts in and Harry chuckles, earning him a very misjudged smack from Niall on his shoulder at the movement.

“Oi! I’m a very grown and mature man thank you very much!” Louis cries out and Harry can’t help the wide smile on his face now. He’s all too aware of the camera clicking away around them but he’s too relaxed to pay too much attention to it at the moment.

“Sure mate.” Zayn mutters.

“Alright, if we can have just Louis and Zayn, the rest of you can move off for a moment.” Mario calls out to them and it’s a chaotic full minute as they each untangle from one another, at one point Harry fully trips over Liam’s foot and very nearly ends up falling on his face before he manages to get his feet firmly under him once more.

Eventually it’s just Zayn and Louis left on the rugs and Harry makes his way towards a table fully laid out with refreshments and light snacks. It hasn’t begun raining yet, which he supposes is a good thing as the clouds are threateningly dark and seem ready to burst open at any moment.

He fills in ten minutes replying to messages on his phone, most of which are either from Gemma or Sarah. He’s just opened his Instagram when he hears his name being called and he stands from the small chair he’d been seated on. As he goes to stand, the first droplet hits his hand and he guesses they only have a matter of minutes before the heavens truly open and he’s saturated. The camera equipment is fully under cover and he takes that as a sign that there aren’t any plans of stopping anytime soon.

He does a photoshoot with Niall first off, the two of them taking to dancing in the rain as it begins to fall in a more steady stream. Somewhere behind him someone starts some random music he’s never heard, blasting it through some loud speakers which only makes him dance even more wildly. It’s an array of flailing arms and legs and bright smiles. Niall is soon replaced with Liam and the two of them burst out laughing when the music changes from the strange, hippie vibe to one of rap. They are both completely lost in the music, neither of them seem to even know the songs, let alone the words but they dance on amidst the rain regardless.

They go through three songs before Mario signals for Liam to switch out and Harry sees Louis hesitantly making his way towards him. He’s soaked now, his silk shirt drenched by the rain and the fabric of his pants clinging to him. Louis is still mostly dry as he steps out from a small shelter that had been set up. Within the time it takes for Louis to walk from where he’d been sat out to where Harry is, the white shirt underneath his jacket is soaked through. The material draping over him and exposing the skin beneath.

Harry swallows firmly and tells himself not to look down past Louis’ face as he finally stops before him.

“We’re really gonna dance in the rain then?” Louis says, no one is close enough to hear them.

“Like every one of my favourite cliché romance films.” Harry replies, and he’s pushing their new found connection he knows, but he can’t help it as the words slip from his mouth.

“Thought you looked like you were enjoying this.” Louis says with a slight smile beginning to form on the edge of his lips.

From the corner of his eye, Harry sees Niall reach for the phone he knows to be controlling the music. He and Louis haven’t exactly started dancing yet but as a familiar tune begins to play through the speakers both men turn to Niall and groan.

“He’s not fucking serious.” He hears Louis murmur and he bursts out laughing.

Harry decides to just go with it, they’re here to prove they’re having fun being back together aren’t they?

By the time he joins in with the lyrics the song has well and truly started.

 _“We made a start! Be it a false one I know!”_ He sings loudly and sees Louis whirl back around to him while Harry dramatically throws out his arms and begins shuffling around on his feet.

_“So kiss me where I lay down, my hands pressed to your checks.”_ He sings with his head falling back and he closes his eyes.

 _“I have loved you since we were 18! Long before we both thought the same thing!”_ He’s laughing now, the rain coming down in earnest and he opens his eyes to find Louis singing along with him, a wide grin plastered on his face as he dances around like a madman, twirling in circles and flinging his body around as they sing it together.

It’s ridiculous, and totally ungraceful but now the other three have joined them in yelling the lyrics from under the wee constructed shelter and Harry can barely hold himself upright between screaming the lyrics into the rain and laughing so hard his sides are beginning to hurt.

He doesn’t even know the last time he’s done something like this. In front of at least two dozen people as well, he feels as though he’s on stage for a moment, alone as he dances to the music until he opens his eyes and there’s Louis before him. Dancing in the rain. Eyes bright and shinning as they catch his and they both sing out the chorus, so out of tune he wonders briefly wonders who he ever made it as a musician but it doesn’t matter in this moment and it’s beautiful. Dancing in the rain with Louis is beautiful.

He’s so lost in the song he doesn’t even register for a moment when Louis drapes his arm around Harry’s waist as the song comes to a close and out of years of pure habit, he throws his arm around Louis’ shoulder and pulls him firmly into his side.

 _“I want a love like you made me feel!”_ The two of them sing out into the rain, pressed into each other.

_“When we were 18.”_

It’s truly pouring now as the last note dies out but Louis doesn’t pull away from him. Instead at the start of the next song, both totally and utterly soaking wet, Louis removes his arm from around his waist and grabs for Harry’s hand before he can protest. He pulls Harry towards him with a wide grin and sings the first line of the next song.

_“Maybe it’s the way she walked!”_

_“Wow!”_ Harry yells out, tilting his head back and sees Louis laugh.

 _“Straight into my heart and stole it!”_ Louis continues and Harry never thought he’d be singing their old songs in the rain with Louis looking at him like this.

 _“I said can you give it back to me?”_ Harry cuts in but pauses as he sees Niall, Liam and Zayn run from the shelter towards them.

_She said never in your wildest dreams!”_ The five of them all scream out as the speaker volume increases. They’re seriously just overgrown children.

_“And we danced all night to the best song ever! We knew every line now we can’t remember! How it goes but I know that I won’t forget her! Cause we danced all night to the best song ever!”_

There’s no style to the way they’re all jumping around each other, arms flailing in the air as they scream out the words. The _oh’s_ are no less enthusiastic and Liam’s arms fly out in a slicing motion when the next verse begins, each of them pausing in their movements as Liam alone sings the next line.

_“Said her name was Georgia Rose!”_

_“Wow!”_

_“And her daddy was a dentist!”_

_“Said I had a dirty mouth!”_ Harry cuts in and he hears Louis and Zayn yell out; “ _I got a dirty mouth!”_

 _“But he kissed me like he meant it!”_ And ok, Harry thinks, that one just slipped out but no one seems to notice.

 _“I said can I take you home with me, she said never in your wildest dreams!”_ Niall passionately sings after him and Harry is definitely getting more and more into this as the chorus starts up once more and they are suddenly all bounding around one another again in the pouring rain.

Louis sings his verse next, each of them halting in their movements before Zayn starts onto the next verse. They’re excitement levels rising as they begin to squirm like little children.

 _“How we danced….”_ Zayn sings out and all five of them scream together, hands raised into the air. _“1, 2, 1, 2, 3!”_

He doesn’t know how they manage it, nor how he remembers the moves, but somehow the three hours they’d been drilled to remember and learn these dance moves was still engrained in his mind as through the last chorus they all somehow manage to pull off the crude, yet iconic dance moves they’d done for the music video. Their shared laughter infectious as they stumble over each other as the song comes to a close.

The camera was loving it, Mario practically racing around them, an assistant frantically trailing him as to not let the camera suffer under the rain.

All of it falls away when Louis pulls Harry into him, and sings much softer.

_“It was the best song ever.”_

And yeah, maybe this tour wouldn’t be so bad after all.

~~~~

The rain is still coming down hard when Harry pulls up to Louis’ house later that evening. He’d spent half an hour in the shower after arriving home in the middle of the afternoon, trying to get warm again. He’d had to sit and wait for another hour and a half following their impromptu dance number.

He’s dressed in normal, black jeans and a large jumper which manages to trap the newly gathered body heat since his shower. He dashes from the driveway up to the front porch, forgoing grabbing his umbrella for the short distance.

The moment he presses the buzzer to the house, the distinct sound of barking comes from inside the house and he smiles quietly to himself as he realizes he gets to spend his evening with the two dogs.

The door is pulled open before him not much later, and before him once more is Louis. He’s changed out of his wet clothes and into comfortable sweats and a pull over jumper, his hair still damp from a shower. And Harry can’t believe this had once been his life, coming home to find a relaxed, content Louis at _their_ home. Had travelled the world with this man, had loved him and dedicated hours and hours solely to learning every inch of him. Even after four years he could still feel the ghost sensation of what it was like to touch him, to be with him and know that they were so comfortable in themselves when they were around each other.

It hurts. It definitely fucking hurts.

He pushes the thought from his mind as Louis mumbles a _Hey_ and steps aside to let Harry in.

“So who of the others have heard it yet?” Harry says as way of greeting as he trails after Louis into the open living room and kitchen space.

“Zayn’s the only one who’s heard the whole thing, the other two have heard a couple songs.” Louis answers as he automatically moves around the kitchen bench to turn the kettle on.

It’s much easier this time around, Harry notes as he pulls out one of the chairs, the same he’d sat in the last time he was here, and takes a seat. Louis doesn’t ask him if he wants a drink, automatically pulling two mugs down from a cupboard and it’s something that had once been so achingly familiar that it seems even four years apart can’t drive between them in this case.

“How many tracks are there?”

“12. So it’ll take some time.”

“You know,” Harry starts as the realization hits him, “You could still just send them to me. So, you know, you don’t have to sit with me while I listen through it.”

“Don’t be silly Haz, we’ve missed enough of each others lives that I want to do this with you here.” Louis says, his eyes briefly meeting Harry’s. But Harry wants to scream at him in that moment, _You left me!_ But he knows that’ll only hurt both of them. Perhaps that conversation will come later, when they’re both feeling fully at ease around each other. But certainly not right now.

“Do I need tissues or am I not going to cry?” Harry tries at humour instead, because it’s much easier than giving in to his true emotions.

“Honestly, no idea.” Louis says and that just wasn’t the answer Harry had wanted. If anything it left him feeling more unsure than he had been about ever hearing the album. He’d written almost the entirety of _Fine Line_ with Louis in mind, and it hadn’t occurred to him as he’d thought Louis was happy with Eleanor and had moved on from him, that perhaps Louis had moments in his songs about _their_ relationship. Had needed to express something about the years they’d spent together.

It was brave. Harry thought as he gratefully accepted the warm cup of tea, for Louis to sit in the room with him while he played him his album. He knew Louis had listened to _Fine Line_ now, and even with him having to perform those songs on stage, in front of Louis and thousands of others, he knew he couldn’t have done what Louis is doing now. Too listen through his album with Louis in the room for his first time.

Louis moved around the bench and gestured towards the sofas across the Harry. Reaching for his tea, Harry stood and followed slowly behind Louis, taking a seat on the sofa while Louis walked towards the large screen tv and the record player on a table beneath it. He crouched down before a stocked shelf filled with records. Searched for a moment before pulling out a single vinyl.

They were both quite as Louis removed the vinyl from its casing and carefully placed it down on the turner.

He wasn’t expecting the first track. _Kill My Mind_ wasn’t what he’d been thinking when he had spent a long while lying in his bed one-night thinking about the songs Louis had written. He liked it though, enjoyed the upbeat tempo and catchy lyrics, bopping his head along while Louis sat mostly still, gaze trained on Harry while the song played.

As the song drifted off and the slow tempo of the second track began to play, this is more what he’d imagined. He found himself smiling as the song continued, he definitely liked this one, was more his type of music. But mainly he loved the sound of Louis’ voice as it filtered through the room.

_Don’t you let it kill you, even when it hurts like hell, oh whatever tears you apart, don’t let it break your heart._

_When you give so much but it’s not enough. When the high’s too high and the lows too low, when you love someone, and they let you go._

Harry stills as the song continues, the smile fading slowly from his face as he feels his heart clench at the lyrics to the song.

_Don’t let it break your heart._

_Don’t let it break your heart._

The song finishes eventually, and Harry doesn’t say a word. When the next song comes on it’s the only one he’s heard before. He physically shrinks when _Two Of Us_ begins to play as countless memories of Jay filter into his mind as the song begins. He’d always had such a soft spot for Jay, he knew you were meant to like your partners parent/s but Jay had truly been one of the most loving and special women he’d ever met. She had stuck by his and Louis’ side through it all. Offering wise words and endless hugs each time the pressure got to much for the two of them.

Her death had hit Harry hard. He and Louis were over by that point but he still remembered Louis folding into his arms when he’d come to support him at his X – Factor performance.

As the song reaches the chorus he doesn’t say a word as he reaches forward and grabs the tissue box from where Louis had placed it down on the coffee table. He buries his head in his hands, not able to stop the flood of memories as the song continues and the lyrics hit him far too deep.

The next song is almost jarring as the tune changes from the slow piano to a building tempo.

_We were only kids just tryna work it out, wonder what they’d think if they could see us now._

And that was undoubtedly about the two of them. He’s yet too look up at Louis, too absorbed in his own grief and longer for times past to do so. Perhaps he should have insisted Louis just send him the songs.

 _Too Young_ officially breaks his heart. Not just in two, but leaves it once more scattered through a bottomless pit. It’s so painstakingly difficult to sit through it, but at the same time he isn’t sure he could move even if he needed too. He’s frozen in place as the words filter through him. And he wonders whether he truly expressed his feelings if _this_ is what Louis had written.

_I’m sorry that I hurt you darlin’, we were too young._

_I’ve been looking back a lot lately, me and you is all I’ve ever known_

_Oh, I can’t believe I gave in to the pressure. When they said a love like this could ever last. So I cut u off cause I didn’t know no better, now I realize._

_Now we can finally have a conversation, like I wish we could have had before._

_We were too young._

He finally forces himself to look up at Louis as the song ends. He knows there’s tears falling down his checks, but he needs to see Louis in this moment.

He doesn’t think it was possible for his heart to break any further, but at the first glance of Louis, he honestly looks heartbroken as his eyes lock on Harry’s.

They don’t say anything, neither them moving either as the title track begins.

He doesn’t think either of them break eye contact throughout the entire song. Harry’s sole focus on Louis and the lyrics of the song and he knows nothing could pull him out of this moment right now.

He’s so grateful when the songs ends, refusing to move from his spot curled on the sofa as the next song begins. He finally thinks he’s going to get a reprieve till the second verse begins and he’s plummeting through open air all over again.

_Took some time cause I ran out of energy, of playing someone I heard I’m supposed to be but honestly, I don’t have to choose, anymore. And it’s been ages, different stages, come so far from Princess Park._

He doesn’t even try stop the new flood of tears at the memories that surface from their time living together in the early days.

_You’re the habit that I can’t break._

He barely registers this time when the songs change, that is until he hears,

_It was always you, always you._

_Should have never let you go, my baby._

Baby had always been one of Louis’ preferred names for him when he didn’t use Haz, Harold or Hazza.

He’s crying in earnest by the time the song is halfway through. And he feels no form of shame or embarrassment at being so vulnerable in front of Louis. Recalls many nights when one of them had been so upset at something or rather, usually the unfairness of their closeted relationship, that he just knows Louis would rather him cry and let himself hear the meanings behind each song than bottle up his emotions.

He doesn’t resist when he vaguely senses Louis stand from the small, one person chair he’d been occupying and comes to sit down right beside Harry. When his arm wraps around Harry’s shoulder he doesn’t resist as Louis pulls him down into him and Harry curls himself down into Louis. He’s shaking slightly now but Louis just sits there, soothingly running a hand up and down his arm in utter silence.

_Wasting my time when it was always you, always you._

_I was chasing a habit, it was always you, always you._

Neither of them moves as the song fades out and the ninth track begins.

_Strong enough to get it wrong in front of all these people._

_Fearless._

It’s going by in a blur now. His tears have stops but he wishes he had the strength to ask Louis to stop the tracks. He needs time to process this rush of emotion. But he doesn’t. He knows he needs to get through this, so he remains where he is and continues to listen.

_Every insecurity, like a neon sign, as bright as day. If you knew what you were to me, you would never try to hide away._

The last of his tears dry on his face, his breathe evening out and he closes his eyes and waits for the next song to start.

_Been up, all night, all night running all my lines._

That one struck something in Harry. He vividly remembers the countless times management had forced them into acting and saying things they’d never dream of saying. He knew there had been instances which had damaged and put a large amount of strain on their relationship. They’d pushed through it all, and Harry had never doubted that their love would outlast anything that could ever be thrown at them. He’d apparently been wrong.

Defenceless ends and he does a mental note of the number of songs he’s heard before realising that this must be the last song, track twelve.

The sole strumming of the guitar is a contrast to the other tracks. The different layers to Louis’ voice as it comes through the speakers.

_It’s a church of burnt romances, and I’m too far gone to pray._

_It’s a solo song and it’s only for the brave._

And oh... now he understands the references from his note to the two teenagers’ boys and why their fans had blown up at the comment. Of course they must think that Harry had done it deliberately.

The song is short, far shorter than he’d expected.

The sudden silence that fills the room is deafening.

It’s a long, long while before either of them speaks, or even moves. Harry’s head resting now in Louis’ lap and he has to contain his moan as Louis begins running his hand through his hair. It had always been a weakness for him, when Louis played with his hair like this. And it certainly wasn’t fair for him to be doing so now with Harry so vulnerable.

“That’s it.” Louis whispers into the silence and Harry very wells knows that that is not just it. The lyrics went far deeper than he could conjure after listening only once through the album. The inserted references of a life lived together. Five years of being totally and utterly in love with one another.

And it just didn’t make sense. Not in the bloody slightest. It had been _Louis_ who had called for a break, had insisted that they both needed to live a life apart from one another, now that they were older and were free from their constraints. That they both needed to experience life without being absorbed in the other. Harry had spent four years learning to accept that, constantly wonders whether he ever did accept it. He _knows_ he loves Louis. Whether he’s currently _in love_ with him is more debatable and certainly not something he wishes to delve into tonight. But after hearing Louis’ album he’s left with scrambling thoughts and a broken heart. He’d thought for so long now that Louis had moved on from him, but everything in that album suggested he hadn’t. Went as far as to insinuate that he longed for it back.

He’d had Louis in his mind for so long, had him tattooed across his own skin and woven into the very person he was, that it was dam fucking hard to have listened through that.

But he knows he needed to have.

“Thank you.” He says into the silence that’s engulfed them since Louis’ words. His voice is hoarse, as if he’d been yelling for hours.

Louis doesn’t ask him what for, they both know the meaning behind those two words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really love the ending of this, I could so imagine them both sitting together listening through their albums and it put me right in my feels - here's to Larry breakdowns


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! (On schedule this time)
> 
> I'm really excited as this is the last of the 'filler' chapters before things actual start to happen so enjoy the calm before the storm... I wanted to firmly put in place the dynamic between the two of them to start off with as as this is gonna be a longer fic I wanted to take the time to set everything up but after this it's all go! 
> 
> Also the chapters will be getting a fair bit longer after this one too !!
> 
> Twitter - AvenaVierre
> 
> Enjoy !!

He’s sat across his kitchen table from Gemma when the he gets the texts through from Jeff. It’s 9am on the morning of the 28th, the reunion and tour announcement doesn’t go public till 12pm UK time but he still turns away from his laptop screen, where he’d been going through a design model with Gemma to view the message.

_Don’t know what you did, but you’re a bloody legend! (Check your emails)_

Is all Jeff’s text says and he swipes the screen across on his laptop to open his emails.

“Who was that?” Gemma asks him, she has several magazines spread out before her, marker pens covering a section of his dining room table as she has spent the morning highlighting design ideas for her new range of eye wear.

“Jeff.”

He waits for the tab to load, immediately seeing the high priority email sent through ten minutes ago from Rebecca. Curiously he clicks on the email and is met with nothing more than a link to a folder.

He’s met with dozens of photos from the photoshoot last week. The photos start with the group ones from the first location, the images are all beautiful shot and capture the all five of them in easy conversation, at times focused on smiling for the camera but most of the photos are purely candid as they switch around the various chairs now and then. He scrolls through each of them slowly, liking perhaps three more so than the others and saves those to his computer. He moves down the list to the wall shots, it starts with the five of them, then the images blend into just two of the lads seated next to each other, there’s Liam and Niall on the edge, both mid laugh, then Niall with Harry, the Irishman’s arm draped over Harry’s right shoulder and smirking towards the camera.

He finally scrolls down to the next section and there’s him and Louis. The first two of them with Louis’ knees tucked up, Harry’s sprawled out in front of them and the two of them are looking down, both with small smiles on their lips. It’s…cute, he supposes. But it’s also sickening as the first thought Harry has at those two images is of how they’d always looked in the very early days of getting to know each other. Before either of them were brave enough to admit to each other that their liking towards one another went just slightly beyond friends.

Harry quickly scrolls down, hoping to get those thoughts out of his mind when he feels his blood freeze in his veins. The photo is simple. In the exact moment after Louis had just told him what he thought of his performances. There’s a longing look in Harry’s eyes in the picture, his head turned towards Louis as if he doesn’t quite believe he’s actually sat there. Then there’s Louis, who’s looking at Harry in the picture like he’s everything. A fondness in his gaze and his lips which are tilted upwards in the most endearing way possible. It’s so heartachingly beautiful and simple that Harry just sits at his kitchen table and stares.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there for and stares at the image, nor the first moment when a tear trails slowly down his cheek, but he does feel it when Gemma wraps an arm around him and holds him, her head coming to rest on his shoulder.

They sit in silence for the better part of ten minutes, the only sound in the room is the distant sound of the clocking ticking on the wall.

His mind wanders from the image to last week. He’d sat with his head buried in Louis’ lap for the better part of half an hour. The two of them hadn’t moved, their teas forgotten on the bench before them.

“I wanted to be here when you heard it, thought I owed that to you.” Louis had finally spoken, his voice had been raw with emotion.

Harry had left soon after. Not a word more spoken between them as he’d simply stood, grabbed his keys and driven home in deafening silence. He hadn’t heard a thing from Louis since, but he supposes he hasn’t exactly tried to reach out either.

He knew he didn’t need to explain anything to Gemma, and he was endlessly grateful that he has the kind of relationship with his sister he knows he doesn’t have too. She’s been there for him enough times when he’s broken down about Louis to know he’ll talk about it when he’s ready.

He’d told Gemma about the photoshoot over the phone a few mornings ago, and as she moves her arm that isn’t holding him to scroll down he knows exactly where she’s going too.

She scrolls right passed the other boys shoots, and even the ones of all five of them bundled together on the rugs and stops as she hits the section where it’s just him and Louis dancing in the rain.

The first is a photo taken with Louis with his back to the camera, a blurred figure in the foreground but still recognizable for it to definitely be him, and in front of where he stands in full focus is Harry. Eyes directed straight toward Louis with a bright and open grin spread across his face. _Happiness_ is what he’d have dubbed the image, looking at himself through the screen, gold and white silk shirt plastered across him with his tattoos visible underneath, he looks like a picture of happiness.

The following images shift in positioning, showing both of their gradual enthusiasm as _18_ had played in the background. Of course to anyone looking at the images, you’d never know there was music playing in the background aside from the sometimes open mouthed hots of them screaming and lyrics and their arms and legs flailing everywhere. It’s uncoordinated, candid and so very _them_ that despite the images’ portrayal of happiness, his heart is unbearably heavy.

There’s several images of when Louis had pulled him into his side and Harry had thrown his arm over Louis’ shoulders. His favourite being the very last image in that sequence, a small moment where both of their heads are turned towards one another, pressed against each other and it’s not even the smiles, wide across their faces that Harry is drawn too, it’s the look in their eyes as they stare at each other.

Gemma pauses on those last line of images, not even looking at him before she clicks on that last photo and saves it to his computer. He certainly doesn’t protest it.

The next line of images load and then its all five of them, arms thrown up into the air, jumping around and truly looking like they’re having the time of their lives. No wonder Jeff was so happy with him. These photos are beyond perfect. From the falling rain, and drenched clothes, to the smiles so bright on all of their faces it seems to encase and brighten the entire lot of images.

There’s the oddly sequenced photos of them trying to replicate the _Best Song Ever_ dance moves and if he’d been in a slightly better head space he’d laugh at their awkward and very out of sync positions in each of the photos. Gemma saves three of them.

And finally, on the last line of photos he knows he’s in, he’s back in Louis’ arms as they’d quietly sung the closing lines. He thinks for a moment that it’s the only place he’s ever needed to be to feel like he was home.

~~~~

Gemma comes with him when he leaves for Louis’ house, an hour before the reunion announcement is going to be made. The five of them, and a few of the other boys siblings are all heading to Louis’ to be together when the announcement airs.

They spend the drive talking about nothing in particular as music plays quietly in the background. As he pulls up to Louis’ house for the first time since that night, he doesn’t let himself hesitate as he opens the car door once he’s parked in the driveway and waits for Gemma to come around from the other side of the car to walk up to the front door. There’s two other cars here aside from the two he now knows are Louis’, so at least he thinks, he’s not the last one here.

He walks up towards the now semi familiar front door and waits for the expected sound of Clifford and Bruce’s barks as he rings the bell. Sure enough the sound of scattering paws is heard drawing nearer but what he doesn’t expect is for a blonde woman to pull open the door to greet them.

“Harry!” Lottie yells as she throws herself into his shocked arms and his eyes go wide. It takes a moment before he returns the gesture and tightly wraps his arms around her. “It’s so fuckin’ good to see you! Oh my gosh, congratulations on _Fine Line_ it’s incredible, I love it so much!” She rushes out as she only half pulls back from the embrace. And he really hadn’t expected this. “Gems!” Lottie says before he has a moment to reply and the Doncaster girl goes to hug his sister who’s stood just slightly behind him.

By this time, Clifford and Bruce are sniffing around at Gemma’s feet, pausing only when he reaches down and they come back to him as he pats them both.

“Come inside, Zayn and Liam are already here.” Lottie says and Harry stands straight again, gives Gemma one last look before following Lottie inside. He shuts the door after ensuring that Bruce and Clifford are safely back inside and trails after the two young woman towards the living space. He can hear music playing softly through a sound system before he’s in the room.

He sees Zayn first, settled into the other end of the very couch Harry had mostly fell apart on last week. He’s scrolling through on his phone when he glances up and smiles as he spots the three of them. Liam and Louis are behind the kitchen bench, talking innately together with a beer in each of their hands’.

He, Lottie and Gemma are barely into the room when he hears the sound of running footsteps and a high pitched squeal. The next moment, two dark haired young girls are racing down from the narrow corridor Louis had disappeared down on his first visit here and are flying into the room, jumping onto the sofa and collapsing in a fit of giggles. Bruce and Clifford immediately race over to investigate the excitement and it suddenly clicks with Harry that it’s Daisy and Phoebe. He hasn’t seen them in over four years, and now, being so much more grown up he’d not recognized them for a moment.

“Oi! Who said you could run around me house like that?” Louis calls from the kitchen, his conversation with Liam cut short.

The twins don’t reply, instead he sees Phoebe raise her hand and flip him off and Harry thinks he couldn’t think of a more Tomlinson gesture.

“Fuckin’ rude.” Louis says with fair too much fondness.

“Niall’s almost here.” Zayn suddenly announces as he stands from the sofa and makes his way towards Gemma and Harry. Pulling in Gemma and him each individually for a hug. “Good to see you again Gemma.” Zayn says and harry watches as Gemma smiles at him.

“Wouldn’t have been the same without you here Z.”

“Wouldn’t have missed this this time round for the world.” Zayn remarks.

“So who’s actually ready for this?” Liam asks as he makes his way out from the kitchen towards them. Daisy and Phoebe seem to take notice of him and Gemma then because the two of them look up from where they’d both been huddled together on the sofa and he watches as both of their eyes narrow as they stop on him.

They may be several years younger than him, but the look is rather frightening. He has no idea what he’s done wrong, they’d both always loved him when they were younger. Had always claimed him like an adoptive brother whenever he got to spend time with them. So standing here now as they both semi glared at him was rather disconcerting.

“Well I’m totally ready!” Lottie says as Liam halts on the edge of their small group.

“Same here,” Gemma says, “I’ve been waiting for this bloody day for years!”

“There’s a bunch of different drinks in the fridge, help yourselves to whatever.” Louis says as he trails behind Liam and stops in between Liam and Zayn.

“Louis!” Gemma starts and moves to pull him into a hug, “It’s so good to see you again.”

Louis catches his eye from over Gemma’s shoulder and Harry returns it with a small smile.

“So we have ten minutes before our lives fall to pieces again so a drink sounds fucking great.” Zayn says whilst he turns and makes his way towards the kitchen. Harry trails after him, leaving Gemma to talk with Louis and Lottie, Liam heading off to another part of the house.

He grabs a beer from the fridge and looks out across the lawn, trying not to think about the last time he’d been in this house. It’s not raining today, infract it’s almost sunny.

“You go through the photos?” Zayn asks him from where he stands at his side.

“Yeah, this morning.”

He hears the doorbell ring, setting the dogs off once more and knows it must be Niall arriving.

“I’m not even sure how we were ever taken seriously, we’re all now over 25 and still act like children.” Zayn says with a smile working its way onto his lips.

“Not sure we ever matured enough to be considered adults to be honest.”

“True. Especially Louis and Niall.”

“Especially them.”

As if to prove their point, the next second Niall comes barreling down the corridor from the front door. “Who’s fuckin excited!” He yells out, Bruce and Clifford close behind him and it’s a miracle that Niall doesn’t trip as he wraps Louis in a hug and spins them both.

“How long have we got?” Zayn says, distracting him from watching the scene behind them.

He glances down at the watch on his wrist.

“9 minutes.”

Zayn pulls out his phone and Harry watches as he opens up Twitter and types out a tweet, his own phone buzzing from the notification once he presses send.

_Here we go!_

The tweet reads and Harry turns to Zayn, raising a brow.

“What? We should be getting people interested so they’re waiting for the announcement.”

“No one has a bloody clue we’re about to announce our comeback, and the fans have been going absolutely crazy on social media for the past two weeks!”

“Still.” Zayn says with a shrug, “Did you log back into the main account yet?”

“Yeah, Jeff sent it through the other day but I think Liam’s gonna use his phone for the livestream.”

“Oh, right that sounds good.”

“Where are your sisters anyway?” Harry says glancing around the room.

“They couldn’t come, but they said to say hi. Gigi flies into London tonight though.”

“Oh sweet!”

They’re interrupted then by Niall yelling out their names. “Oi! We’ve got five minutes come over here!”

He shots a quick smile to Zayn as they both turn and head towards the others now moved to the sofas. Harry takes a seat beside Gemma, Lottie on her other side as the two of them continue with their conversation. Liam sits on his right, Daisy, Phoebe and Louis on the sofa opposite where he sits and Zayn perches on the arm of the single chair Niall is sprawled out in.

“So are we doing the live stream at mid day exactly or do we give people some time to hear the news?” Zayn asks and it’s Liam who answers.

“I talked with Amanda and Tilly and they reckon give it half an hour or so. We wanna give some time for the news to spread first.”

“Fine with me.” Niall comments and Harry feels Gemma rest a hand on his knee and give it a squeeze.

Before he knows it’s 11:59, a quiet buzz fills the room and everyone of them sits in baited silence, cell phones in hand but none of them are looking at them. Instead he meets the eyes of everyone in the room, briefly glancing at Louis and the twins but otherwise uses the minute to register just what is about to happen.

There have been several more heavy hints over the past week, most coming from one of the managers but he’s slipped in a few words here and there in interviews he’s done for the promotion of _Fine Line_. He doesn’t think a topic around the band hasn’t been trending worldwide on Twitter for the past two weeks, ever since the Brit Awards and he found out five days ago that Zayn’s tweet and the following interactions did in fact break a record. The original tweet is now sitting above 3.6 million likes and he just knows it will forever more be an inside joke between them and the fans.

It had taken Harry a long while to choose the photo he’d use and send back to Jeff. He’d eventually decided that he couldn’t choose just one and had actually sent through five. The cover photo was one of them bundled together during a chorus moment from their jumping around in _Best Song Ever_. The second was the photo of him smiling at Louis who was the blurred out figure in the foreground, the third a photo of them all piled together on the rug mid laughter, the fourth of them wrapped together at the very end of _Best Song Ever_ , with Louis tucked into his side, and the other three boys all linked in arms smiling at the camera, and finally the last photo was the one taken of just him and Louis sat against the brick wall.

The final ten seconds until the clock hits 12pm are agonizingly slow and torturously fast all at once and before he can take another breath each one of the dozen or so phones in the room lights up with the same notification.

It’s Niall, because of course it’s bloody Niall, who jumps up first, almost knocking Zayn off his perch in the process.

“Welcome fucking back One Direction!” He yells and races around, grabbing each of the boys and pulling them in for one hilariously messy embrace.

Their phones are about to combust with the amount of notifications being sent to each of them, even the girls. And they all turn to find the tweet, Instagram post, Facebook post and dozens of news articles all purposefully composed spam their phones.

It takes a minute before the topic is trending at #1 worldwide, and the official One Direction page to go utterly viral. They’d gone with a photo of the five of them seated together during the first photoshoot. Each of the boys had chosen their own image for their managers to post across their individual platforms when the news broke.

And just like that it seems, the biggest boyband in the world is back.

~~~~

They start the livestream 43 minutes after the announcement. The five of them have piled together on one couch, the four girls huddled together behind the camera as they turn on the livestream from the official Instagram account, linking in each of the boys own personal accounts so that they get the maximum amount of viewers. Lottie, who’s in charge of filming them, holds the screen down at first, and waits, all of them, in silence for two minutes as they watch the numbers on the livestream steadily pass 500k. They’ve not yet said a word, waiting and watching as the numbers climb and climb. Harry is sat against the far left of the couch, Niall beside him, Zayn in the middle, then Louis and finally Liam.

Lottie makes a countdown with her fingers and then lifts the phone to show the five of them.

“Hello!” Niall calls out. They’d purposefully left this entire thing unscripted, they had certain things they had to cover, such as the date for when tour tickets would come on sale and the countries they were heading to on tour, but other than that it had been decided that it was entirely up to them how they handled this. Harry didn’t know which option he’d have preferred.

“I guess we wanted to come on, prove that our accounts haven’t been hacked and we aren’t pulling a prank.” Niall continues before Louis reaches across Zayn and smacks him on his arm.

“Hey! What did ya do that for?” Niall cries and the rest of them burst out laughing.

“I don’t think someone is capable of hacking all of our individual accounts, and the band account and pull something like this off mate.” Zayn muses and Harry has to hide his smile.

“I think you’re underestimating some of our fans technological skills.”

“Anyway,” Liam cuts in, “We know a lot of people have been expecting some big news to come from us, especially in the last couple weeks, however we are all very, very excited to announce that the _five_ of us will be embarking on a one off, special ten year anniversary of One Direction tour this year! Now tickets will go on sale from February 1st and the tour is set to begin on the 28th of March!”

“Now the tour, as I’m sure some of you will have seen from the announcement earlier, is set to kickstart in Europe, followed by North America, South America, Asia and finally ending in Oceania in October!” Niall explains and Harry shuffles down deeper into the sofa as Niall speaks.

He sees Lottie trying to mouth something at them and tilts his head to the side when he catches her eye.

“Solo music…” He catches and nods once at her.

“So,” He begins, noticing the phone shift slightly to catch him more in the frame, “I’m sure many of you are wondering what is going to happen considering Niall, Louis and I all have either recently released, or are about to release, our own solo albums. We will be playing through, each of us, our own solo songs as well as the bands’ from over the years in each concert.”

“Basically, like getting six differences performances in one night!” Niall pipes in.

“Pretty much.” Says Liam.

“Do you wanna read out some questions?” Zayn asks Lottie who nods behind the camera and busies herself scrolling through the comment section.

“Alright, here’s one.” She says from off camera. “If fans collectively vote for one song that you must perform, will you follow through with it?”

“Oh,” Louis says tracing his hands down the length of his thighs, “That’s a good question, what do we reckon lads?”

“Well, obviously the tour is mainly to be performing songs from _Made In The A.M_ now we have thrown in some older songs as well, but maybe. The set list has been finalized but you never know? If there’s enough of a push, I reckon we could pull something like that together for a special occasion?” Liam answers for them and Harry definitely thinks he would go along with that for the odd show. As long as the song wasn’t bloody _Na Na Na_. That he wouldn’t do.

“Ok, next question; Zayn, what made you decide to rejoin the band for the tour?” Lottie says with a knowing smile and Zayn almost looks guilty. All the boys know why he left, most of the fans now too and the last thing they feel towards him now is resentment.

“I felt this was simply far too special, us celebrating ten years, to not tag along for. These boys gave me some of the best years of my life and maybe I didn’t enjoy every part of being in the band but they’re all still my brothers. One Direction, that’s all you guys too,” He says looking directly towards the phone, “Are a part of my life story, this just wasn’t something I could turn down.”

“What an answer.” Niall says throwing an arm casually around Zayn’s shoulder.

“Oh!” Daisy says glancing up from her phone, “Here’s a goody! People wanna know who the band is going to be.”

“Ah, we’re very excited about who is joining us for tour! We’re working on an opening act so we’ll get back to you with that one however, for ourselves, we’ll be joined by the wonderful Ny Oh, Mitch Rowlands and Sarah Jones, from my own band, Sandy Beales, who I’m sure many of you know and also Michael Blackwell who’s been working with Louis!” Harry answers.

“Can you reveal any of the songs you’ve chosen to be on the setlist?” Phoebe now asks them.

“That’s top secret information.” Louis says with a wink, “However I can admit that it’s a fairly epic setlist we’ve compiled!”

“Absolutely.” Niall nods in agreement.

“Alright Harry, this one is just for you.” Lottie says looking to him with a cheeky smile, “Watermelon or strawberries?”

The rest of the boys all burst out laughing, even Gemma and the twins join in whilst he just sits and shakes his head.

“This is just so not far. We’re less than an hour back into this and I’m already being targeted!” He says jokingly, feigning standing up and walking away but Niall pulls him back down into the sofa and locks him there.

“Oh no! You’re here to stay.”

“Alright, alright! Well, if I really have to choose I’m gonna go with Watermelon.”

“What! Watermelon, over strawberries?” Liam says from the other end of the sofa, leaning forward.

“Hey now,” Louis says interjecting, “You choose raspberries over blueberries, you can’t talk.”

“The second we’re done with this I’m creating a poll for everyone to answer and then we’ll see which is the superior fruit.” Liam argues back and Harry knows instantly that he’s back where he belongs.

“I never, ever, should have tweeted that. Zayn says with a shake of his head.

“Definitely not.” Louis says flashing Zayn a knowing smirk.

“Anyways, moving on before we start world war three in here.” Lottie says. “Alright, digging up the real dirt here, who’s idea was it to organize the reunion for now?”

“Alright I’m definitely takin’ the credit for this one!” Niall says almost instantly and he doesn’t think anyone could argue against that. “I mean we’d always said we’d come back, just a matter of when. And we certainly had 2020 in mind as it is our ten-year anniversary, but I pitched it to all our managers early last year.”

“That’s true.” Liam says with a nod of his head.

“It’s taken some time but we’re here now and so fuckin’ excited to be going on tour this year… hey!”

“Don’t swear.” Zayn says hitting Niall softly on his arm.

“Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we’re all pretty bloody excited,” Niall begins again with a pointed look at Zayn, “To be coming back together again. We’ve all matured a lot so this is gonna be a fusion of some pretty different styles here but we’re rolling with it!”

“Alright, a couple more questions. Got any good one’s girls?” Lottie asks, turning her head to the three behind her.

“In case anyone’s confused your camera personal for today is Miss Lottie Tomlinson, Daisy, Phoebe and Gemma are all acting as support staff.” Louis says gesturing towards the three girls and Lottie quickly turns the phone to capture them all in the frame.

“Support staff!” Daisy cries and the lads all laugh.

“Poor service, haven’t in made me another cup o’ tea yet!” Louis retorts and Harry doesn’t bother hiding his smile at their antics.

“As you can all tell,” He says looking into the phone camera, “We’re all very mature adults and are taking this very seriously.”

“You are sitting on Louis’ sofa on a Tuesday night in a Gucci sweater there H.” Liam pipes up.

“It’s comfortable!” He protests and the others all laugh at him.

“This is honestly like trying to herd toddlers, we’re trying to sort through some questions here!” Lottie says once more from behind the camera.

“Here’s one, Louis how are you feeling about your album release, only three more days!” Gemma asks and Harry gulps down the lump that forms in his throat, averting his eyes from the camera.

“So excited for you all to hear it, been a long time in the works but it’s gonna be a good one I’d say. Almost as exciting as a One Direction reunion I’d say.”

“Ok none of you are on your phones but the number four Twitter trend worldwide right now is people arguing over if Zayn or Harry is going to be the one to sing the high notes in _Drag Me Down_ so boys, which one of you is getting that honour?” Phoebe asks, looking up from her phone and catches his eye.

“Harry surely.” Zayn says instantly, “That’s yours mate.

“I reckon we could share it around, there’s gonna be some changes to the sections in the songs from _Made In The A.M_ now we have this one joining us.” Harry replies and reaches his arm around Niall to rest a hand on Zayn’s shoulder

“There you have it Twitter.” Niall says and it’s Gemma who asks the next question.

“Now the title of the tour is _Where We Belong_ who’s idea was it to name the tour this?”

“That was the creation of one Amanda Rell and Liam Payne. We tossed around a few name idea’s but it seemed pretty fitting for us to return with that title.” Niall explains.

“Ok, but which songs are each of you most looking forward to performing live on tour?”

“Didn’t we just say that there would be no set list reveal?” Liam says but Louis only shrugs.

“I think everyone can already guess some of the songs that we’ve put on the set list so imma just go ahead and say _Infinity._ ”

“I’m gonna agree with Louis on that one.” He says, shifting his hand till it’s lying back in his lap, the other resting comfortably on the arm of the sofa.

“What A Feeling has always been one I’ve been keen to perform on stage.” Liam mentions.

“I’m definitely looking forward to the new songs, so just all of them I suppose.” Zayn says next and they all turn to Niall.

“What Makes You Beautiful, obviously.” They all groan, the girls trying to hide their snorts of laughter.

“Hilarious.” Louis says with a fond shake of his head.

“Think you should stick to being a musician Ni, a comedy might not be in your calling.” Zayn says planting a hand on Niall’s knee

“Fake it till you make it right?”

“Ok boys, one last question. Is the world going to be treated to an a sixth One Direction album?”

“That’s confidential for the time being.” Liam says and Harry has to fight not to run his gaze over the other boys, they hadn’t exactly spoken about releasing a new album and he was glad that Liam had been so quick thinking as to answer for them.

“We’ll go one step at a time, tour first then we’ll see what comes next.” Zayn followed up with.

“Anything else any of you want to add?” Lottie asks when they fall silent for a moment.

“Ah yes.” He speaks up, “I would like to say a heartfelt thank you to each and every one of you who has supported us, from any time period in the last ten years. It’s been a real journey so far, as a band and each of us as solo artists so I’d like to say thank you for sticking with us, supporting our careers and we’re so, so excited to be seeing you all on tour this year!”

“H pretty much summed it up, thank you, each of ya! And we can’t wait to get back out there with you guys!” Niall says after him. Zayn, Liam and Louis each nodding in agreement and muttering thank yous to the camera.

“Alright! See you all soon, don’t forget tickets go on sale for the _Where We Belong_ tour on February 1st! And also, celebrate the debut solo album from Mr. Tomlinson here, _Walls_ will be out on January 31st!” Liam finishes.

“And… scene!” Lottie calls as she lowers the phone, ending the livestream.

“How many people just watched us makes fools out of ourselves?” Is the first thing Zayn asks and Harry watches as each of the four girls faces brim with amusement.

“Oh you know, only 1.8 million.”

“You’re not fucking serious!”

“Almost got a new record there, a lot more people joined in the later half of the stream, and there’s the whole thing about time zones but you just drew that audience with no announcement that you were going live so I’d say that was pretty impressive.”

“This tour is gonna be huge innit it?” Louis says standing from the sofa and reaching for a now surely cold cup of tea.

“When have any of your tours not been huge?” Phoebe comments.

“I just don’t want a load of unrealistically high standards to be put on us to pull this off. I mean, we were playing sold out arena and stadium shows on our last couple tours, what if this time round isn’t like that?” Zayn comments, shifting slightly over towards Liam to give him and Niall more room.

“Honestly mate, I don’t care if we’re playing in front of 2,000 or 80,000, I just want to be up on stage with you lot doing what we love.” Niall says.

“Not to toot our own horns here, but we’re one of the biggest boybands ever, let alone the fact that each of us has been immensely successful as solo artists, I don’t think we have much to worry about with drawing a crowd.” Liam offers in response to Zayn’s comment.

“He’s got a point, you guys have had less than two hours since announcing your return and the entire world has gone nuts, half of it isn’t even awake yet!”

“Daisy does have a point.” Lottie replies nodding towards her younger sister.

From the corner of his eye, Harry watches as Louis makes his way towards the kitchen to make himself a fresh cup of tea. He’d been unusually quiet during the live, he’d always had so much presence, especially in the early years when they’d done things like this and it had struck him as out of character the entire livestream. Perhaps he was just nervous with the release of his album, but he’d still said very little.

It wasn’t his problem, not anymore. He cared, as a friend of course, that Louis seemed slightly off, but his days of being able to tuck Louis into him and talk about personal things were long gone.

Pushing himself off the couch he went towards the small cabinet beneath the tv, crouched down and scanned over the vinyl’s on display. Sure enough, on the very end was his own album, the black and white exclusive edition at that and he pulled it out from the shelf. It felt odd being in Louis’ home with his own album sat in his hands. Sure he remembered the short texts that Louis had sent of him buying the album, but it was still a moment when he held Louis own personal copy in his hands.

Before Louis could come back into the living room he tucked the album back on the shelf and turned back towards the crowd behind him. Everyone was caught in their own private conversations, but he still caught the pointed stare Zayn gave him as he walked back towards the couch and settled down for an afternoon with his bandmates.

~~~~~

Arriving to the album release party, Mitch and Sarah either side of him feels like transporting back in time. How many events like this had he arrived to over the past nine and a half years, but this one was different, because it was Louis’ album release he was here for tonight. He hadn’t the faintest clue what to expect from tonight, wasn’t sure he’d manage to hear a majority of the songs from the album tonight without feeling like he was suffocating

He’d been so grateful when he’d asked Sarah and Mitch if they’d like to accompany him and they’d both agreed without a moment’s hesitation.

The venue was somewhere he knows he been to before but can’t quite remember. It’s lit with a number of fancy, sparkling decorations which light up the space. Harry can only think of how un-Louis like it seems. At least it was for the Louis he’d once known.

They make their way inside, the security team outside barely needing a moment before nodding them through inside. Eager to calm the storm of photographers waiting outside who’d gone ballistic the moment he’d stepped out from the backseat of the vehicle.

This was the private release party for the album. He knew Louis had been caught up in the public release of the album, the parts which the fans would see only because of the bickering which had occurred all day on their group chat. Niall had been teasing him constantly after a fan had captured an off timed image of Louis with a hilarious expression on his face. Of course, this had provided endless entertainment for the Irishman until Louis had retorted by bombarding the group chat with screen shotted photos of some very unflattering expressions of Niall’s over the years. Things had only progressed from there and it had become a full-on battle. None of them had been spared from the onslaught.

It was already crowded inside, the evening had started over an hour ago now. He’d gone with one of his more outgoing looks for tonight. The fact that all five of them were here celebrating the album release, the first time all together for such an occasion in years, was drawing in a tonne of media attention. Especially as it fell just three days after the reunion announcement which was still very much global news. Wearing one of his now signature ‘Harry Styles’ looks would only draw in more attention, or so Tilly had tried to tell him that morning.

Allesandro had sent him over three options, he’d gone sheer black long-sleeved lace top that was mostly unbuttoned and tucked into deep blue dress pants decorated with swirling white splotches down the material.

His hair was also slightly shorter than it had been for his own album release, somewhat resembling halfway between how he’d had it for the shooting of _Dunkirk_ and how it had been in December.

“Good of you too show up!” He heard a familiar voice from his left and suddenly there was an arm thrown heavily around his shoulders.

“Fashionably late right?” He said as he shot Niall a grin, who had definitely already had a drink or two.

“Niall this is Sarah and Mitch, guys, Niall.” He said vaguely gesturing between the three people.

“Ah! Your two of Harry’s band joining us for tour right?”

“That’s us, it’s nice to meet you.” Sarah said with a bright, warm smile. Mitch nodding towards Niall in acknowledgment.

“Likewise, well enjoy your night I’m sure we’ll bump into one another again during the night.” And just like that he was gone.

“He means that.” Harry only said as the three of them made their way further into the venue.

They’d been there for perhaps an hour when he finally caught sight of Louis. He’d caught up with Liam already for a bit earlier and got had caught sight of Zayn and Gigi twenty minutes ago. Sarah and Mitch had dutifully stayed by his side so far, despite his protests that that should go out and try meet some people. Mitch had shot him one look and Harry hadn’t mentioned it again.

The three of them were sat around an open, wide booth. A dozen or so people around them and Harry honestly didn’t know who he was talking with. Only that the man before him was in some movie coming out soon. Still, he sat with feigned interest as he heard about the fourth, or was it the fifth, scene the guy had done which had involved highly technical stunts the guy had apparently spent months learning how to perfect. He’d try on any other night to be invested in the story, but not this time. His mind had been running rampant all evening, not able to focus clearly on much beside the man who he now spotted across the room surrounded by a bunch of people Harry didn’t know and the words he’d sung on his album.

“Sitting here sneaking glances at him all night is going to amount to nothing H.” Sarah said to him when his new acquaintance finally turned away to talk with someone else.

“Duly noted.”

“Come on,” She said suddenly standing, drawing Mitch’s attention also, “You can introduce us too him, we are going to be touring with him this year after all.”

“I don’t know.” He said, sparing another glance at Louis, “He looks a little busy right now.”

“Harry.” Sarah said leaning down and resting her hands either side of his legs on the sofa, “It’s his album release party, he’s going to be busy all night. So man up, and lets go say hi.” She finishes with a smile and he lets a few more seconds pass by before he nods and stands from the sofa.

“Perfect.” Sarah says with a smile and he briefly considers finding better friends before the three of them are making their way across to the other side of the room.

The man standing next to Louis is mid-sentence when he spots Harry. His eyes locking on to Harry’s and he gives a soft smile, the drink in his hand half empty.

“Thought you were avoiding me for a moment there.” Louis says to him as he feels Sarah and Mitch stop just behind him. And Louis is definitely tipsy, if not verging on drunk by the slight way his words slur and blend into his northern accent.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, congratulations Louis.” He says and before he can lose any of the courage that he’s built up inside over the short walk from across the room, or perhaps its simply from the two drinks he’s had, he reaches for Louis and pulls him in for a short embrace. He feels Louis’ arms wrap around him, and the tightness in his chest eases slightly at the lack of hesitation in the gesture.

“Thanks H.” Louis says before he steps away.

“Louis this is Mitch and Sarah, guys this is Louis.” Harry says after he’s planted himself firmly between them both, noticing the men Louis had been with have wandered off so it’s now just the three of them.

“Good to finally meet ya.” Louis says shaking both of their hands.

“You too, congratulations on the album it’s very powerful.” Sarah says with a bright smile and Louis’ grin widens.

“Cheers, appreciate it. Would be a bit unfortunate if you didn’t like it considering you’re stuck now playing it for months.” Louis comments with a light, teasing tone.

“Ah, but I said it’s powerful, not that I liked it.” Sarah retorts in an equally teasing tone and Harry sees the exact moment Louis’ eyes light up in delight at the friendly banter.

“That’s it, you’re off the tour.”

“You’ll just have to have Mitch play drums for you then.”

“Yeah I don’t think so,” Mitch comments, “I’m not sitting on stage whacking sticks against different shaped objects.”

“Hey!” Sarah says whirling to her partner and playfully smacking his arm, “Don’t be rude.”

“Oh you two can definitely stay.” Louis remarks, laughter evident in his voice.

“Mitch would you come with me to grab a drink for a moment?” Sarah suddenly said, practically grabbing for his arm and towing him away from where he and Louis stood startled from the sudden action, and watched as she dragged him through the bustling crowd.

It was painfully silent for a moment, despite the time he’d spent with Louis this past month it was still so awkward between them, neither quite sure where the boundary currently lay between them.

“So what did you think of it? The album I mean.” Louis finally offers and Harry freezes.

“I’m not quite sure you want me to answer that Louis.” He says honestly.

“I wasn’t sure I’d get through listening to it with you there.” Louis was definitely drunk if he was being this open to Harry’s face

“I wasn’t sure _I’d_ make it through it all, but thank you,” He says meeting Louis’ eyes, “For playing it for me, I think I needed it.”

“We have a past, we can’t change that.”

He didn’t know whether Lois meant he didn’t want to change what they’d been or wish he cold. It was all so bloody confusing. He didn’t know what the extent of his feelings were towards Louis, but he definitely cared about him, a lot.

“No, I guess we can’t.” He answers quietly, wishing Mitch and Sarah would return.

Louis’ gaze flickered past him then, snagging of something behind him.

“I’ll catch up with you later alright, have a good night H, and thanks for coming.” Louis said as he went to step around Harry.

“Wouldn’t have missed it.” He replies but Louis is already gone.

~~~~

He doesn’t know what time it is. Sarah is on a makeshift stage, microphone in hand as she and three other woman sing along to a karaoke version of _Livin’ on a Prayer._ Mitch is by his side, absentmindedly tapping along to the beat of the song. He’s pleasantly drunk at this point, before he transgresses over into being flat out drunk, when words blur together and his head begins to spin slightly.

He’d spent an hour outside earlier with Zayn and Liam, most of it he’d spent trying not to inhale too much of whatever it was Zayn was smoking. It had too much of a comforting aspect to the smoke as it had wafted around him, and he’d made himself a promise back in November after a certain incident that he wouldn’t touch an form of drug for at least six months.

Now as he sat inside, the party shifting from the initial excitement and people caught up at being at an important event into a comfortably relaxed occasion where people were either in a state like Harry now found himself in, had found someone to spend the night with, were too far gone to now be conscious or had already left. There was still a good number of people here however, the speeches of the night well and truly over and everyone seemed to be drifting around the place in somewhat of a haze. Niall had slipped out earlier Liam having followed not much later claiming to go home to Maya.

When the singing got a little too much he found himself shifting away from Mitch, who gave him a curious look before deciding Harry was likely well enough to manage walking on his own.

He made his way out onto the small balcony which looked out over a small creek and more fancy venues lining their surroundings. Hands stuffed into his pockets to fight off the cold bite in the night air.

“I didn’t realise you were still here.” A voice behind him said and he didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.

“You sound slightly more sober than you did earlier.” He comments not turning from his position leant slightly over the railing.

“Stopped drinking a while back.” Louis says as he comes to rest his forearms over the railing, standing beside him with enough space for it to convey that the two of them knew one another, but enough to guess they weren’t close. The distance felt like a mile that pulled at Harry’s heart. The fact they’d come to this, awkward, stilted conversations and unease at being close to one another. He kept feeling they’d have moments like they were getting closer, like the photoshoot, but then he’d see Louis again and it would be as though they’d tumbled back into a never-ending cycle. It was exhausting.

“Thought you were meant to be celebrating.”

“I was… I mean I am. I just know I don’t want to wake up in a few hours with a hell of a hangover only to get on a long haul flight.” And, oh. They were headed to LA in little over twenty-four hours.

“Wait, I thought we were all going tomorrow?”

“I’m going early, got a few personal things I need to see too before we’re just there for business.”

“Oh… ok.”

“About what I said earlier,” Louis starts, “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, showing you the album. I know I put a lot in there about what we had, and I don’t think I considered your feelings about that enough.”

“No, I’m really glad you played it for me Louis, truly. It’s like you said, we have a history, we shouldn’t have to go the rest of our lives edging around that, especially not with each other. I don’t think we could, even if we wanted to with the tour and everything.”

“We haven’t been succeeding all that much with our whole ‘friends’ strategy have we.”

“Not gonna lie, it’s not the easiest trying to be friends with someone you loved like I did you.” He says and Louis is quiet for a long time but doesn’t move away from him.

“I’m sorry Harry, really fuckin’ sorry for how I ended things. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”

“It’s not that you handled things badly Louis, it’s that you broke my heart.” He says and sees Louis flinch at the words, but he needed to say this, needed to say a lot more, but now really wasn’t the time, not yet. “That’s what hurt. That’s why listening to your album hurt like fucking hell.”

“I just wish you told me earlier you didn’t want to be with me, that you weren’t happy.” He whispers, eyes stinging. He hears the sharp intake of breath from Louis, but refuses to turn and face him, he doesn’t think he could without letting the gathered tears in his eyes fall and he really doesn’t want to cry right now.

“Haz,” And his breath stops, “It wasn’t… I never… It wasn’t like that I just needed...”

“To live a life without me, I get it Louis. I got it back then and I really don’t need to be told again now. I get it,” He forces the next words out of his mouth, knows he doesn’t mean them, “I’ve moved on, we’re fine. It’s just confusing being around you again now that things aren’t how they have always been between us.”

“Look, I think we both know we aren’t in our right minds to be having this conversation with each other whilst we’re like this. We’ll talk about this, but not here.” Louis finishes, going quiet towards the end and he wants to protest with the sudden anger that courses through him, turn to Louis and demand for a proper explanation, but hadn’t he just said he wasn’t ready for this yet? And Louis was right, they weren’t in a good state of mind to be having this conversation, especially not with so many people who could walk out onto the balcony at any moment.

“Fine.” He says with a long drawn out sigh. He turns away from the railing then, not sure he can be so close to Louis after those few words between them, so much left unsaid. Instead, he makes his way back inside, forcing his memories of Louis Tomlinson away for another day.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can thank my very boring, time wasting last few classes of school for this. Really, seriously need to work on the whole 'updating schedule' thing...
> 
> Notes will be at the end of the chapter as not to reveal too much!!
> 
> Twitter - AvenaVierre

The California sun is what pulls him from his sleep on the Tuesday morning. He’d arrived in LA late two nights ago with Liam, Zayn and Niall, all of them opting to stay in the homes they owned in the city rather the stay inside a stuffy hotel, they’d have that to look forward to enough as it was over the coming months. Regardless of the fact his LA home was a long way from the interviews which would take place over the week they would all be in LA, he felt far more comfortable being in the familiar surroundings. He’d been here for most of November and the start of December leading up to the release of _Fine Line_ so walking in the front door two days ago hadn’t felt quite as strange as it once used to when he’d go away for months at a time and suddenly be back in a strange place he was meant to call his own.

He made his way into the bathroom, showered quickly before pulling on the clothes he’d been sent to wear for today and headed downstairs. They were due in the studio for their first official interview at 3pm, which left only four hours seeing as he’d woken up so late.

He’d had one of the quietest birthdays he’d had in years. Forgoing hosting a big party as he’d done in years, he’d driven to his mum’s in the morning and had spent the day with just her and Gemma. It would be one of the last chances he’d have to relax for most of the rest of the year. Despite having to drive all the way back to London late that night so he could finish packing for his flight the next morning, it had been well worth it to spend the time with his family.

He filled in the time lazily, lounging in his last few hours of freedom before his life would once more be filled with a crazy schedule and too many places to possibly be at once.

The house was silent. And he hated it.

He’d bought this house in 2014, had done so with the intention of surprising Louis so that they’d have a place to retreat to in private when they had been spending so much of their time in LA. He could still picture Louis’ face when he’d driven him blindfolded down the driveway and had guided him towards the front door. They’d almost ended up sprawled on the tarmac however with the way Louis had been squirming, shoulders shaking with laughter and Harry had tried not to fall all over him in the process. Louis had known what the house meant the moment he’d taken off the blindfold. Had flung himself into Harry, pulling him in by his nape and left them breathless before pressing bruising kisses along his jaw. He’d had Louis in every room of this house, each placed he turned he could picture in his mind the memories of lazy mornings spent lounging around in each others arms, escaping down to the private beach at midnight to be drowned in the waves and then ripped open again as Louis had lain him in the soft sand and spent hours tangled together. Late nights when they’d drunkenly got each other off after returning to their home by the sea. Hectic mornings spent hurriedly packing before an early flight, too caught up in each other to have done so the night before. 

He could vividly remember the first time he’d walked through the front door without Louis. Had collapsed against the wall barely inside and not moved for hours. There had been no tears, no racking sobs which would at least meant he had felt anything other than the excruciating way his heart had ached to have been here without Louis. He had spent the next few months doing anything he could to distract himself from that feeling, filming had helped but not enough that when he returned to writing his debut album he couldn’t bring himself to write a single word in the house that held such memories for him. He had considered returning home, to London, to Holmes Chapel to anywhere he’d once lived but knew the moment he would he’d be surrounded by people who knew and recognized him. He couldn’t have that. So in the wee hours of an early Thursday morning he’d phoned Jeff half out of his mind and told him he wanted to go to Jamaica. He’d left three days later.

Jamaica had been one of the most carefree times of his life, certainly the most in the six years which had gone by since the formation of the band. He’d lost himself in the long, hot days, caught up in a writing haze where he’d distractively written songs he knew he enjoyed and related too but still never entirely felt like _him._ He’d tried, or had certainly been trying to find a way out from his own emotions. Had buried himself in songs that were him yet not.

Looking back on those songs he could pick out every line he’d written which hadn’t been about himself at all, nor any fake relationship or circumstance the fans and media would try associate the lines too. _Sweet Creature_ had been his biggest giveaway, and he truly thought himself to have been out of his mind when he once scrambled to say that the song was about Gemma of all people.

He’d been angry when writing those songs. Angry and hurt at what he’d lost. He’d spent so long believing he’d spend the rest of his life with Louis, so caught up in his love for the brown haired boy who had always been so passionate, devoted and loving that he’d been blinded to see anything other than what he believed. He wanted to know despite it all when Louis had started to want a way out. Not for his own suffering, but so he could simply have a reason. He’d spent so much of the past four years thinking up scenarios in his mind about the reasoning behind it all, but he’d never know unless he actually talked through things with Louis.

It would hurt, he knew that. To resurface those emotions of pain and heartbreak, but he knew it was what he needed, could only hope Louis still meant that he’d talk things over with him eventually. He had realised in the past few days that perhaps he’d never be fully prepared for this conversation, but he would bare it all the same.

Perhaps then he could finally bare to sell this house.

~~~~

Louis wasn’t there when he arrived at the studio. Instead he wandered into the dressing room to find Niall squished between the other two, all of them engrossed in Zayn’s phone, bright expressions and laughter filling the room.

“This is just too fucking good.” Niall says almost breathless from laughter.

“There’s no way people actually wrote this!” Zayn chokes out in almost the same hysterical manner.

“You’re a bunch of five year old’s.” He comments as he makes his way towards a low table lined with snacks and beverages.

“Listen to this H,” Liam says grabbing the phone from Zayn’s hand and proceeding to read whatever was on the screen. _“Boyband One Direction have sent fans across the world into a craze as they announced last week their reunion tour as a celebration of their upcoming tenth anniversary later this year. Members Liam Payne, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles and recently rejoined member, Zayn Malik, are set to kickstart their tour in late March!”_

“Here’s where it gets good.” Niall says with a snicker and is quickly shushed by Zayn.

_“The five young men confirmed their reunion in an Instagram livestream last week as well as several posts across their numerous social media platforms. Further frenzy was stirred when band member Liam Payne posted a poll on both his Twitter and Instagram asking fans to debate whether Raspberries or Blueberries are the superior fruit, sparking four hashtags to trend worldwide on Twitter and a full blown, two sided battle, kick started by six fans in particular, sending the entire ‘Directioner’ fandom into chaos as each one choose either #TeamBlueberry or #TeamRaspberry. Of the six fans who started the trend (It was tied three vs. three!), three later spoke out after receiving tickets sent personally by Mr. Payne for siding with his opinion of #TeamRaspberry. Taking sympathy on the remaining three fans, it has been confirmed that fellow bandmate Louis Tomlinson, also sent the three fans who captained #TeamBlueberry tickets to shows near them also! And just yesterday the official band account declared #TeamBlueberry the official winners of the debate with over 78.9 million tweets over #TeamRasberry’s 72.3 million tweets accumulated since the debate kickstarted.”_ Liam finally finished, during which time Harry had poured himself a glass of whatever cocktail was offered on the table and had taken a seat on the sofa beside the three others.

“Tried to tell you Blueberries are superior.” Was his only comment and Zayn and Niall burst out laughing whilst Liam sent him a stony glare.

“Hey you were meant to be on my side!” Liam says turning to Zayn.

“Didn’t you see my tweet three days ago? I rebelled and sided with #TeamBlueberry!”

“Fucking traitor.” Liam murmurs and its sets the three of them off once more just as Louis walks into the room. He stops as he see’s three of them falling apart with laughter and Liam’s stony expression.

“This is about the fuckin’ fruit isn’t it?” He says in a deadpan voice which only causes the three of them to laugh harder and the slow twitch of Louis’ lips as he looks between them.

“Shouldn’t have tried to start something with me Payno.”

~~~~

They wait behind the thick velvet curtain with bated breath. They can hear James’ voice clearly enough through the fabric and the audience waiting in their seats but there’s still a screen beside them warning them of the time they have remaining before they’re set to go out.

He’s stood on the end next to Liam, not able to stop the slight clamminess he feels in his hands about how this is all going to go. He certainly wasn’t happy, nor Niall, when he found out that the five of them and James would be playing _Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts._ He’d had enough of a taste of the game, and its disgusting food when he’d done this with Kendall, he really didn’t think he needed a refresher. Regardless, it was one of the audience’s favourite games that James offered and drew in a fair amount of interest for whatever ridiculous questions they were to be asked later on during the game. The questions had all been approved by their five managers so he supposed they wouldn’t be too outrageous, he trusted Jeff and the rest of them after all, but it didn’t make the thought any more comforting.

“… so please welcome back to the world stage, One Direction!” James yells and his attention snaps back to the present just as the curtain is pulled apart and the audience erupts into screams as they step out in front of the numerous camera’s and heat chases them from the stage lights.

James is before them in an instant, clasping each of them on the shoulder and pulling them in for a hug. He’d always liked James, of all the interviewers he was one of the most grounded and entertaining. He’d also spent enough time with the man to know he was just as charismatic off camera as he was before it.

Harry had been in this studio not a few months ago but being back now with the boys was like returning back to the days of their first few interviews, new and exciting. The audience finally settled enough for James to begin talking as the five of them sat huddled together on the plush sofa and James took his seat in a big leather chair.

“Well I’ve gotta just start by saying that I feel very honoured to be the first person you lot choose to come and talk with after the very big news that the five of you have reunited for a special, celebration tour kickstarting on March 28th!” James says and the audience loudly starts up again.

“Now Niall, you’ve claimed in recent times that it was in fact you who had the suggestion of getting back together for this tour, which I think is aptly titled _Where We Belong,_ who was the first of the boys you reached too to get on board?”

“Well went through managers first but I got in touch with Liam pretty soon afterwards and he said yes fairly quickly so I thought that was a good enough start. Targeted Louis next and I gotta say mate,” Niall says turning his head towards Louis, “Wasn’t so sure about your answer with your album in the works and you still didn’t have a release for it yet but you agreed fairly easily.”

“Wouldn’t have missed this for the world mate, who do you think I am?” Louis says teasingly, his bright media charm on full display.

“And how was it with convincing young Harold?” James asks and he feels the attention of the room slide to him. He clears his throat, fighting the urge to run his hand through his styled hair.

“I think we all knew we wanted to come back for something special at one stage and doing so this year kind of just made sense with it being the anniversary. It was difficult trying to plan it around my album release, as well as Louis’ and Niall’s which comes out next month but I’m definitely really excited for this year.”

“Now Zayn you commented on your return to the band on the livestream the five of you did last week but how does it feel now that the news is out and everyone knows that you’re back with the boys?”

“I think Louis summed it up pretty well, I wouldn’t have wanted to miss this for the world so I’m just really excited and can’t wait to get out there on tour, see all the fans and be up on stage with these boys again.”

“Alright now obviously the _Where we Belong_ tour is mainly to feature the songs written for the bands fifth studio album, _Made In The A.M_ but as we all know, a certain member,” and all the boys smile as they try not to turn to look at Zayn who keeps his eyes firmly trained on James but doesn’t stop the sniggering in the audience, “How is the plan going for incorporating Zayn’s vocals into these songs?”

“Well tour rehearsals begin next month so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see!” Liam comments

“And if it doesn’t work then sorry mate but you’re back out of the band.” Louis says without missing a beat and the four of them laugh at his antics.

“Right then.” Zayn says half pushing up from the sofa in a mock show of leaving the set.

“Alright, alright!” James calls out as the audience is still settling down, “We’re not trying to split up the band on your first appearance! Moving on, now as well as the rather passionate debate about fruit preferences,” James starts and the five of them have to suppress their snorts of amusement, “And the obvious fact that you five are in fact coming back together after hiatus, the fans have been pretty alight about a certain comment made on the Instagram livestream and that is the one that you five would consider adding a special extra song into random shows if there was enough pressure from the fans. Is this true?”

“I don’t think we’d feel pressured to add in a specific song from the fans,” Zayn offers, “But ultimately we’re doing this to give the fans something special and to say thank you for all the support they have shown us over the years and if that includes adding in a special extra song at a few places then I think that’s something we could manage.” That starts up a whole new wave of murmuring and excited whispers from the crowd and Harry watches as Zayn sends a wide smile into the audience.

“Now let’s talk solo music. I know you briefly talked about this on your live but for those who haven’t heard yet how are you all are going to incorporate your own music into the set lists.”

“So each show will have one each of our own songs into the set list, we’ve chosen a number of songs from our own albums or single releases that we’ll perform and switch it around for each of the shows.” Niall explains and Harry reaches forward to take a sip from the water lain out on the small table before him, catching Louis’ eye briefly as he does so.

“Ok now we want to play a quick game before the break and it’s fairly simple, we know you’ve all done this before and is a pretty standard game but when people wanna know things, can’t go very wrong with a game of _True or False Paddles_!” James says and Harry is glad he’s swallowed the water so that he doesn’t splutter remembering just how well this game has gone in the past. It’s a bog standard interview game, as if a warm up for what’s to come later but he accepts the paddle anyway and schools his expression into neutral interest.

“Quick fire here let’s go!” James says as he reaches behind him and grabs several cards off his desk and spins back around to face them.

“True or false boys; there was a discussion of whether the band’s name would change for your return?”

All of their panels turn to false, it was a general question, one designed to simply give information to the fans.

“Good to know, good to know. Ok, true of false; 5 Seconds of Summer will return as your opening act for a stage of the tour?”

They all hesitate slightly, it was something they had discussed, even reached out to the four Aussie’s about it but negotiations were still in place considering they were set to be releasing their own fourth studio album and heading out on tour. They were also very much large enough names in the industry now to not need to open for another act.

Eventually they all turned their panels to false, a collective groan sounding from the audience and the five of them turned to laugh at the crowd.

“If you’d like we can just go back on hiatus and leave you all with the Aussies…” Louis starts and there is a chorus of collective ‘No!”’ that resonates through the studio and they laugh once more.

“Alright, we’ll stay!”

“Can’t believe people once payed for one ticket and got to see both acts.” James mutters and the audience laughs once more. Anyways, next question and the answers on your paddles are changing a bit here so true means you would and false means you wouldn’t ok?” He asks and they all nod their heads in understanding. “If I asked the five of you to film a second Carpool Karaoke, would you say yes?”

The audience screams at this and Harry instantly flicks his paddle around to show true. He’d thoroughly enjoyed both times he’s done those videos and had definitely thought about it when Jeff had told him they were doing the interview with James, and he’d definitely been hoping they’d be filming another version of One Direction Carpool Karaoke rather than the game that was still to come. He notices all the boys other than Niall flip to true and they all turn to the Irishman waiting for his explanation.

“The last time I went along with this bloody idea, I ended up covered in Pigeons and a lie detector wrapped around me!” He says with a sign and they all grin widely at that. He really has to watch this. He glances over the others boys faces too and sees a similar look of interest in their eyes and knows it’s one of the first things they’ll do when they’re all next together.

“If I promised that there would be no birds involved would you change your mind?” James asks and Niall gives in with a nod.

“Ok and last question before we go for a short break, paddles returning to normal for this one. True or false; I enjoyed being a solo artist more than being a part of the band?” James asks with an evil expression twisted on his face and Harry groans and promptly throws the paddle away behind him, hoping he doesn’t hit anyone.

Liam’s paddle has been dropped from the floor, Zayn crosses his arms over the paddle covering it from sight, Niall tries to hand it back to James and Louis is trying to stuff his down the side of the sofa.

“We’re gonna call that an inconclusive test result! We’ll be right back after the break for a game of _Spill Your Guts of Fill Your Guts_ with One Direction!” James yells and the audience bursts into applause.

~~~~

“What are we doing?” Is the first thing he says as he takes a seat at the turning table before him. James and Louis are sat on the chairs on his side of the table whilst the other three all sit across from them.

“Doesn’t look so bad.” Zayn utters and Niall scoffs from where he’s seated beside Zayn.

“It’s fuckin’ horrible, don’t underestimate the foul taste of this food mate. No idea why I’m sat here doing this _again_!” Niall complains and a few of the close by audience members snigger at his words.

“Cheer up, least we’ve all got to go through this.” James says with a smirk.

“What the fuck, how do you get bird saliva?” Louis calls out with disgust as he turns the table around studying each of the foods.

“They’ll never tell anyone.” Harry says back to him, remembering his own last time playing this game.

“Alright, camera’s back on in ten, nine…” A cameraman calls out and each of them busy themselves straightening out their clothes as a red warning light flashes. “Two, one!”

“And welcome back to _Spill Your Guts of Fill Your Guts_ with One Direction! Alright, now for those of you who don’t know how this works and for the benefit of the three young lads who haven’t had the privilege of experiencing this particular game yet, the rules are fairly simple. The opposite team asks a question, you either answer it truthfully or eat the food which the other team decides beforehand, and as always, if the person the question is aimed at doesn’t answer then their whole team must eat!”

Harry and Niall groan collectively before James begins explaining each of the different food options before him.

“This is so not sanitary.” Zayn mumbles but the words catch on his microphone sending the audience into soft laughter.

“Let’s get things started then shall we, Niall if you’d like to do the honours!” James says and Niall picks up the first card, reads it then leans over towards Liam and Zayn.

“Ha!” Liam says looking up towards Louis.

“What are we gonna pick for them?” Niall says eying the table.

“Louis has expressed his interest in the bird saliva so I’d say that’s a good place to start?” Zayn offers with a shrug and Louis glares at him as the glasses come to stop before him.

“Hate you.” Louis says and Zayn grins at him.

“Love you too.”

“Alright Louis, pick your favourite album between _Icarus Falls, Flicker, LP1_ and _Fine Line._ ”

“You’ve got to be joking.” Louis says, immediately eyeing the bird saliva before him. Harry is looking at him intently from around the other side of James, he catches Louis glance the minute he does so, if only for a brief second before Louis gulps and grabs for the glass. Harry groans as he reaches for the glass, James doing so beside him.

“What even is this!” Louis says spitting it out into the bucket after he had raised the glass to his lips and taken a sip. Harry mirrors his actions, grabbing his own bucket at his feet and spitting out the slimy texture

Zayn, Liam and Niall are cracking up opposite them, eyes bright with amusement.

“Alright you little shits.” Louis says and grabs for a card. He doesn’t even bother showing him and James the card, instead gesturing for Harry to pick the food and his eyes slide to Liam showing he’s the target.

He takes a moment looking over the food before finally shifting the table around till it’s the Salmon smoothie placed before him, remembering Liam’s distaste for the seafood.

“Thanks mate.” Liam says flatly and looks up at Louis who has a wicked grin on his face.

“Liam.”

“Louis.” Liam says back flatly.

“If you could claim any one of us four’s solo albums, and a single, which would you pick?”

“This isn’t fair.” Liam groans and everyone laughs. “Alright, I feel like I can answer that though because it’s my personal taste of what I’d produce most similar to my own style and isn’t criticising anyone’s work.”

“Careful here mate.” Niall says jokingly.

“So I’m sorry H but your stuff is just completely off the table, there’s no way I could sing half your material, that’s a compliment mate.” Liam starts and Harry nods with a small smile, “Same with you Zayn, your stuff is insane.”

“I reckon I’d go with Louis’ album and _Slow Hands_ as a single because I really love that song.”

“Clever mate well done.” Louis says as he places the card back down.

“Alright, prepare yourself James.” Liam begins as he shifts the table around to the scorpion.

“Rank the voices in the band from best to…” Liam starts but James grabs for the scorpion and shoves it in his mouth. Delighted yells of excitement ring out from the audience and he and Louis share a glance before they both groan and grab the dead animal. It’s crunchy and not at all tasty, he gives up trying to eat it after a few chews and spits it into the bucket.

“Alright Niall, your bloody turn.” Harry says when he catches the hysterics that Niall is in.

Louis moves the table around till the Bull penis is in front of him and that definitely shuts him up.

“Niall, you have a very well known passion for golf. Rank us bandmates from most to least athletic ability.”

“You’ve got to be joking, we get the hard questions and Niall gets to decide on our athletic qualities?” Louis groans and Harry just smiles.

“Alright, well obviously I’m the top of that list.” All they all scoff at that. “All right fine,” Niall resigns with a sigh and starts again, “Ah well Liam’s always been a fitness junky and Louis, much to my horror at admitting this, is very good at football. Zayn’s alright and Harry, you’re clumsy as anything so you’re last.”

“Hey!” He says turning to Niall. “I run now!”

The five people around him burst out laughing and he feels heat tinges his checks for a minute, it’s not like he can defend himself considering all the times he’s tripped onstage and he is in fact clumsy, it’s a well-known trait about him, but still, he has a bit of pride.

“Zayn You’re up.” James says when the laughter has died down. “You are currently dating super model Gigi Hadid and have attended a fair few of the runway shows she’s featured in over the years, who is the most unlikeable supermodel you’ve met whilst attending one of these shows?”

“Oh I’m not answering that!” Zayn replies with his voice slightly higher. “I have an answer, several actually but I think I’d rather take my chances with the Bull penis than their wrath so…” He says and picks up one of the items in front of him. Liam and Niall begrudgingly following suit.

“Harold.” Zayn says as he lifts the next card and slowly reads it. He doesn’t smile. Instead his eyes flicker to Louis for a moment before he plasters a fake media smile on his face and spins the table round to the Clam juice.

“You have dated two well-known models in your life, between Kendall and Camille, who is the one you would consider as the one better suited to your personality.”

He doesn’t move for a long moment. Of bloody course he gets the question about his ex’s. If one would even call either of those women his girlfriends, they were publicity stunts. Louis has gone very still from where he’s seated on the other side of James, looking anywhere other than at Harry.

“Seeing as I’d rather keep my private life away from the public eye as much as I can I think I’ll take the Clam option.” He says and lifts the glass to his lips. James and Louis repeating the action in silence.

~~~~

It’s well into the early hours of the morning and Harry is drunk. Needs to be after the day he’s had. Niall is jumping around beside him, glass raised in the air as he sloppily sings along to a song Harry feels he should know but doesn’t Zayn and Gigi are sat in corner booth chatting with friends but from the content way Zayn is leaning into Gigi he’s rather out of it too. Liam decided not to join them tonight, perhaps for the first time in a while but he’d said he had other things he needed to do. Harry figured he was sleeping. And Louis was nowhere to be found. After several shots he’d finally gone clumsily around the dimly lit night club in search of him, looking back now, slightly less plastered than he had been an hour ago he’s very thankful he didn’t find Louis. Instead he’d returned to the bar and asked for a bottle of water.

He’s still not entirely thinking straight, his vision only a bit blurry now but he’s slowly sobering up, the water helping keep the inevitable headache at bay. Niall is still clumsily wailing to whatever song is playing when Harry slips away from him towards the stairs of the club needing some fresh air. The roof top is far less crowded than the club downstairs. It’s a sizeable space up here, decked out in high end outdoor seating areas and several fireplaces despite the much warmer night than London is at this time of the year. There’s perhaps two dozen people up here, milling around and chatting whilst quiet music plays in the background.

“A little birdie told me that you were talking about me today.” A familiar, American accent says from behind him and he turns to find Kendall coming to a stop beside him near the railing.

“Who me? Sorry I think you must have the wrong guy.”

“Very fun.” She says playfully tapping his arm.

“How are you?” He asks, having not seen her in a few months. They had never been particularly close but he definitely called her a friend, even if her different upbringing and sometimes obnoxious attitude got the better of her, she was still mostly alright.

“Not too bad, same old. Saw you’re getting the band back together, I’ll have to come to a show.”

“Think that was Niall’s doing, I’m only along for the ride.” He teases back and looks out over the lights of the city.

“Sure, whatever you say. Your album is fantastic by the way.”

“Thanks Kendall.”

“How long are you in LA for?”

“Only a week, then it’s back to the UK and then onto the rest of Europe for the promotional side of it all, though I’m not sure why we’re going considering the tour is already sold out.”

“You know I…”

“Harry!” He hears a voice call out from behind him, drawing the attention of a few of the people nearby. He turns to find Niall making his way towards them. “You might want to come with me.”

He doesn’t even question it, instead head straight for Niall, sending a parting wave to Kendall and hurriedly follows him back down the stairs into the club.

“Niall what’s wrong?” He says noting that Zayn is no longer sat with Gigi in the corner booth.

“Come on.” Is the only thing Niall says and he follows him through a narrow corridor to a back room of the club near the bathrooms.

He sees Zayn leaning against a door, looking tired as his mouth moves whilst he speaks quietly enough for Harry not to hear over the music still loudly playing from the club behind them.

“He won’t listen to me.” Zayn says to them as he and Niall come to a stop before the door and Harry’s heart drops when he realizes what’s happening.

“I’ll get him home, you guys both go.” Gesturing towards the door, his head seems to clear up immensely as he says so. 

“You sure?” Niall asks and Harry nods. Zayn and Niall pause for a moment longer before walking back down the corridor leaving him standing alone in the hallway.

He tries for the door first, not quite sure what else to do. When he finds it locked, which he’d already suspected seeing as Zayn hadn’t entered the room he raps his knuckles against the door.

“Louis?” He says softly. “It’s me.” He doesn’t hear anything from the other side of the door. “Lou.” He tries again and this time he does hear the slight scuffle of shoes on a carpet.

“Lou please open the door.”

There’s a long stretch of silence before he hears the click of the lock and the door slowly opens. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, Louis to be in tears maybe but he wasn’t expecting Louis to open the door and look angry.

“Lou…” He starts but Louis cuts him off before he can say anything else.

“Don’t Harry. Just don’t.”

“You know I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong?”

“Maybe I don’t want to tell you anything.” Louis says and Harry instantly knows he’s completely off his face drunk. There’s no real venom to his voice, it’s more as if he’s spitting out the first words that come to mind, his body pressed heavily against the open door.

“I’m going to take you home, then you can yell at me there all you’d like ok? But you need to get out of here.”

For a moment Harry is afraid Louis is going to start arguing with him then and there, but at the last moment his head slumps down and he hears Louis whisper ‘Fine.’ Before he wobblily steps out from the room and lets Harry guide him down the hall to the back door.

In the thirty seconds it takes to get outside to the deserted back entrance, a shiny black car is pulling around the corner and Harry pulls open the door before the vehicle has even come to a complete stop. Louis stumbles inside the back seat, Harry recognizing his driver, Marc, and sends him a quick nod and rattles off the address Louis tells him and then they’re pulling away from the club.

By the time they pull up outside Louis’ home, he’s fast asleep over the backseat.

“Louis.” He whispers, and then once more louder until Louis’ eyes flutter open. “Don’t stay Marc, I’ll be a while and go stay with friends close by.” He tells Marc as he gets out of the car after Louis, knowing that Ny has a home not far from here he’s stayed before, and maybe Liam’s LA home too.

“Course.” Marc says with a brief nod of his head then the car is pulling away, leaving Louis and Harry standing on the side of the quiet street. The house is nice, very nice. Different from his home in London but very LA, and very different from Harry’s old home in LA, _their_ old home.

Louis manages to type in the security code on the gate but stumbles as he goes to shut it behind them both. Harry gives in then and wraps his arm around Louis’ waist, he feels him tense beneath Harry’s hand but doesn’t say anything as he leans into Harry and they walk up towards the front door. He’s really trying to keep his breathing normal as he follows Louis into the house, focusing on anything other than where all of Louis is pressed against him.

“The bedroom.” He says into the quiet, feels Louis shift in his only half awake state to glance up at him. “So I can get you to bed Louis, not like…” He trails off, realising he’s really not helping his case here. He wishes that Louis would laugh, say some offhand comment to ease the tension around them both but he stays silent but tries to step towards a distant stairway. Harry keeps his arm firmly wrapped around Louis as they slowly make their way up the stairs and towards the furthest room on the second floor.

He pushes open the door into the neatly made bedroom, Louis stepping away from him then and begins unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it from his skin the moment the last button is undone and Harry has to turn away at the sight. Swallowing down the lump in his throat. He’s seen all of Louis to many times to count but that had been a long time ago under very different circumstances.

“You never called.” Louis says as he starts on his trousers.

“What?” Harry says from where he’s facing the door, completely unsure what to do with himself.

“You said you would and you never did. I waited all day for you to call and you didn’t.”

“Louis what are you talking about?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Louis mutters and he hears the duvet cover being pulled back and thinks it’s safe enough to turn around. Louis is sitting in his boxers, legs still on the ground as he looks up at Harry with sad eyes.

“No Louis, tell me.”

“You’re not calling me Lou anymore…”

And that just breaks his heart.

“You did so, earlier, and now you’re not.”

“We’re not together anymore Louis, it doesn’t feel right.”

“So you did it to cause me more pain?”

“What? Louis no.” He says and takes a step towards him before halting. This isn’t his place to be doing so. “ Louis we’ll talk about this I promise, but you’re drunk and are not going to remember this. We can’t do this right now.”

“Will you stay with me?

“Louis…” He drawls, because this is blurring some serious lines. He doesn’t want Louis waking up in a few hours time and regretting saying this.

“Please Haz.”

And fuck it, he has no will power left to say no to Louis when he’s like this. He sighs and shrugs off his jacket and starts on his shoes next. Louis doesn’t say a word, simply shuffles back and over to the right side of the bed as he’d always done. Harry hesitantly settles down between the covers and pulls them up over them both.

His breath comes in shallow intakes as the two of them lie in silence, eyes locked on one another. He can barely make out Louis’ shape in the darkness of the room but he’s spent enough time over the years memorising every feature that he can imagine every line of Louis as they lie in the dark.

“I wish things were different.” Louis whispers into the dark.

“So do I Lou.”

~~~~

He lies in the dark for two hours. Sleep consumes Louis within minutes but Harry just lies there beside him barely moving and barely breathing. It’s agonizing being so close yet the emotional barrier between them is still so uncertain and scattered. His thoughts begin to frustrate him an hour in, by the second hour he’s almost shaking.

As quietly as he can he shifts himself over to the far side of the bed and stands, making sure to make as little noise as possible. Louis had always been a deep sleeper and it seems that at least hasn’t changed as he slips out of Louis’ bedroom and wanders downstairs. It must be somewhere past five am now, the first light of day still an hour off yet as he makes for the kitchen and switches on the kettle. He rummages through several cupboards before he finds the cups, noting the lack of food in the house. He supposes they are only here for a week but it still makes him smile at the memory that Louis had always been useless with groceries.

He makes himself a tea, which he knew that at least Louis would have in his home, considered it essential, and heads for the undiscovered living room. It’s not all that different from his home in London, although this living room doesn’t look out over into a football field, instead an infinity pool lies still in the night outside, several outdoor lounge chairs scattered around the yard and LA stretched out below.

He sits in the dark on the sofa, cradling the tea in his hands as he waits in the unfamiliar room. He thinks about switching on the tv mounted on the wall opposite him but thinks better of it least it wake Louis up, it’s not as though he particularly feels like watching anything either.

He’d stupidly left his phone upstairs in his jacket pocket too, otherwise he’d consider calling Gemma. Sarah even in this instance but there’s no way he’s going back upstairs right now.

He hears Louis long before he actually walks into the room. The sun is now partially risen and he waits patiently whilst Louis moves around the kitchen, hearing the sounds of him making his own morning cup of tea before he finally walks into the lounge.

He looks better than he had the night before, eyes clear but his hair is messy from sleep and he wears light joggers and a jumper hazily thrown on to cover his chest.

“Hi.” Louis says as he sits down at the other end of the sofa from Harry.

“Hi.”

“I really think we should talk this time.” Louis says, his voice clear and steady.

“Yeah, I’ve kinda been waiting.” Harry says gesturing to the blanket wrapped around him and half-drunk cup of tea in his hand.

“I…”

“What did you mean that I didn’t call you?” Harry cuts in before Louis can say anything more, the thought had been one of the main things occupying his mind and he wasn’t leaving here till he had an explanation.

Louis swallows down a large mouthful of tea, as if giving himself time to formulate an answer. “You called me. One night a few years back, I think you were in Jamaica still. You were quite drunk.”

“Obviously.” He mutters not remembering the incident at all.

“You were angry, at first. You went on for quite some time. Kept rambling about how I had caused you so much hurt, how you didn’t understand when things had gone wrong, why I did what I did.” Louis is quiet for a moment, “Then you started crying.”

And…oh. Harry definitely doesn’t remember this.

“I didn’t know what to do, you were drunk and saying all these things and I hadn’t heard from you in months.”

He sits and waits for him to continue.

Louis looks at him then, and there’s an emotion in Louis’ eyes that he doesn’t want to read too much into. “You said you still loved me, and that I’d hurt you. That you were somewhere we’d always wanted to go and that when everything had gotten too much it’s the first place you’d wanted to go because it reminded you of us. Of what we had.”

“I finally got you to calm down.” Louis starts, eyes staring down into his lap. “You told me you’d call me when you woke up again and I was so fuckin’ worried about you that I didn’t sleep. And you never called again. I know you forgot, that much is clear by how you’re reacting now, and I know I have no right to be hurt by that but this mess is all because of my fuck ups and I have never learnt how to deal with that.”

“I was trying to finish the album.” Harry offers when everything has gone quiet again. “I wrote for a few months then just hit a wall. I was trying to erase every part of what we’d had, I was so angry with you that I tried everything to get you out of my head but then I’d go back to the house at the end of each day, the same house we’d bought together, when we’d had a life together.” And Harry sees from the corner of his eye that Louis’ hand is shaking where he’s holding his tea. “I couldn’t deal with it anymore, I arrived back there one night and just couldn’t breathe. Walking in the door everyday was torturing myself but I couldn’t bare to part with it. It’s not even home but it’s one of the only things we had that was just ours, and one day you were gone and I couldn’t keep that in anymore.” The burning in his eyes blinds him for a moment but he won’t let himself cry, not at his own story, not until he knows Louis’. The full story this time.

“You know, I wrote 32 songs, scrapped each and every one of them because none of them conveyed anything I actually wanted to say. I knew I had to put down what I’d been through when I let you go. That’s why my songs have you woven through them.” His heart is aching now at those words, but this is exactly the conversation they need to be having so he shoves the feeling down and shifts slightly on the sofa.

“I lied to you.” Louis says, his eyes flickering up to meet Harry’s but it only sparks more confusion in him. “And I wasn’t strong enough to talk to you about it, instead I got so overwhelmed by the pressure and the bullshit they’d been pushing on us both for years and I just cracked.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’d been having meetings for months, years, you knew this.” And Harry did, he knew all about the meetings Louis had been forced to go to by their previous management and plant new ways to keep the band’s image as hetero-normal as possible. Harry had had his ‘womanizer’ personality shoved down on him. The stunts he’d had to do with numerous woman, the scandals and articles debasing him as a person and painting him as the exact opposite of what he was. He was bisexual, had known that for years now, but he was Harry Styles, and Harry Styles under _Syco_ and _Modest! Management_ could not be that. Louis had been subjected to Eleanor. And whilst Harry had hated the role he’d had to play with all his heart, seeing Louis go through what he’d had to with Eleanor had caused him indescribable amounts of pain.

“It started in early 2015, I went in for another meeting, expecting it too be the usual threats of what they’d put on you if I didn’t agree to do whatever but not this time. This time a new person was stood in the room, and she sat down and spent an hour talking with me about you. I was confused, didn’t understand what any of it meant as she explained what you were like when you went out with friends, were performing on stage. It made no sense, and then she was there the next time I went back, and the next. It took several of these meetings till I finally got the message she was trying to convey; that you were happy living a life without me in it, that you felt so tied down in our relationship and caught up in pretending for the public eye that you just wanted to be out and free of it all. Not because of me, but just had the chance to be out.”

“Louis…” He tries and he cannot believe he can actually speak right now.

“You were in LA when I figured it out, when it dawned on me what this woman was showing to me. And it really got to me. That despite the fact I knew you loved me, that we were so good together it was the strongest reason that they wouldn’t let them be _you._ That I was the factor in the way of letting you be free. I fought it for months, but every time you went out, or we had to sit through another interview as you were asked about your sex life, relationships whatever, I thought about what she’d said. That you wanted a way out. And with the band about to go on a break all I could think about was the fact that I would stop you from being yourself. I knew you wanted to be out and open, you were so proud of who you really were H and I couldn’t bare it knowing that I would be what would hold you back. I knew you’d wait, would suppress who you were all for me, and I couldn’t cope with that.”

He couldn’t take his eyes off of Louis, eyes brimmed with tears and breathe so swallow it felt as though he were breathing through a straw.

“You walked in the door that night, you’d been out and I couldn’t bare having you anymore but you had such a big part of yourself locked inside, one that only I ever truly witnesses. I don’t even remember what I said, but you just stood there and took it all. You were looking at me as though I’d broken apart your entire world and I had to get away from you before I took it all back. I just want you to be free Harry.”

Louis stops for a moment, as if thinking over his next words carefully. “I talk about it enough with Lottie and she's told me a fair few times just how much of an idiot I am. Daisy and Phoebe were too young to really understand our relationship when we were together. I've never properly spoken with them about why we ended, what I did. And I think they've taken that it means that it was your fault instead of mine and don't know how to act around you. They always loved you, but then one day to them they thought you'd caused me all this pain and put me in such a bad place but it's hard to talk with them about it because they don't remember how we were when we were together. They blame it on you, instead of me as they should."

Harry remembers the cold looks he'd received from the two girls last week. Their coldness towards him which had never been there when Louis had been with Harry and the two girls only knew Harry as Louis best friend. 

"I was never with Eleanor…after." Louis continues and startles Harry from his thoughts. "It was all still a lie, you knew I never felt that way towards her, nothing close to it. We were, are, still under contract, it doesn’t end till December.”

“Louis…” He starts but Louis cuts him off with a wave of his hand.

“It’s a small price to pay for the person you’ve got to become.”

Neither of them say a thing. He doesn’t know how much time passes but the next time Louis speaks he’s crying.

“I watched it, when you came out. You were so proud to be out, to be yourself and despite every part of me that still loved you I couldn’t do anything. Because it wasn’t my place, not then, not anymore.”

“You said you didn’t love me anymore, not like you once had.” He whispers and his voice isn’t his own. “Said that you’d spent years feeling suffocated by the industry and that now we could both go live our own lives. That you wanted to experience a life without me in it. I told you I’d always be by your side, that I needed you there in my life and you took that from me.”

“I said anything I could so that you could be free Harry, and I know I hurt you, I’ve spent four years in pieces because of what I did to you but I wouldn’t take any of that back now because look at who you’ve become. What you stand for and represent.”

“I don’t care about that Louis, I would have waited forever if that’s what it took to openly be with you!” Harry says and he fights to keep himself from screaming the words. “You are the love of my life and it was torn away from us both in a matter of moments. I know you thought you were protecting me, and it’s one of the many reasons I feel in love with you in the first place, that you were so fiercely protective of the people you cared for but Louis, why wouldn’t you talk to me about this? I never wanted to live a life without you in it, I got this for a reason Lou.” Harry says and pulls his shirt up exposing the anchor tattoo. Louis’ eyes snag on the tattoo, unmoving as they trace over the lines inked to his skin.

“I wanted to tell you, every day for this past four years. But I saw how happy you were with who you’ve become because you’ve had that chance now, and I convinced myself that if I tried to reach out I wouldn’t be able to be around you.”

“You left me broken that night Louis. I’ve spent all this time holding onto it all, wondering what I did that would have what we had together fall away for you, only to find out that if you’d just _talked_ to me and let me explain,” He says choking on a sob, “Then we would never have gone through this. Would never have been apart and know what it’s like to live without the other.”

“I know that now, and I wish with every part of me that I could take it back. But you know what they were like, what we went through to be together, what I did had no reflection of my devotion to you Harry other than I let myself be blinded and convinced that you would be better off without me.”

“My life has never been better without you in it Louis.”

Both of them are crying now. He wishes he could just reach over and pull himself into Louis, let the years wash away in the comfort that was so achingly close. He hurt everywhere, physically and emotionally torn between the past and present, where this would leave them for the future. He wanted Louis so badly but he’d been betrayed here, they’d had both promised to communicate with one another and they had done so for years. But not this time and it had driven them so thoroughly apart that Harry had had to live years without the person who made him feel whole.

“Do you remember New Year’s at Princess Park?” Harry asks when he finally thinks he has his breathing slightly more under control. Louis nods, his eyes darting to Harry’s and there’s confusion laced through them. “There were dozens and dozens of people in our flat, and all I can remember from that day was being so hurt about the outing you’d done with Eleanor the day before. I avoided you all of that day, and you didn’t move to hold me the night of the stunt. Instead we lay together in the dark, I don’t think either of us sleep and I was miserable. You hadn’t done anything wrong. The early days of you giving everything to protect me, not like it did much to hold them back, but you still did it. We’d been together for months and that was the first time, that night before New Year’s I realised just how in love with you I was.” He pauses and watches as two silent tears trace down Louis’ check. “So on New Year’s I grabbed your hand and we snuck out onto our spot in the hidden section of the roof. We didn’t say anything, but I was so convinced in my love for you as we just sat there and held each other and I knew I’d spend the rest of my life feeling that way.” He stops again, unable to shove the feeling of his hurt anymore.

“That feeling will never change Louis, never. But that doesn’t excuse what you did. You didn’t tell me any of this at the time when we could have worked through it together. I’m sorry, so sorry that you had to go through all that, you know how much we fought it, but I can’t just forget this Louis. That I’ve been in pain so long now because you didn’t talk to me.”

By the time he is finished speaking his voice in raw. Louis sits in silence and stillness as he had spoken. He wishes he could read Louis’ mind then. There was time he thought he very nearly could, but these secrets between them unraveling only proved how far wrong he had been.

“The other day,” Louis says and Harry almost starts at the sudden change in topic. They’ve got so much to get off their chests so he goes with it, needs a distraction from his own words. “When I played you through the album I thought you’d guess it all right then and there. That you’d listen through it and know I’d lied.”

“I don’t think you lied Louis, well maybe about your reasons, but you didn’t lie.”

“I had to write those songs, thought if I got it out into the world the thoughts I’ve had trailing me everywhere I go for the past four years that it would ease the pain.”

“But it only makes it worse.” Harry mutters back in response, he knows exactly what Louis is experiencing.

“It’s only made it worse.” Louis agrees with a nod of his head. “You’re so wound up in everything I was, who I became in those five years that even now my mind can’t distinguish between who I really am and who I became in those years. I thought the time would heal that, but I don’t think it does anymore. I think it leaves me aching and raw and I don’t know how to pick up the pieces. Being around you is healing it but shredding it apart all at once it’s just fuckin’ overwhelming at this point.”

“I don’t think this part in either of us will ever heal Louis. It’s been irrevocably damaged and perhaps we both need to learn to live with that.” He says attempting to steel himself with the words.

“You don’t believe that.” Louis retorts and Harry wishes that Lois couldn’t still read him like an open book when he is sitting here wishing he could erase every bit of their pain.

“No.” He whispers, “I don’t. But it was a nice thought. I think we can work through this though, both of us. We have months that are going to spent together and maybe we aren’t anything like what we once were but we need to try make things better. Regardless of our history you will always be one of my best friends, these past few years have caused us unspeakable amounts of pain, but we can get past this. I’ve just got you back in my life, I don’t want to lose you a second time.”

“Harry I…”

“But I need some time to wrap my head around this Louis. It’s fucking confusing and though I’m grateful you’ve told me this now it doesn’t stop it from hurting like hell. I need some time whilst I think this through, I need space, can I ask that from you?”

“Of course Harry.” Louis says and fiddles with his hands in his lap, “Anything.”

He knows it’s the right thing to do. That he can’t rush back into their friendship without properly spending the time in his own head to sort through this mind field that Louis has now uncovered.

He doesn’t stop himself however when he curls over his legs tucked up on the sofa and wraps his arms around Louis. Breathing in a familiar scent and lavishes in it when Louis’ arms snake around him and hold him tightly. He’s missed this. He has fucking missed this. From the way Louis holds him so that it feels as though he is trying to hold every part of Harry’s shattered emotions in place, to the way he nuzzles his head into Harry’s shoulder and doesn’t move from there. Neither of them are willing to break away from the other, content to stay wrapped up in other for as long as they can.

Despite just asking for space, this is another step that needs to be taken. He needs to learn the boundaries with Louis. He will take a step back from everything when he walks out of Louis’ door, but for now he needs to feel the love of his life hold him together.

It’s a start. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...
> 
> I'm sorry I couldn't resist not including James Corden in this as he's just such an iconic dark Larrie and I really love the SYGOFYG section of the show !!
> 
> Also, they finally bloody talk, at least a little bit so there's that !!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Golden mv release day !! I mean... wow !! 
> 
> Very sorry for the day late update, have had a hectic past few days and just didn't have time to upload! (Was also distracted by the release of Superbloom by Ashton Irwin!!!)
> 
> I've split this chapter in two as it was getting up over 16,000 words and I wanted to split it somewhere so this chapter is a bit shorter - However this does mean that part two will be up in the next few days and is over 13k so don't be too mad!
> 
> I needed just one last 'fill' chapter to fill in some back story and perspective but we're finally nearing the start of tour now so here's to the chaos to come !!

**March 2014**

All he wanted right now was to be able to curl up in his bed and sleep. Preferably with Louis wrapped around him. Instead, he sat with a mildly interested expression on his face as the interviewer positively grinned at him, Zayn and Liam as they sat together on a low sofa, camera’s angled towards them.

They were somewhere along the Thames, the river spreading out behind them through the glass windows. It was a bright day, especially for London and he longed to simply walk out in the streets like anyone else. But there was at least a hundred fans lined up downstairs, despite this interview not being a live event and their team trying their best to keep their location under the radar. The fans always found out a way to find out their location however. It wasn’t as though he minded, he truly loved the overwhelming support they received from their fans but sometimes he really just wanted to be able to go grocery shopping without getting mobbed.

He could sense the agitation from Liam and Zayn also. They’d been doing promo for a solid two months now and with tour rehearsal schedules all mixed together life was hectic at the moment. They’d hardly had a chance to breathe since the start of the year and he knew that all five of them were just longing for the three days off they were having the moment this interview was over with.

He was leaving London early tomorrow morning, had planned this trip weeks in advance actually and now that it was so close he could hardly wait for this interview to be over with. He would hang around for a while downstairs with the fans whilst they got ready to leave, that part at least wouldn’t feel like a chore but he was counting down the minutes till he would arrive back at his and Louis’ private home.

He didn’t actually know where Louis was, hadn’t seen him in three days since he and Niall had been delayed in flying back from LA. He knew he was scheduled to fly back into London sometime today but it was too much of a distracting thought for him to be thinking about whilst in the midst of being asked about which venue he was most looking forward to playing on their upcoming tour.

It had initially been Louis’ idea to get out of London for the three days. He’d first suggested they simply go to one of their family homes up north but they’d only just seen both families recently and they would be coming down to London soon enough anyway. Instead, the both of them had spent hours pouring over travel destinations, preferably ones they hadn’t managed to go to yet before finally settling for heading to the Cotswold’s. Neither of them had been but it was one of his mum’s favourite places she’d gone with her own parents when she was younger and they’d both taken one look at a rental house on the outskirts of town and known it was the perfect place to get away.

It had been so long since they’d been able to get away just the two of them. Management had sat them both down when they’d ultimately had to let them know where they were heading to over the short break for safety reasons. He still hadn’t forgotten the stern looks on the faces of the three adults before him as they’d strictly told him not to appear anywhere in public with Louis. It still hurt after four years the divide that they were trying to paint between them when all he wanted was to claim Louis as his in front of the entire world. Neither of them had spoken much the evening of that interview, instead they’d curled up in bed, wrapped in each other. As if in their silence they were both trying to hold together each other’s pain at the situation they’d been so unwillingly faced in.

He wouldn’t revoke his love for Louis for the world. He was so enthralled by the blue eyed Doncaster boy from day one, let alone three and a half years into a relationship which meant everything to Harry. They’d talked about it a few times now what they’d be willing to sacrifice to properly be able to be together. He would give up the band in a heartbeat for Louis if it ever got to that point, would do practically everything. He loved the stage, lived for the sensation of having thousands of people scream back their lyrics to them and the feeling he experienced when he sang to them all, but he Louis was personally. A part of him that was so engrained in who he’d become that he didn’t know how he could ever live without him.

He’d spent many nights with tears streaming down his face when their situation had become to much, when he knew just how much he loved Louis and yet was told by everyone above them to suppress it, not to let it show. It hurt Louis immeasurably too, he’d never decided whether it hurt more his own stunts with numerous woman or being labelled as a selfish, heartless womanizer, or seeing the pain Louis went through with each outing he’d been forced to go on with Eleanor.

Eleanor was someone who plagued Harry’s thoughts more often that he’d ever willingly admit. She was a lovely girl, she truly was. She was always polite, if not a bit shy, around him and the lads but went about things just the same. It was exactly that passiveness she displayed towards the circumstance between her and Louis which made Harry unable to stand her. With every time she walked out the door, Louis by her side as they plastered on their fake relationship to the world that he felt the churning in his gut as he had to witness it all.

The interviewer finally seemed satisfied with his questions and Harry stood the moment it sounded like he was drawing things too a close. Zayn glanced up to him briefly before he got the meaning too and quickly did the same, holding out his hand to accept it when the interviewer offered and the three of them practically ran for the doors.

Niall was heading straight back to Ireland to his family after landing from LA so Harry knew he wouldn’t see him. Zayn and Liam would be hanging around in London at their own homes here they’d told him a few days ago. The three of them pulling each other into an embrace before they stepped into the elevator with their security, knowing they wouldn’t be able to share a proper goodbye downstairs before the three of them would be ushered into separate cars.

“Don’t get to carried away whilst you’re gone, we’ve got a tour starting next month you know?” Liam said with his arms wrapped around his shoulders.

“We’ll return in one piece, promise.” He said with a grin as he pulled back and went to pull Zayn in.

“Enjoy it H, say hi to Louis from us.”

“Have a good few days lads.” He said as they bundled into the elevator with four other security personal he wasn’t familiar with.

It always took longer than he gave time for to get through the fans, he was the last of the three of them to bundle himself into the back of the vehicle. Having spent a solid fifteen minutes moving through the line of mostly girls who’d shifted between screams, to crying and smiling so brightly at him.

He couldn’t help the sigh from escaping him however when the car finally pulled away and in silence began making its way towards their London home. He was exhausted after the past couple weeks in particular, and without Louis by his side these past few nights he’d slept like shit. The other boys teased he and Louis relentlessly that they didn’t sleep well when they weren’t together, and maybe it was cheesy but it didn’t mean that he and Louis ever didn’t sleep tangled up in each other as often as they could. Cheesy be damned, he always wanted Louis with him.

It took over thirty minutes to crawl through the London traffic till the car finally stopped outside his home. He thanked the driver as he stepped out from the car and went about disarming the alarms set around the property. He’d always loved this place, he’d spent weeks pouring over real estate magazines and websites just over a year ago when he and Louis had had enough of sneaking over to each others homes in the middle of the night when they had been forced to go to their separate houses for appearances sake only to lie awake restless. There’d been plenty of circumstances when they could just go straight to one particular house, but in those instances where they couldn’t had become to annoying and frustrating to deal with they’d decided to buy a whole new property, completely to the unawareness of any press or fans.

Louis had been the one to find this place. Harry could clearly picture the morning he’d come bounding down the stairs at his own place and thrusted the phone in Harry’s face. Practically shouting out the details of the property and Harry had only laughed before he’d pulled Louis into his lap, kissed his hair and scrolled through the details of the property. They’d both gone to view the house later that afternoon and a week later had bought entirely new furniture for it and moved in just three days later.

The house was dark but still faintly warm from the under floor heating which had been on over the previous night. He flicked on the lights in the living room and kitchen, making his way towards the fridge and pulling out several random ingredients to throw together a meal for him. Without knowing when Louis would be home, and seeing as it was only just passed mid day he blindly went about making himself a vegetable quiche, connecting to the Bluetooth sound system which spread throughout the house and humming beneath his breathe.

He was clearing away his dishes when he heard the beeper sound for movement in the driveway. The faint sound of a car pulling away down on the street cold be heard over the music which played quietly in the background still.

He was already at the door before Louis reached the small porch. Harry grabbed for the door, swinging it open on silent hinges as Louis paused in surprise before him. He took one look a the tiredness lined in Louis’ eyes, the bags under his eyes and the way his shoulders slumped forward and didn’t hesitate for a moment when he rushed out of the house and pulled Louis firmly into him.

“Love.” He whispered into Louis hair and felt his arms come to wrap themselves tightly around Harry’s waist. They stayed like that for a long moment, reveling at the sensation that Louis was finally back in his arms but that one brief look at the man he held so tightly in his arms, he knew this evening wasn’t going to go as he’d planned.

He loved Louis. Loved every part of him, from his overly loud, expressive traits right down to his fury and anger when he was upset. But in the few times he ever let himself become too caught in his own emotions was the times Harry loved him the most.

He silently maneuvered them into the house, locking the front door behind him without letting go over Louis. It was a conscious effort not to trip over his own feet, let alone Louis’ before he finally tugged Louis down into him on one of the living room sofas. Louis didn’t say a word, his breathing was short and sharp as he clung to Harry’s shirt, fisted in his hands, head turned into his shoulder. He waited for Louis to speak, running his fingers absentmindedly through Louis’ hair instead.

“I’m so fuckin’ tired of this.” Louis murmured so quietly he had to strain in order to hear the words at all. He didn’t say anything, waited for Louis to continue. “It was fuckin’ nothin’, just a single off hand comment but they caught it anyway and made me go out and I just…” His voice shook towards the end, trailing off and he pulled Louis further into him. “I don’t know what they expect of us anymore.”

“What happened love?” He whispered slowly into Louis’ hair.

“There was a girl outside one of the interviews, Niall and I walked out and went around like always but this one girl was wearing a shirt, a rainbow pride one.” Harry’s heart tightened in his chest, he could almost tell where this story was heading without needing to hear the rest. “I got to her along the line, talked with her for a bit and she was just standing there smiling at me, talking like a normal person when someone behind her shoved her and started ranting on about how she was an abomination and she was unnatural. Security tried to escort the other girl away but this one was so upset, I didn’t know what to do so I hugged her and told her to stay strong, that who she was could never mean there was something wrong with her and that love is fucking love. I thought it was over when I finally got to the end of the line and was getting in the car, but a pap just…and I…” Louis said choking on his last few words.

“What did you say?” He could very well imagine the taunts the pap had thrown towards Louis.

“That who people loved wasn’t anyone’s else’s business and to get a fuckin’ life.” Harry knew those were a dulled version of the words Louis had undoubtedly fired back, but regardless the fact that he’d even been riled into a response surrounding such a topic in their managements eyes meant there would have been consequences. “They were gonna keep me in LA. Fuck they tried too as well, threatened to fly Eleanor out but I said that it was in my contract that I got these days off, could come back to England. Proper told em to fuck off and left.”

“Louis…”

“I know, I know it was stupid and reckless but I’m so fuckin’ tired of their bullshit. They had no legal power to keep me there and I know they’ll make me do something to make up for it when I get back but I had to get away. I needed to be here, with you.” Louis said and Harry felt as the fabric covering his shoulder dampened slightly.

“Why didn’t you call me?” He only said back softly.

“Because I knew you’d worry, you get those lines between your eyes when you’re upset you know, and go all pouty.” Louis said and Harry could tell each drop of humour Louis tried to force into those words but he knew Louis far too well now to see through that.

“I worry because I love you and it’s part of my job description as the person you love.”

“Think I’ve had enough of job descriptions.” Louis muttered tiredly.

“I know you were trying to spare me from worrying, your protectiveness is one of the many reasons I love you as much as I do, but Louis these are the sorts of things you need to tell me about. Yes, I’m going to worry and stress over it because seeing you hurting fucking kills me but if we don’t communicate properly, we know that’s when things fall to shit. I wish there was more I could do, you know that, know I’d give the world to take away your pain, but until we’re free from this we need to be on each other’s team.”

Louis was silent, hand still fisted into his shirt.

“Doesn’t mean I’m not bloody proud of you for speaking back though, you did nothing wrong love. I’m proud of you.” He whispers again.

He feels it when Louis lifts his head from his shoulder, his blue eyes, usually shinning with brightness and humour are sullen, tears lined within. He doesn’t move as Louis shuffles closer and kisses him softly, his lips tracing over his own and it conveys everything Louis isn’t capable of saying in that moment. He shifts his hands into Louis’ hair, kissing him back with as much tenderness as he can manage.

“I love you.” Louis whispers against his lips and his heart wraps itself around those words as they settle in him.

~~~

**Present Day**

“Alright, you both need to come together in that final line otherwise it’s going to distort the sound.” Their vocal coach, Helene, hums to Niall and Liam. “Start over from the top of the verse.”

The five of them are sat in a small studio in Paris, having been here for an hour already in the early morning for their vocal run throughs of the setlist. The band hasn’t joined them for these first rehearsals, their contributions to the songs will come in later once they properly start rehearsing the set list and choreography but that it’s till the start of next month. They’d flown into Paris early the previous morning and had spent the day in interviews, as well as most of this morning.

Despite everything they were immersed in with album and tour promotions, he’d found his thoughts snagged on Louis more often than he would have liked. It was all just too much _stuff_ to try and sort through. If only Louis had told him back then, been honest instead of letting things build up before he’d finally cracked. Harry was angry, and upset. He’d been so hurt by what Louis had thought was good intentions when he couldn’t have been more wrong. Maybe he’d realised that now if his words that night had suggested anything, but it didn’t erase the fact that he’d still done it. He definitely stills needed time to sort through his thoughts.

It’s been two weeks since they left LA, the middle of February well upon them and countless interviews for the promotion of the album and tour, regardless of their pleas that since the tour has already sold out all seventy shows it seemed somewhat pointless doing all this promo. Their management however had made a valid enough point that it was less about promoting the tour and more about providing content for a loyal fandom which had been waiting for this moment for nearly five years. When they’d argued it was for the sake of the fans they’d all relented and none of them had brought it up again.

It had been easy enough to arrange flying Helene over form the UK to begin their vocal rehearsals, each of them knowing it would take a while to fall together again. They’d been solo artists for long enough now, working with their own backing vocalists that their voices would need time to blend together again. Especially now that they were older and more sure in each of their own vocal ability but it was fascinating watching it fall together as they each found each other’s rhythm.

He was sat on a bench stool in the middle of the room, the four other lads spread out around them as Helene stood before them, eyes scrutinizing them as they sung over _What A Feeling._

“Ok and now Zayn comes back in and you sing through the chorus once more.”

She studies Liam, Niall and Zayn as they join their voices together and sing through the chorus.

“Alright you know what, Louis and Harry go next door and move through to _Walking In The Wind_ because I want to spend some time with these three sorting through this and your wasting your time sitting here with this. The sheet is on the table, colours marking your names as usual and I’ll join you soon.” Helene says to them and gestures towards the table behind her which is scattered with marked out lyric sheets of all their individual parts in the songs.

Harry wonders briefly whether Helene knows what she’s just asked of them.

He doesn’t comment as he stands from the stool and grabs for one of the sheets for the song lying in a pile on the table. He blindly follows Louis out of the room and into the adjacent booth across the hall. They’re in a popular recording studio, having rented out the room weeks prior but thankfully word hadn’t got out to the public so they’d been able to slip inside with minimal notice from any press or wandering photographers. Not that Paris was anywhere near as bad as the UK or America.

He's still so unsure how to act around Louis. They haven’t been alone like they are about to be since their talk back in LA and he’s still very much processing everything he was told. Being with Louis had always been easy and natural, but there was such a strain between them currently that he just had no clue how to progress past.

At least, he thinks as he walks into the room trailing behind Louis, they hadn’t been asked to sing _Spaces._

There’s a Bluetooth audio system equipped in each of the room and Harry busy’s himself connecting his phone to it, avoiding any chance of stilted conversation. He glances down at his sheet as he waits for it to connect, knowing he has the entire first verse to sing by himself before Niall is meant to come in before everyone joins for the chorus.

He makes it through two of his verses before he’s had enough of the tension in the air.

“This isn’t working.” He says and watches as Louis’ head snaps up towards him.

“We’ve got seventy shows to perform on stage together in just over a months time and you’re telling me you can’t make it through a single verse with me here?” There’s an underlying sense of bitterness laced in Louis’ tone.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Louis this is fucking hard!”

“You think I don’t feel that way too?” Louis snaps and they really are about to get into this.

“Honestly I don’t know what you’re thinking anymore, that’s if I ever did in the first place seeing I never realised you wanted to end things!

“Now who’s being unfair? You fucking know that’s not how it happened, we’ve been through this.”

“Have we? We says leaning forward towards Louis, “Have we really covered exactly what we’ve both been through over the past four years? Because it’s been fucking hell and I’ve had to find some way to deal with thinking that I fucked up when it was you who couldn’t just talk to me!” He knows he’s raising his voice and he gives a brief thought to being overheard but remembers that these rooms are in fact soundproof.

“That’s fuckin’ bullshit Harry you know just as well as I do what _Modest!_ Was like to deal with and throwing that in my face is a fuckin’ low blow. This isn’t you.”

“How would you know that? You don’t know me anymore Louis, I struggle to see how you ever did with how you threw everything we had in my face when you broke up with me!” He’s being unreasonable now, he knows this but he’s spent so long with this pent up anger that having Louis here before him, willingly going along with this ridiculous argument , he can’t seem to stop the words as they tumble from his mouth.

“I know you because I spent five years of my life by your side and listened to your god dam album. It was my role getting pissed off in our relationship not fuckin’ you.” Louis says before his eyes widened at what he’d said.

“Don’t you dare tell me I can’t be pissed at you because of what you did when you broke my fucking heart and left me scrambling to find my way for _years.”_

“And has it crossed your mind for a split bloody second that doing so broke mine too? We’ve been over this before Harry, I know I fucked up by being manipulated into believing that bullshit but I think you’re forgetting how tired we were of fighting them by that point. We’d spent years hiding and forced apart in the public eye and we were fuckin’ over it! I’m sorry I did what I did, I’ll never forgive myself for it but it’s fucking unfair of you to be throwing this all back at me right now when I’m trying to fix this and you’re only tearing us down.” Louis spits at him and he falls silent.

The fight dies out of him, he’d never been someone for conflict and watching as Louis’ entire body had crumbled in on himself as he’d spoke brought some sense back into him. Louis was right, he was being unfair and despite his anger it wasn’t right of him to throw this all at Louis.

When he speaks again his voice has lost all its former bitterness, instead he speaks slowly and tiredly, “We can’t go on like this, something needs to change.”

“Honestly I don’t know what more you want me to do.” Louis says tiredly as he runs a hand down his face.

“Nothing. I don’t want you to do anything more.”

He sees the hurt flash through Louis’ eyes, he was trying, he really fucking was and all Harry had done since LA was throw it back in his face.

“I want to be able to be around you and not feel like I’m struggling to breathe, I want to be able to sing the songs we wrote together and about one another without feeling like I’m drowning, I want my best friend back.”

“Then have me back.” They both know how he means that. “Because I’m fuckin’ hurting here too, yes this is my fault, yes I haven’t done shit to fix what came between us but I’m dam well trying now.”

“I know, and I’m sorry I just threw that back at you. I did it too cause you hurt, not because I truly meant it.”

“Infinity.”

“What?” He blurted before he could stop the word.

“Let’s go through Infinity.”

“Louis we haven’t even started going through that song, and Helene…”

“Helene won’t care as long as we’re doing something productive.” And the mischievous grin which Harry had, _does_ , love so dearly is bright on Louis’ face, and for the first time in a long while, his eyes are equally as bright.

Harry doesn’t argue further, just grabs for his phone and clicks play for the new track to begin.

~~~

Anne settles down into the outdoor lounge chair beside him. He looks up from where he’d been scribbling random thoughts down into his personal journal, Paris spread out before them on the particularly warm afternoon. There’s a haze over the city but the sun is bright above them and his eyes take a moment to adjust from the cream paper to his mum. His mum would be leaving for a three-week holiday to South Africa tomorrow morning, she’d flown over with them to spend some time around them all. It felt like the early days of the band, when all their parents had taken as much time as they could to be with the boys as they’d travelled.

“Are you finally going to tell me what happened or are we going to keep pretending nothing happened sweetie?” Anne suddenly says and he just stares at his mum. She has always been one of the kindest, most gentle people he’s ever met so the fact she’s being so blunt with now must really prove that he is moping.

“I spoke with Louis.”

“Obviously.”

“Back in LA, and yesterday, and… he told me some things.”

“That’s usually what people do when they have a conversation.” And he really wishes he could find the humour in this situation but he was still just too confused by everything. “Oh sweetheart.” Anne’s face falls at his lack of reaction to her comment and she stands from the seat and comes to sit beside him, wrapping him in her arms.

He’s quiet for a long while, taking the time to shift through his next words. He tells her everything, every part of the conversations, the album shoot, the Brit awards, and seeing Louis for the first time, all of it. Recounts all of his confusion and anger, bitterness and longing and his wish that none of this had ever happened. It takes him over an hour of him rambling, all the while his mum sits patiently by his side and listens to everything he has to say. He doesn’t think he’s ever loved his mother more in his life than he does right then.

“And I’m just lost. What do I do?” He asks, turning to face her with pleading eyes.

“I don’t think I can answer that darling. That’s only for you to decide.”

“I look at him and I know I still have feelings for him, I want to throw it all away and try win him back but I don’t even know if he wants that, if it’s healthy for me to want that. I’ve been so caught up in Louis for so long that I don’t know if what I feel for him is pinning over something lost or if it’s real.”

“Harry.” His mum says flatly looking him square in the eye. “I can’t tell you what to do, but I know you, and I’d like to think I know Louis well enough too by now. You love him Harry, you never haven’t and you never won’t, that’s not something that you can ever change. What you had together was very real, I don’t think I have ever seen two people more in love with one another. I don’t know whether you are still _in_ love him, but you certainly still love the person he is.”

He goes to speak but is interrupted by the sound of knocking on the apartment door. His mother gives him a long look before he moves to stand and head towards it. He crosses back over through the open doorway into the spacious living room and stops before the door.

He pulls open the door the moment he sees Zayn waiting patiently on the other side. He flicks Harry a smile as he walks passed him and into the living room.

“I thought we were meeting at six?” He asks Zayn as he trails behind him.

“We are, but I wanted to talk to you.” This can’t be good.

“Oh, hi Zayn!” His mother says as she wanders back into the apartment with their two empty glasses in her hands.

“Anne! Didn’t realise you were up here, sorry I can come back…”

“Don’t be silly, I’d better go start getting ready for tonight, I’ll see you both later.” She says as she sets the glasses down on the kitchen bench and gives Harry a kiss on his cheek and walks out of the room, the door closing behind her with a soft click.

“So…”

“You look miserable.” Zayn comments as he takes a seat on one of the smaller lounge chairs in the living room.

“Feel it too.” He answers honestly, knowing Louis has probably been talking with him and that’s why he’s here in the first place. “How’s he doing?” He gives up keeping up any form of pretense. He and Zayn had never worked like that before and he doubted things had changed since.

“About as well as you. I’m glad he finally told you though, you deserved to know.”

“I just don’t understand why he didn’t tell me this at the time! We were so fucking good at communicating with one another, had worked through so much shit and just this one thing gets to him.”

“It’s more than that Harry you know that. You’d both been worked down for years with our old management and this woman was a proper psychologist, trained to work her way into people’s heads.”

“Strong enough to tear us apart.” Harry murmurers more to himself but Zayn catches the words regardless.

“Look man, I know you’re mad at him, we all are, but you’re both just making this worse. I get you both need time to do this and I not at all saying you need to get back with him if that’s even what you want. But the two of you have always been drawn to each other, I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people who have such a connection as you two did despite your differences.” He thinks back to the words him mum had only just told him. “Friends would be a good place to start, otherwise you’re both just tearing yourselves apart. It’s hurting you both so much and honestly it’s fucking hard to watch H.”

“I don’t know how to forgive him, hell I barely know what to do around him at all Zayn. We spent years together and now we have to act as though our entire time in the band was platonic when there’s millions of fans who think otherwise and an entire media industry just waiting to pounce on our history.”

“You don’t think you’ve had enough time to sort through this? Honestly I think you’re holding onto your own pain here, it’s doing nobody any good, least of all you.” Zayn says with a pointed stare but continues before Harry can speak.

‘I’m not saying you need to do anything for the public, though the album promo photos certainly sparked a fair wad of interest but when you finally get your thoughts together about all this find a way to let it go alright?” Zayn interrupts him when he goes to argue, “Fine, poor choice of words. But just, move on from it yeah? He’s really fucking sorry, I’ve been there to witness it tearing him up for four years, you’re my friend too H and seeing you both like this is painful for everyone.”

He’s been moping ever since that night with Louis, barely able to look at him during interviews and plastering a fake smile on his face each time someone asks how he is. This tour is a chance for him to relive the start of his career, him, the boys and the fans. Touring and doing what he loves. He can do this with Louis by his side now the hurt inside of him has lessened somewhat.

“I’m trying Zayn, really.”

At this point he wonder’s whether Zayn is right, maybe it is time he stops holding on and just lets things go to start a fresh.

“What are you going to do on tour?”

“Move on, I hope.”

“We’re all here for you, we know this isn’t going to be easy for the two of you.”

“I lost it at him this morning.” He admits, risking glancing up to find Zayn’s eyes already trained on him.

“I know.” Zayn answers with a slow smile, “He told me.”

“I’m done venting at him at least. Think I needed to get that part out of the way. And I think we are ready to get passed this. You’re right, I am just holding onto my pain now.”

“He said you’d needed too, was getting worried that you hadn’t blown up at him before then actually. Relieved to know there’s still some real, human Harry Styles underneath all that Gucci.” Zayn said with a smirk, humour had never been a particular strong point for him but Harry was glad he was trying all the same.”

“He’s always known how to get through to me.” Harry mutters more to himself than too Zayn.

“It’s one of the reasons you two fitted together so well. None of us could ever get you to do what Louis could with barely any effort. But that’s what your love was.”

 _Is_.

His mind immediately thought but pushed it far from his mind, he’d deal with _that_ particular thought another time.

“I know you’ve always been a bit of an overthinker when it comes to these things, especially without Louis to confide in considering he’s the cause of all this, but I think you know you’re ready to move past this Harry.”

“I’m scared of ending up in the same place I was when he left me.” He admits, out loud for the first time instead of just his own head.

“I know.” Zayn says and he feels a steady hand grip his knee tightly. “But it’s worth the risk.”

“Yeah. He is.”

~~~~

London is alight.

Five and a half thousand fans filled the venue that had been set up to premier a special edition preview of the hour long film which showed the band reforming and all the work which had been put in to get them back together again. There would be another film crew following them on the tour for a film to be released concluding the tour but this film showed the five of them over the past year sorting their way back into the band. Filming had stopped the day of the photo shoot last month, clips of the day incorporated into the film and he wondered how on earth the production crew had thrown this all together so quickly. It had been the only event they could think of to draw the crowd without giving away the surprise however, so their team had worked round the clock to make this film in time for tonight.

They’d flown back from Paris two days ago and had spent the entirety of yesterday at the venue familiarizing themselves being back on stage with one another again. It was incredible short notice for them to throw this together on stage, having only yesterday and today to go through everything before they’d been forced backstage at 4pm so not to give away their presence to the gathering crowd outside.

Now, as Harry sat in the wings with Sarah, Michael and Ny surrounding him, chatting animatedly about the setlist and tweaks they could make before tour, his hands slowly becoming less steady as he gripped the microphone in his hand. He hadn’t a clue when Jeff had found the time to go out and buy them all their signature microphone wraps which distinguished them apart, but he’d nearly teared up as Jeff had pulled them together at the start of the day and held out the five pieces of fabric. It was somewhat childish and certainly not something he’d thought about bringing back, it had certainly bought a laugh out of him when he’d been told sneakily later that the fabric was bloody hand stitched by three workers at Gucci, but he wouldn’t trade his for the world. The green had changed just slightly from what it had been years ago, this one a slightly dark, deeper shade of green, but he marveled at it none the less, spiraling him into his memories as he sat perched on a box backstage reminiscing over times past.

“Five minutes, band please make your way to the stage.” A voice echoes round backstage and he can faintly hear the sound of the film drawing to an end. Michael and Ny send him a final smile, Sarah pulling him in for a tight embrace as she whispers good luck in his ear and takes off after the other two.

“There you are!” A voice calls from behind him and he turns to find all four of them walking towards him, a slight bounce in each of their steps, hands fumbling with the mics in their hands.

“So we’re really doing this then?” He says as they circle around him. Niall to his left, Zayn then Liam and finally Louis on his other side.

“Face the wolves right?” Louis says with a glint in his eye that almost sends Harry to the floor.

“Don’t any of you fuck this up alright?” Niall says and he doesn’t think he’s ever been so glad for Niall’s easy going nature as he eyes each of the lads.

“Band to the stage please, two minutes.” A voice calls through the system and Harry tugs on one of his in – ears to pull it into place.

He follows silently behind Louis, trailing after him before he stops at the second mic along the stage. Zayn is too his left, the closest to stage left, Liam, then Niall and finally Louis on stage right. Each of them stand, hands shaking slightly as the sound of the audience behind the large velvet curtain before them rings in their ears. There’s buzz about the venue as the film draws into it’s final thirty seconds. He can hear them loudly singing through the speaker system, their voices muffled through the rain and recording as _Best Song Ever_ plays in the background of the photo shoot. He can well picture the images on the screen, Niall, Liam and Zayn flinging themselves around in the down pour while he had danced around with Louis at his side.

He hears them the other three’s voices scream out the final line, their laughter from set that day drifting into silence before a simple drum beat starts slowly behind him.

Sarah had laughed herself hoarse when he’d burst through into their casual rehearsal three weeks earlier and said that this would be their opening song. He hadn’t wanted to use any other. It had taken some time before he’d got the other lads on board but he got them eventually when he’d showed them _how_ he’d wanted to perform the song.

The keys and guitar strings slowly coming in behind them, the curtain still raised before the five of them. They had ten more seconds.

He frantically turned as he heard the screams start from behind the curtain, the film now fully at an end, the screen he knew being folded away. No one in the audience had any idea what was happening but the music was getting louder and he felt his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn’t see around Liam and Niall, instead taking a frantic step backwards to crane his next, almost tripping over a shift in the stage in the protest.

Louis’ eyes caught his in amusement, clearly seeing his slight stumble. He had four seconds.

_I love you._

He mouthed, knowing Louis understood without any further meaning as he smiled, open and warm in response.

_I love you too._

He had a second to spin back around to his microphone when the curtain dropped and they were revealed to the waiting crowd. After all these years he still wasn’t accustomed to the sheer volume as the fans realised in an instant that the five of them were actually here before them, completely to their prior lack of knowledge.

 _“You’re insecure, don’t know what for.”_ He sang and the room exploded. It wasn’t the version they knew, the melody changed and different to suit their more mature sound as artists than nine years ago.

_“You’re turning heads when you walk through the door.”_

_“Don’t we make up, to cover up.”_ Niall sang next and Harry could hear the smile in his voice.

_“Being the way that you are is enough.”_

_“Everyone else in the room can see it, every one else but you!”_

_“Baby you light up my world like no body else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed but when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell, you don’t know!”_ They all sang together, the first time in front of an audience all together in over five years. They snatched their microphones out from their stands and held it out to the audience as they screamed the lyrics back at them.

_“You don’t know you’re beautiful!”_

Louis and Zayn sang the next verse, Harry’s version of the song so different to what they’d sung together for years yet so achingly familiar as they walked out further onto the stage, the deafening screams from the fans as they sang with them almost overpowering their own vocals.

Snapping the microphone back into his stand he walked forward to the front of the stage, Liam and Zayn to his left, Niall and Louis on his right as he grabbed the two closest hands to him and began to dance as the instruments took over the sound. None of them hesitated in following him in his movements as they danced to the song which had skyrocketed them all those years ago.

The lights were blinding, screams deafening, sweat dripping from every part of his body, eyes stinging and heart clenched with emotion but he danced beneath the shimmering lights to the beauty which had become his life, surrounded by people he loved.

He dropped Niall and Zayn’s hand from where he’d grabbed them as they all went back behind their mics and sang the rest of the song. The only sound he could hear other than the faint sound of the boys voices through his one in – ear he had in, was the endless chorus of voices singing back at them.

His brothers around him, the one person he loved with every part of him beside him and the people who had watched him grow over the years, supported him, and a song he’d never forget. He wouldn’t give this up for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally couldn't bring myself to choose any other song for their come back, so sorry for the local song but it's Harry's version from the Capital's Jingle Bell Ball if that wasn't clear already!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a crazy past few days so sorry I couldn't manage getting this out any sooner but it's almost 12k so hope I'm forgiven for not coming through with posting this earlier!
> 
> PortMeirion is a real village in Wales and is a really special place !!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the development and as always let me know what you think !! I really love reading through all your comments !!
> 
> Next chapter will be up next Monday NZT time !!

Their final interview ended exactly a week before proper tour rehearsal began. They’d added a total of twelve more shows for the tour due to the absolutely overwhelming demand, especially after their ‘surprise’ performance in the venue in London two weeks ago.

They’d all been stuck in London, shuffled round various interviews, both in person and over the phone and the week off before the true mayhem set in felt like a final lifeline.

Zayn had been the one to suggest the ‘retreat’. The five of them already packed, bags stuffed between the two cars they were taking to partake on their getaway for the week.

Bonding time, Zayn had aptly named it.

Despite his initial thoughts that the five of them were about to be stuffed together for months on end, they were still lacking the sync between them which they’d once carried so easily. It had dawned in him over the past few days that this was exactly what they all needed to get back on the same page before they were expected to travel the world together again performing on some of the biggest stages in the world.

Liam had been the one to suggest they head towards the sea, enjoy the gradually warming whether that the UK was starting to offer. He’d been the one to suggest the same, reclusive village located in the north west of Wales, he’d visited PortMeirion once as a child with his mum and Gemma and had been longing to return ever since. It was almost five hours by car to the village but it had only taken one website depicting the small, idyllic village for all the boys to readily agree.

He’d managed to get Jeff to pull some strings for them, the houses usually booked months in advance for guests to come but they’d secured a luxury, five - bedroom house all the same for six nights.

Things between him and Louis were progressively getting steadier. They hadn’t spoken properly again but the times they’d all gone out; first to a bar with their band and the other lads where they’d all sat around and shared tour stories, family updates, tour expectations before moving onto topics such as exotic animals and safari trips in Botswana, then a dinner at Liam’s where Harry had finally been able to meet his son Bear. Followed by a movie night at Nialls and a friendly (or it started that way at least till Niall tried to steal one of Louis’ specially signed balls) game of football at Louis’ private backyard. It had gone well. All of it. They’d both been able to openly talk about everything asked in front of one another and that feeling of tension which had been rippling between them since they’d first met up in December had slowly ebbed away. They had a long way to go, but he was grateful they were both trying.

That’s how he found himself waiting beside his car for Liam and Louis to arrive on a Thursday morning, a few hours following their final promotional interview. Niall had offered to drive with Liam, had practically shoved Louis and Zayn towards Harry when they’d discussed their travel options. The five of them would be far to crammed to squeeze in one vehicle so he and Liam had offered to drive their own cars. It also meant they had more space for their luggage.

Zayn and Niall were sat on Harry’s front steps leading up to his private London home, talking between them with laughs emitting from both of them occasionally.

He’d excused himself from their conversation several minutes ago when a phone call had come through from Mitch, wanting to go over some final suggestions for their set before Harry would officially be going ‘off duty’ for the next week. He’d spoken with him for a couple minutes before Mitch hung up and had been stuck absentmindedly through Twitter ever since

Their social media interactions had increased dramatically over the past couple of weeks. Since the whole ‘fruit debacle’ back in January, the reunion announce, tour dates, numerous promo interviews and most recently their performance, social media had been a craze of interest around them. Their accounts had all risen drastically in their followings now they were back together which had come as somewhat as a surprise seeing as they hadn’t really suffered as solo artists, but he supposed people still found it overly exciting now they were back together again. He read through their most recent social media debate, this time a passionate debate between who Zayn and Niall dubbed as the top British R&B acts, safe to say Niall was severely under educated in the topic than Zayn. It had eventually ended when Niall made the comment that his actual favourite was Zayn, sending fans into a flurry of gooey comments and the conversation had moved no further.

Pushing himself off the hood of his car he began making his way back towards Zayn and Niall who sat comfortably leaning back on the steps. A sleek black vehicle rounded the corner down the street, pulling to a stop behind his own car. He watched as Liam got out from the drivers seat, glasses pulled down over his eyes to shield them from the sun which surprisingly shone bright above them in the fading mid - afternoon. 

Whatever comment he was about to make in greeting was abruptly cut short when Louis stepped out of the passenger side however. He was dressed in tight black jeans, something which had once been a staple part of his outfit but now seemed as though it was for the pure purpose of causing his heart to flat line. He wore a simply white shirt, a faint design over the breast pocket but it was the way the material clung to every inch of his body that made him fumble to a stop, let alone the aviators he wore to shield his eyes. He looked like he’d just walked off the set of a photoshoot.

There was no way his self-restraint was solid enough to be spending a week with his ex – boyfriend, who he very much had decided he still had feelings for, if he was going to spend his time dressing like _this._

No fucking way.

“Finally, you boys ready to go?” Niall said as he stopped beside Harry placing a hand down on his shoulder. He hadn’t even heard Niall approaching him.

“I reckon.” Liam said with a slight smirk in Louis’ direction. Harry was sure that behind the aviators Louis was glaring daggers at Liam. Ok, whatever that meant.

“Lou, you’re with us.” Zayn said as he opened the backseat door to Harry’s car.

This was a bloody set up. Harry decided as he turned without greeting Liam or Louis and clambered into the driver’s seat. Focusing heavily on getting oxygen back into his lungs. He was vaguely aware of Zayn settling into the backseat and braced himself for a minute later when the passenger door opened and Louis pulled himself into the seat.

“I’m on music and don’t either of you fuckin’ argue.” Was Louis’ way of greeting them and he couldn’t help the bark of a laugh that escaped him, because of course that’s what Louis would open with. At least the sound meant he was breathing again.

They set off through the streets of London, none of them really engaging in any form of conversation but sang along to the songs which played from Louis phone through the Bluetooth system.

It wasn’t until they were far outside of London, into their second hour of the journey that Zayn actually started trying to make conversation.

“So will both of you snap my head off if I ask what’s going on or can we have a discussion around what’s going on between you two like grownups?”

Definitely a set up.

“What do you want us to say Zayn?” Louis replied without hesitation.

“Look, you’re both two of my best mates, despite the past few years and besides, I spent years with the both of you when you were together. I know you’ve both tried talking to each other but at this point I literally feel like I have no choice but to intervene here.”

“Not gonna lie, thought that Niall was going to be the one to do this.” Louis said under his breath and Harry’s eyes flickered to him briefly.

“I know you’re both finding this uncomfortable and difficult to deal with but if it hasn’t already sunk into your heads yet, you have months literally about to travel the world together. I just want you both to talk about what this is gonna be like before you plummet into this head first.

“So that’s what this week is about?” He finally asked, catching Zayn’s eye in his mirror.

“I may have conned Liam into suggesting this…”

“Bastard.” Louis muttered.

“You love me.” Zayn said matter-of-factly.

“Maybe.”

“But I mean it, we’re having this conversation seeing as you two keep either putting it off or skirting around it. You’ve got the hardest bits out of the way.”

He had a vague sense what Zayn was suggesting, but he wasn’t giving in that easily. Somewhat repeating Louis’ earlier remark, “What exactly do you want us to talk about Zayn?”

“How are you going to do this tour? On the bus, in hotel rooms, when fans ask you what your connection has been over hiatus, in interviews? I know management made sure those sorts of questions were not allowed in everything we’ve just done but people are really pushing this all now. It’s almost getting bigger than it ever was when you were actually together, people genuinely believing that you two are in a relationship.

“We could tell them the truth.” Louis suggests, looking out the window.

“Louis…” Zayn starts but Harry beats him too it.

“You’re not out. I don’t want you to have to feel you have to come out just to appease people. If, _when,_ you come out, you do it for you, and nobody else ok.” Voice stern, this wasn’t something Harry wanted to negotiate, he’d come out because he’d been wanting to for years. It was a way that he could finally feel after so many turbulent years that he owned a part of himself. That he could show so much support for others around the world was certainly an added factor, but he’d ultimately done it for himself. He didn’t want Louis coming out for any other reason.

“It would make this all a lot easier…” Louis tried again, still refusing to look at him as Harry’s fist clenched around the steering wheel.

“This isn’t about what’s easiest, this is a part of who you are. You let the world know because you want to, because you want that part of yourself to be expressed and known so _you_ can take ownership of it. Not because a bunch of imbociles in the media are making up stories. This is something you do for yourself.”

“Harry’s right Lou.” Zayn says softly from behind him.

“I don’t want to, at least… not right now.” Louis eventually says, the music in the car the only thing filling what had been a very charged silence.

“Then you don’t have too.”

“I would have done it, back then. If we could have. Wanted too.” Harry knew this. They’d spoken about it more times than he could count. “But it doesn’t seem right without somebody beside me.”

That hurt, hurt because that had been the only factor which had made him hesitate before he’d come out himself. That Louis was no longer by his side and he wouldn’t be able to do this with him now that they were free. Hearing Louis hesitate for the exact same reason Harry had was a hard thought to process.

“I know it’s not what you mean,” Zayn said leaning forward and placing his hand on Louis’ shoulder, “But we’ll always be here by your side Lou.”

“When this whole idea of us getting back together was in fruition I wanted nothing more than to say not to it.” Harry’s eyes darted to Zayn’s, his eyes brimmed with confusion as that’s almost the opposite of what he’d been saying for the past two months. “Because I knew this would be fuckin’ hard, all the questions, rumours and accusations, expectations so fuckin’ high it sometimes feels like they’re too far out of reach and then there’s being back around you Harry who is the love of my life when I’ve betrayed and hurt you so badly.” He pulls over to the side of the road, the narrow country lanes quiet around them. “I’m so sorry Harry, I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you what was going on, why I was getting scared when you’ve always told me you’d stand by my side no matter what. That’s why I was so glad when you got mad at me, when you asked for space, because I felt like I deserved it. I want to be around you, want you to feel like you can talk to me, trust me, and I know that that’s asking a lot but I’m not going to fuck this up, not again.”

He didn’t make a sound, clicking his seatbelt off he reached out to Louis and pulled him as close as physically possible with the center console between them. He caught a flash of Louis’ eyes, rimmed red and tears threatening before he buried himself in Harry’s chest. He heart was pounding in his chest, all pain he’d held in seeping out as a new pain filled him with realising the extent Louis had punished himself for the past four years over his actions. He didn’t want that, not at all. He knew now, had accepted that it wasn’t really Louis. Their relationship was so strained by their management in terms of their public appearance around one another that a few too many carefully placed words and forced stunts they’d both had to pull had been the finally factors needed to create a wave of doubt. It wasn’t a lack of strength. It was loving someone so completely and utterly that being told you were the one holding them back, keeping them from being their true selves, was enough to feel as though you were the problem.

Harry couldn’t believe he’d ever been mad when this was the reality Louis had faced.

“I know you’re sorry.” He says pressing Louis closer into him. “I’m sorry for reacting how I did when you told me the truth, you were really brave admitting that and I threw it all back at you.”

“You’ve already…” He hears Louis say quietly, “You’ve already apologized for that.”

“And you’ve apologized profoundly for everything you’ve done, so we’re even.” He pulls away from Louis, catching everything from the tears which are slowly coming to an end, the remaining tremor still slightly visible in his lips to the overwhelming emotions evident in his blue eyes.

Louis’ eyes flicker down to the now damp fabric of the shirt stretched over his shoulder. “Opps.”

He leans back over the console of the car, delicately placing his hands on either side of Louis face as his eyes dart up and linger.

“Hi.”

His voice is low, brimmed with emotion as they both sit staring at one another with the words which started it all. Zayn all but forgotten in the back of the car. And for the first time, he feels like he’s truly ready for this adventure to begin. But this time, they’re finally starting over again.

~~~~

“This is fucking sick.” Niall says the moment the five of them walk through the front door into the bright blue, yellow and green painted house. Majority of the houses in the village were of vibrant colour and there’s was no exception. Three stories of bright, open spaces which looked down over the estuary greeted them as they lugged their separate bags into the open living room and kitchen.

“I’m taking top floor!” Niall calls out already heading for the stairs to their left.

“You do realise that means you’ll be doing the most amount of exercise to get there then.” Liam reminds him and his steps falter.

“Let alone the fact that it’s the furthest to go when you’re blindly stumbling around drunk and then one of us will have to step in and help you get all the way up there…” Zayn drawls as he takes a seat on the bench stool in the kitchen.

“Or we leave him on the floor.” Louis pipes up, dumping his single bag down beside one of the sofas.

“Or that.” Zayn agrees sending Louis a wink.

“Alright fine, Li your top floor…” Niall says turning around before Liam cuts him off with a shriek.

“What!”

“You’re the least likely to end up in that state so you’ve just volunteered yourself for that position, Zayn and Harry you take the next floor down and Louis and I can take the bottom two rooms.”

“I feel like you based that solely off our alcohol tolerances.” Zayn retorts.

“Exactly!” Niall says with a wide, Irish grin and trapezes off back towards the stairs, luggage in tow.

Harry shakes his head at the banter already woven between them, some things truly never change. Instead of facing the bedroom debacle he turns towards the kitchen. Eyeing the rustic modern design and takes to opening several of the cupboards to figure out where things are. He finds all the appliances and utensils they’ll need for their stay but notes their isn’t even milk to go in the tea bags which count for about the only form of sustenance provided in the entire kitchen. He’ll have to go out to the local supermarket later on, not thinking for a moment they’ll get away with trying to order takeaways every night for a week straight but perhaps he’s underestimating Niall’s charm.

Louis has disappeared off after Niall, most likely trying to persuade his way into getting the best bedroom on the ground floor, Liam heading off to take his bags up to the third floor while Zayn scrolls through his phone opposite him.

“Better or worse? The chat in the car.” Zayn offers after a moment of silence from Harry and a glance up to see his confused expression.

How did he even answer that?

It had been exactly what he’d needed, he suspected for Louis too. After spending the past few weeks torn between his emotions he finally felt like he’d let it go. Seeing Louis like that had broken into a part of him he’d thought was long since marked untouchable. It seemed as though some emotions were too strong to suppress, even after years of trying.

He felt ready to move on and get to know Louis as he was today. They’d perhaps never have what they once did, never mean what they had to each other but he was prepared for that now. Part of what had held him back before he know realised was that he was scared of letting go of the memories he’d hoarded in his mind for years, drawing on them to remind him of what he’d once been graced with for five wonderful, turbulent years.

Now though, with his head cleared and mind a little wiser, he realised that had been foolish. Louis was a part of his history, his present and certainly would be his future, and he knew he wanted him anyway Louis would let him. As a small part of his life or big. As long as he was someone Louis trusted.

“Better.” He finally answered. “Definitely better, thank you.”

“I’m just glad you two seem somewhat back on the same page. This week will be good for all of us H.”

“Yeah, I think it will be.”

“So!” Niall called out interrupting them, Harry breaking out of his thoughts. “What’s up first lads? The pool, wander through door, food? Definitely like the food idea.”

“I’m keen to go for a wander down at the estuary to be honest.” Louis says following in behind Niall, the glint in his eye suggesting he won the bedroom debate.

“Mate, it’s high tide!” Liam said also emerging from the stairway.

“And?” Louis asked turning with a pout towards Liam.

“You don’t think we should wait till we won’t get bloody swept away into the sea?”

“Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“My sense of adventure Louis,” Liam states dryly, “Does not extend to drowning.”

“Wimp.” Louis mutters his breathe and Harry turns away to hide his smile.

“How about we just go for a walk through town and if we spot anything that interests us we look into doing whatever.” Zayn finally offers.

“Sounds good to me, as long as it includes grabbing some food because I’m starving.”

“You don’t think we should be a little cautious about the five of us all wandering round a strange town together?” Liam says even as he reaches for a pair of sunglasses and his wallet.

“This place is mainly for older, or retiring couples.” Zayn says as he too gets up from the sofa and goes for his things. “Sure there’s some families around but I don’t think we have that high a chance of getting recognized.

“I reckon we need alibis, you know like fake identities!” Niall says as they file out of the house, Harry locking it behind him and pocketing the key.

“What?” Louis exclaims.

“Five young lads on holiday together, if we get asked what we do we should have some elaborate backstory to go along with it!” Niall says getting excited and he knows they aren’t escaping this one.

“No fucking….” Liam tries but Niall cuts him off.

“Alright, Liam you’re gonna be a lawyer and…”

“What! Why do I get the boring occupation!”

“Because you fit that role so well, and besides I’m making the decisions here so shut it.”

They wander down a small pathway leading down towards the main shopping and communal area. The estuary spread out to their left and a collection of brightly decorated houses surrounding them.

It’s unique and hidden from the rest of the world and he thinks they couldn’t have chosen to come to a better place right before their worlds are once more turned upside down.

“Zayn, you’re a painter because there is simply no other choice.” Zayn just nods, accepting his fate. “Louis you’re a teacher.”

Louis goes to cut him off, eyes widening but Niall waves him off and continues.

“Harry you’re an aspiring designer.”

“Where does that choice stem from I wonder.” Liam says with a knowing look at the open, button down shirt tucked into the dark dress pants, his signature rings covering his fingers and he thinks not for the first time that he should have changed into typical clothing to avoid such scrutiny.

“You’re not exactly trying to fit in here mate.” Zayn says shoving his shoulder slightly from where he walks beside him.

“Fine, designer it is.” He gives in with a sigh.

“And you’re what Niall?” Louis questions from where he walking up front beside Liam.

“A golfer, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

“Alright, but is this really all necessary?” Zayn questions for the final time as they walk down the last remaining steps near the green in the town center.

“Absolutely, and don’t any of you forget it!” Niall says and steers them all off towards an antiques looking shop.

~~~

They spend the better part of three hours wandering around the small setting. Despite the small size, each of them seemed to get caught up in looking intently through the shops they wandered through. Niall and Louis had left twenty minutes ago in search of their third round of ice cream sourced from a rather amazing sweets shop across the green. Zayn was still caught up in talking with the shop owner and main artists in one of the painting and photography stores which left Liam and him wandering aimlessly towards the look out over the estuary.

Evening was drawing nearer and the faint glow from the setting sun lit up the murky water below. A dozen or so people meandered their way along the retreating tide, small children running around after each other.

“It never gets old being able to go places and nobody recognizes you. As if we were just like every other person, here to enjoy ourselves and not to escape from the mayhem of what our lives have become.” Liam muses as they lean against the stone wall.

“Bit heavy for the first night of a holiday don’t you think?”

“The truth though.” He pauses for a moment, Liam’s gaze slowly taking in the stunning view before him. “We’re lucky you know, that we get the chance to come back and do this. That we were big enough that people still care. I know we all went off and did our own individual things and were goddam successful doing it, but I wouldn’t give up this chance for the world. Being back with you guys is how we started, I’d have hated never getting the opportunity to do this again.”

He didn’t have any words for that, what more could he say? They were so god dam privileged to be doing this, too have such a dedicated fan base and people who this time round are actually on their side. And this time, they’d get it right.

~~~

They put Niall’s profession switch to good use that night. Seated around a large outdoor setting venue at a standard restaurant Niall and Liam had got chatting to a middle aged couple seated behind them and sure enough had spun a massive tale about the five of them. The story had rambled on for a good half hour of conversation, how Niall and Liam had managed to keep up with the lies they were spinning was beyond him, but it had certainly been entertaining. He’d gone along with his fashion designer persona when he’d been asked a question by the husband and had told him that his greatest inspiration was Alessandro Michele, was he supposed wasn’t a lie.

Louis had been the absolute standout however. Even Niall couldn’t compete with Louis endless charm and wit as he’d spun his own story about his ‘teachers training’. Harry had spent the entire time trying to hide firstly his amusement at the blatant lies Louis was telling the couple who had sat engrossed listening to him speak, and trying not to reminisce of the times they’d sat together in their houses or in hotel rooms across the world making up scenarios of if they’d met in their lives outside of the circumstances they had. The lives they could have lived together away from the spotlight.

The couple had been entranced by his worlds, completely falling for his story and had bid the five of them goodnight with great enthusiasm. The minute the five of them were on their way back towards their house along a dimly lit path they’d burst out laughing. Thankfully no one had been around to witness seeing five grown men fall over themselves at their own personal joke.

None of them had had more than two drinks so they could hardly blame it on any alcohol. Still they managed to all stumble over each other as they pushed through the door and tumbled into the living room onto the sofas. Harry landed first on the sofa, sprawling over the entire thing as the others plonked down onto their own chairs. Louis made to walk past him and he felt himself drawn to the movement. They were trying to move past their awkwardness, get back to a stage of feeling comfortable around one another and honestly he was tired of pretending he still wasn’t so immensely drawn to Louis. He reached out and settled his hands either side of Louis’ waist, pulling him down to lie beside him on the sofa. Louis came easily, not resisting Harry’s slight tug on his waist and curled up against Harry’s back, arms curled up before him with his head resting back against Harry’s chest.

Completely ignoring the slight stammering in his chest, his left arm draped lazily over Louis stomach, the other tucked beneath his own head. None of the others commented on their newfound proximity though Harry didn’t miss the knowing glance Zayn shot them both. They’d all spent enough years becoming accustomed to his and Louis’ constant need to be touching each other. Not always romantically or sexually, but just that constant need to be connected to the person they loved, it was simply how the dynamic between them worked.

Harry didn’t listen to the conversation carrying on around them, his mind too caught up in the reality of having Louis in his arms again. It wasn’t the same as it had once been, but it was more than he ever thought he’d have again.

He’d struggled over the past four years thinking of moving on to a love life that wasn’t with Louis. How someone could be so different yet compliment him so completely he’d never fully understood, but he’d missed it endlessly none the less.

He knew both he and Louis were vulnerable around one another for the moment. He knew Louis well enough by now to know he at least was confused in being around him again, that he too was struggling to define any boundaries. Despite the years they’d had to grow up they had always been so in tune with one another, cliché and all he felt he could read Louis almost better than he could himself.

Louis coming so easily down into him only strengthened that thought, his thoughts slipping from one thought to the next and he vaguely registered his fingers drawing circular patterns over the think fabric of Louis shirt.

Hesitating the moment he realised what the was doing, he continued when he felt Louis push back further into him, as if he’d felt Harry’s hesitation and was reassuring him. He began tracing the patterns again, trying to focus on the conversation instead of his thoughts.

“…Back in the studio for another round maybe late August and then we’ll go to…”

“How we could incorporate that section into the songs, weave them together and create a new sound….”

“Draw some inspiration from this one artist who I met…

He gave up after another couple of minutes, his heart racing and mind tumbling over his own thoughts. Instead he nuzzled further down into the sofa, tightening his grip around Louis and shut his eyes.

“Haz.” A voice sounded from far away, bringing him slowly back into consciousness. His name sounded again and he blinked his eyes open.

He was still pressed into the couch, the room now dark and the curtains drawn. It took him a moment before his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he saw Louis leaning down over him. One knee pressed into the sofa in front of his chest and his hand resting gently on his shoulder.

“You should head to bed, you’ll suffer for it in the morning if you stay on the couch.”

“How long was I out?” He asked in a low drawl, tiredly forcing his eyes to remain open.

“Two hours. The others just headed upstairs.”

“Right.” Drawing his legs over the side of the sofa he braces himself as he pushes up off the sofa and stands on slightly swaying feet. Louis slinks an arm around his waist and he leans gratefully into him. Louis smelt like the rain, he smelt like home. Warmth radiating from him as they slowly walked towards the stairway.

“I’ve got it.” He says as he reaches the first step, Louis’ room being only on the first floor.

“You look like you’re about to drop and fall asleep on the steps Haz, I’m coming with you.”

He doesn’t bother arguing further than that, his mind to fumbled by sleep to do so. Louis stays patiently by his side as he navigates the steps and fumbles along the silent corridor to his room.

Louis pushes open the door to his room, the faint glow from the lamps guiding the pathways outside filtering into the room through the open window. Louis lowers him down on the side of the bed and immediately steps away to close the curtain, engulfing the room in sudden darkness. He hears the sound of two things colliding followed by a string of mumbled curses and struggles to contain his laughter.

“I thought I was meant to be the clumsy one.”

“Oh don’t start that with me Styles.” Louis grumbles back but that only makes him laugh harder.

He knows he should be more considerate with Liam on the same level as his room but there’s a bathroom and linen closet separating their rooms and doesn’t think the sound would travel that far.

“You should really get out of those clothes you know.” Louis says after his laughter has faded

“Bit forward in our relationship don’t you think?” Harry blurts out before his brain can filter the words and he mentally slaps himself for letting that come out.

“Very funny, you know exactly what I mean. Besides, I’ve seen you without clothes on enough to be used to the sight.”

“Is that so?” He says lowly, trying his best to suppress the sudden rush of heat through his body.

“Yes, now stay still.” Louis says, shuffling towards him in the dark but his rushed words don’t do much to convince Harry that Louis isn’t currently blushing almost as deeply as he was right now. He really didn’t know how they’d both so blindly fallen into this topic.

Louis’ hands fumble over his shoulder, hands moving down and slowly begin undoing the few buttons down up on his shirt. Heart pounding in his chest he doesn’t dare move or try to say that he’s well capable of doing this himself despite his tiredness. Instead he barely breaths as Louis pops open the last of the buttons and slides the shirt down his arms. In the faint light of the room he can just make out the blue of Louis’ eyes staring intently back at him.

Louis’ voice is heavy when he says, “I think you can probably manage the trousers.”

The bed shifts as Louis moves off of it, backing away towards the door and blindly fumbles for the handle. “Night Haz.” He says and slips out of the door without another word.

He sits dumbfounded for a while, mind racing to try and understand everything that just happened. How on earth had the night progressed to the point where Louis had practically half undressed him?

Managing to up do the clips holding his trousers together he slips them off, laying them over the back of the armchair beside his bed and slips beneath the covers. The phantom trace of Louis’ fingers burning like a brand across his bare skin. Groaning to himself, wondering what on earth he did to deserve being teased by the very person he was well on his way to making amends with.

Louis felt something, there was no way he didn’t. That didn’t explain how the two of them were slotting so seamlessly back together again. Louis hadn’t said a word about them cuddling together on the couch earlier, as if he had craved it as much as he had. Harry now knew that Louis didn’t let him go back then because he didn’t love him anymore, he had let him go because he had loved him _too_ much. Those feelings still bright beneath the surface despite all the time they’d spent apart.

Whatever was happening between them was developing rapidly after their shared forgiveness, what he really wanted, _needed_ , to know right now, was where Louis stood with this.

He knew without having to dig too deep in himself that he wanted Louis back. There was no way he could love Louis the way he did back then, and not been able to move on for four years to not feel that way now. Louis was his match in every possible way. Harry missed him in every conceivable way possible, and now with things mostly settled between them he needed to know how Louis felt in this.

The main problem, he thought solemnly to himself, was that Louis still wasn’t out. His contract with Eleanor didn’t end till December and technically he was still under Syco despite his current ongoing efforts to leave the label. Even if they got back together, they would still have months to face in secret as they once had done. It had broken them apart once before and the thought of going through that again was too unbearable to consider. He wouldn’t rush into this blindly, despite how much his heart craved too, especially when he and Louis still hadn’t even discussed this yet.

Louis not being out wasn’t the deciding factor in this. If the contract would truly end in December, he’d easily wait till then to be able to claim Louis as his publicly. They’d spent five years in the closet, a few more months wouldn’t be all that difficult in comparison. It was that he hadn’t even spoken properly with Louis about his coming out, whether he would want to do so any time soon. Sure they’d briefly spoken of it early on but not completely. This would be Louis choice, and his alone. This was something for him.

But that didn’t stop him from wanting to be the one to stand at Louis side when he did so. Wanted it more than anything to stand proudly in front of the world and claim Louis as his and his alone.

Jesus, they’d only fully made up _yesterday_ and here he was trying to plan their future together _again!_

He was really getting over his head with all this. But when had he ever not wanted to do everything with Louis, maybe they were still a long way off being what they once had been, but he knew without even having to consider it that he’d wait till the end of time to be with Louis.

~~~~

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Niall shrieked before he was thrown under the freezing cold water. Louis and Liam bursting into laughter from where they stood together on the side of the pool.

“You were asking for it Nialler!” Liam calls out when Niall’s head breaks the surface and glares at the two of them.

Harry smiles to himself where he seated beneath the sheltered outdoor seating area. Rock music playing quietly through the bar’s speakers. It was mid-morning and the weather had turned from what it had been the previous day. Rain was coming down in steady sheets, the air cold and had them wrapped in warm sweaters and huddled beneath umbrellas as they’d made the short walk from their rented house to the bar. They’d been here an hour or so before Niall had finally pushed Liam and Louis over the edge and was now trying to act offended he’d been thrown in the pool as a consequence.

Dripping wet and likely freezing cold Niall pulled himself still fully clothed out of the pool.

“Bastards.” Niall exclaimed as he shock his head sending water droplets flying.

“Hey!” Louis cried out as a few hit him from where he’d darted back under cover with Liam after tossing Niall into the pool. Harry supposed it was a rather high health and safety hazard to have a pool situated in such close proximity to a bar.

“Come on Niall.” Zayn said standing and grabbing one of the umbrellas. “I’ll come back with you so you can get changed.”

Niall nodded at him once before turning back around to Louis and Liam who were still struggling to get their laughter under management. “See, this is what real friends do!”

“Next time don’t try and claim Arsenal as the best bloody team!”

“Football fans.” Niall mutters under his breath.

Harry watches from his seat at one of the high tables as Zayn and Niall hide under the umbrella and step out into the rain. Louis and Liam claim their seats around him once more.

Someone stumbles slightly knocking into him and he turns to find an older man quickly find his feet beneath him before he turns to face Harry

“Sorry lad, bloody chairs!” The man says with a genuine smile.

“No problem, happens to the best of us.”

The man nods once more at him and moves off to join five other men seated close by to them.

“Well I guess we won’t be heading down to the estuary today.” Liam says when harry turns back around to focus on them before his eyes glance out at the rain coming down.

“Guess now.”

“We’ve got another five days, surely one of em’ well be nice enough.” Louis says taking a sip of his beer.

“Reckon we’re gonna get enough nice weather in the coming months not to have to worry too much about catching some sun.” He points out.

“True.”

They spend perhaps another half hour finishing off their drinks before picking up their own umbrellas, deciding it best just to head back to their house with the rain still pouring down.

They settle in for an afternoon of reading and games. Louis and Niall, who has completely forgotten about the incident earlier it seems by the time the three of them get back, settle in for a passionate round of FIFA in front of the large tv in the main lounge. Harry knows better than to get between those two when playing that game, instead heading for the small study room on the third floor next to Liam’s room and claims the windowsill looking out over the village.

By the time evening rolls around the rain has slowed to a mere drizzle. Casting a low light over the village and leaving his want of leaving the house any time that evening low.

At around 7pm he wanders back downstairs in search of making food for the lot of them. He finds Louis, Niall and Zayn sprawled out in the living room, Liam nowhere to be found. Without a word he makes his way into the kitchen and starts looking through the groceries they’d bought yesterday in search of ingredients he could string together to make dinner.

Zayn wanders into the kitchen a few minutes later just as he’s pulled out several ingredients.

“Oh, we’re all heading back down to the pub in a minute. Niall texted you about it earlier, Liam’s grabbing us all our jackets.”

“Oh, alright.” He says begrudgingly, so much for not going out again.

He replaces all the food back into their spots just in time for Liam to walk back into the living room, passing him his jacket.

“I booked us a table at the pub, thought it might get busy for a Friday.” Liam explains as the five of them make their way towards the door.

“Been a while since we last did this.” Louis says when he draws level with him and they make their way down towards the village.

“Gotta say I missed it.”

“Doesn’t bet you constantly dressing up so we could sneak out to pubs.”

He laughs, remembering the lengths he’d gone too to be able to go out with Louis without being recognized. They used to think it was one of the funniest things to put on wigs, fake moustaches or beards and funky clothing and go out together. How they’d never been spotted always amazed him, but they’d certainly got creative. It had been one of the only highlights of them being forced apart from each other, especially in the last two years of the band.

“Still got a few of the wigs, could but them to use.”

“Don’t think you’ll be needing them anymore.” Louis says as they turn towards the already bustling pub.

“Certainly hope not.”

They make their way inside, stopping only to grab the attention of a young waitress who kindly guides them towards their reserved table. There’s a small stage set up in the far corner, a live band playing classic songs and they aren’t half bad. The atmosphere is friendly despite this being a pub for a bunch of holiday goers. There’s a familiar ring in the air of loudness and people beginning to get drunk off the night. The age of people in the bar ranges from the few people in their early twenties but mostly consists of people above middle age.

It’s friendly, open and inviting and the five of them quickly order drinks and settle into the booth. Their chances of getting recognized in here are slightly higher, especially from the younger aged people but they don’t mind for tonight. It’s not as if they could get swarmed by a mass of fans in this place even if it got out they were here tonight with security guarding the access into the village. It wouldn’t stop people from coming here in the following days just to get a glimpse of them however, that had happened too many times before. The lengths fans went just to see them still amazed and shocked him, but there wasn’t much they could do about it other than try keep a low profile. With the sheer amount of people milling around the bar and the few even brave enough to either be singing loudly along with the band or even dancing hardly seemed like a threat.

Two hours a few drinks deep Niall grabs for his arm and drags him from the booth. Stumbling a bit as he hurries to settle his drink down so that he doesn’t spill it he fumbles after the Irishman.

“Where are we going?” He manages to stumble out over the noise of the bar as they push through a crowd in the center of the room.

“Come on!”

They approached the stage, the band having stopped briefly for a break and his mind clicked the moment Niall drew to a halt before them.

The lead singer, a woman perhaps in her early forties glanced up as she caught sight of them both. Eyebrows raising and he knew that she recognized at least one of them.

“Hello?” She says wearily but turns towards them nonetheless.

“Hi! I’m Niall, and this is my friend Harry.”

“Yeah, I know who you both are, my daughters are huge fans.”

Niall positively beams and he dreads what’s coming next.

“I know you guys are probably set for tonight but Harry here would just love the chance to sing some songs with you guys if you would have him for a while.”

Harry blanches at that, despite knowing this was Niall’s intention of dragging him over here. He glances up but the woman smiles, kind eyes flickering to him and he nods.

“So long as Mr. Rockstar doesn’t mind joining us humble folk!” She says with a light laugh.

“I ahh…” He shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “I’d love to sing with you if you’d let me.”

“Slight confession, I rather like all your music too so you’re more than welcome to join us.”

“Great well uhh…” He says glancing around the small stage.

The woman turns away from them for a second, beckoning the other three members of the band over to them and they crowd around her.

“This is Marcus, Andrew and Cassidy, everyone this is Niall Horan and Harry Styles.”

The other three glance at them, the other woman Cassidy seems to know who they both are and smiles warmly at them. The two men both smiling, though more restrained and nod in greeting. His gaze snags on one in particular, Marcus, who is the same man who had stumbled into Harry earlier at the bar. Marcus sends him a knowing smile, seemingly also remembering Harry.

“Harry is going to join us for a few songs, he’s a singer.”

“Sure lad!” The other man, Andrew he thinks, says with a bright smile.

“I’m Quinn by the way.” The lead singer says holding out her hand which he easily takes.

“It’s lovely to meet you.”

“By the way, my daughters would likely disown me if I didn’t say this, very glad you lot are getting back together!”

“We can get you and your daughter tickets too one of the shows if you’d like?” He says without a second thought.

“Oh you don’t have to do that!” She says waving him off.

“I’d be glad too, as a thank you for letting me up on stage with you tonight.” He says as he steps up onto the small platform, Marcus arranging a mic to be brought to the front of the stage alongside Quinn’s.

“Well, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.” Quinn says with a warm smile. “So Harry, what songs are we going to be doing tonight?” And he’s glad that Quinn and the rest of them are treating him like another person, that she’s comfortable around him to be calling him by his first name.

“What have you all got planned? I’ve loved your songs choices so far!” He admits honestly.

“We’ve got a list back there, but I do have one request.”

He waits for her to continue and she turns around to face him again. “Kiwi is one of my favourite songs and I think it would be quite fitting for this atmosphere don’t you think?”

His eyes widen as she mentions one of his songs but a smile quickly spreads across his face.

“I would be honoured.”

Quinn turns away to talk with the other three. A few minutes pass as he fumbles around with the microphone and a few people in the pub seem to notice the new addition to the stage party.

In the back of the pub he spots Niall slink back into his seat with a triumphant grin on his face, Liam and Zayn quickly lowering their heads to him no doubt to ask what Niall has done. Louis though stares at him from across the room, his attention focused solely on Harry.

Feeling brave he winks at him, a smile blooming across his face and he feels someone tap his shoulder.

Quinn comes to stand next to him before her own microphone.

“This might sound a bit different to how you usually play this but they’ve got the music sheets so they should be right.”

“Do you wanna sing together or different verses?”

He knows singing with someone he’s never tried too before is slightly risky, having no idea how their voices might sound together. It had been hard to clearly hear Quinn’s voice over the chatter in the pub, especially as he was seated at the back of the room and only vaguely remembers the tone of her voice.

“How about I start, chorus’s together and then alternate verses from there?” He offers and Quinn nods in agreement.

“Alright! Marcus calls from where he’s seated beside the drums, Cassidy behind a set of keys and Andrew on a guitar. He hasn’t a clue how this is going to sound but it’s been an age since he’s done something like this and being on stage is always a thrill.

“One, two!” Marcus yells.

_“She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes, hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect!”_

The crowd turns to them, cheers raising throughout the crowd.

_“And all the boys, they were saying they were into it, such a pretty face, on a pretty neck, she’s driving me crazy!”_

_“But I’m into it, but I’m into it, I’m kinda into it.”_

_“It’s getting crazy, I think I’m losing it, I think I’m losing it!”_

He hears it when Quinn joins him for the next line, their voices slotting together surprisingly well and he smiles against the microphone.

_“Oh I think she said I’m having your baby! It’s none of your business!”_

They sing through the rest of the chorus and Quinn takes over the second verse, her voice surprisingly well fit for the song. He grins out over the crowd and the music blares through the pub.

Niall and Liam have jumped up from the booth and are dancing along with the rest of the crowd. Zayn has phone out filming the entire thing with a wide grin plastered across his face and Louis sits smirking in the corner of the booth. His eyes flash across to Harry’s as they meet across the room just as Harry rejoins Quinn for the chorus.

They finish the rest of the song together, grabbing his microphone and losing himself as he dances through the final few lines and guitar solo which Andrew pulls off spectacularly.

He can feel the faint feeling of sweat building up beneath the bar lights and enclosed environment filled with too many bodies. It’s intoxicating and as the song finishes and he glances up to find Louis’ eyes already on his, he doesn’t think he rather be anywhere else right now.

~~~~

Sure enough, his impromptu performance had been filmed by several people who had been in the pub that night. He’d performed four other songs with the band before he’d needed a breather. Quinn had managed to snag Niall however as a replacement and he’d joined them onstage for a further three songs much to the delight of the crowd. But it had been his performance of _Kiwi_ with them which sent social media reeling.

The videos blew up online the minute they were posted and Jeff had been thrilled. The other managers too and they’d each sent the boys notes of how well they’d done to be seen all together out in some ‘mysterious location’. The four separate videos which surfaced of his and Niall’s performances had all not mentioned where they were and they very endlessly grateful for that.

They’d had one of the girls who had recorded come up to them the next day when they’d all been fighting off mild headaches and said what a huge fan she was. They’d stayed chatting with her for while, she’d been friendly if not a little shy but said she wouldn’t admit where they had been until they left so their location wouldn’t be leaked.

The next day had been spent indoors again, the weather truly awful and the rain pouring constantly all day. They’d only gone out for lunch, which is where they’d consequently met the girl, Harriet.

Two mornings following their pub appearances he was making his way downstairs when he spotted Louis’ door open down the hall. Liam and Zayn had shot into town to grab some more groceries, and Niall was sitting outside with his guitar from what Harry had heard from his window on the second floor.

Hesitating only briefly he turned down the corridor for Louis’ room. Knocking softly on the side of the door he beeped his head inside and the soft voices which he’d begun to hear as he’d walked down stopped.

“Is that him?” A woman’s voice said in the silence after a moment and it took him a second to realise he knew the voice.

“Harry?” Louis asked as his head appeared from around the angle of the door from where he was laying across his bed.

“Sorry, I’ll leave you alone just wanted to ask if you wanted breakfast.”

“Oh it’s fine, it’s just the girls.”

“Hi Harry!” He hears Lottie’s voice again.

“Hey Lots!” He calls out stepping into the room and Louis twists his laptop screen around so that he sees Lottie and the twins seated around a table displayed before him.

“PortMeirion looks incredible, Louis’ been sending us photos! We’re all so jealous.”

“We’ll have to bring you all here some time.” He brushes off how easily he just said we.

“Come sit.” Louis says sitting upright and patting the bed next to him.

He walks over to him and sits perched on the edge of the bed.

“The video of you in the pub by the way is awesome, we’re expecting a full live reenactment next time you’re here.”

“Only if you join me on stage.” He replies instantly and sees Daisy and Phoebe’s faces light up in amusement, and he’s glad to see their wariness of him from when he’d seen them again at Louis’ house seems to have alleviated slightly. Perhaps Louis told them.

“Deal!” Lottie readily agrees. “Alright we really have to leave now but call me later Lou! And Harry don’t be a stranger.”

“Bye girls.” He and Louis say at the same time and the screen goes blank.

“Sorry,” He says after a moment of silence between them, “I didn’t mean to intrude on your time with them.”

“Don’t be silly, I’m the one who invited you in here aren’t I?”

There’s a long stretch of silence, yet his thoughts race around his head and he’s sure Louis must sense how tense he is.

“We’re doing a fucking poor job of making this not awkward.” Louis finally breaks the silence.

“I feel like we’ve come here just to top toe round one another, seems pretty stupid considering we’ve now said multiple times we’d try.”

“Yeah.” Louis muses, eyes trained ahead of him. “S’just fuckin’ hard being around you though.”

“It’s just…” He breathes out and runs a hand through his hair, “I feel like I’m drowning inside, I want so badly to be around you but I don’t know how to act when I don’t know how you feel about this and I feel like it’s not going to change unless we’re honest about that. Hard as it is admitting things.”

“You’ve got to be thick if you haven’t picked up on my feelings, I’d hope you’ve at least got enough brain cells under those curls to have realised this.” Louis says and he can only stare at Louis. He’s been obvious? His feelings are what! He almost says it aloud, desperate for an answer but stays silent when Louis continues.

“You seriously haven’t picked up on all the embarrassing things I’ve let slip over the past few months?”

Harry shakes his head, words failing him. Louis barks out a laugh and it seems to ease a bit of the tension rolling between them.

“Fuck Haz. The photoshoot, the Brits, the party, the show, my album, let alone the fuckin’ photos on my wall!”

“What are you talking about?”

“I never stopped loving you.” All the oxygen in his lungs simply evaporates. “You’re the love of my life, and I’ve spent years trying to live a life without you in it but then you charged back and being around you now is just intoxicating and unless I’m reading all these signs wrong you aren’t dealing with this well either.”

“Louis…”

“And I know this all fuckin’ forward and you’ve barely forgiven me but I can’t be around you and not want you. You’re a part of me and I get you’ve gone off to live your own life which is what I wanted for you but I can’t have you in my life now and not have _you._ It’s driving me insane!”

“Louis!” He says again and grabs for his shoulder, turning him to face him. Their eyes meet and beneath the panic evident in Louis’ eyes at his rambling there’s truth in every one of his words. “I requested the colour of your bloody eyes as numerous features on my music videos, my clothing, I wrote songs about you, I created a whole fucking storyline about you and broadcasted it out to the whole world, sang all those lyric changes, agreed to a fake relationship just to _try_ and get the longing I have for you out of my head because I was that desperate, I went around the world trying to escape the feeling of you only to come running back to you the second I had the chance. You haven’t been reading anything wrong, I never stopped loving you, and I never will.”

Louis just stares at him, not moving away from the vice like grip Harry has on him.

“I’m scared. I caused you so much pain because I thought back then I was the one holding you back, and now I’m terrified of doing something to drive you away from me again. I can’t lose you this time round, I don’t want to stay away from you, but I’m so scared of getting close to you.”

“I don’t want to stay away from you, I’ve been afraid of getting close to you because I’m not sure I could relearn the person you are now without throwing every part of myself bare to you. Which it seems I’m doing now anyway. I want this, I want _you.”_ Harry says and hears the truth behind his words. Knows he means them with every part of himself. He could never want anyone as much as he wants Louis.

“It’s never changed, I want to be there again to hold you when you’re tired or angry. I want to be there again to hold you when you cry, to sing beside you again and know that you’re mine, I want to sit with you again on lazy days when we can just be ourselves, I want to know you again as well as I knew you then, be the person once more you come to when you feel lost, I want to be able to stand in front of the world and scream that I’m in love with Louis William Tomlinson. Have been since I was sixteen, and never stopped.”

He says the words with every part of his heart open. Reaching out to trace away the tear that falls down Louis’ check as he stares breathless back at him.

“I thought I’d lost you forever.”

Harry breaks apart, pulls Louis into him and wraps around him, burying himself in Louis.

“You never lost me, not completely.”

“I love you.” Louis says so quietly the words are hard to make out but he hears it none the less. He’d said it before, on stage back in London but this time he feels the difference between the two confessions.

The one on stage had been a reflection of the past they’d shared together, all that they had experienced and the love that had grown between them of each other. Not a grand romantic declaration. This one however, this one was true, and current. An admittance of every part of their still piecing together relationship which represented them for the people they were now. Changed, more mature yet still hopelessly gone for one another.

They had a way to go before they could truly be together, but Harry now knew they wanted the same thing. That the months ahead would be worth the struggles they would face because when this all ended, they’d have each other. And Harry never planned on letting go.

~~~~

The sun is finally shinning once more. The tide well out now as the five of them wander down through the sand which is more mud than it is sand. They’re barefoot and in shorts. Tripping their way through the sludgy brown mess beneath them.

“I bet you five pounds I can find sinking sand before you can.” Liam challenges Niall and the next moment they’re both racing off towards the small island of clustered rocks, barely ten meters in width to find the subject of their bet.

Zayn shakes his head at the two of them but trudges on through the mud after them. And Louis stays right by his side, taking in the sun light view before them. The tension which has followed them around since their car ride to PortMeirion is finally gone, he feels as though he can finally breathe properly around Louis now since yesterday’s honesty.

He’d hardly seen Louis for the rest of the day yesterday. Niall barging in only ten minutes after they’d finished talking to find them both wrapped in each other lying back on Louis bed. Harry had been lazily tracing patterns through Louis’ hair, eyes trained on the ceiling as he’d run over every point of their discussion. Louis had been half lying on top of his chest, and he knew he also been wide awake. Taking the time in the silence to think over their shared words and confessions to one another too.

Niall hadn’t commented on their position, his eyes had widened slightly but he’d dragged Louis away from him and they’d disappeared off for a good couple of hours. By the time they’d returned, soaked from the rain the five of them all bundled together in the lounge and had watched four movies together. Only taking a break to order food, and had spent the rest of the evening gorging themselves on the pile of food they’d ordered.

Today however, Louis had fallen right into step beside him and they’d all made their way down here he’d spoken passionately about his siblings, updating him on everything he’d missed in the past few years. He’d only finished when they were a couple hundred meters from the steps which had led them down into the muddy surface of the estuary.

“Oi! Get over here!” Niall yells out to them and he, Louis and Zayn make their way over to where Liam and Niall are stood.

“Who’s going in?” Liam asks with a glint in his eye and Niall practically jumps into the softer surface. He immediately starts sinking through the surface, ankles soon disappearing from sight.

“You idiot.” Zayn murmurs.

Louis steps forward and soon enough his ankles disappear from view too as he sinks lower.

He glances up at Harry, a smile breaking out before he laughs and falls forward slightly, hands burying into the muddy surface to balance himself.

“Reckon we should leave them here?” He says to Liam.

“Definitely, let’s go.” Liam replies and the three of them turn away to mock returning to the village when a hand reaches out and grabs his wrist. His movements halt and he turns to find one of Louis’ mud coated hands holding tightly onto his wrist.

“No leaving each other, remember?” Louis says in what he supposes is meant to be a lighthearted joke but his heart still clenches at the words.

“Never.”

He spends the next few minutes helping Louis pull himself free from the quick sand, finally succeeding and Louis falls forward into his arms. Despite the mud which now coats his hands as they cling to his clean shirt, Harry holds Louis against him, relishing in the contact.

“Not this again.” Niall blurts out from behind them and they both turn to face him.

“Don’t be jealous, not everyone is so lucky.” Louis replies and does the most childish, Louis thing possible and sticks his tongue out at Niall

“Alright fine, you’re cute together we get it!”

He laughs and bury’s his head into Louis’ shoulder. They hadn’t exactly covered what they were going to tell the others, hell he still didn’t even know if they were actually together, or just ‘better than friends’ or what. He guessed that was another conversation they needed to have. Being in love was more confusing than he remembered. He should have known however that the others would easily pick up the shift between them both. Had all witnessed enough of their love sick nature towards one another in years gone by to not see them slowly begin falling into that again now.

They spent another two hours down on the estuary, finally conceding to returning back to the house when the tide rapidly started coming in again and there weren’t much more safe places to walk. The sun was beginning to set now and they were all rather hungry.

Refusing to give in and order takeaways, he made quesadillas for them all and they ate together in the lounge whilst watching _Top Gun_ for what must have been their hundredth time all together. 

Later, after a long shower to rid all the mud which he’d somehow managed to spread across numerous parts of his body that afternoon, he lay still beneath the crisp sheets. His back turned towards his door, hands pressed against the pillow under his head his thoughts returned to Louis.

They admitted so much yesterday but had hardly clarified what they actually were to each other. Where they officially back together? They hadn’t even _kissed_ yet. He’d been longing too since the Brit awards. His thoughts often drifting to the thought of Louis’ lips pressed against his own. Had been on his mind every time he’d come apart recently in his own privacy. It had been a show of restraint that he’d restrained the past few days from relieving himself but the thought of doing so whilst the other lads where in the same house, whilst _Louis_ stayed just a floor below him had scared him enough away from that idea.

It was nearing midnight when his door quietly pushed open. He didn’t turn over even as he felt the covers push back and a weight settle behind him.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Louis whispers into the darkness. He reaches his hand out behind him, finding Louis’ hand and pulling him till he’s pressed to his back and snakes his arm around Harry. Breathe hot against his neck and he shifts slightly till their bodies slot together as seamlessly as they’d always done.

They’re older now, their bodies having changed and grown but still managed to fit together just as perfectly. Having Louis curl around him was like one of the final puzzle pieces aligning. He’d never realised how much he’d missed these small things they’d once shared till he now had it back. The feeling of Louis slowly, wordlessly drifting to sleep whilst pressed against him was everything he’d lost four years ago. And everything he would never go without again.

~~~~

Their last few days in PortMeirion passed in similar fashion. The sun stayed out and they spent their time exploring the neighbouring area, even spent their final night at the same pub, and taking long walks down the estuary. It was fun, and so very easy the way they all slotted back together again. Here they were just five young men enjoying being around such close friends.

Louis spent all remaining nights in his bed, wrapped around him. Nothing progressed and they didn’t speak about it but he went to sleep each night more at ease than he’d felt in years.

His final view of the small, vibrant village as they drove out that Thursday afternoon, was the sun shining down and it followed them all the way back to English soil.

The start of a new journey.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone in America reading this, I am SOOOO fucking happy for you. Anyways....
> 
> Enjoy!

Willow, their tour choreographer sighs at them as she watches on for the tenth most time that morning the five of them stumble around the stage. As uncoordinated together now as they once had been. Being back on stage with four other lead singers is a strange dynamic for him, he’s so use to commanding most of the attention on stage now from being a solo artist that now he has to go back to fitting in around others is odd.

They won’t be beginning stage rehearsals at the O2 till four days before opening night so for the time being they’ve been rehearsing on a makeshift version of the actual stage in a smaller, closed off venue in downtown London.

It’s their fourth day in the studio, their final stage design having passed two days ago and they’re now mid way through the setlist choreo. Remembering the places they had to be in was similar to running a mind marathon each time they ran through what they’d created so far. They’d at least, whilst doing tour promo, finalized all their parts in each song so that was one less thing they had to focus on. Instead he fumbled his way across to stage left, in time for the second verse of _Walking in The Wind_.

“Louis, I swear to everything that is holy, if you don’t get your arse over to that box…” Willow threatens though her tone is light and teasing, Louis flips her off before darting over to the little ‘x’ marked out on stage, one of the hundreds that is.

In the two weeks since they’d returned from PortMeirion everything had gone better than he’d hoped. The five of them had caught up every couple days, either in studio rehearsing over each of the songs and transitions with the band, or going around to one another’s houses to do so. He’d gotten to know Michael better as well, the guitarist, though quite was someone he’d come to quite like and had enjoyed having them around. Having Sandy rejoin them had also been great, certainly now that he brought his kids round every so often which was some of the best days without a doubt.

Undoubtedly however, the best part of the past few weeks was the time he’d spent with Louis. He couldn’t help but feel especially draw to him now that they’d opened up about so much. They spent most nights or afternoons together now, not yet venturing out into London’s streets but tucking away inside, sometimes watching movies or otherwise simply talking. They still hadn’t progressed further into any sort of relationship, but they’d spent long nights hanging around one another, lazily strung out in either of their living rooms catching up on everything they’d missed in each others lives for the past four years. It had been so aching familiar and comforting that he’d not minded that neither of them had suggested going any further just yet. They were still finding their feet around one another and even just learning the most basic things about Louis, or his family’s life in the time they’d been apart had been a blessing for him.

“I swear this is like herding cows, why on earth did I agree to come back to this?” Zayn says though only half serious and Niall wanders over to him, throws an arm around Zayn’s and declares promptly, “Because you love us and have coped terribly in our absence.”

They all snort at that, even Willow cracks a smile not able to resist Niall Horan.

Rehearsal continues for another hour or so before they are finally all walking out to their separate cars. Calling goodbyes to each of them he slides into the driver’s seat of his car and pulls out onto the mildly busy London streets.

Pulling into a parking space in mostly quiet street he locks the car behind him after grabbing his coat to ward off the slight chill in the air still evident from the last remaining shreds of winter and heads for the café perched on the street corner. He doesn’t really know where he is, only that he needs a coffee otherwise he doesn’t know how he’ll make it through the merchandise meeting he has later this afternoon.

The café is only half full, an older couple perched happily by the window front and several others dotted around tables elsewhere. He keeps his head down, pushing his sunglasses up into his hair and walks towards the front counter.

The woman behind it is perhaps a couple years younger than him and her hands come to a blundering halt where she was busy scribbling down notes from an open workbook, a uni student then. Her head tilts up when she notices him walking towards her and he sees the moment her eyes widen as she recognizes who he is.

She’s friendly as he orders, dutifully smiling at him as he hands over a few pounds for his latte and goes to take a seat near the back of the room. It’s artsy in here, a dozen or so abstract photographs hanging on the walls and wooden shelves lined with candles, books and potted plants.

His phone dings in his pocket and a message lights up his screen once he’s pulled it out.

_So you’re aware, Clifford doesn’t approve._

Louis’ message reads and he laughs as he opens the image Louis had sent through with the text. There’s Clifford laying with an unamused expression on Louis’ football pitch in his backyard, a green scarf which Harry recognizes instantly as his from years prior wrapped around Clifford’s ears.

_Shame, it suits him. Green always looks good in dark curls._

He sends back before he can think better of it, knowing very well how much Louis had once appreciated those head scarfs. How or why he still has one of Harry’s scarves is beyond him, though he can’t say he minds it all that much.

“Excuse me?” A slightly shaky voice asks and he glances up to find a fifteen year old stood apprehensively before him. He usually notices quickly when people are coming up to him but he’d been to distracted by the picture of Clifford to have done so this time. He smiles at the young girl who is wringing her hands uncertainly. “I’m really sorry to disturb you…

“It’s fine love, what’s your name?”

“Viviane.”

“Lovely to meet you Viviane, I’m Harry.” He says despite having a high suspicion she’s well aware of who he is but he introduces himself regardless.

“Yeah, I ahh, know, I’m a huge fan. I know you’re probably trying to have some time for yourself and I don’t want to keep you long I just…” She trails off nervously. He waits patiently as she finds her words, knowing after much experience that some people struggle to talk to others or find being around him hard to properly communicate what they wish to say. He’s learnt to stay silent and wait for them to find their way rather than try with small talk which only ever usually makes them more anxious. “I’ve loved all of you in One Direction since I was eight, my friends all thought I was really weird for liking a boyband and so I guess I kinda hid it for years. Then when you all went solo and you’ve gone on to become who you are, I felt like I found a new voice and had someone I could look up too and realise my worth and find who I am. I know that probably sounds really silly but I,” She pauses again after her rush of words, “I found the courage to come out to my parents and brother as lesbian because of you. It took a while longer to do so around my friends but I was really scared for years because of what I felt and I didn’t know how the people around me would react. I was so torn with what I was feeling until I went to one of your shows in 2017 and I just felt like I was safe and I could be who I wanted for the first time in my life. I’m really sorry for all you’ve gone through, in the press and stuff about who they’ve made you out to be because there are thousands of us you’ll never meet but have changed our lives so I wanted to say thank you.” She meets his eyes for the first time then, certainty in her words and he feels speechless. “I know you really appreciate all your fans but I don’t think even you realise just what an incredible impact you’ve had on so many people. I can’t thank you enough for being the one I turned to when I felt alone and scared, someone I could look towards and think that if he can express himself so openly to the world, then maybe I can too.”

Blinking away the feeling of tears gathering in his eyes he stands on shaking legs and stops before her. She’s slight and he has to almost crouch so that he can see her properly.

“Can I give you a hug?” He asks, a tremor running through his voice and she nods, tears in her own eyes as she throws her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly. “I’m really proud of you Avena, really, really proud.

“You’ve given me so much happiness, I hope you’re happy too Harry.”

~~~~

“Can’t believe you still have that thing framed.” Louis comments the second he steps through into Harry’s living room the following evening.

“You’re telling me you don’t have a framed copy of this hanging somewhere in your house?”

“Absolutely not!” Louis cries as he steps closer to the framed version of _What Makes You Beautiful_ certifying going platinum.

“Liar.” He retorts and at the smile that tugs on Louis’ lips Harry knows he’s caught him out on his lie.

“So is this an in dinner night kind of thing or are we ordering something?” Louis asks as they both walk into the kitchen.

“You don’t remember the last time we ordered food and tried to make it look like we’d actually made it for my mum?” Harry questions, quirking his brow at Louis from across the kitchen as he flicks on the oven to pre heat it.

“Good point.” The last time, well the only time they’d ever done that was back in 2014, when they’d both just flown back into London for a week off. They’d both been exhausted and had almost collapsed on the sofas of the lounge in their old house as a result. But Anne and Robin had been coming over that night, the only time it would have been possible to see them both so they’d panicked and ordered take out. Tried to present it like they’d actually made it themselves, or more that Harry had made it as Louis really couldn’t cook to save himself back then. Anne had taken one look at the food dished out across the plate and burst out laughing, had known with that one simple look. Safe to say they’d never tried that one again.

It had been his mum’s idea for Louis to join them all tonight. Harry had been speaking to her a lot as he always did but had been trying to make a conscious effort to not let slip his and Louis’ development as this was still such early days. Of course Anne had seen through his words in a second and had just sighed through the phone two nights ago when he’d last rung, her words of ‘Louis better be at dinner or else Gems and I are boycotting’ and that had been that.

Louis had faltered only slightly when Harry had rung him the next morning inviting him for the dinner, but had agreed nonetheless.

Anne and Gemma had always adored Louis, and Harry was quite convinced that Anne had never thought of Louis as anything less than her second son.

“So what is on the agenda for tonight then?”

“This first of all.” He says pulling a very expensive bottle of red wine from his collection.

“Are you trying to get me drunk Styles?” Louis questions with a smirk and he has to turn away from the look when he feels heat pool inside of him. Really not the time.

“I’d get the tequila out if I wanted to get you drunk Tomlinson.”

“Vodka might work better.” Louis pours them both a tall glass of red anyway.

He gives a lop-sided smile as he pulls out various ingredients to begin making dinner. He doesn’t even bother asking Louis to help him, not trusting for a second that his cooking skills are actually any better than they were for the five years they were together.

“What are you thinking about when this is all over?”

“Haven’t even started tour and you wanna talk about when it’s over?” Louis remarks swirling liquid around in the wine glass.

“You know how quickly these things go, one minute you’re walking out for the first show then the next you’re saying the final goodbye.”

“I don’t know. Haven’t really thought that far ahead to be honest.” Louis says with a shrug.

“Would you tour your album?”

“Maybe. Or perhaps just start on the next one, think I’ll have a few things to write about by then.”

“And what about us?” He realises the second meaning behind those words and quickly rushes to say, “The band I mean.”

“Dunno. I guess we’ll see how tour goes but I’d be keen for another album.”

“As a band?” He questions, having not really thought much about making one all together again.

“Yeah, I mean why not? We’re all more mature now and it would be one last tribute to everyone who stuck with us.”

“What are the others thoughts on this?”

“Don’t really know at this stage, I’ve spoken to Zayn about it and he seems a bit on the fence. Still unsure know he knows who he is as an artist which is fair as I suppose we’ve all changed a lot, have different styles.”

“We came together to do it once before, I think it would be fun trying to mesh together to create an album now we are as we are.”

“You reckon?” Louis asks and he nods.

“I mean why not, what have we got to lose?”

“Our sanity and perhaps even our dignities.” Louis comments dryly and he barks a laugh.

“Since when have you ever turned down a challenge?”

“Never.”

“Exactly.”

A comfortable silence falls over them as he continues slicing vegetables and creating a sauce to go with the meat for the others to have. Louis having picked up his phone to connect to his Bluetooth sound system, hardly surprised when he hears _Oasis_ start to play quietly through the speakers in his kitchen. But _Champagne Supernova_ has been his favourite _Oasis_ song since he was ten so he supposes it isn’t so bad.

“I met a fan yesterday, in a café not far from the rehearsal studio.” Louis looks up at him expectedly, waiting for him to continue. “It’s still something when someone comes up to you and tells you how much you’ve changed their life.”

“One of those ones huh?” Louis asks softly, knowing exactly what it feels like to have someone like Avena come up to them and tell them what they’ve done for them without even knowing that person. It’s overwhelming at the best of times, but yesterday had been a reminder of how much he cherishes his life.

“She was lovely, only fifteen or so.”

“Still wish I could go back and tell me sixteen-year-old self how many lives would be affected by who I’ve become.” Louis says with a scoff.

“I wish I could go back and tell sixteen-year-old me how much my life would change because of you.”

“The contract with Eleanor ends next month.” The knife he’d grabbed to begin slicing the chicken clatters against the granite chopping board and he quickly fumbled to pick it up once more.

“ _What?!”_ He blunders, “But I thought you were trapped till December…”

“I’ve been working on getting it to end for months, finally got the all clear from my lawyer this morning.”

“Louis…” He says frozen in place and Louis slumps down in the bench chair and gives out a low laugh.

“Finally be fucking free.”

“How did you… when do you… are you going to… who else knows?” He finally stammers.

“No one.” Louis admits. “Lottie comes up to London tomorrow so I’m gonna tell her then, I’ll call the rest of the brood afterwards.” In this moment he doesn’t think he’s ever been more in love with this man.

“What are you going to do?” He doesn’t have to expand further with his question, knows Louis knows what he means.

“I’m not sure yet, think I’ll just take some time to really figure out how I want to do things.”

“Wait so that means you’re gonna come out?” He asks, has to hear it directly from Louis.

“Yeah.” Louis admits breathily, “Think I’ve stayed hidden in the closet long enough now.”

He drops the knife purposefully this time round. Striding around the kitchen bench only to engulf Louis in his arms.

“I’m so proud of you Louis, so fucking proud.” He realises that’s the second time in twenty-four hours he’s told someone who proud he is of someone admitting to who they really are. And knows he meant both admissions with everything he has.

“I’m really scared.” Louis whispers so quietly he almost doesn’t catch the words.

“I know you are, but I’m gonna be right here with you the whole time. I’m always going to be here for you, through everything. I know what this means to you and how long you’ve waited to be free. I’m so fucking proud of how you’ve become Lou. Watching you grow up from when I first met you at sixteen has been one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I know these past few years have been shit between us, but you’ve been my best friend since I was sixteen and nothing is going to change that. I love you Lou and I’m so proud of who you’ve become.”

He can hear the tears behind Louis words when he mumbles a “Thank you” into where his head his buried into Harry’s shoulder.

The don’t move from there for a long while. He runs soothing strokes across Louis back as he waits for Louis to settle. He’s just beginning to think Louis’ breathing is returning to normal when the doorbell sounds.

“Go.” Louis says almost pushing him away playfully, an attempted smile on his lips but Louis won’t met his eyes and he knows this conversation is one they need to revisit.

~~~~

Gemma and his mum are a god send. The moment they step through into the kitchen and spot Louis they treat him as if nothing had ever changed. Louis hasn’t stopped smiling, a genuine smile this time that isn’t plastered on for appearances. He and Gemma tease one another through a glass of red as they sit behind the kitchen bench and he and his mum finish preparing the meal.

He finds himself focusing more on Louis than he does on finishing the meal. To distracted by the way he tilts his head back when he laughs, how his eyes crinkle in amusement and the way he always rebuttals what Gemma throws at him. It’s easy between the four of them, so similar to what it had once been like during ‘family dinners’ that his thoughts scream at him _LouisLouisLouis._ It’s intoxicating to be around the four people he loves most in his life, even if it isn’t exactly how it had once been. He’s too grateful to have Louis back in his life now, whatever they are, that he doesn’t overthink what all of this means. At least he won’t for tonight.

Every part of him is drawn to the man before him. Now that he knows how Louis feels it’s overpowering the urge to curl up into his side and stay there forever. He’s bigger than Louis now, far bigger, but that doesn’t stop the feeling of longing to be wrapped in his embrace where he’s always felt he belonged.

Even before they were ever together, those agonizing days in the X – Factor house when he’d fought so hard to keep his growing feelings for his best mate in check it hadn’t been as much as it was now. Back then he’d been young and naive, sneaking off for a moment of privacy when being around Louis without actually _being_ with him became too much. It was truly a miracle he wasn’t caught back then.

But he’s not the love sick teenager he once was. He has years of experience having learnt every trace and line on Louis’ body, knows the way he feels under him and how he responds to him. He’s gone four years without finding that with anyone else and now to have it so close yet not quite is infuriating and creating a desire so deep he isn’t sure how much longer he can contain it.

It’s hardly just physical either. It’s a lot more than simply wanting Louis body. He misses the shared moments between them, it’s slowly getting back to that now, especially after their trip to PortMeirion, though they’re a long way from curling up together on their sofa or in their bed and whispering to one another. He misses it desperately though, being around Louis, knowing him. The thrill of sneaking around backstage at various venues, squeezing together on the impossibly small bunk beds on tour buses, sneaking into hotel rooms, creating secret signals and gestures on stage meant solely for the other to understand.

Dinner is almost ready when he finally convinces Louis and Gemma to set the table in the room over, watching as they fight over who gets to arrange which cutlery piece as if they were in fact the siblings currently in the house.

Anne turns on him the second those two are in the other room and he has to fight not to shy away from the knowing look in her eye.

“If you were trying to hide your emotions from us all you’re doing a very poor job darling.”

He doesn’t bother trying to appear confused by her words, “Think I’m quite over hiding my feelings when it comes to him.”

“Does he know that? More so than guessing from the longing gazes you’ve been offering all evening?”

“Sort of.”

“Sort of….”

“We talked, in PortMeirion. And I may have told him that I’m still in love with him.”

“And what did he say?”

“The same.” He says quietly.

“Oh sweetheart.” His mum comes to stand before him, a steady hand resting on his forearm.

“I guess I’m still just confused where we stand with one another. Now that parts out there I don’t know if we’re together, doesn’t feel like it, if he wants to be again and I just…” He trails off, frustratingly running a hand through his hair.

“Do you want to be with him?” Anne asks softly.

“More than anything.”

“Then you’ll figure it out, both of you will.” The conviction in her voice almost makes him believe it.

“I’ve forgiven him for what happened back then but it’s just hard to not think about sometimes. I trust him, I really do. I just don’t know what he wants right now.”

“Then talk to him love, it’s Louis. I’ve watched the two of you together since the start, and even after these past few years watching him with you just now, I know he wants you too. Believe me sweetheart, if soulmates are real then you two are it.”

“I want him so desperately but I’m so scared of what’s happened once before that it feels like a weight being carried around everywhere I go. I’m scared to open myself to him completely again.”

“Love takes a leap of faith darling, falling without knowing the outcome, baring yourself open to someone, that’s what makes a love real.”

He laughs wetly, not realising when he’d started crying in the first place. “I think that’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said mum.”

She smiles at him, eyes locked with his own, “Doesn’t make it any less true.”

The sound of Gemma and Louis’ voices returning bring them both out of their bubble of conversation. He has just enough time to wipe at the few tears on his checks before the two of them walk back into the kitchen wearing matching grins.

Gemma catches sight of his face, despite his attempts at turning away and immediately comes over to him to wrap an arm around his shoulders. “We’re here to have a family catch up so they’ll be none of that mister.” She states and pokes a finger into his shoulder. He offers her a weak smile and turns away to grab the roast chicken out from the oven.

“Well, nothing screams domestic more than roast chicken for dinner.”

The four of them make their way out into the adjacent dinning room. The table now set and Gemma practically shoves him so that he goes to the left side of the table where Louis had already walked across too. Louis raises a brow at him from the gesture, a flash of a lop-sided, amused smile before he takes a seat and he doesn’t have much of a choice other than to sit next to him.

They make it perhaps three quarters of their way through dinner before anything really happens. Louis spends most of that time talking with Anne seated directly in front of him across the table, asking her all sorts of questions as he catches up on what he’s missed over the past few years. In return, Anne asks him about his family at which he grins and fills her in on everything his numerous siblings have been up to. The way he talks about them is a comforting, familiar thing about Louis that he adds to his list of things he’s missed about this man. Louis has always been passionate about his family, his role as the sibling he’d always said was one of the most important factors of his life.

They used to speak constantly about family, starting their own someday. Harry had always thought he’d be happy with perhaps one or two children who he could spoil, that was until he’d met Louis. Louis had wanted a ‘brood’ of his own as he’d always used to call it. Harry had been more than willing to accommodate to the idea, the thought of having numerous mini Louis’ running around a future home of theirs had been circulating in his head for years. 

“Excuse you!” Gemma cries out and Harry tumbles out of his own thoughts. “Lottie and I could take you two out any day, in fact the next time we’re both in London we’re challenging you both.”

“What exactly have you non-consentedly signed me up for this time?”

“I don’t think that’s a word love.” Louis remarks but Harry flashes him an unamused look, despite the slight flutter of his heart at the expression, and Louis gives in. “Gemma here seems to think that her and Lottie could beat the two of us at scrabble.”

“You do not!” He says whirling on his sister who’s looking between the two of them with a wicked grin.

“Is that a challenge accepted I hear?”

“Dam right it is, Lou and I will take you both down.”

“Lord help us.” Anne mutters.

“Then you’d best bet when Lottie and I are proclaimed the Queens of scrabble that we’re documenting your defeat to the world.”

“Bring it on Gemma.”

“I truly thought we could make it through a full dinner without such childish antics.” Anne says with a sigh but there’s far too much fondness in her voice for their to be any bite behind them.

“Don’t know what else you’d expect from me Anne.” Louis replies with a devilish smile and Harry wonders what on earth he’s signed up for, again.

“Oh my gosh!” Gemma says whirling towards Louis. “Your album! I haven’t seen you since you released it, Louis it’s amazing! I absolutely love it!”

Louis blushes slightly at that, the colour of his checks tinting pink ever so slightly. “Thanks Gemma.”

“So I mean it’s really amazing, I cried about a dozen times and have barely listened to anything else.”

Harry’s glad that it’s his sister gushing over Louis’ album and not him. He’s wanted to ramble on to Louis about it since the first time he’d heard it but felt it was his place, especially since he suspected so much of it was about him or their relationship in the first place. He was more than happy to let Louis squirm under Gemma’s praise instead.

This sparked the next conversation about all the music they’d each been listening too. By the time they’d all finished he’d found out about several bands he’d never heard of and swore to himself that he’d listened to when he next had time.

He and Gemma head towards the kitchen with their now empty plates whilst his mum and Louis disappear off towards the lounge for Anne to show him a record that she’d recently bought him.

“You two were seriously playing footsies under the table!?” Gemma squeaks the minute they step from the room.

“Absolutely not.” He says in a deadpan voice.

“Bullshit! His foot hit me at one stage and I knew what you two were doing the second it happened! You both used to do it all the time, I haven’t forgotten. Insufferable the both of you.”

“You love us though.”

“Always.” She replies with a wide smile and begins rinsing the plates and outing them in the dishwasher. “I’ll join you guys out there in a minute, you go ahead.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah course, not like there’s much to do anyway.” They’d done most of the clearing up as they’d waited for dinner so he supposed she was right, it wasn’t much use him standing around doing nothing either.

Walking out to join his mum and Louis he hears the music and laughter before he sees them. Sure enough Anne stands beside his record player whilst Louis sits across from her on one of the low seated sofas. He remembers not a few months ago when Ny and Sarah had been sat on that very sofa and they’d first talked about him seeing Louis again for the first time in years. Now here he was, comfortable and at ease around his family again, looking like he belongs and Harry really isn’t sure what he makes of it all just yet.

“But it’s just wrong! This is like, punk, not rock!”

“Since when are you a rock connoisseur?” He asks as he takes a seat beside Louis.

“I’ll have you know I was in a very successful boyband and therefore that qualifies me to be able to judge music genres.”

“Ahh, a successful boyband you say?” He teases and Louis pokes him sharply in his side.

“Oi! No abusing the host!”

“Oh please.” Louis says and shoves him again. His mum barely trying to withhold her fondness of seeing the two of them tease each other so easily.

A notification dings on his phone in his pocket but he ignores it completely, instead turning to face Louis once more.

“Alright but this coming from the guy that once listened to _Blink_ for a week straight then proceeded to call them ‘a funk group’. How’s that for cultural knowledge.”

“I believe it was punk rock, not funk! I know the difference between those thank you very much.”

“Since you were the one who was drunk at the time I’m fairly sure I remember you calling them a funk group.”

“Who on earth calls _Blink_ a funk group? That’s two entirely different music genres!”

“Exactly my point Lou.”

“And as you can tell.” Gemma’s voice announces as she makes her way into the living room, iPhone in her hand, “The bickering between bandmates is still just as strong as ever.”

“Gotta live up to peoples expectations of us Gems.” Louis says with a cheeky smile towards the camera.

“What are you doing?” Harry asks her instead as she stops on the edge of the sofa.

“Say hi to 100,000 odd people guys!”

“You’re live streaming?” He asks as Gemma points the phone towards their mum and Anne waves at the lens.

“Yup.”

“So this is H’s living room, he’s gonna scold me later for showing off his private space and… oh! Lottie!” Louis looks up at that and they all wait whilst Gemma scrolls through on her phone till she finds Lottie’s name.

“Surprise!” Lottie’s voice comes through the phone and Gemma sits between he and Louis on the sofa, flipping the screen so that the live stream goes through the front lens. He leans into his sisters’ side, resting his head on her shoulder as he sees Lottie and the twins on the other side of the screen. It would seem as though they were just normally facetiming if it wasn’t for the rapidly climbing view count in the top corner. “Very offended I wasn’t invited for dinner you guys.”

“Next time.” He says with a smile.

He’s well aware they’re likely causing a social media frenzy right about now. He doesn’t even want to think about what Twitter is going to look like after this. Louis being in his house, just Louis and not the others, and now an Instagram live with his sisters.

“So what’s the news in the Styles’ household?”

“Oh you know,” Anne says wandering around the back of the sofa till she’s in view, “Trying to herd five young men around a stage before they jet off around the world.”

“So the usual then?” Lottie teases.

“Pretty much.” Gemma says with a smile. “So for everyone watching where here in London, all the other boys are around somewhere.” Gemma continues and guesses it’s likely a smart thing to say. To subtly hint that it isn’t just Louis here, even though it is, but makes it sound to the fans that there is the possibility they’re all here too, hopefully that will quieten some of the news when it blows up that they’re all here. “It’s not too much longer till I get to watch my dear brother here and his mates fleet around a stage and honestly I’m pretty excited for it.”

“Aww thanks sis.” Louis says with a wide grin and drapes his arm over Gemma’s shoulder whilst Lottie and the twins laugh through the screen.

“Oh Gemma is definitely an honourary Tomlinson by this point so we’ll take you Gems!” Lottie announces

“Oi! She’s mine!” He protests and wraps his own arm across Gemma’s waist.

“See what I have to deal with?” Anne resounds with a sigh causing everyone to laugh.

“It’s alright, we’ll take you too little Styles.” Daisy comments.

“Ha!” Louis cries, “How does it feel to be called little now Haz?”

“As long as I get to claim your sisters as siblings I’ll take it, so long as I get the role of big brother.”

“Sorry Lou, we’re disowning you, Harry is my new big brother.” Lottie declares.

“Fuckin’ rude of ya.” Louis grumbles.

“We’ll take Gems and Harry and you can have Lou Anne.” Phoebe says.

“Sounds a fair trade, bye kids.” Anne replies wrapping her arms around Louis from behind and smiling widely at the camera. Louis removes his arm from around Gemma’s shoulder and awkwardly leans back so he can wrap them around Anne though it looks extremely uncomfortable.

“Does that make me Louis Twist now?”

“Absolutely darling.” Anne says and kisses his head.

“Is this what getting cheated on feels like?” Gemma turns to Harry and he shrugs.

“Our mum ditching us for my best friend, I think so.”

“Have fun being a Tomlinson you two.” Louis says, finally lowering his arms.

Before any of them can saying anything more he’s phone begins ringing in his pocket. They all turn to him expectedly and he quickly pulls the device from his trouser pocket. Niall’s name flashes up on his screen and he hesitates to answer it, wondering if it will give away that it is just Louis here.

Before he can make up his mind however Louis is reaching across Gemma and snatches his phone from his hand, accepting the call before he can warn Louis against it.

“Nialler!” Louis proclaims the moment the call connects.

“Tommo! Firstly, very rude of you to go live without inviting the rest of us.”

“Yeah that might be my bad.” Gemma admits and there goes their cover that all the boys are here.

“Appreciate the honesty Gemma, and secondly, Anne I would like to submit myself as a candidate to become the next member of the Twist family and lastly, Louis did you leave your dogs alone at home?”

Harry can’t help it as he shakes his head fondly and Niall’s antics, it’s hard to stay mad at someone who seriously calls his mates in concern for their dogs welfare.

“Bruce and Cliff are with Eleanor,” Harry definitely doesn’t miss the short tone of Louis words as he says her name, “Because I’m a great dog owner and certainly would not abandon my children like that and secondly as I am now a member of the Twist household I reject your application to join us.”

“It’s alright Niall, he’s just sour that we’ve just disowned him!” Daisy says with a laugh through the phone and he’d forgotten for a second that they were live and no doubt currently being recorded by tens of thousands of people.

“Alright, I think it’s time we end this before anymore people end up switching families!” Gemma announces.

“Fair point, ok everyone bye! Love you guys!” Lottie and the twins call through the live and then they’re gone.

“Thanks everyone for tunning in for a chaotic night here in London, hope to see some of you guys out on tour very soon!” Gemma says and he, Louis and Anne call their goodbyes to everyone before she too ends the live.

“You’re dead.” Harry says turning on Gemma.

“What did I do!” Gemma shrieks.

“You’re gonna pay for this.” He says deadpan, catching Louis’ eye from around Gemma. She has just enough time to scream before Louis pounces, pinning her to the sofa and the two of them waste no time diving in to tickle her.

All in all, it’s not that bad of a night.

~~~~

Mid-afternoon on a Friday evening and the five of them are out on Louis’ football field behind his house attempting a ‘friendly’ game of football. Except Niall is determined to prove he’s the superior athlete but Louis is practically running him in circles. Unluckily for Harry, Niall is meant to be one his team. Zayn’s with them too but football had never been his specialty and he’s about as hopeless as he is right now, they’re trying at least. He thinks they’re down 4-1 at this point and they’ve only been playing a little over twenty-five minutes. Luckily for every one of them bar Louis, a career in Football had never been on the cards.

Asides from their arse’s currently being whooped by Louis and Liam, the other main problem he’s currently having is avoiding being too distracted by the sight of Louis, sweaty in shorts and no shirt because _of course_ today the sun has actually come out in London and it’s warm enough for this shit. If that wasn’t enough to stir Harry to the point of madness, it’s the way Louis stops every other minute to rack his hand through his hair which is sending him spiraling. How is he possibly meant to focus on the ball when there’s that sight before him. Regardless, he’s dam well trying to ignore it.

Clifford and Bruce are lazily sprawled out on the back porch, tired after initially thinking it great fun to chase the five young men and ball around the pitch till they’d eventually grown too tired to continue.

Louis laughs at another of Nialls frantic failed antics to swipe the ball away from him and dribbles the ball down the field towards him and Zayn.

“All yours!” Zayn calls out from the goal but he’s already off in Louis’ direction.

Louis smirks at him, head still lowered when he sees Harry coming towards him. Louis has always been the best player between them, by a long way, and Harry was currently feeling like the wobbly sixteen-year-old he once had been as he goes to intercept Louis.

Instead of evading him however, when he’s nearly upon Harry Louis kicks the ball towards Liam who’s somehow appeared across from him. Niall can have fun dealing with that.

He expects for Louis to just go around him and continue with the game and that’s why he finds himself caught so off guard when Louis grabs him around the waist instead and swipes his feet out from under him. He wildly grabs for Louis to stabilize himself but he’s too off balance and tumbles down to the grass, dragging an unexpecting Louis down with him.

Louis laughs from where he lies on top of him and if he wasn’t still slightly winded he might have joined him. Instead he goes to shove Louis playfully off of him in hopes of being about to gasp down more air. Louis’ still laughing when he reaches forward, places a kiss against his check, quickly pulling himself up off Harry and offering out his hand with a wide grin as if nothing had happened.

His breath has definitely gone at this point but he manages to grab a hold of Louis’ hand and heave himself off the ground.

“Hey! You two quite done yet we’ve got a game to win!” Niall calls out to them.

“Mate you’re now down by four, don’t claim a big head now!” Louis yells back and runs after the ball.

Louis and Liam score another two goals before Niall finally concedes and they call it a day. Making their way back into the house, dogs trailing behind them they all head straight for the fridge and gulp down several large glasses of water before anyone speaks.

“I swear if Wills’ yells at me one more time to get to the end of the stage at the end of _Spaces_ I’m quitting this band.” Zayn mutters as he presses his forehead down onto the cool marble of the table.

“Fuck off, those jokes aren’t funny anymore mate.” Liam says nudging his shoulder.

“Zayn you threaten to leave us one more time and I’m locking you on the tour bus and never letting you out again.” Louis says as he takes the seat beside Harry.

“That’s kidnapping and holding someone against their will.”

“Don’t think I won’t carry out that promise.”

“Honestly wouldn’t put it past you.”

“Seriously though,” Niall contributes, “This is gonna be fucking sick and I’m actually so glad we’re doing this again. Don’t want to go and get all sappy like on you lot but I’m really happy we’re coming back for this.”

“Aww Nialler, gonna bring out the sentiments are we?”

“Shut it Tommo. I mean it, what we’re doing is pretty fucking special and I can honestly say there’s no others I’d rather do this with than you lot”

“You do realise we’re it, there’s no one else for you to do this with?” Louis tries once more but Liam leans across and smacks him around the head which promptly shuts him up.

“To chasing teenage memories and going out to have the time of our lives, again!” He offers, raising his glass. The others don’t hesitate in raising their glasses and they’re silent as they each meet the others gazes and smile as they think over the craziness which has become their lives over the past ten years.

“Let’s fucking do this boys.”

~~~~

Tour begins on Saturday, it’s currently Tuesday, and Harry is wasted. It’s Niall’s fault really, because when is it ever not. But still his thoughts have well since turned into drunk ramblings, his body carrying him across the room, with the odd stop in the midst of the dance floor in whatever upper market club the five of them have been dragged to for the night. It’s the last chance they’ll have to do this for a while, final tech and stage rehearsals commence on Thursday and from there it’s only two days till they’ll walk out together in front of thousands at the O2.

He thinks vaguely that he might be on his sixth, or maybe it’s his seventh? Drink of the evening when he finally spots Liam and Niall in one of the booths and angles towards them.

“You alrigh’ there mate?” Niall says with a knowing smirk when Harry stumbles over the slight step up to the booth.

“Peachy.”

“Good to know you’re still shit at holding your liquor.”

“Shut up.” He mumbles feebly.

Liam and Niall pick up there conversation before Harry had arrived but he’s fine with that. He looks out over the dance floor, thinking he’s definitely keen to head back out in moment, once he’s vision clears slightly.

His attention snags when he sees a familiar sight of chestnut brown hair, styled as it once used to be years ago. Hair that he’d used to run his fingers through repeatedly. He watches Louis as he takes to two people he doesn’t know the name of, his relaxed posture as he leans one arm down on the bar and chats excitedly with the two people before him, perhaps a couple with the way the man rests a comforting arm around the woman tucked into his side. He doesn’t focus on the couple for long however, not when Louis, _his_ Louis is in his sights.

He wants him desperately, to kiss him as he once had. Undo him in his arms and know every part of him, doubts this unending need has ever faded. Especially not now as Louis stands across the club in those dam jeans which hug him in every possible way and the simple black jacket thrown over his shirt which he longs to tear off of him.

Alcohol. He tries to remind himself, he’s not thinking straight. But it’s really fucking hard to think straight when Louis is standing in the same room as him, has admitted he’s in love with him, and not go over and drag him away from everyone as they’d once use to so frequently do when the need for the other became too much when they were out.

He’s about to get up and make his way over to them when another man places his hand on Louis arm, causing Louis to turn and face the man, his face lighting up when he catches sight of the man and Harry’s heart burns. Because Louis doesn’t look that excited to see other men, not when he’s _his._ But there’s Louis nonetheless pulling the man into a familiar embrace. He appears a couple years older than Louis himself and really, when has Louis been into _older_ guys?

Louis attention is now fully focused on the other man, the couple appearing to say their goodbyes to Louis and walk off, Louis barely acknowledges them with more than a nod, his focus to far gone on the man before him.

They still hadn’t talked about whatever was going on between them since the week it had been from his mum and Gemma being at dinner. He’d spent most of his days at around Louis regardless, the two of them falling back into a familiar routine of being around one another, reacquainting themselves properly. But that didn’t mean Louis could suddenly appear so interested in some other bloke. What on earth was he thinking? Was he trying to lead him on? Do this to spite Harry for not reaching out to him all these years?

He’d not caught onto anything being amiss the times he’d been around Louis recently, if anything he thought they’d been growing all the more close throughout the past week. But with what’s-his-face still happily talking with Louis, the two men seeming eerily familiar and comfortable around the other, his dazed thoughts were not processing this clearly. Was Louis not really his? Had he really fallen right back into thinking that just because he was back touring with Louis and talking constantly that they’d automatically get back together. Had he been reading Louis wrong this entire time?

It didn’t matter that Louis had said he still loved him, he could have just been getting confused with his past feelings for Harry and not realise that he still cared for him but didn’t actually _love_ him.

Fuck he wasn’t equipped to deal with this right now.

He hears his name being called vaguely behind him and he turns away from the scene across the room that’s making his heart ache and head spin.

“What?”

“Easy there tiger.” Niall says with a laugh and the bitterness and Harry’s tone which he definitely didn’t need to have directed at Niall but he’s not exactly thinking straight right now. “We’re gonna head home, it’s past two, do you want a ride home?”

Home. Right.

“It’s fine.” He tries, head needing to be clearer for this but he’s a little too gone to be thinking logically at the moment. Niall and Liam are both beyond tipsy too so he can hardly rely on them being much help with him trying to sort through his thoughts right now. “I’ve got a ride.”

“Alright, well call us in the morning, let us now you actually make it home alright.”

“Yes mum.” He says with a giggle because in his current state that’s apparently rather amusing.

Niall and Liam leave the booth, sending him fleeting goodbyes before they disappear in the throng of the crowd.

He goes to stand, head spinning violently and he manages to brace a hand on the table before he falls to the floor. If only he could remember which way the darn exit was.

He looks around frantically, trying to remember where they’d walked in at the start of the night but fails miserably. His thoughts are a jumbled mess between tour dates, remembering lyrics and choreo, _Louis_ , whether or not he did text Gemma and Sarah back early, _Louis_ , if he left his favourite sweater in LA of if he did pack it into his suitcase, _Louis_ and shit _why_ can’t he focus his thoughts?

Making another attempt to make his way down into the crowd he fumbles yet again over the step, and dam his legs in this instance, when he feels the solid weight of a hand wrapping itself around his arm to steady him. He frantically flings his head around to face a sober looking Louis.

“Steady on love.” He narrows his eyes at the endearment, because Louis was just around another man, being cozy around him and now he’s being all soft with him now. Honestly when did Louis become bipolar? Or more importantly when did this room start spinning?

“Home, I’m going home.” He manages to spit out and he vaguely sees Louis nod and then he’s leaning into his side as Louis leads them somewhere _._ He lets Louis blindly lead him through the club until the sharp bite of the cool night air presses against his skin and he tucks himself further into Louis. There’s no blinding lights and he figures Louis must have pulled him out a back entrance to avoid any paps but those thoughts soon dissipate when he realises how _good_ Louis smells. He thinks he must have said that aloud from the slight chuckle Louis responds with then.

He’s struggling to keep his eyes open whilst Louis helps clamber into the back seat of a vehicle. They stay silent for the entire journey but he’s pressed himself against Louis’ side and there’s fingers trailing lazily through his hair and it feels like heaven, so he doesn’t say a word.

Barely conscious now, he just manages to register that Louis is pulling his house and alarm keys from his pocket and guiding him into Harry’s own house. Louis leads him up to the second floor, how Louis knows where his bedroom is, is currently beyond his state of thinking but he leans heavily into Louis’ side and goes with him towards his room anyway.

Louis doesn’t say a word as he sets him down on top of the dark covers and crouches down beginning to take off his shoes.

“Louis?” He drawls and the other man hums. “Louis?” He says again.

“Yes Haz.”

“Did you prefer my prince hair or long hair?” He says with a giggle, grasping for the slightly curly ends of his hair.

“What?” Louis questions.

“My hair!”

“You’re drunk Haz.”

“No, I’m confused.”

“What are you confused about Haz?” Louis indulges him as he pulls off both shoes and stands but doesn’t move further away.

He’s stood before Harry’s legs and he can’t help it as he reaches out to place his hands on Louis’ waist.

“I thought you loved me?”

“I do love you H.” Louis says with a sigh but doesn’t move away from his hands.

“But you were with another man tonight, I saw you!”

“You’re drunk Haz.” Louis repeats. “And this really isn’t the time to try talk.”

“No, it’s just that you love me, and I love you and I’m really confused because I want you but every time I make it obvious that I do, you don’t do anything and it’s confusing!” He whines but looks up at Louis anyway.

“Harry.” Louis says firmly, crouching down slightly so that he’s level with Harry and places his hands so heartachingly gentle on either side of his face. “I do love you, and that’s never going to change alright? But you’re drunk and I can’t have this conversation with you when you likely won’t even remember it in the morning.”

“But…”

“No. You need to go to sleep and we’ll talk about this another time but not right now. Not like this.” Louis pulls away then, the loss of his touch leaving burning trails down his skin and he pouts when Louis takes several steps towards the door.

“Don’t go!”

“I’m not leaving Haz, I’m going to get you some Panadol and water so you’re not completely gone when you wake up again.” With that Louis walks out of his bedroom door but leaves it open. He’s tired, and really fucking confused right now, also slightly endeared and partially, ever so slightly in love with Louis Tomlinson so nothing has really changed. Other than that he’s drunk, wants sleep and a warm pair of arms around him.

He’s almost asleep when Louis walks back in the room, indeed a glass of water in one hand and two Panadol’s in the other. Somehow Louis manages to get them down his throat though he barely registers them, knows he’ll likely throw them right back up come morning as well as the alcohol but at least it will quill the headache he’ll know doubt have.

“You’re amazing.” He mumbles and Louis smiles at him with such fondness if he was fully aware of himself he might just melt into the floor.

“And don’t you ever forget it.”

“Stay. Please.”

“And when you wake up in the morning and I’m here then what?”

“Please Lou.”

“Fine.” Louis says and shrugs his jacket off, throwing over the back of the chair beside his bed. He smiles to himself in his semi unconscious state as Louis pulls back the covers and bundles down in them beside Harry.

“I don’t sleep on the left side of the bed anymore.” He mumbles but Louis catches the words.

“Good, because I don’t sleep on the right.”

“I’ve missed you.” He whispers but thinks those are the truest words he’s said all night, morning, whatever.

Louis doesn’t respond, instead he shuffles over the bed till he can turn and bury his head into Harry’s side.

He’s drunk and uses that as his excuse for wrapping his arm around him as he settles against him. The familiar weight of having him do so clears his head if only a little so that he registers that this is actually happening, Louis is here with him and for a moment everything seems fine. It’s his final thought as he drifts off to sleep.

~~~~

It’s light when he wakes up. Sunlight streaming in from the windows whose curtains were never drawn in the early hours of the morning. He’s warm is the other thing he notices, more so than usual and there’s a heavy weight pressing him into the mattress. Knowing that today is his last full day they all have off he doesn’t plan on doing much else than riding himself of the slight headache he’s awoken too and staying tucked up in bed, perhaps watching a movie or two and calling his mum. He doesn’t flinch when whatever is draped over his waist moves ever so slightly and the hold around him consequently tightens.

Content to remain in bed for a while longer he’s about to drift off to sleep again when something behind him moves, much more notably than before as his eyes shoot open in surprise. The duvet is still up around his mid chest, but it doesn’t stop the slight gap which shows the forearm tucked tightly across his abdomen.

“Fuck.” He whispers, mind racing to think what on earth happened last night until suddenly it all clicks and he whirls around to find Louis, still fast asleep behind him.

His mind stops panicking the second he takes in Louis’ relaxed face, hair falling messily across his face but it doesn’t do anything to lessen the beating of his heart. There’s a moment when he thinks Louis is about to wake up until he nuzzles further down in the pillow and sighs deeply.

He needs to get out of bed, is the next logical thought that enters his brain. Having Louis here in his bed, arm previously wound around him and pressing close to him is not going to win him any favours with Louis if he were to wake up anytime soon and certainly doesn’t help his own slight _problem_ he’s just now realising.

Natural. He thinks, it’s natural.

Moving as quietly as possible he swings his legs over the side of the bed. His headache surprisingly mild considering how much he’d had to drink last night and figures it must be the painkillers Louis had given him which was preventing any current trips to the bathroom floor in front of a toilet.

He shuts the door quietly behind him and aims for the kitchen. Barely comprehending his actions as he flicks on the lights and begins making two cups of tea.

He remembers last night, which he can’t decide whether that’s a blessing or a curse considering how he’d practically fallen all over Louis. After witnessing him in the club so comfortably close to that other man, which even now, mostly sober and clearheaded, sends a spark of jealously through him. He needs a moment to himself before Louis wakes up and he has to face him. He wants to talk though; this time really wants to understand where they stand with each other. After all their little talks they’ve had, not excluding perhaps the most prominent one currently in his mind of last week in this very kitchen when Louis had told him he wants to come out when his contract is up, they definitely need to talk.

Making his way back up to his bedroom, this time with two cups of steaming tea In his hands, he pauses just outside the door, needing one last moment to clear his thoughts. He’d swallowed two more painkillers in the kitchen to help fight off the last remnants of his headache, hoping they’ll be enough.

Louis is awake and leaning against the headboard as he wanders in through the door, closing it softly behind him. Taking a moment to glance over Louis now he’s awake, despite the fact they’d spent several nights sleeping together in PortMeirion, it’s still a sight to see Louis back in his own, real bed. They’d been this way for years, the yearning he’d felt since those times racing back to him now that he’s actually here in his own home.

“Thanks.” Louis mutters as he passes him the tea and perches vicariously at the end of the bed, feet planted firmly on the floor.

“I’m sorry about last night.”

“You don’t have anything to apologise for Haz, I’ve dealt with you in much worse states than that. At least this time you were still able to finish sentences.”

“I meant for blurting all that out to you when I was drunk and not having the courage to do so when I was sober instead as I should have done.”

“Oh.” Louis replies unintelligibly as he blows on his tea to cool it down.

“I meant it, that I’m confused what’s going on between us.”

Louis looks up at him this time, “And I meant it when I said I loved you.”

“The guy last night,” Because that seems to be the first intelligible response he comes up with after that admission. “I know it’s not my place but… who was he?”

Louis laughs, actually laughs at that. “Who Nicholas?” When Harry doesn’t say anything Louis continues, “Harry, Nicholas is a producer who worked with me on one of my singles years back, he’s a friend. Who happens to happily be married to his wife Helaena and has two little boys.”

Now it’s his turn to mumble an unintelligible, “Oh.”

“We became close whilst we were producing the song, stayed in touch, I didn’t know he was out last night till he came up to me, it was good to see him again.” Finding himself not able to meet Louis’ eyes after that embarrassing blunder on his behalf of blatant jealously he fidgets with the tea cup in his hands, eventually placing it down on the floor when he decides he’s not in the mood to be drinking tea. “Harry.” Louis says more firmly and he glances nervously upwards, “I wouldn’t tell you I love you then go off and start something with some other guy. I know I did a lot of shit and lied to you back then but I’d never do this. I get you probably still don’t trust me right now but I mean this with every part of me Harry, you’re the love of my life and I’ve never been interested in anyone since I’ve met you. That’s not going to change anytime soon.”

“I just…” He fumbles out trying to collect his thoughts but ends up just blurting out, “What are we? I mean… we both clearly know how the other feels and I feel like we’re fine now but still tiptoeing around this one thing, and I meant it last night when I said I was confused. I want you so badly, but I don’t know if that’s how you feel and I…”

He doesn’t get any further. Louis surges forward, somehow managing beforehand to set his tea down and then there’s a familiar set of lips pressing against his, relentless and passionate. It’s instinct by now to give in and he pushes his hands up into Louis’ hair, desperate for him to be closer and to take _moremoremore._

The contact is gone as quick as it began. He’s about to reach out and pull Louis back to him because he just _kissed_ him, _finally_ , but Louis lightly presses his forehead down against his and all the words building within him are gone as Louis tangles his hands in the hair at the base of his neck and there’s several long seconds of charged silence between them.

“I want you.” Louis breathes out, “I’ve always wanted you.”

That’s all the encouragement he needs before he pulls Louis down into him and kisses him. It’s less needy this time, instead he takes his time relearning every part of Louis lips, his hands tangled in his hair and body pressing into him.

He breaks his lips away from Louis, pressing kisses along his jaw as he breathes in heavily.

“I love you.” He whispers between each kiss until Louis pulls him back into him and kisses into his mouth. The first swipe of his tongue licking into his mouth causes him to moan into the kiss, allowing Louis to take whatever part of him he wishes. Insecurities be dammed.

They could have spent years doing this, never stopping. But that’s in the past now because Louis is here, kissing him and telling him he loves him, and it’s everything he’s ever needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally !! Am I right?


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: Next update won't be out till at least the 10th of Dec as I'm in the middle of final senior exams and need to prioritise those right now! 
> 
> SOO sorry this has taken so long for me to get around to !! I've had a hectic past few weeks and have barely had any time to sit down and write but it's finally here !!
> 
> Quick note for this chapter and the one's to come, this is the only time I'm going in depth with the actual shows they're doing, from here on out their will only feature snippets of an individual moment/performance on stage but I really wanted to write out at least a whole show once !! I really wanted to dedicate a chunk of this story to a moment of stage as I feel a lot of fics don't do this and it was definitely very fun to write !!
> 
> There's some special, select tour moments coming up and don't worry, our favourite songs will make a feature at some point along the way don't worry ;)
> 
> Anyways, enjoy !!

“So…” He starts an hour later. The two of them both showered, _separately,_ and finally having made it down to the kitchen for some actual food.

“Don’t go getting all awkward on me now Haz,” Louis starts, jostling his shoulder from where he’s sat beside him, “Think we’re a little too familiar with one another do try that sorta shit.”

“I was going to ask how we’re gonna explain this to the boys, not start another conversation about insecurities but sure.”

“Oh.” Louis remarks and breaks out into a smile. “They saw through us almost immediately back then so I doubt things will be different this time.”

“I get it you know…if you want to keep quiet for a bit. I’m not gonna get all offended if you just want some time to get use to us like this again.”

Louis turns to him, forgetting the half-eaten plate of food and second cup of tea before him and softly, but not without an ounce of conviction to the gesture, presses his hand into his check. Cupping his check till Harry gives in and turns to face him fully. “I don’t need more time H, I’ve had four years without you and now I’ve finally got you back I’m never letting you go again.”

“Didn’t realise you’d turned into a sap during that time.” He murmurs, fighting the tears threatening to spill over at his words.

“What’s the quote, ‘I’m with ya till the end of the line?”

“Lou, you did not just quote Captain America.” He says, shoving Louis away from him and barking out a laugh.

“It’s a good quote!” Louis mockingly defends himself.

“You’re such a sap Louis Tomlinson.” Harry says attempting to turn back to his food but Louis snatches his hand out and grasps his chin, turning his head once more and leans forward, kissing him softly and slowly.

“You love me.” He whispers against his lips.

“Endlessly.” He feels somewhat giddy having this feeling back, that he can now just pull Louis into him and kiss him as he’d once done. That he can make a fool of himself, even now well into his adult years, confessing every few minutes just how much he loves the man before him. How in less than a year he should be able to scream it out to the world that this man is _his._

“You’re staring again love.” Louis whispers though he’s hardly better off, has barely moved away from him. Taking Harry in before him just as Harry was doing with him.

“It’s a pretty sight.”

“Now who’s being a sap!”

“Just calling it how I see it.”

“Then I can plague you with my silly movie quotes all day long.”

“If you’d like me to ever kiss you again I think not.”

“Think I could persuade you against that.” Louis pipes up and just to prove his point sneaks in for another short kiss, pulling away before Harry can get a hold of him and trap him there. “Besides what if I started quoting rom com lines? Would you be more partial to those lines?”

“You’re ridiculous.” He huffs, “That would be worse because those lines would be even more sappy than anything you could come up with.”

“Fine,” Louis says with a pout, standing suddenly and backing out of the kitchen. “I guess you just don’t love me anymore and I’ll leave.”

Harry’s out of his seat before Louis gets past the exit of the kitchen. Reaching for him though definitely not missing the mischievous and mocking glint in the other man’s eyes. Louis ducks away from him however, now backing towards the main door.

“Such a shame, Louis continues, eyes positively shinning with amusement now, “You’ll have to go the rest of your life without me.”

Harry continues after him, barely able to contain the smile on his own face now.

“Think I’ll have to drop out of the band then too…” He’s almost made it to the front door now when Harry launches himself forward and traps him against the wall, arms bracketing him in against him as he presses him in to the wall.

“There’s one slight flaw to your plan.” He breathes out onto Louis’ neck as he places delicate kisses on the under side of his jaw.

“Oh?” Louis breathes out, tilting his head to the side to give Harry better access.

“I’m still very much in love with you Louis Tomlinson.”

Louis draws his head up at his words, all mannerisms of delicacy and gentleness evaporating as he surges forward to claim his mouth. He groans into the kiss, leaning heavily into the other man as Louis’ hands work their way up into the slight curls at the nape of his neck. Fingers firmly intertwining with his hair as he slips his tongue past his lips.

He wraps one hand around Louis’ waist, pulling him impossibly closer, the other hand reaching up to rest on his jaw, tilting his head further up as he deepens the kiss.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever get over the taste of Louis, the feeling of having him go so pliant beneath him as he gives Harry everything without him ever needing to say a word.

There’s so much more of Louis he’s missed these past few years other than physically being with him. His wit, humour and playfulness certainly feature on the mental list which floats unconsciously in the back of his mind. The way he’s always been so fiercely devoted to his family, the protectiveness he feels towards them despite spending years away from them for extended periods of time. How despite where they used to be in the world whilst on tour or writing, he’d keep in touch with each of his siblings and Jay in particular. How he’d make the most miniscule part of their day sound exhilarating even if it was shifting through numerous interviews. That had translated to how Louis was with Harry. Even spending a large portion of their day together, they’d come back to one or their homes or hotel rooms and he’d listen to every word Louis had about his day.

How even after five years together and Harry’s very best efforts, Louis could still barely make toast in the morning, about the only kitchen appliance Harry had ever trusted Louis with was the kettle and microwave.

The way Harry had caught him countless times sending him secret glances across stages scattered over the world. The gestures between them they’d kept in secret to let each other know they were there with each other, even if they had to hide it from the world.

Despite all the shit they’d both been through in their prior years in the band, through all the Eleanor nonsense, all of Harry’s numerous beards and alleged ‘womanizer’ ways Louis had stuck with him through it all. Had fought relentlessly when Harry finally snapped and gave no other option to their old management that he would be coming out and changing the image he’d had forced upon him. Louis had been by his side through it all, through the tears or anger and frustration. Waiting in the shadows whilst in the public in front of the eyes of the world but behind closed doors had sometimes been his only link to sanity and rational thought.

How at the end of each day when they were together Louis would curl into him, put up with all his own insignificant problems and simply _listen_ to him as he spouted out his problems. How he trusted Louis with his life, and more importantly his heart without a doubt.

It didn’t matter know that he’d once shattered it. It would take time still to fully forgive Louis for leaving him for the reasons he had done, but it was trivial now that he had Louis back. This time with no secrets and knowing there was an end date to Louis’ closeting. That soon enough he could claim him and never let him go.

So Harry loved him, fiercely and without question. Because this man would give the world, and Harry would give him it back.

Eventually he knows they have to stop. Now that they’re desperation for one another has faded, he gently presses a final kiss to Louis’ lips and pulls back only marginally

“We should probably stop.” He whispers once he’s finally caught his breathe.

“Not appreciating being left like this Harold.” Louis teases him right back but they both know they need to take this slowly so that they can properly relearn each other. It would break them both if they raced into something only to be torn apart again. Harry couldn’t even _think_ about a situation where that would happen. So slow they would go.

“Soon.” He says back and presses another kiss to the corner of Louis’ mouth before wrapping his arms over his shoulders and burying his face down into Louis neck. Louis’ arms instantly wrap up around his back, tracing a slow pattern over the thin black shirt. “I’ve missed you like this.”

“What?” Louis says with a scoff but doesn’t lessen his hold, “Flustered and hard?” He laughs at that, certainly not mistaking a certain pressure against his thigh, nor his own slight problem.

“You’re impossible.” He murmurs into Louis’ neck. “I want to do this right this time Lou. And I think that means taking it slow.”

Louis huffs into his shoulder but quickly says, “I really hate that you have to be right about these kind of things.”

“I love you.” He answers instead and kisses his neck.

“Yeah yea, love you too.”

~~~~

Somehow, the other boys don’t catch on to the recent ‘development’ going on between the two of them in the final days leading up to opening night. Louis of course thinks this is hilarious and instead of letting them in on said developments, he thinks it’s far more thrilling to simply sneak off between rehearsal breaks, final meetings and stage designs to kiss him senseless in a secluded room. How the others don’t catch on when they both sheepishly return, quietly slipping into the room, with messed up hair, bright eyes and swollen lips is beyond him but with tour now so close its not surprising that everyone’s slightly distracted.

He’s nervous, more so than he thought he’d be for tour. They’ve now gone over the setlist to the extent that Harry thinks he could perform this show in his sleep, the choreo, music changes and stage plan now firmly fermented in his mind. Doesn’t stop him from stressing however.

It’s their final night before tour, the O2 already has had fans lined up camping outside the venue for the past two nights which he thinks is slightly concerning because don’t people have work or other better things to do rather than camp outside a venue three days before a show begins. That morning as they’d their way out of the venue for the final time before the actual show tomorrow he’d come out with his arms laden with gift bags and several crew members carrying trays of various fruits and snacks.

Liam and Zayn had shared knowing glances at his gesture, Niall had laughed in delight before he’d run back inside to snatch even _more_ food from the kitchen. But Louis had taken one look at the determined set in his gaze, placed a blazing kiss on his check and taken some of the bags away from Harry which he’d been overburdened with. The five of them, as well as the crew members had wandered outside to where perhaps two hundred people lounged around, talking adamantly with one another. They’d been spotted soon enough and it had taken several long minutes for the screaming to die down before they could properly hand out the food and items and actually talk with some of the fans.

The five of them find themselves bunched together in Harry’s living room later that night. Harry and Liam squaring off against Niall and Louis in their sixth round of FIFA, whilst Zayn attempts his best efforts at mediating any rising tensions. He and Liam still managing to lose every match though he can’t say he’s too surprised. After all these years he doesn’t know why they still try.

“Ha! This is a good one!” Zayn quirks up from where he’s squished between Liam and Niall.

Louis had been the last out of the kitchen earlier when they’d first walked into the lounge, lagging behind to grab them each a second round of beers. He’d taken one look at the four of them huddled together on the couch and promptly walked straight towards Harry and inserted himself directly between Harry and Liam. None of the boys had questioned it, or so much as raised a brow at his antics and Harry wasn’t about to comment on it when his entire right side was pressed firmly against Louis. They’d shared a private smile before the game had begun and he was convinced Louis had even gone slightly softer on him when he’d had possession of the ball in all their previous matches. Not that the other man would ever willingly admit it.

“What’s it this time?” Niall asks though doesn’t take his eyes off the screen for a second.

“Get this, ‘My brother has never liked 1D so I dared him back in 2016 that if they ever reunited he’d have to pay for tickets for both of us to go, see you in Manchester boys!’”

“Sucks for him.”

“Bet he’s an Oasis fan.” Niall comments and Louis’ eyes do actually look away from the screen to glare at the Irishman.

“Just because he’s a Manc doesn’t mean he’s an Oasis fan.”

“Says a lot from the Donny boy who loves Oasis.”

“Why did I agree to come back into a band with you lot when this is the sort of shit you talk about?” Zayn says with a sign that’s far too fond to have any weight behind it.

“Cause you love us and don’t know what you’d have done without us any longer.”

Zayn laughs, hair falling down in front of his eyes as he shakes his head. “Sure mate.”

“Alright but seriously,” And Liam pauses the game which elects a groan of frustration from both Louis and Niall, “Anyone else fucking anxious about tomorrow?”

“Is this where we get some rousing speech about how much we’ve all been through together and we wouldn’t change it for the world? Cause if that’s the case can we just hug it out and get back to the game?”

Louis barely lasts a second before Zayn is leaning over Liam and smacking him dead in the arm.

“Ow!”

“You deserved that one Tommo.” Niall says with a shrug.

“Wasn’t heading there so thanks Louis,” Liam says with a glare, “But since you brought it up…”

“Oh here we go…” Louis says under his breath though there’s a small tilt in the corner of his mouth suggesting he’s just as willing to hear this out as the rest of them.

“Call me a sap all you like for this but I’m really grateful for you guys you know, what we’ve done together. We’ve been through a lot of shit, all of us.” Liam starts and takes a moment to look straight towards all of them respectively, “But I seriously wouldn’t have changed meeting you all and going through what we did. We put up with a lot of shit and got worked to the bone, but I wouldn’t give up our friendships, fans, song making experience, tours, jokes and arguments for the world. I guess before we truly start this again tomorrow, I wanted to get that off my chest.”

“Cheers for making us all emotional here mate!” Niall says though quickly pulls Liam awkwardly into a hug right over Zayn’s lap.

“You’re right Li, that was fuckin’ sappy but not untrue either.” Louis says and kicks his leg out to lightly hit against Liam’s.

“I only have one request for this tour Li.” Harry says throwing his arm around the back of Louis and poking Liam’s shoulder firmly. “Do _not_ pull my trousers down!”

“That was one time!” Liam cries out but the rest of them have already burst out laughing at the memory.

“Harry do you have anything in your kitchen that has some trace of meat in it?” Niall says after their laughter has died down and the Irishman stands, already making his way through to the kitchen.

“He’s a vegan mate what do you expect?” Louis jibes after him but Niall’s already left the room.

“Not true, there’s still at least half of your peperoni pizza left over from last night.” Harry turns to say to Louis who only shrugs at the remark.

“He better bloody leave me a slice or else.”

Harry laughs, his arm still resting casually on the sofa behind Louis who not so subtly shuffles further into his side, his weight a familiar comfort against him.

Sure enough Niall walks back into the room not a moment carrying the pizza box in one hand whilst he happily tears off another bit of the slice in his hand.

“Cheers Lou.”

“Wait,” Zayn starts as he spins to face Niall, “You weren’t even in here when he just said that was his?”

“Well it’s not like is was Harry’s and who else would this be then?”

“I do have other friends than the four of you ya know?” He chimes in but receives scoffs of amusement in return.

“I’m not wrong though am I?” Nialls asks and he sinks further down into the couch. “Thought not.”

“Alright this is killing me,” Liam suddenly turns on them both, “did you two finally sort your shit out or not?”. He feels Louis freeze momentarily beside him before the other man laughs.

“You’re gonna have to be a bit more specific Li.” He eventually settles on until Liam snorts.

“Please, you’ve been making heart eyes at each other for months and ever since PortMeirion you’ve both gone back to what you use to be like in your lovey dovey state.”

“We’re grown men and you’re gonna call us lovey dovey?” Louis states unamused but doesn’t shift away from his side.

“You’ve both been glued to each other all evening, I don’t think there’s been longer than five minutes we’re the two of you aren’t either staring at the other like they put the stars in the sky or physically attached to one another. Either way, take your pick.”

“We weren’t exactly trying to hide anything…” He begins sheepishly but Niall interrupts him.

“So you both finally pulled your heads out of your arse’s and got it together?”

“I mean technically it’s ‘got together’ but whatever…” Louis starts before Niall is flinging himself across the sofa and pulling them both in to a very uncomfortable, dysfunctional embrace.

“Get in!”

The second Niall pulls away from them Zayn and Liam are right there and he and Louis find themselves once more squished together.

“Fucking finally.” He hears Zayn whisper to Louis and can’t fight the smile from his face as he feels a hand slip into his and squeeze tightly, knowing without having to look that it’s Louis’.

~~~~

His blood his thrumming through his veins. The sound of thousands of people buzzing in an arena can be felt across the entire venue and as the five of them pile together backstage he can’t help the swirl of emotions inside of him.

“Break a leg out there popstar.” He hears Sarah say as she stops beside him and pulls him into a one armed hug. There’s dozens of people crowded around them all. Their families came an hour or so ago, not spending all too much time with them backstage before they were shuffled out to take their seats in the arena. Instead makeup crews, stage hands, sound engineers, managers and god knows who else filters around them all. Having Sarah seem so calm and at ease calms him.

“Wouldn’t put it past one of us to be honest.”

Sarah’s responding smack to his arm is playful and he turns his head down to smile at her, seeing the glint in her eyes which can only be caused in situations where you’re about to be confronted by thousands upon thousands of people screaming lyrics back at you and dancing to the beat of the music.

“This is gonna be the time of our lives.” For that, he doesn’t an argument.

“I was expecting you to wear some sort of Elton ensemble I’m rather disappointed H!” He looks up to find Liam walking towards him with a wide grin on his face. He supposes it’s far from his most out there outfit, in fact he’d purposefully chosen to wear something more subdued for this first show. Dressed in black Gucci high rise flare silk and wool pants and a button-down black silk shirt with a silver pattern of swirls decorating one shoulder and down half one side of his back, it really isn’t a dramatic fit he suspects most people are expecting from him tonight.

It’s Louis however that he can barely stop himself from ogling at. His hair had been styled into a quiff, so similar to how he’d worn it years ago that for a second he thought that that Louis was in the room with them. Dressed in a style that perfectly mixes how the man he used to be with who he is now, a blend of skin tight black jeans and a white and red polo shirt unbuttoned enough to hint at the _It Is What It Is_ tattoo across his chest.

It’s a test of his resilience that he hasn’t already found a deserted room and shoved Louis inside of it. Refusing to leave till they’d both likely have needed to go back to hair and makeup.

He feels like a teenager still for the thoughts which tumble through his mind as he blatantly stares at Louis across the room from him where he’s talking with one of the crew members and a young stylist flits around him with final touches.

“I’ll have you know Liam that Elton is a fashion and music _icon_ and I feel honoured to have my style compared to his taste.” He answers, remembering himself and turning to face Liam.

“Least you’re less at risk of tripping over yourself in this rather than some of the other pants I’ve seen you in!” Sarah pipes up from beside him.

“Hey!”

“She’s not wrong, though I’ve seen him trip plenty of times back in the days of skinny jeans so we shouldn’t have to high expectations of young Harold.” Liam fires back and Harry watches and Sarah and Liam exchange knowing looks.

“What are we bullying Harold for today?” Niall says from behind him and the next moment an arm is draped casually around his shoulders.

“We’re exchanging clumsy Harry stories.”

“Oh fuck you remember when…”

“Niall.” He cuts him off with a warning but Niall’s already off on a tangent to Sarah.

Shimming his way out from Niall’s arm he makes his way towards where he can see Jeff talking with Mitch and someone else he sure is a part of their sound team.

There’s two photographers mixing through the large group of them piled into the big room and he shakes off the feeling of having the camera focus on him as he walks towards the three men. It’s a feeling he’s never found himself at ease with having lens pointed solely towards him. Though he doesn’t mind it nearly as much as he once had.

“All set?” Jeff asks him when he stops on the edge of their group.

“Too late to turn back now.”

“Least you’ve got four others out there with you if you muck it up.” Mitch humours them with.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Ten minutes till stage everyone, the five of you expected stage side in five!” He hears Paul call out across the room, quieting it for a moment before chatter and frenzied actions continue. They’d given timings for the tour to Paul. He knew the boys best and certainly how to handle them all.

He’s shuffled away a moment later by two members of their styling team for last minute touch ups, all members of the actual band escorted away to the stage to get in position.

Before he knows it they’re getting escorted out from the room, down a long corridor which after all these years he has become somewhat familiar with, and towards side stage.

“Can’t fucking believe this is about to happen.” Niall says from beside him. Zayn, Louis and Liam walking side by side just ahead of them, talking excitedly between them.

“We keep saying that but fuck if it isn’t true.”

“Think I’m actually shaking right now.” Nialls says and to prove his point lifts his left hand out before him as they’re walking, sure enough there’s a slight tremor running through it that goes more than the movement of walking.

“Same here.” He says holding out his own hand.

Niall laughs at the two of them, “You know after all these years think we’d have nerves of steal with this sort of thing. Feel like we’re back in 2010 about to go on the X – Factor stage.”

“Don’t remind me! Gemma made me sit down and re-watch all our performances the last time I was with her. Traumatizing experience it was.”

They finally reach just behind the stage. Their opening act having finished five minutes ago and the set is currently being shifted slightly around for their own arrangement. Veiled beneath a wall of black curtain with a mix of animations of the five years they’d been together followed by a selection of clips of them getting back together now which had been filmed over the past couple months. It was similar enough to the short film they’d released before their surprise performance last month, only this time it was much shorter.

They’d worked hard in order to ensure that their set list was kept a tight secret, not wanting the fans to know beforehand which songs they’d chosen. It wasn’t till he recognized the final two minutes of the video playing on the projector and the final checks of the actual set that he realised just how little time they had left till One Direction was officially reunited with the world.

He pulls away from Niall momentarily to grab the other three, pulling them into a tight circle and each of them instantly throwing their arms around one another’s shoulders. He’s vaguely aware of the sound of a camera snapping shots of them but drowns it out as he takes in each of the four men around him, his brothers and the love of his life.

“I don’t know where I’d be without you all, but I’m fucking grateful that I have you. I love you guys, now let’s go play the best show of our lives!”

“Face the wolves right?”

They each cheer at his words, breaking away as they go towards their stations to enter the show. Before he can think better of it he grabs blindly for Louis’ arm. Turning him back around to face him, ignoring the questioning look on his face as he pulls him flush against him and kisses him soundly. Louis melts into him, hands coming to rest on his jaw, careful to avoid his styled hair and kisses him back.

“I love you.”

Louis’ smirk into their kiss isn’t lost on him as he kisses him again, “I love you too.”

“Oi lovebirds! Get over here!” Niall’s shout finally breaks them away from one another. Luckily there’s only the five of them, Paul and Amanda, Rebecca and Jeff left with them. Still he smirks at the surprised looks on each of their faces after his and Louis’ kiss but doesn’t say anything more. He squeezes Louis’ hand tightly once and let’s go to make his way towards where he’ll soon walk out center stage.

He’s glad his in ears at least drown out some of the wave of sheer noise that’s echoing throughout the arena, even now still offstage the sounds of screaming is deafening.

The extended opening to _Hey Angel_ begins and after a solid thirty seconds the curtain drops before the arena filled with fans just as the drums kicks in.

He catches Niall, the one closest to him, grinning as the crowd losses it, Liam and Zayn harmonizing for the opening _oohs_ of the song. All five of them still offstage.

He sings the opening line still out of sight. Doesn’t know how any of the crowd actually hears him above the sheer noise they make the second he starts to sing.

He takes calculated steps up onto the sheer platform at the very back of the stage. Noise erupting around him as he takes in for the first time the sight of the crowd before him. The band spread out either side of him as he walks down towards the main stage with possibly the biggest smile on his face he’s ever worn.

The stage is designed in a way that there’s a ramp leading down from backstage, the band situated on raised platforms on either side. There’s a large circular area at the bottom of the ramp which is considered ‘main stage’, and from there it branches it onto three paths which lead out into the audience.

He makes his way through his verse of the song, knowing the instant Louis becomes visible to the crowd from behind him when another round of white noise occurs.

Lowering the mic away from his face he half turns his body so that he can watch as Louis walks out from the same place he just had. To Louis’ left he can see Sarah grinning from her spot behind the drums, Mitch and Michael also beside her. Ny and Sandy on the opposite side of the gap center stage.

As Louis finishes his pre-chorus he turns away from him and begins heading out onto one of the runways which leads directly out from main stage. Louis soon follows behind him as the second verse begins.

The moment the beat kicks in for the second verse has always been one of his favourite things about this song, and as he feels the music prepares to drop, he nearly forgoes singing his line as he dances crazily around the stage. Blinding lights flashing in his eyes, straining to hear the sound of the music through his in ears so that he has the right timing but he wouldn’t give up this senses overdrive for anything.

Niall is the next one to join them out on stage as he joins Louis in singing the pre-chorus. Instead of making his way out to where he and Louis are, Niall walks down the runway to the left as he sings with him, sending the crowd near him into hysterics.

He turns from the break in the verses to grin at Louis, unable to contain himself as he feels so strongly he needs to share his overwhelming sense of joy he’s experiencing in this moment with the man he loves. He turns only to find Louis’ eyes already on him.

Liam and Zayn finally walk out onto the stage, both of them singing the bridge until the second run through it when Louis joins in with them as well.

Above all the noise in the room he’s drawn to the sound of Louis’ voice amongst it all. Continuing to dance around in what he knows is a signature style for him but he can’t help it, doesn’t want to stop. Out here on stage is a place he’s always felt he belongs, cherishes moments like this when the roar of the crowd is so overwhelming yet everything he needs all at once.

 _Hey Angel!_ He sings out to the crowd, their voices melding with his though the sound is distorted from the delay of the sound of the arena and distance it travels to reach him.

All five of them sing the final few together. Liam having made his way out to the opposite runway from Niall and Zayn remaining on the main stage.

The song comes to a steady close and the screams from the audience is beyond deafening.

When _Happily_ begins next he’s sure he see’s a girl in the crowd actually faint for a moment, supported by her friend by her side. He flicks a thumbs up in her direction and her friend waves back at him just as he sees the friend come back around. He might not be the only one overwhelmed then.

He’s screaming the words by the time _I don’t care what people say when we’re together!_ Thinks he can hear Louis doing so too as Zayn, Liam and Niall all come out to the end of the center runway to join them in time for the second round of the chorus.

They’re jumping around one another, smiles bright on their faces and he feels like he’s 19 once more.

_Baby be with me so happily!_

“London how we feeling tonight!” Liam screams out to the crowd when the song drifts off and is met with a wall of noise. “Man,” He says shaking his head as he looks out over the crowd, “Got to say we’ve missed you guys.” More screaming. “You know, when Niall here first rang me back last year saying he wanted to bring us back together for a tour I was a little unsure but being here right now, standing here in front of all of you all, I can honestly say I wouldn’t change this for the world. Think these four lads beside me would say the same.” Liam continues, his arm now thrown around Niall’s shoulder. “Thank you so much to all of you here tonight for your continued support of the five of us, either back when we were first together, in our solo careers or now back as a band, your loyalty and unfailing love has meant the world to us and we couldn’t be more proud to call you our fans!”

Whilst Liam finished talking with the crowd he, Louis, Zayn and Niall made their way back to take a seat on one of the numerous places designed into the ramp for them to sit in. It had been Zayn’s idea to carve out hollow shapes into the ramp so that they could use them as ‘nests’ he’d called them. Stocked with different pillows and rugs the spots were surprisingly comfortable to sit in.

Liam’s performance of _Remember_ was incredible, the crowd loved it as he danced his way around the top end of center runway. The four of them sat back and watched from the best views in the stadium as one of their best mates had the time of his life singing out to the packed crowd.

As the song came to a close they all rose from their seats and branched out along each of the runways.

Niall came along with him, singing the first verse of _No Control_ which instantly sent the fans into a frenzy. They each made it to the end their respective runways, Liam remaining solo on center and Zayn and Louis together on the far right.

They’d agreed, somewhat reluctantly, for the fans benefit to join the crowd through the chorus of the ridiculous dance they’d once learnt for a skit of _Carpool Karaoke_ with James whilst over in America. Zayn had lost it with laughter the first time they’d gone back through the dance three weeks ago. For someone who’d always been reluctant to show any dance moves on the stage he’d quickly picked up the moves and went along with it gleefully with Louis by his side singing out the chorus.

The combined sight of the four of them doing the moves whilst Louis sang the chorus and twenty thousand people mimicking the moves was quite a sight. The entire song the words were screamed back at them and by the last chorus most of the crowd had picked up on the choreo.

As the song came to close the five of them walked back to main stage. Mic stands having been set up behind them whilst _No Control_ had happened and they positioned themselves behind their stands as the last song faded and the next began.

 _What A Feeling_ had always been one of Liam’s favourite songs from _Made In The Am_ and as he sang the opening verse, followed by Louis in the pre-chorus whilst he swayed along to the lyrics was a special moment for all of them. Zayn had been eager to join in with this one in particular and sang the entire second verse by himself much to the delight of the crowd.

“Well I have to say.” Zayn begins as the song fades out, “I think that one would be one of the songs I most wish I’d done with the boys.” He mostly tunes out the rest of Zayn’s speech, registering only when Niall chimes in to criticize him for something he said causing the crowd to laugh. Liam joins him this time out to onto the right runway, Zayn making his way out towards the center as he continues speaking and finally Louis and Niall to the far left. “This is _There You Are!”_

He’d been looking forward to performing this in front of a crowd ever since Zayn had suggested it. It was much different to what he usually performed and sounded very different to his own music but he was really looking forward to how this would sound in a full arena.

Zayn sang the entire first chorus by himself, not giving any indication that the song would be performed any different to how it usually sounded but as the chorus began to swell each of them lifted their mics and sang it with him

The crowd was delighted, a mixture between half of them singing along with them and the other half screaming in delight.

He’d managed to convince Zayn to let Harry join him for a section of the second verse, the lyrics had struck him and as they faded into the second verse and his two lines neared the others went silent.

_Oh I’m a little drunk now, that’s why I went to war._

The crowd screamed in response to his added feature in the song, Liam playfully shoving his shoulder as the crowd shouted the lyrics back.

Performing _Walking In The Wind_ was special to all of them. It had long been theorized amongst fans that they’d written it when Zayn had left them and there was perhaps more truth to that than they knew.

They each made their way back to main stage, singing crowded together as they joined their voices for the chorus. Zayn plastered in the middle of them.

 _Stockholm Syndrome_ he’d performed during his own solo performances and singing it back in the fashion it had been originally composed in was still slightly strange but it was a thrill to be singing one of his favourite songs from _Four_ back with the boys again.

Instead of joining the rest of the boys on the main stage during it he turned away and scrambled up the ramp towards Sarah, Michael and Mitch’s side of the stage. Mitch smiled when he saw him coming for them, turning his back so that their shoulders were pressed against one another as he sang the chorus. He moved away from Mitch, mic still held up before him as he danced around him and finally made his way over to Sarah. Sarah beamed up at him, not missing a beat.

Across the split in the stage where the entrance to backstage was, Niall had followed him up the ramp as was doing the same with Sandy and Ny.

As the song drew to a close he watched as Niall threw his legs down into the space and waited their as _Stockholm Syndrome_ ended and seamlessly transitioned into his own solo performance of _Heartbreak Weather._

Unlike for Zayn and Liam’s solo performances Niall’s song began without him talking to the crowd. As soon as the crowd realised what song had just begun playing yet another round of cheering began, only to die down again once Niall began singing as they joined in.

Niall wandered over to him from where he’d taken a seat on the side of the ramp, throwing his arm around his shoulders as he sung through the chorus before pulling away from him and walking down to main stage.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Niall yells once the song ends. “Are we enjoying it so far? Cause I know I’m up here surrounded by some of my best friends singing in front of you lot and I gotta say, life’s looking pretty good right now!”

As Niall continues talking with the crowd Louis makes his way towards him, eyes bright and in somewhat of a daze that performing live on stage always brings about.

“s’ fucking insane innit?” Louis says as he sits beside him, pulling his in ears out so he can hear Harry’s reply properly.

“You never told me which song you chose to perform for tonight you know.”

“Well,” Louis starts, “Neither did you.”

“Touché.” He says with a smile. “I’m thinking celebratory ice cream later.”

“Seems a bit mundane for Louis Tomlinson, ice cream?”

“We can even stop and get you some of that vegan shit you like.”

“Hey!” He says smacking his arm, “I happen to like ‘that shit’ quite a lot!”

“I know a lot of other things you like too…”

“Louis.” He groans, “You did not just make a sexual joke to me on stage in front of twenty thousand people.”

“I seem to recall we used to do that a lot?”

“Yes, we did.” He answers thinking back to their old tour days, “And look where that got us!”

“I never heard you complaining after sneaking backstage for a quick one.”

“Louis!” He whines again, well aware that Niall won’t keep speaking forever and he really doesn’t want to get flustered onstage and their very first show back. Despite Louis’ best efforts. He knows the other man too well to know he’s being playful about this, that he’s doing it to get a reaction out of him. “We’re not twenty one anymore.”

“No, though I’d quite like to learn what twenty – six year old Harry can do.”

“Bastard.” He calls out, standing abruptly and moving down onto center stage before he really does give in to the rising heat in his body. He hears Louis laughing behind him and does his best not to retort by flipping him off as he puts one in ear back in.

 _Spaces_ had been one of his favourite songs to perform live the year they’d toured _Four_ and that hadn’t changed as they moved onto it next following Niall’s talk. Their harmonies into the chorus left the crowd screaming out for them as they all piled together at the end of center stages’ runway.

Of all the songs he’d been most insistent in including on their setlist, _Infinity_ likely took out his top spot. They’d sung it together only a handful of times when it had been released but he had very vivid memories of writing it and had been one of their favourite songs they’d ever done.

At the end of the center runway, with all five of them shaped in a semi-circle around one another they make their way through it.

When the music swells and drops into the interlude between the two sections of the songs he loses himself to the atmosphere and music. Smiling like a fool as he dances around the stage.

His love for the recorded version of this song had never faded and the band had worked together in order for the sound to be as close to the real song as possible. He loved every minute of it.

He’s practically screaming by the time the last few repetitions of _Infinity_ echo around them. He doesn’t bother to hide away from his emotions as he turns towards Louis and sings out the last lyric. Throughout the whole show he’s not sure the crowd erupts louder than it does in that moment.

“You know…” Louis starts whilst the crowd is still lost around them, he chuckles into his mic before glancing upwards and staring out over the crowds, “I think that’s gonna be my favourite song of tour.”

“Now I gotta say, there’s this one person back there,” Louis continues, turning and pointing to a spot closer to main stage, “Whose holding up this one sign that’s been making me laugh all show.

Harry glances towards him, then looks beyond to where he’s pointing, miraculously trying to find this one sign he’s pointed out.

“And I think a few of you in here probably want an answer to it so let’s go find mystery person and have a chat shall we?”

He shares a look with Zayn before trailing after Louis down towards main stage, blocking out the shouted words sent towards them before Louis stops two thirds along the runway.

 _Boys; eighteen months is 547 days, not 1548._ Louis reads off the sign and they all break out into a smile.

“Now, you gotta give us a break we…” But he’s drowned out by the laughter of the crowd, “Alright, alright, bad wording choice, but none of us went to college. You see we all finished with school then got thrown together into this band called One Direction and just didn’t really need to bother with numbers. Other of course, besides the fact that there are 20,076 of you in here tonight! Which is pretty fuckin’ insane if you ask me.”

Niall suddenly seems to decide it’s time for them to go around reading off people’s signs and they each branch off to go find some of their favourites that they can discover.

He’s a third of the way down the runway to the far right when he hears Liam’s voice cracking up through his in ears.

“Niall look!” Liam says as a close up shot of a sign appears on a big screen behind them.

_Applied for the X – Factor, hope it all wrks out._

“Apparently we aren’t just bad at numbers but spelling too Niall.”

“Oh bugger off, it was cool back then!”

“Don’t think that was ever cool mate.”

They go through for another five minutes or so before he sees Louis making his way back to main stage and knows it’s time to move on.

Harry makes his way back towards the nests in the ramp, taking up a spot besides Zayn as he settles in for Louis’ solo part of the show. The audience seems to realise it’s now his time and an excited buzz starts up around the arena.

“Now, before we start here I just want to say the biggest thank you to everyone out there who’s listened to me new album. I’m sorry it took so long but I’m pretty proud of it and seeing all your responses to it has truly blown me away! So thank you, here’s one of my favourite songs from the album.”

Harry supposes he should have been able to guess which song he’d start off this tour with singing solo, but as the opening chords of _Always You_ echoes around the arena and the crowd comes to life once more, he can’t help the smile that breaks out across his face.

Watching Louis stand in front of twenty thousand people, singing his heart out, almost literally, to all those people when this is a song he wrote for _him_ , is almost too much.

Louis doesn’t turn towards him once during the entire song, but despite the crowd stretched out before him, screaming the lyrics back at him, Harry knows Louis is singing to him.

By the end he’s fighting off the stinging in the back of his eyes. The wave of unexpected emotion flooding through him as he thinks back on all the two of them have gone through. On a stage in front of thousands he guesses it’s not the best time to scream out how much he’s in love with this brave, selfless man before him. Though it doesn’t stop him when he stands alongside the rest of the boys, walking towards him and making sure his mic is no where near him as he whispers into Louis’ ear, _I love you._

Louis’ responding smile is worth all the fan videos that become viral in a matter of moments at the sight.

He’s handed a guitar, alongside Niall for the start of the next song as five stools are simultaneously brought out on stage, a slight lull between the end of Louis’ song and the start of the next. There’s a minute of so as the stage crew races around them in practiced style before they’re seated and set to go for the next song.

_If I could fly, I’d be coming right back home to you._

The crowd erupts as he sings the first line, no other backing music apart from him and Niall’s guitars.

This had been both the hardest and favourite song he’d performed of their bands’ discography as a solo artist. Still clearly remembers standing alone on stage as he’d sung this very song, but now here besides his boys he feels at home.

_Now you know me, for your eyes only._

_Story of my Life_ had been Zayn’s insisted song, which had come as a surprise to all of them. However the moment the familiar chords start up, the five of them remaining on their stools he couldn’t think of a better song for their own stories leading up to this moment. He feels himself finally start to choke up as the song goes on, the lights of thousands shinning before him as the arena sings their words back to them.

He’s relieved when the song ends and yet another familiar sound picks up in the stead of the last song, each of them standing from their stools and walking out onto either side runway.

 _Perfect_ is more fun to perform than he remembered considering it was one of their more popular, well known songs, but he still vividly remembers feeling so canny writing those lyrics with the boys and their songwriting team. It’s fun, upbeat and surprisingly the best way to move away from their more solemn songs.

Before he knows it it’s all up to him. With only a slight delay and some chatting with the crowd he once more makes his way back towards main stage, the rest of the boys taking to their spots behind their own mics just behind him.

He’s performed this before, recently even, but still he finds himself forcing more oxygen into his lungs as Ny’s piano starts and he reaches for the microphone.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever get over the emotional tool it takes on him to perform _Falling._ But in that moment, instead of the crowd screaming back at him which they normally do throughout songs, they sing softly with him, quietly, as if wanting to hear his every word.

There’s an added weight to this song beyond what he felt when he last performed it at the Brit awards. Now that Louis is actually _with_ him and not just there in the crowd, it feels wrong and right at the same time to be baring himself so vulnerable and open in front of this many people.

Butt still as the chorus starts and just as they’d practiced, the boys join their voices with his seamlessly, he wouldn’t change this moment for anything.

 _End of the Day_ is a blessing when the opening notes start, he’s grateful for the changing tempo of the song which distracts him from the depth of the last song and focusses his mind back out on the crowd before him rather than the caramel brown haired Doncaster man at his side.

If he sings You _love who you love_ with a little more gusto than any other line in the song, nobody has to know.

If _End of the Day_ hadn’t completely brought him out of his mood, then _Drag Me Down_ definitely does. As he and Zayn harmonizes their way through the belting notes at the end of the song with the crowd spurring them on, he’s right back to feeling where he belongs as the lights fade out through the final note.

They each send their last few waves out to the crowd as Sarah carries the band through it’s last few moments and they all pile after one another backstage.

Louis grabs for him the moment they’re out of sight, just in the dark before they reach the space directly behind the stage where no doubt there’s an army of people waiting to ambush them back into their styled selves in the for minutes they have before they head back out for an encore. The kiss is searing and demanding and Harry gives him everything as he grips tightly onto Louis’ waist, the other mans hands fumbling tightly into his hair and pulling him closer. They’re both sweaty, out of breath and tired but they don’t care in that moment, too far gone in one another and the high they’re experiencing from being out on stage.

Popping up behind Mitch as the opening notes of _What Makes You Beautiful_ begins creates a new wave of chaos amongst the crowd as the five of them pour back out onto the stage. All of them grinning like fools as they sing through the song that mostly got them to where they ended up, feels endlessly childish and shallow now that they’re in their mid to late twenties yet feels so overwhelmingly _them_ he can’t help but sing with a newfound love of the song the entire way through.

Niall crowds into him towards the end of the song, clumsily throwing his arms around him as they sing through the quieter bit of the song before exploding back into the chorus.

He let’s go of himself the way he’d taken to do whilst performing the song when the instrumental part comes through, noticing in the midst of his antics that the other four have joined him in flailing around on main stage.

“Thank you so much for coming out tonight, being here and just being the most amazing fans on the planet! We love you all, get home safe and we’ll see you again soon!” Liam calls out into his mic in the fading lines of the song as they settle down for the last song of the show, grinning like fools.

It had been his idea to place _History_ as they’re closing song. At first the others had been reluctant, keen to put it earlier but he’d argued firmly that the connection the song had to their journey and to the fans was of too much significance to be placed anywhere else. And as the opening verse of the song begins, the fans realise which song they’d chosen to leave them with, he knows it was the right choice.

_You and me got a whole lot of history! We could be the greatest team, that the world has ever seen! You and me got a whole lot of history! So don’t let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever!_

_So don’t let me go, so don’t let me go_

_We can live forever_

_Baby don’t you, baby don’t you know_

_We can live forever!_

The lights go out. And just like that, it’s over.

~~~~

A week later, he and Louis bundle themselves in his car and hit the road early in the morning. They’re both still buzzing after spending several nights playing the O2, though he knows soon enough the adrenaline will fade and the true extent of his tiredness will hit them both

Louis had insisted on going out last night to celebrate the end of their London shows which had all gone as incredible as the first - even when Liam had drenched Zayn under a full bucket of ice cold water right on main stage as revenge for drawing all over his brand new white shirt. They’d only made it back home, or rather Louis had claimed it would simply be much easier to both go back to his as it was closer and then they needn’t take two separate vehicles. There was a lot of failed logic in his claims, considering that they were both multi millionaires but he wasn’t going to turn down an extra night with Louis in his bed. Not that he’d spent a night away from him since they’d gotten back together.

That’s how they found themselves at 8:30am the following morning making their way through London traffic to head north two days earlier than everyone else. All of their families had gone home after the second night of performing but when Anne had made the suggestion to spend some time with her and Gemma, who were both back in Holmes Chapel, he couldn’t say no. Asking Louis to join him had been a simple task, especially when the promise of a traditional Styles family dinner was on the cards.

He’d originally planned to stay both nights with his family, but when Louis had said Lottie would be flying over to France for two weeks and he wouldn’t see her again for at least a month he’d offered for Louis to go straight up to Doncaster to spend the time with his own family. Louis had laughed at him and they’d settled on spending the first night with his family, then trying to Doncaster the next to spend the second night with Louis’ family. It would likely make them more tired than they already where, knowing from past experience from doing exactly this but neither of them were willing to not spend valuable time with their families when they would have such little opportunity in the coming months.

He wasn’t sure how it would feel slotting back in with the Tomlinson – Deakin family, after so long away, despite catching up with them a few times now, going to Louis’ actual family home was a whole different story.

“Hey.” Louis said taking one hand off the wheel and reaching out for his hand, “I think we’re both a bit nervous about this but we know our families love each other. We’re literally psyching ourselves up for no reason.”

“You’re not wrong.”

“I never am.” Louis responds with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if there were songs you wanted on the set list, this was just my personal take!
> 
> Full set list in order:
> 
> 1) Hey Angel  
> 2) Happily  
> 3) LIAM  
> 4) No Control  
> 5) What A Feeling  
> 6) ZAYN  
> 7) Walking in the Wind  
> 8) Stockholm Syndrome  
> 9) NIALL  
> 10) Spaces  
> 11) Infinity  
> 12) LOUIS  
> 13) If I Could Fly  
> 14) Story of My Life  
> 15) Perfect  
> 16) HARRY  
> 17) End of the Day  
> 18) Drag Me Down  
> (Encore)  
> 19) What Makes You Beautiful  
> 20) History


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I am SO sorry for my extend absence on posting this story, it's been a very hectic past month for me and I seriously just haven't had time to finish this chapter but it's done now! Thank you so much for all the support so far on this story! And don't worry I'm not giving up on it, despite what me not posting for a month wold suggest! Anyways enjoy !!!
> 
> Also HAPPY 29th BIRTHDAY to Louis !!!!!! And a teaser for TPWK too this day is going great
> 
> NOTE: The song Louis sings in this chapter is 'Sorry' by Kookshill and is a really cool song !!

“Still just as small as I remember it.” Louis exclaims as they drive past the sign welcoming them into Holmes Chapel.

“Hey.” He turns his head towards him, not hiding the smile on his face as they drive into the familiar setting.

“Nothing wrong with small towns, it’s the people you need to be wary of.”

“You can walk to Doncaster.”

“I’d feel threatened except it’s you making the threat so I’m not all that worried.”

“You’re not helping you case here love.”

Louis’ been here more than enough times by now to still know the way to his mum’s house. Arriving here and not being greeted by both Anne _and_ Robin is still a weird feeling for him, he knows how much his mum misses him and though she’d never want to leave this place he knows it pains her somewhat to stay in the place she has so many memories of him.

Robin had been such a fixture in his life for so many years that losing him had been hard. It’s not as though he has many memories of his own dad before he’d left when he was four but Robin had become every ounce of the father presence in his life that losing him had been incredibly hard. He saw enough of his real father each year but they still weren’t close, not like the connection he’d had with Robin and coming back here only brought those emotions to the fore front of his mind.

As if sensing his moment of vulnerability Louis reaches across the console and traces his thumb over his thigh. The gesture reassuring and not overbearing. If anyone in his life knows how it feels to lose a parental figure it’s Louis. He knows when they arrive at his family’s home tomorrow that it will feel incomplete without Jay there to greet them and make him feel at home.

They’re quiet the rest of the way to the house, now slightly on the outskirts and surrounded by the beautiful garden his mum tended too throughout the year.

Gemma wouldn’t be arriving till later that night, having work commitments to finish back in London so it would just be the three of them for most of today.

Louis pulls the car into the driveway and cuts the engine, neither of them moving for a moment as they take in the house before them. It’s changed a lot in the past four years since Louis had last been here, and the way he’s studying the house before him portrays how much he’s trying to pin point each change and new feature.

Anne’s car is parked before the garage and she’d sent him a text only an hour ago so he’s knows she’s home.

They forgo grabbing their luggage for now, instead locking the car behind them and making their way to the front door. There’s potted plants and flowers blooming in the ever-warming weather as summer approaches, the short pathway lit with vibrant colour. Ivy lines wind their way upon along wooden crates besides the front door and everything to him looks like it did when he’d last been here back in November, only this time everything is in full bloom.

The door is locked, and with his mum not coming to greet them by the door he lifts one of the fake, stone animals situated behind a pot by the door and grabs the key he knows always sits beneath it.

Picture frames and ornaments line the walls throughout the open living space directly inside the front door. The room lit in the late morning sun, fireplace dormant across the room. Dusty, his mum’s cat lies on one of the armchairs, not bothering lifting his head to study the new intruders.

“Mum?” He calls out into the quiet house but there’s no response. The faint murmur of the radio sounds from the kitchen, glancing back at Louis, who’s taking in the living space, he starts towards the sound.

Walking into the clean kitchen he finally spots his mum through the open large glass doors which lead out into the spacious garden. She’s sat at the outdoor table, sorting through a bundle of small potted plants. Once glance around the pristine garden proves that they’re likely not a necessary addition but she’ll find a space for them nonetheless.

“Mum.” He says again and she whirls around to face them.

“Gosh H, warn a woman!” Anne jokingly replies placing a hand over her heart.

“We’ve been calling your name for the past few minutes!” He explains as she stands, walks right past him and engulfs a surprised Louis in an embrace. “Oh I see how it is.” Though seeing how open in her affection for Louis his mum is he wouldn’t change this for anything.

“You have no clue the both of you how happy I am that you’re back together where you belong.” Anne says to Louis once she pulls back.

“Yeah well, I’ve learnt over the past few years that living without your son is not something I ever want to experience again.” Louis exclaims, smiling brightly at him over Anne’s shoulder.

His mum finally turns to greet him properly, pulling him into her and placing a kiss to his temple.

“Don’t even need to ask if either of you would like tea, let’s head inside.” Louis’ responding grin to her remark makes him wonder how he ever imagine not spending the rest of his life with this man when only a few short months ago he’d thought that would be the very case.

The three of them pile into the kitchen, Anne refilling the kettle whilst Louis absentmindedly makes his way towards the mug cupboard and grabs three down. As they wait for the kettle to boil he watches as Louis steps around the kitchen, glancing over each of the framed photographs hanging along the walls and decorating the kitchen area.

“I cannot believe Harry lets you keep this up still.” He remarks pausing in front of one particular photo which makes him groan in distaste.

“I don’t let her keep it up at all, I don’t have a choice in the matter.”

The photo in question is of him in the Manchester audition lines for X – Factor all the way back in 2010. He looked dreadful in it with his cardigan and green shirt but his mum had always insisted on keeping the framed image on proud display in the kitchen. He’d been mocked endlessly over the years by Gemma and know that he thinks about it he remembers it’s not the first time Louis has commented on it either. Thankfully he has full rights to tease Louis right back for his own clothing choice of that particular day ten years ago now.

“I miss those curls.” Louis says shooting him a wink.

“As I recall Lou, you always said you liked my long hair best.”

“Anne help me out here, the curls were adorable.”

“You were always adorable H.”

“You’re both saps.” He says playfully shoving away Louis’ hands which reach to wrap around him. He gives up once Louis stands behind him and winds his arms over his chest and pulls him against his front. Not bothering to hide his eye roll as Anne grabs for her phone and snaps a photo of them right as Louis smacks a lingering kiss to his check.

“You love us though.”

Meeting his mum’s eyes as she smiles at their antics. “Maybe.”

The two of them follow Anne through to the lounge, Louis winks towards him as they trail after her. He settles into the far side of one of the various sofas and Louis instinctively tucks himself into his side, tea cradled in his hands.

His mum only smirks at the both of them as she takes a seat in a nearby armchair Harry thinks she’s had since he was little.

“I promised Gemma I wouldn’t ask but what exactly has happened between you two over the past few months?”

“Harry hasn’t told you?” Louis asks, confusion evident in his tone.

“Pieces of it, but not the whole story.”

“Since when do you hide things from your mum?” Louis asks him tilting his head up to him.

“I wouldn’t call it hiding as much as just not feeling up to sharing the whole thing. I’ve spread around parts of the past few months to a few different people so it’s hard sometimes keeping track of who knows what.” He vaguely explains.

“Who’s other people?” His mum questions.

“Sarah, Mitch, Gems, Zayn the most out of the boys I guess, my therapist in LA too.”

“You would have a therapist.” Louis drawls.

He retorts by playfully tapping the back of his hand which is draped lazily over the back of the sofa against Louis’ head. “I’ll have you know that she’s an amazing woman and she’s done a lot for me.”

“I have no doubt she’s not an amazing woman, you don’t place your trust in just anyone.”

“Anyways, back to what you actually asked mum…”

They take their time explaining things. Perhaps to some laying out complex relationship events to one’s mother would be a strange concept, but his mum is one of the most special people in his life, he would trust her with anything and he knows just how much Anne has always adored Louis. Telling her for both of them is a way for them to also realise what they’ve both gone through to get back in each other’s lives. In an odd way it feels like validating what they have, as they both share their version of events, often cracking smiles as they remember certain things or face each other with desperate expressions recalling their weaker moments.

Anne listens to every word. Sits contently as her son and the light of his life sit mesmerized in each other.

It’s what they need at this point in time. To take a step back from their hectic lives and reflect.

“I know we’re unconventional,” He finishes, unaware of how much time has passed, “And that others wouldn’t have given this another chance and call me a sap all you want for this, but I’ve been thinking recently that all the crap we’ve had to deal with only makes me appreciate this all the more. We’ve both been through hell and we chose to come back to one another because living through the shit together will forever be better than living a life without the other.”

“Definitely sappy,” Louis says but there’s a sheen in his eyes, “But true nonetheless.”

“I hope one day you both realise how special what you two have is. Not many people could ever make it through what you two have done. I know the past few years have been impossibly tough on the both of you, and I warn you Louis darling there was a long time in there I never wanted you near my boy again, but seeing you together is like watching the both of you feel complete once more. But do my poor heart a favour this time,” Anne says looking between them both with a fond expression, “Don’t ever give up the fight for it this time.”

~~~~

The evening light accompanies them both as they wander through the semi long grass towards the creek that runs beside the small village. They’d left the house a half hour ago making their way through the few main streets towards a still familiar route which led them to this spot. Bundled underneath hoodies to fight off the slight briskness evident in the spring weather.

He’s silent as Louis finally slips his hand into his, his only response to squeeze gently back as they walk together.

He can’t help but wonder for the utmost time what their lives could have been like had circumstances not occurred as they had. Would they still have found one another? Could they have loved freely and openly as they’d always wanted too? It’s far from the first time Harry’s thought of such things, and he doubts this will be the last but in the quiet of the evening, the love of his love walking beside him and their lives once more so intricately intertwined, he can’t help his thoughts from drifting.

A life free from constant media attention, the pressure to conform or blatantly stand out from societal expectations, to live up to the ‘reputation’ he’s had formulated for him for the past ten years of his life mainly by strange people in too sharp suits of attire.

The music side of it is a form of release for him now. Lyrics and hidden notes placed to portray his struggles over the last decade for all those patient enough to search for them. His love for a blue eyed man layered under words of passion, despair, heartbreak and all consuming love. Evident but purposefully disguised.

Success in this way of life should not have to come at the cost of hiding away the things, and the people, he loves most.

“You’re thinking too much.” Louis says into the still night and he startles as his mind drifts back to the present.

“I wasn’t doing anything.” He rebuttals, tracing his thumb over the back of Louis’ hand.

“If you’re trying to convince me of that you’re doing a pretty piss poor job of it.”

“Charming as ever.” He says with a smirk.

“Spill, we said we would communicate properly with each other this time around.”

He signs as they now near the stone bridge leading over the river. “I just wish we’d never had to choose between loving one another and having a career.”

“We didn’t choose either, closeting artists has been around from decades. We were just in the unfortunate position where we didn’t know what we meant to each other back then and couldn’t possibly have predicted the shit we’d go through just by being in love.”

“We could have fought harder, we could have refused, not signed the contracts.”

“ _We_ were too young and naive to understand what parts of ourselves we were signing away. Neither of us could have known as teenagers what would happen, we weren’t even technically together by the time we first signed.”

“I know Lou, but we gave up so much of ourselves only to be portrayed as people we aren’t and never have been.”

“We were closeted by those homophobic arseholes to fit in to a specific market. I will never stop despising the shit they put you through, how they made you out to be someone you aren’t and I don’t completely know how to fix that, but we’ve almost made it now love, and this time we’ll do it right.”

They pause underneath a thick oak tree beside the stone bridge, hands clasped tightly as he stares out across the place he’d grown up in. Not in his wildest dreams when he’d come out here as a young boy did he think his life would turn out anywhere close to how it had.

“When we first signed that contract, moved into Princess Park and were first together we were both surrounded by people we’d only ever admired from afar, worked with incredible people and were thrown into so many new environments we simply didn’t know any better.” Louis continues after a moment, “We navigated five years together through all of that shit show, and the important thing is we know better _now._ We have people who actually want to help us instead of lock us in a closet and bury our public personas under piles of scandals and outrageous lies. We’ve got each other again, and at the end of this year, we’ll be right here, together, when all this shit with Eleanor is over and then we can finally have our freedom.”

“Since when did you become the wise one in this relationship?” He teases through the tightness in his chest.

“Don’t expect it to become a common reoccurrence.” Louis warns with a smile.

“You know,” He starts with a private smile, “I can’t wait for the day I can walk out on stage and love you freely for the world to witness.”

Louis’ breathe fans out over his neck, places a small kiss in the junction between his neck and shoulder before burying himself into Harry’s side. He slides an arm around Louis’ shoulder, kissing the top of his hair and listens in the silence which encases them, only disrupted by the sound of their breathing.

“I want to fight.” Louis eventually whispers. “I don’t want to run and hide from our past. When we can finally be open about what’s transpired I want to tell the world just why we had to hide, why for those years we were left broken all because of a system that should be designed to support us in our careers. Harry turns his head towards him but Louis continues before he can say a word. “I’m not saying I want to tell all of our history, I want to keep living our private life together as something out of the media and public knowledge, but just imagine Haz the amount of young or emerging artists or whoever we could help by confronting this. There are dozens of examples of famous musicians who’ve been closeted as not to ‘taint their image’. Being gay isn’t a crime. Love is not a crime. Being who you are isn’t a crime. Nobody should have to hide behind a glass closet because of traditional and backwards views. We could help so many people H, and I want to do it. I don’t want others to experience a fraction of what we went through. I want people to be treated equally, with kindness, fairly.”

There’re tears brimmed in his eyes by the time Louis’ finished. He doesn’t have the words to explain how he feels in that moment after Louis’ words so instead he turns Louis’ head with his fingers placed gently beneath his jaw and kisses him softly. There’s no heat behind the kiss, only a burning flame of passion and reverence for this selfless, brave and kindhearted man that he’s loved for ten years.

“I’ll be by your side through it all,” He murmurs against his lips, “I promise Lou.”

~~~~

Arriving outside of Louis’ family home hits him the moment the engine turns off. The two of them sitting in silence and he tries to recall the last time he’d been here. Back then he’d have leapt out from the car, gone straight inside to hug them all, spend hours in the kitchen with Jay, girls running around him and teasing him, stealing any bit of Louis or his affection in the limited time they had with them both.

But there was no Jay waiting inside for them this time.

He realised then how strong Louis had been over the past couple of years, he’d spent so much time away from his family and now that Jay was gone his best memories of her were in this house, surrounded by his family.

Louis seemed to be thinking along the same mindset as him right now, and instead of dwelling on it he reached over, taking Louis’ hand in his and squeezing hard. He couldn’t make this about his sadness, he wouldn’t taint their first time back here together with solemn memories of what had once been. They needed to truly move past that now.

Last night had been a relief for both of them from the fast paced nature that had taken over their lives in recent months. He, Gemma, Anne and Louis had spent hours huddled in the lounge talking. Only moving to bed when he’d promptly feel asleep curled into Louis’ side, having to been shaken away by a bleary eyed Louis and almost carried up to their bedroom. He’d not lasted half a minute after being lain down on the bed before he’d fallen asleep once more. He’d woken up that morning to Louis pressed to his side, arms wrapped around him.

Neither of them spoke as they pushed open their car doors, forgoing grabbing their luggage for now as they wander up the short distance to the front door

They don’t make it all the way to the front door before it flies open and three young woman and barreling out towards them.

Daisy and Phoebe go straight for Louis but he’s caught off guard when Lottie slams into him and wraps him tightly in her embrace.

“Welcome back home stranger.” She murmurs into his shoulder. He pushes back the tightness in his throat at her words and pulls her tightly into him.

Walking into Louis’ families home is just as odd of an experience as he’d thought. He feels incomplete being here without Jay here to fold into, offering her endless wisdom and simply being like a second mum to him. There’s also the missing excitement and energy from Felicity, he can’t help the way his eyes trail across the room searching for them both but mentally draws himself back before it becomes obvious.

“We’ll show you round come on!” Daisy says to him, the first time either of the older twins have addressed him yet and he smiles as he trails after him.

“It’s nice to see him looking like that again you know.” Phoebe says once they’re out of earshot from where Louis and Lottie remain in the lounge catching up.

“Like what?” He questions.

“Properly happy. It’s like a light went out in him over the last few years, he’s been Louis but not quite _Louis_ you know?”

He hums in response, thinking back to how different Louis had seemed on that first night he’d reconnected with him back in December. He’d noticed it too, that slight disconnect between the man that had stood before him compared to the memories he had of him.

“I think we’d both spent so much of those five years we were together in invested in each other that without that constant feeling around it was as if there was an incomplete factor in life, at least that’s how I’d felt.”

“We’re sorry you know,” Daisy says next, “About how we treated you back when we first saw you again.” He goes to dismiss it but she continues before he gets the chance. “We were too young to understand what had happened between you two when things ended, all we knew was that you weren’t around and Louis was miserable. That year was so hard for us and I think at the time we put some of the blame and anger we felt towards everything onto you just because we could. Louis never wanted to talk about it so we just continued thinking of it like that.”

“He explained it to us you know, at least part of it.” Phoebe chimes in as they make their way up to the second floor where all the bedrooms are. “It was confusing seeing you again that first time, especially since it seemed Louis was suddenly different again, we couldn’t quite figure it out at the time, but seeing how he is walking through that door just know, I think it’s pretty clear.”

“It’s not just me you know,” He tries, fighting a blush, “He’s back with all of us, touring and being back on stage where he belongs.”

“Believe us Harry, it’s mostly thanks to you.”

~~~~

It’s Lottie who finds him next. Later that night once darkness has fallen, Louis had gone upstairs with the twins to put Doris and Ernest to bed. The two younger set of twins had returned to the house with Dan two hours ago. He’d spent most of the time since wrapped up in one or the other, not able to get enough of their smiling young faces and endless stream of questions for him. Louis had looked at him afterwards like he’d hung the stars, seeing Harry fit so easily back in with his family now.

He startles now as Lottie folds her legs under her on the opposite side of the sofa. The retreating sounds of the five other Tomlinson’s fading out as they make their way deeper into the house.

“Is this the scary oldest sister chat I’m about to experience? Think Gemma pulled Lou aside for that one last night. Seemed white as a sheet when he came up for bed.”

Lottie just laughs at his words and shakes her head, “Think we’ve already covered that chat H years ago.”

“Didn’t stop Gemma from going for round two.”

“I mean I can be scary oldest sibling if you want me too….”

“No!” He cries and they both burst out laughing. “Think I can live without that one.”

“You’ll both get it right this time won’t you though.” Lottie says after a moment, gaze lingering on the stairs and voice serious once more.

“Second time’s a charm.”

“I think the saying goes third time’s a charm but…”

“Semantics.” He mutters and she smiles at him.

“You’ve made it ten years, now there’s only a few months left and you can be free together till the end of days.”

He contemplates her words, thinking over everything they’ll be able to do and share next year. An exactment begins to bubble inside him at the thought. It’s not as if he hasn’t thoughts about it till this point, but having someone else who isn’t he or Louis say it so clearly to his face that they’ll be free in only a few short months seems to only make it clearer who little time left of hiding in a glass closet they both have.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.” He whispers then.

“He really loves you ya know.”

“I know.” He says with a smile, “I really love him too.”

~~~~

“Hey.” Louis calls out softly to him as he walks back down into the living room. Lottie had just got up to go to bed but he’d remained down here for a while longer, unsure how long Louis would be

“Hey.” He answers as Louis stops before him and leans down to kiss him softly. “Come with me?” He asks offering his hand. Harry takes it and pulls himself off the sofa, following Louis towards the kitchen near the back of the house. Louis diverts for a moment, grabbing a guitar from the opposite room, sending him a flash of a smile and continues to lead him outside into the back yard.

“What’s this about?” He finally asks eyeing the guitar as Louis perches on one of the outdoor seating areas near the back of the property.

“I wanted to play something for you.”

He thinks he melts a little bit at those words. It’s not as if they never used to not sit around and sing to one another but this particular moment feels special.

“Ok.”

“It’s a little rough at the moment, but it’s been on my mind for ages now and I just want for you to hear it.”

He remains silent at the almost nervous expression Louis wears as he starts strumming a melody. He continues for a while, no other noise asides from the quiet sound of the guitar.

Eventually Louis’ voice joins softly in with the guitar and the words he sings breaks a piece of him.

_And I know, that you are sitting waiting all alone_

_And you know, I’m sorry_

_So hurt me, come over_

_I’m sick of fighting all the time_

_And baby, I want this_

_Yeah and I’m sorry, that I am not there_

_But I hope you know, you know I care_

_Cause I don’t want you to feel alone_

_Oh just please there, oh please be there when I’m home_

_And baby it’s the same shit_

_Yeah every night that I’m not home_

_It taught me, to want this_

_It taught you, you to trust me_

_I can’t help what is going on_

_But you know, that I’m trying_

_Yeah I’m sorry, that I am not there_

_But I hope you know, you know I care_

_Cause I don’t want you to feel alone_

_Oh just please be there, please be there when I’m home_

He’s crying by the time Louis fades out the song. Tears silently streaking down his face as he looks up at Louis from where he’s sitting in front of him. He doesn’t have the words to describe how he feels in that moment but he blindly registers reaching out for Louis’ hand.

Louis grabs for his floundering hand, wrapping it between both of his as tears spring in to his eyes also.

“I’m sorry, for everything Harry.” Louis whispers to him.

There’s still no words forming in his mind, he just sits and clings desperately onto Louis’ hand.

“Writing that felt like the last sharp pain I’d been feeling was leaving me. It will always be there, the knowledge of how deeply I hurt you, and I needed a way to get it off my chest. That song will never go anywhere, but I needed you to hear it.”

Words don’t come to him but he kneels forward and wraps his arms around Louis, still crying in earnest. The guitar sits uncomfortably wedged between them but he pays it no mind. He pulls away only far enough so that he can kiss him, tears staining both of their checks. Louis kisses him back with such an equal amount of tenderness that he feels it chase all the way through him and it’s all the conformation he needs to know that he’ll never have to live without this man again.

“You don’t have to apologise anymore. I know you’re sorry. I know this is forever.”

~~~~

Belfast greets them on a particular warm day. The morning air wraps around them all as they tumble together backstage after the show, all of them alight with adrenaline for performing. It’s the first morning show they’ve put on for this tour and it’s slightly strange having already finished performing before it’s even midday.

Niall throughs his arm around his shoulders, sweat clinging to the Irishman who hasn’t stopped grinning since they stepped off the plane late last night.

“Fuckin’ oath lads, what a show!”

He has rather conflicting memories of this particular tour spot though he pushes it from his mind as they make their way further backstage in order to show and get ready for the rest of the day.

“Man I’m still knackered after last night, when are we expected at the venue again?” Zayn asks as they near the dress rooms.

“Two I think, but Rebecca said to us earlier that we’re leaving for it straight away remember? Gonna take a while to get there then set up.” Liam answers.

“I need a darn nap.” Zayn mutters.

“Don’t we know it.” Louis says under his breathe from where he walks beside Harry and he struggles to muffle his laughter.

There’s only two showers available in their section of dressing rooms so after they’ve walked into the large room now mostly packed up with all their supplies and pre show necessities, Niall and Zayn branch off to take first rotation in the showers whilst Liam lingers in the hallway to call Maya who’s had to stay in London for work.

“You know…” He starts but is cut short when he feels hands on his shoulders, pushing him back into the far wall and the next moment Louis’ lips are on his. There’s a hint of desperation and longing behind Louis’ actions as Harry snaps a hand up to Louis’ neck and pulls him closer.

“You…” Louis starts between kisses, “Just had to… fucking go ahead and… tease me like that up there.” He stutters out breathlessly.

Harry smiles into the kiss now, “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about love.”

Louis groans, the sound low and deep and he feels warmth spread through him at the sound as Louis presses another bruising kiss to his lips. “I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.” He continues, moving down to press firm kisses along the side of his jaw.

He knows they’ll get shit from the boys and dark looks from their managers but as Louis’ lips travel slowly down his neck, with painstaking pointedness to linger on spots Louis still remembers are most sensitive, he really can’t find it within himself to care.

Of course he knows what Louis is calling him out for. He’d not held anything back on stage tonight. Their stolen nights away with their families, and particularly his conversation with Lottie had left him feeling too many emotions for him not to let loose tonight. The crowd had certainly been up for it as they’d screamed each and every lyric back at them and danced away under the sunlight. His performance of _Adore You_ had been a release of sorts to perform the song under the gaze of so many thousands but especially when it’s intended listener had sat directly behind him.

If he’d danced more vigorously than he had in the opening nights of tour, then he could blame it on initial nerves. Not the fact that he now knew with every part of him that he and Louis would have the rest of their lives spent together at the end of this year. Ten years of suffering under the weight of their secret love affair would be over and they would be open to the world. He could love Louis freely and without restraint just the way he’d always wanted too.

So maybe Louis’ bruising response now in the dress room wasn’t unexpected, but he relished in the sensation all the same. The indescribable feeling of having Louis pressed to him, impossibly close and every ounce of feeling shared between them felt with each press of their lips.

“You two could never keep it in your pants for just a few hours could ya?” Niall chimes from somewhere behind them. Hair damp and still buttoning the last few holes on his light grey dress shirt as Niall smirks in their direction.

“Because _some_ of us have to watch their boyfriend parade around like a Greek God on stage every other day, it’s draining.” Louis shoots back without a moment’s hesitation just as Liam slips back into the room.

“Think he filled that role more when he still had his long hair.”

“I’m still sour about that, I miss those curls.” Louis says with a pout as they turn and make their towards the few sofas scatted around the room.

“I still have curls you know?” He offers with a raised brow. His hair is longer now than when he’d first cut it for filming back in 2016, was more in a ‘wavy’ state currently but it was far from the shortest it had been in recent years.

“It’s not the same.”

Liam slinks off towards the showers and the three of them left in the room only have a moment before several members of their tour crew knock on the door and enter into the room

The next thirty minutes are spent with people hurriedly making their way around them readying to leave to their next location. A shower and a change of clothes later he’s escorted out to the back of the venue towards the vehicles. Fan are lined against fences but too far away for him to go and meet considering the tight schedule they’re on. He settles for a wave as he tucks into the sleek black vehicle.

Zayn’s the only other one inside when he enters but they’re quickly joined by Liam before they start to move

“Where are the others?” Zayn questions tucking his phone away into his pocket.

“Behind us, Louis couldn’t find his phone.”

“Typical.” Zayn huffs with a tad too much fondness for it to have any bite.

“Surprised you’re not using this time to nap.” Liam says nudging Zayn with his elbow.

Zayn’s reply is cut short when his phone beeps and he hurriedly goes to take it from his pocket once more. Eyes fliting over the screen as he reads a message

“We see how it is, we just aren’t important enough to have your full attention.” Harry says with a teasing note to his voice. He’s shocked then when Zayn averts his eyes and coughs.

“Uhh well, I actually have something to ahh… tell you both….”

“Ok?” Liam says furrowing his brows. “Do you not want to wait for the others or is this something else?”

“No ah, well Louis already knows and I’ll tell Niall once we get there.”

“Alright.” He says leaning forward in his seat.

“That was Gigi actually, she’s back at her home in America.” They knew this already, Zayn having gone to the airport to send her off on their last show in London. Liam and him wait whilst Zayn seems to gather his thoughts, fiddling nervously with his hands as the vehicle carries on in near silence. “You see well… Gigi’s pregnant.”

“What! No way man!” Liam immediately jumps into saying.

“Congratulations Zayn, that’s incredible news!” He says, a wide beaming smile on his face. “How far along is she?”

“About three months…”

“Three months!”

“Yeah we sorta, just found out last week. She’s been feeling off for a while and no one could really figure out what was wrong. She did a test a month ago and it came up negative but she went to the doctors two weeks ago and it was confirmed.”

“I’m so happy for you both, you’re gonna be a father!” He says again and Zayn looks up to him with genuine excitement in his eyes.

“I can’t believe you waited this long to tell us!” Liam says.

“Yeah well it was a bit of a shock if I’m being honest. Taken this long to wrap my head around it all, took me two days to be able to tell my parents.”

“They must be so happy for you both.”

“Yeah they were over the moon.”

“I’m telling you Z, having a child is the most insane experiences of your life. You’re gonna love it, you’ll be a great dad.”

“Yeah well, got roughly six months to figure it out right?” Zayn chuckles.

“I don’t think anyone ever fully figures out how to parent properly, you do the best you can to give your child a happy, healthy life.”

“But ah there was something else I wanted to tell you Harry.” Zayn says looking up towards him.

“When’s the wedding?” He says excitedly. Liam and Zayn break out in laughter at his renewed excitement

“Not quite, but one day. I was actually gonna say, and I know some might think it’s a bit soon but Gi and I have been talking about this a lot and we want to ask Louis to be one of the godparents.”

“No way! Have you asked him yet? He’ll be so excited.” Louis had always been really close with Zayn, especially by the sounds of it over the last few years so this news isn’t overly surprising to him but he knows Louis will be ecstatic. He adores children.

“Not yet, I was going to talk to him about it tonight. He was actually one of the first people to know about it all. But I’m telling this to you before because since you two are together that indirectly would make you an honourary godparent as well.”

That stumps him. The revelation that despite the fact he and Louis aren’t married, but there’s no doubt in his mind one day they certainly will be, means that Zayn has a point.

“Are you… ok with that?” He asks slowly.

“Are you joking, of course! Gi is more than ok with it also, although I have to say it sounds like you’ll be joining the role with a fair few others.” Zayn says with a beaming smile.

“I’d be honoured to be an honourary godparent to your child Zayn.”

“Louis still might say no…” Liam says.

Zayn laughs before saying, “Have you met Louis? Under Harry the biggest thing Louis is obsessed with is children.” They all laugh at that now, the three of them seated in the back of a vehicle which drives them through the streets of Belfast and it feels like it once did despite how much has changed over the years.

~~~~

This time it’s not a secret show, they’d gone with the title ‘exclusive’. The venue is tiny, only a hundred and fifty fans they’d been able to squeeze into the small room. There’s always a different feel when playing small gigs, the five of them shuffled into a tiny room which feels more like a cleaned out storage room to get ready for the early afternoon show.

It had been Zayn’s pitch to management to do several shows like this one during the tour in different countries and continents. A chance to truly connect with the fans by playing such tiny shows and interacting with them in a way which made it unique and fun.

They’d all quickly jumped on board with the idea, aiding their individual support to Zayn’s idea and management had quickly caved. The difficulty in it all was finding a suitable way to advertise tickets to the shows. They’d all been adamant that these shows wouldn’t be about money, so higher ticket prices were out of the question immediately. Several ideas had been thrown out there before he’d thought of a solution. So they’d set up a sort of scavenger hunt. Leaving clues and subtle riddles around the city for fans to find till they pieced together the end result. They’d sent out the first riddle a week ago, sending fans in the area into a frenzy over finding the clues. Each one of the twenty riddles they’d sent out had become increasingly more difficult. The questions all focusing on an event in One Direction’s timeline, beginning easy but eventually even the most dedicated fans were left scratching their heads to figure out the last few riddles. The first one hundred and fifty completed and all correct fans had won their tickets as a result.

It was the best way of doing it they’d thought, giving this opportunity to people who had shown their dedication and in a way them performing felt like giving back as a thank you for all their hard work and devotion. Needless to say he thought the seven different shows they’d organized in this style for the duration of the tour he thought would certainly be some of his favourites.

The venue is dark when the five of them step out on stage. He can barely make out the crowd just in front of them through the dark but the echoes of excited chatter is everywhere.

He feels a warm hand in his for a brief moment, tightening around his for a fraction of a second before it’s gone.

_I think I’m gonna lose my mind, something deep inside me I can’t give up._

He sings into the quiet buzz, lights turned off and he’s never heard a room grow silent so fast. It takes singing through to the third line until the crowd realises they’re actually on stage and the cheering starts though it quickly dies down again till everyone in the crowd is singing along to Niall’s vocals.

_Cause nobody knows you baby the way I do, and nobody loves you baby the way I do._

The lights go up as the chorus begins, another quieter round of cheering starts but again dies as they start back up singing along with them.

This is the other part of why he loves small shows like this. The crowd doesn’t drown them out with screams, instead choosing to sing along with them till they’re just a collection of choir voices.

The five of them are sat in a semi-circle on stools. His left leg braces him as he perches on the edge of it, unable to contain the smile on his face.

“Now this!” Niall says into his mic at the end of the song, “Feels like a proper welcome home! We want to say a massive thank you to all one hundred and fifty of you who worked your way through our little challenge to be here today. Your support and ongoing dedication honestly just means the world to us and we’re so thankfully for it all.”

“So these nights are quite different from our normal shows. As you walked in the doors tonight hopefully you all filled out the forms that were handed to you and those have been counted up so! What have you all chosen for us tonight?” Liam smiles out to the crowd.

Another one of his ideas had been for the fans to largely choose which songs to sing. They’d complied a huge list of a number of their songs from across different albums both as a group and as soloists. They’d had each person attending fill in just five songs to be tallied up and they would sing whatever had the most votes. Around fifty songs had ended up on the list and they’d had to make sure that they all knew the lyrics for them in order to ensure they could actually manage singing which songs were chosen. For each show they’d decide on a different song to start with, _Fireproof_ had been tonight’s choice.

Mitch steps forward then with a sheet of paper folded into his right hand. He passes it too Louis who he’s situated closest too and Louis makes a show of flipping the paper over like it’s something harmful. The crowd laughs quietly at his antics before he flashes a smile and unfolds it.

“Right well, let’s see what we have here.” He pauses, eyes scanning over the songs written on the page. “Oh you’ve got to be joking.” He mumbles under his breathe though his mic still manages to pick it up and the audience laughs once more. “ _Once In A Lifetime_? You guys really wanted the ballads here tonight didn’t ya? Alright then, you guys have chosen _Once In A Lifetime, 18, Strong, Still_ and _Sweet Creature.”_

“Gee!” Niall whistles, “You guys really did go hard with the ‘in your feels’ songs.” This only causes the crowd to laugh harder but there’s a mixture of cheers mixed in with the announcement of the most voted songs.

“You’re really gonna test out our bands memories here.” He chimes in with a smile aimed out at the crowds. “You guys think our wonderful band here can handle it?” He questions out to the crowd and receives a chorus of cheers. “Alright then, _Once In A Lifetime_ here we go!”

It’s been a long while since any of them have properly sung this song, they’d gone through it several times in rehearsals over the past two weeks since beginning to rehearse for these shows but he finds himself enjoying singing along to it. It’s one of their songs which hasn’t aged badly for him despite his growing maturity.

He doesn’t miss the wink Louis sends him either as they sing through the verses, lyrics hitting a little close for home especially between them.

_Once in a lifetime, you were mine_

They all harmonize together as the song fades out and the crowd cheers for them.

“Gave me chills I’m telling ya!” Niall says once the song comes to a close. “You guys are sounding lovely out there, how are we all feeling?”

“Can I just say,” Liam says through his laughter, “That you there in second row, yeah you,” He says pointing out a late teen girl who smiles and waves back up towards them, “Have I think the best shirt on I’ve seen so far this tour!” The crowd is a mixture of cheers and laughter from those close to the girl who can see what is depicted on the shirt. It’s a picture of the five of them in their first ever photo together on the steps outside the X – Factor building, horrible outfits and all. Each of them look fresh faced and young, completely oblivious to the chaos that their lives are about to become. “No idea how you got a hold of that photo or if you realise the significance of it but that right there is the first ever photo of One Direction.”

“And it’s funny actually, because we’d just been put together and when one of our mums, was it Jay Louis?” He asks turning to him.

“Yeah I think so?”

“Well when she said to grab us all to get a photo we could barely recognize each other and we had to scramble around trying to find us all to actually take the picture.”

“Oh I remember that!” Zayn pipes up laughing.

“So that’s classic seeing that photo again here tonight.” Liam says smiling back at the girl. “What’s your name love?”

“Veronica!” She yells back.

“Well thanks Veronica for reminding us all of that!”

“What other embarrassing stories have we got for you?” Louis says with a knowing smirk.

“Oh no, here we go.” Liam mutters under his breath as everyone laughs.

“Alright well one time, think we was in Paris actually, we were out taking photos and that for something an’ Niall just disappeared at some point for about half an hour. Sent our team into a frenzy tryna find him and turns out he’d wandered into some, what was it again?” Louis says turning to face them all.

“An art gallery.” Zayn supplies.

“That's right a dam art gallery of all places and just bought about a dozen of these really weird paintings.”

“Those painting were awesome! Still have them somewhere in fact one of em is actually hanging up in my living room in London.”

“You mean that big grey and blue on is one of those?” Zayn asks and Niall nods.

“You would have some crazy collection of strange Parisian art Niall.” Liam says shaking his head as the crowd laughs.

“You know I always pictured Harry as the one to fill that role out of all of us.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know I have exquisite taste in art.”

“Says he who has that framed sketch oh a goat from a tour stop in Australia from 2013 in his hallway.” Louis chimes straight back.

“It was a gift from a fan and she was about four years old! I wasn’t going to say no!”

“Yet you still choose to hang it up in your house?” Niall butts in.

“I’m feeling targeted.” He says only causing the crowds laughter to increase. “How about a second song!” He interrupts and the laughter dissolves into cheers. “Alright, _18_ was it?” He says glancing back to Sarah who he knows has been laughing at him this entire time. She nods back at him with a beaming smile.

This is one he’s always loved performing on stage though they’ve never sung it to such a small crowd. He vividly remembers how much trouble both he and Louis had gotten into singing this over the years but for a song written about _his_ relationship with Louis by Ed Sheeran, it was hard not to sometimes get carried away. This had always been one of his favourite songs to hear Louis sing, especially his solo parts and he recalls especially that one time when a video of him screaming back ‘ _sixteen’_ had gone viral. ‘Larries’ had lost it at his added feature to the song, management had lost it at him in another respect.

He definitely doesn’t add in any extra words tonight though he finds it hard to sit there and not steal glances at Louis every few seconds. By the end of the song he’s grinning like a fool however and offers his mic out to the crowd to sing the last line.

“Always loved that song.” Louis says at the end of it and he struggles not to spit out the water he’s drinking at that moment when he hears it. The crowd certainly doesn’t miss it and they cheer hysterically for the comment.

“Alright moving on from the embarrassing stories, we have a bit of a surprise for the five of you.” He hears Sandy say to his left. The five of them turning to face him where he stands. “We went ahead and asked if those invited tonight could send in some thoughts as to what you guys mean to them and we’ve got a few people lined up in the crowd to have a quick chat with you guys.”

They’re all smiling at his words, spinning back around to the crowd as they wait for the first person to step forward.

“Uhh, hi!” A nervous voice calls from the crowd and to the right of the stage a woman who looks to be in her early twenties hesitantly steps onto the stage. Jeff and Rebecca are stood in the wings signaling for her to keep walking out towards them, a few other fans are waiting nervously beside the two managers.

“Hi love, come on out we don’t bite!” Louis says with a soft smile and beckons her over. She seems to relax at the words, stepping forward till she’s standing close to where Zayn is seated on the far right of the semi-circle.

“My name is Delilah, I’m 22 and live here in Belfast. I umm,” She starts but her voice wobbles. Zayn reaches out slowly to her and places a reassuring hand on her arm for her to continue. “My younger sister, Frances, was actually the one to get me into you guys back in 2014, she loved you all so much and went to so many of your shows. She always loved just watching the videos of you guys goofing around on stage or wherever and you all brought her so much happiness and joy. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer back in 2018, Leukemia, and she umm… she passed away late last year. And I know that this tour you’re doing now…” Delilah carries on through the tears in her eyes, “would have meant the world to her. Listening to your music has really help me deal with my grief from losing her so I really just want to say thank you, for everything you guys have done, the freedoms you’ve given up and the hardships you’ve had to face over the years. I know us fans don’t know the full story of what you guys have been through but there are so many people like me, like my sister, or in other situations around the world who have been so deeply affected by you guys so thank you. Thank you for being here tonight, thank you for making the music you do and for being a safe place for people to turn too.”

She finishes with her voice barely still functioning, her words tumbling over the other and he doesn’t think anyone in the room isn’t left moved by her words. Each of them are as dumbfounded as ever when people tell them stories such as this. It doesn’t matter how many times he hears stories similar to Delilah’s or otherwise, it moves him beyond words what an affect he and the boys can have on people’s lives.

Zayn pulls her in first but over the next few seconds they’re each crowded around her in a shared embrace.

None of them have their mics so when he whispers to them the six of them are the only ones who can hear him. “Your sister would be so proud of you, thank you for sharing your story with us.”

The other four people who come up to share their stories are equally as sentimental and heartfelt as the first. Even though all their stories are different and unique to the individual it’s chokes them all up every time.

 _Strong_ is likely the most fitting song in their entire discography for them to sing next. It’s emotional for all of them, and he feels for the crowd as well as they sing it through with the audience right there with them. It’s one they hadn’t chosen to not put on their setlist so he’s glad to have the chance to sing it now.

“How we feeling lads? Cause for a second there I think I got a bit choked up!” Niall tries to joke.

“Think we need to take a step back from the heavy stuff, and you know what I think we should take some time to focus on at the moment is these wonderful couple of humans behind us here who have kindly taken months out of their lives to come on tour with us!” Louis says gesturing back to the band. “So, this here is Mitchell Rowlands, a few of you might recognize him from Mr. Styles touring band?” There’s a round of cheers at that point as Mitch offers a small wave but shrinks back from the crowd slightly. “How you doing so far Mitch?”

Mitch takes a moment to step up to the mic, hands draped over his guitar. “Well, this feels a lot more like I the gigs I was used to playing so it’s quite nice being back in this kind of environment.”

“For those of you who are unaware, Mitch is credited for helping me write a lot on what has gone onto both of my solo albums. He’s a pretty cool all round guy, and is wicked at playing the pots and pans should any of you feel like that kind of information is relevant.” He pipes out causing Mitch to smile at him because of their inside joke and the memories it stirs. “Anyways,” He continues, “For anyone here who may have come to one of my shows, this lady seated right here behind the drums is actually the lead star of this whole show. This is actually Sarah Jones ft. One Direction!” He jokes and the crowd roars with laughter.

“It’s true, I’m actually responsible for wrangling these five back together to come play shows for me.” Sarah chimes in adding fuel to the crowds laughter.

“We love you Sarah!” Someone calls out from the crowd and Harry laughs.

“Alright moving on to a familiar face for anyone who’s been around since the start.” Niall offers next. “This is the wonderful, the talented, Sandy Beales everybody! Now he’s stuck around through the whole thing, been around with us since the first tour we did so it’s great having him back with us this time around.

“Don’t know how I’m still putting up with you lot.” Sandy retorts grinning towards them.

“Back now with the incredible Ny, who is another member poached from Harry’s crew. Ny is quite honestly the one who gets us all in trouble with our managers backstage, must be something about her New Zealanderish.” Niall continues.

“New Zealanderish?” Ny pipes up to the crowds delight. “Kiwi humour is just too elite for you northern hemisphere natives.”

“I think I’d give you a run for your money there Ny!” Louis pipes up. “And finally back there is Michael Blackwell, who’s joining us from my crew. He’s an all-round legend and one hell of a guitarist! So if we could all please put together a massive round of applause for these incredible five people!”

“Alright everybody!” Niall calls out once the cheering has died down once more, “This is _Still._ ”Niall takes the lead for this one, considering it’s his song but they all join in with him for the chorus and the repeated lyrics of _We’ll be alright._ It’s touching and the perfect song for the atmosphere which has been established tonight.

With only one song left to perform, it’s time for questions straight from the crowd.

“Now you see, this is always the most intimidating part for the artists, standing up here being asked questions when you haven’t a clue what’s about to be asked.” Zayn says with a smile as the song fades away.

“Ok let’s get started, you there in the blue top, what’s your name?” Niall points to someone in the fourth row, she’s handed a mic.

“Hi! I’m Jessy and my question is if you could claim one song as your own from another artist, asides from any of the other boys, which song would it be?”

“Oh! Good question!” The other boys set about finding a song of their choice, since they start with Zayn he’s the last one to answer. He’s not half surprised when Louis chooses _Champagne Supernova_ by _Oasis_ as his choice, well aware of his intense love of the song and the band itself.

“Ah, I think mine would probably be _Girl Crush_ , it’s a song I really love performing so I think I’d have to say that one.”

There seem to be a few knowing expressions flashed back at him as he says that particular song and he tries very hard not to look over at Louis after announcing it.

They move through a few more questions till one is asked directly towards him. Niall and Zayn have both had individual questions asked of them so at least he’s not the only one. The microphone is handed to a young boy who looks to be around sixteen or so and he looks straight up at him as he introduces himself.

“Hello, my name’s Isaac and my question is if you had to chose one song off of _Fine Line_ as your stand out favourite which would it be?”

“Umm, I think my favourite one really just changes with my mood and what I’m going through on any particular day. Recently I’ve been connecting most with _Adore You_ I’d say but I’m really proud of all of the songs on the album.”

There’s three more questions after that until Louis specifically is asked a direct question.

“I’m Luci and my question is for Louis, if you already knew the answer would be yes, what would you wish for?

That seems to stump Louis for a second. Harry’s eyes wander towards him as he waits for Louis to respond.

“What a great question. Uhh, few things running through me mind that I’m not allowed to say but err I don’t know, can’t think of something currently but I’ll come back to that one later!”

It’s only because he’s already looking intently at Louis that he doesn’t miss when his eyes are directed towards him. He thinks they both know what he’d say, _freedom._

As it turns out Louis doesn’t come back to the question, instead they move onto the final song after saying rounds of heartfelt thank you’s to the fans for coming out.

After Louis’ song to him last week he can’t quite help not singing _Sweet Creature_ for him. Though he only looks over towards the other man _a few_ times during the course of the song, it’s enough for Louis to catch the intent behind it.

It’s a perfect way to finish their day in Belfast. Everyone in the crowd had been incredible from the way they’d sung through every song to how respectful they’d been of them all.

It was certainly an event he wouldn’t ever forget.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow alright, I truly have no excuse for over a month of radio silence on this fic, just life, I guess! But I'm finally back with another chapter !! This chapter is purposefully rather short, as it simply felt like the right place to end it before the monster of what is to come !! (Don't be too mad it's still 7.5K)
> 
> In the mean time, here's to THE NEW YEAR, hoping 2021 goes better than its predecessor, TPWK mv, ZAYN'S AMAZING ALBUM, Walls anniversary !!!!!!!!! Harry's birthday !!!!!!!!! Defenceless and Too Young cover art (honestly I CAN'T with these too), Defenceless project (can't wait to have it as my no. 1 song of 2021) and gosh everything else that's happened since I last updated this.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy !!

Europe’s shows pass in a blur of late nights, stage lights, hotel rooms, stolen moments of bliss and a whirlwind of new memories, and before any of them know it they’re flying back home to London for a five day break before they fly out for the North American leg.

Zayn fly’s ahead to America to be with Gigi and her family for the short time. Niall opting to spend some time with his family in Ireland which leaves just him, Liam and Louis waving goodbye to the two lads at the airport as they’re escorted to their gate.

Acting as though Louis is nothing more than his bandmate in public spaces hadn’t ever become easier during their first attempt at a relationship and it’s not easier this time round. They’d both had too many close calls to count over the past four weeks. At one point Mitch had physically had to place him between them as they’d wandered around the streets of Burn, barely able to hide the way their bodies angled instinctively towards one another eyes alight.

And as they made their way through the airport, Liam strategically slotted between the two of them, he wondered how people hadn’t begun seriously picking up on the way the two of them had been acting around one another over the past few months. Let alone all the incriminating evidence over their five years together. They’d run into more that enough fans out on the street, seemingly the frenzy surrounding the band hadn’t died down, and there had been very few instances where Louis wasn’t somewhere close by.

It wasn’t just Louis keeping his mind occupied recently. Talks had begun over the past few days of the plan they each wanted to form for when this tour ended. He had a full solo album released only months ago which he’d yet to decide when he would tour and knew most of the other boys were in a similar situation. It wasn’t as though they didn’t want to continue, more like they didn’t know which path they wanted to explore first. He recalled Louis months ago know saying how he was willing to write new music as a band, and it had certainly crossed his mind a number of times recently. He just wasn’t sure if that time was _now._

They’re led to their seats with little fuss. The three of them so attuned after all these years to airport operations that they hardly require the assistance.

Bluetooth connecting to his headphones, he clicks upon a random playlist of his ad closes his eyes. Determined to spend the however may hours they have now on their flight back to London from Oslo. They’re barely ten minutes in the air when he feels a weight worm it’s way half on top of him and a head settle upon his chest. He hums contently and wraps his arms around Louis, somehow managing in the process to blindly tuck him half beneath the blanket that’s also covering him.

They’re shaken awake by Liam as they touch down in London, blinking bleary eyed outside into the dark London night. It’s not raining, so he takes that as a bonus at least.

Moving through the airport is slow, though due to the late arrival time there’s only a few people who recognize the three of them as they shuffle through the familiar airport. Not being greeted by a wave of fans after a tiring few weeks is something he’ll never not take for granted. Sometimes he truly just doesn’t have the energy.

There’s three separate vehicles waiting for them outside the terminal building and he pauses as he takes them in, hanging back as the rest of their time load the luggage into the vehicles.

“You al’righ?” Louis mumbles from beside him shocking him out of his stupor.

“Yeah it’s just…” He trails off unsure how to continue. They’re together now, have spent the past few weeks tangled up in each other every night in hotel rooms across Europe and stumbling their way to hidden rooms backstage but he doesn’t want to let those memories fade now as he’s faced with the prospect of travelling home alone to his house. Clingy is how he feels as he stands there numbly staring at the vehicles. Unsure because he desperately wants to ask for Louis to come home with him, wrapped up in his arms underneath the covers of his own bed, just like every other night before this but this is new territory for them once more. They’ve spent weeks together and although Louis has never said he’s wanted space they didn’t think about this earlier. Not in their excitement to be going home for a few days.

“I’ll just be a minute, see you in the car.” Louis says before he has a chance to formulate his thoughts and then he’s left to watch as Louis walks away from him to his driver.

Silently bemoaning himself for not getting his thoughts together sooner he walks forward to his car and slides inside. Inside of the car is silent but he watches as the tail lights of Liam’s vehicle disappear from view as he’s driven back to his flat.

There’s a full minute he’s left inside the vehicle alone before the side door opens once more and Louis clambers in, slotting into the seat beside him flashing him a tired, but sincere smile.

“I thought you were ditching me.” He says honestly as he grins back at him.

“Thought we’ve gone over the fact I’m not leaving you again.” Louis responds without a moments hesitation, tucking himself down into Harry’s side and resting a hand overtop of his butterfly tattoo. They stay like that in tired since for the forty minutes or so it takes to arrive at his place. He spends it running his hand repeatedly through Louis hair and staring out the window in a daze, remembering nights they’d drunkenly fall together into the backs of vehicles clinging to one another in desperation. Or the nights they more frequently kept apart in the later years, where his composure would fail him as he was left alone in the backseat, longing for Louis to be by his side.

“I thought we’d discussed you not getting to in your head.” Louis mumbles to him half asleep on his shoulder as they turn onto the private street his home is situated on.

“You know how I get when I’m tired.”

“I do. Which is exactly why I asked Lottie to restock the kitchen for us this morning.”

His head turns at that, glancing down to the man still huddled into his side and doesn’t fight the warm smile that arises.

“You didn’t have to ask her to do that.” He says, not needing to know how exactly Lottie got into his house and secondly how he never found out.

“I know, but I did anyway and she didn’t mind. She’s in London anyway.” That he already knew, in fact he’d invited her over tomorrow night so the three of them had some time together before they set off for the next leg of tour.

He takes Louis’ hand in his as they clamber out of the vehicle, having stopped in the entrance of his driveway. Both of them thank the driver and tiredly take their suitcases in their spare hands as they make for the entrance.

“So…” Louis starts warily the moment they step through the doors. He sets his suitcase downs inside the main doors and flick on the light, raising a brow in Louis’ direction as he waits for him to continue.

“So?”

“You remember a while back when I told you that I could split with Eleanor when my contract with Syco is up?”

“Yes?” He says back as they make their way further into the house.

“Well I didn’t want to tell you anything about this before as nothing had been finalized and I didn’t want you getting your hopes but… there’s been some developments with it all recently.”

“Developments how?” He questions whilst filling up the kettle with a fresh pot of water.

“There’s an end date.” Louis rushes to say and he whirls around to face him.

“What! When?”

“July. July 12th.”

He doesn’t hesitate before he throws himself around the kitchen isle and into Louis, pulling him into him and burying his head over his shoulder.

“I’m so, so happy for you Lou. You’re finally going to be free.”

“I’ve been waiting so much of my life to be able to express myself like this, but now there’s an end date it feels like the weight of the world has been set upon me. That I’m gonna need answers to question I’d once so forcibly been diverted away from answering, I feel at a loss as to what to make of it all. I’m longing for the day to arrive but scared nonetheless.”

“Hey,” He says quietly, placing both of his hands in Louis’, “The thing is? You don’t always need to have the right answers, it’s ok to be scared, to be uncertain. You’re doing this for yourself, and I know you’re concerned for the people who will suddenly become infatuated with this new piece of you, but never forget that this is your life story, you now get to craft it to your own will, not someone else’s. You coming out is extraordinary, I truly can’t express to you how proud I am of you Lou, but you do this for you ok?”

“Why do you always know just what to say?” Louis says just as his eyes fully mist over.

“That’s a secret I’ll never share.” Harry answers with a private smile, whilst only causes Louis to roll his eyes in response. “On another note though, I guess I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and seeing how it’s rather relevant to what you just told me…”

“You’re wondering how we’re gonna do this? Come out, together.” Louis finishes for him, picking up on the nervous stint in his voice.

“I mean there’s no rush and I don’t…”

“Haz.” Louis interrupts him, grabbing for his hand and holding on to it like a lifeline connecting the two of them. “I have no intention of doing any of this without you. We’ve been in the shadows long enough.”

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to suddenly make all these changes in your life just to appease me.”

“Harry Edward Styles, I’ve been in love with you since I was eighteen. We’ve spent years of our life together, despite the past few years, and against all rationality or reason you’ve let me back into your life after everything I did. No part of me wants to wait any longer. I’m tired, I know you are too, of pretending to be people we’re not. No more womanizing image, no more hiding what’s between us. We have the eyes of the world upon us but I’m not afraid to step out before it all because I know you’re right there with me.”

“Who’s being sappy now?”

“Shut it Styles.” Louis grins back at him. “Besides, I’m actually being rather selfish by doing this.”

He laughs, “How exactly is any of this selfish?”

“Cause I get to steal this part of the you away from the world forever.” Louis answers him with no hesitation, swaying forward to press his lips softly against the corner of his mouth. It tastes like a promise, feels like closure.

“How?” Harry asks slightly breathless, all the words Louis has just told him finally seeping into him. The reality of what their future holds surprisingly undaunting.

“However we’d like.” Louis answers, another chaste kiss pressed along his jaw, his head angling away subconsciously at the action allowing Louis to take whatever. An offering and a final show of acceptance that this is what they’re heading into, full force, but far from blind. “We’ll finally have our freedom.”

“Freedom sounds nice.” He whispers back, voice breaking over the words. Yet he doesn’t allow himself another moment to think of what’s to come ahead more so than what he has in this moment. Louis, here before him and loving him like they’d promised one another all those years ago. Infinitely more the wise and marred by years of hidden realities. Without a second thought he tightens his grip in Louis’ hand and leads him upstairs.

~~~~

“I think we should play our last show in London.” Zayn states the minute the five of them are all loaded onto the screen.

Three days into their week off they’re back together despite being spread across three separate countries. They’ve been talking non stop as always but Zayn had sent through a message at 6am that morning stating to sign in to _Zoom_ at 9am sharp.

Louis is pressed into his side, head lazily resting on his shoulder but through the screen he can see his brows furrow at their bandmates statement. He’s thankful too then that they’d had the wise enough sense to shower earlier, he wasn’t quite prepared to face the mocking they’d have received from the state they’d been in from the others.

“And the reasoning behind this is….?” Niall inquires.

“It’s our last show together and I think we should do it back home, where we started. A fitting end to ten years.”

“Yeah but think of the logistics of upping the tour from _Australia_ all the way back to the UK to set up for just one final show.” He replies, liking the sentimental concept behind it but they’d had this tour planned out for an age now and dragging their tour crew team back across the world after months already on the road seems a little excessive.

“I actually kinda like that idea.” Liam cuts in next, “I get what you’re saying Haz but this is our final show, our final act together, for real this time. A way to send off the past ten years and all that we’ve achieved both together and as solo artists and people in front of a home crowd.”

“If we are gonna do this we should have just planned this all backwards and end it in the UK instead of starting there.” Louis chimes in next.

“Niall?” Zayn questions.

“I’m keen.”

“Great.” He mutters shaking his head. “And who wants to inform our managers, record label, finance team and tour crew members of this sudden decision only months before tour is scheduled to end?” He tries once more.

“Come on H, live a little!” Zayn pipes up and he’s really lost them all to the idea now, even Louis seems to have given in judging by the glint in his eyes.

“Fine.” He resigns. “Where?”

~~~~

“I truly cannot believe it’s taken you this long to tell us, we’ve known for weeks H.” Sarah tells him, humour evident in her tone.

A vinyl belonging to _Florence + The Machine_ plays quietly behind him, the light outside finally beginning to dim as evening approaches.

“To be fair, we haven’t explicitly been trying to hide ourselves, we’re just been wanting to do things properly this time.” He explains one their last night in the city. Louis had been out all afternoon, busy with his own affairs and faced with the prospect of an empty house for so many hours he’d realised how little he’d spoken truly with his _other_ band members.

Sarah and Mitch had both laughed him off when he’d called them, apologizing profoundly for neglecting their friendship as of late.

_You needed time back with your boys H, we understand._

They’d both echoed down the line to him, it hadn’t stopped him from repeating his sentiments the moment they’d stepped through his door an hour ago. The couple had managed five minutes of small talk before Sarah had cracked and demanded he tell them both the full story. She’d been here that first night he’d realised he would actually have to face Louis again after being apart all these years and he mentally kicks himself he hadn’t been communicating better with them both over the past few months about what had been happening in his life. He hadn’t been lying to them, just hadn’t been open as he’d gotten so used to during their time working together.

They’re two of his closest friends, he _knows_ they care deeply for him and would be there for him in whatever situation.

“Honestly H, we’re just happy to see you like this. You’ve been missing the spark that’s been lighting up inside you these past few months the entire time we’ve known you., it’s been good seeing it come alive” Mitch explains from where he sits with Sarah nestled into his side.

“Right poet you are.” He says in answer though his heart pangs at his words. That even a man who hadn’t ever seen him interact with Louis before saw the change in him now they were together once more.

“Talking of songs, I’ve got a few for you to look through.”

“Really? When did you start writing again?” He questions, moving forward to where Mitch places down his infamous writing journal which he brings everywhere with him.

“He’s been writing almost non-stop for the past two months.” Sarah offers, “Honest I walk into our hotel room back in Venice at 2am and he’s sat in the middle of the room, guitar in hand scribbling out lyrics!”

“Firstly, that’s the best time of the day to write and secondly what were you doing out at 2am in Venice?” He asks turning to her with a puzzled expression.

“Niall took Ny, Michael and me out, Liam joined us for a bit too.”

“What? Why wasn’t I invited?” He retorts pretending to sound offended at being excluded.

“Because you were a little too caught up in your own special person to notice much else then. A second honeymoon phase by my reckoning.” She answers with a smirk.

“Hey! Don’t use my love life against me like that.”

“Just observing.” She teases him right back.

“Alright, back on track to the songs now please.” He says as he begins reading through the scattered lyrics which lie across the page Mitch has opened too.

They spend the better part of two hours sitting together. Eventually he gets up to go and grab two guitars and a pair of drum sticks from his home studio for them to begin crafting out a melody to particular lyrics they point out. It’s fun and feels remarkably like chill nights on a Jamaican beach.

He’s reminded again in that time what special people he’s found over the course of his life. He’s changed, he’s well aware of it since he started out. And whilst he’s all too aware that he has a few million people out there in the world who adore him, it’s the people closest to him whom he can’t help but treasure the most. The people who have stuck by his side, remained true to themselves despite the fame being associated to him brings and are his friend above all else. One Direction’s hiatus in 2015 had been one of the most difficult situations he’d yet had to face in life, but it had brought him together with people such as Mitch and Sarah and for that, he’d always be grateful.

“So what’s your plan for when this tour’s over?” Mitch asks when they finally set aside the instruments. “Seems like only last week we were about to play the first show now we’re onto America already.”

“I know, tour always passes the time at unprecedented rates.” He replies, settling further back into the cushions which lie scattered over his sofa. “There’s been a lot of talk for possible options, perhaps a sixth album for the band like a final farewell, but most of us have our own solo projects going on. _Fine Line_ I’d like to tour, it seems too personal not to share the full album onstage, like it’s the final bit of closure I’d need for that part of my life.”

“It’s not a bad idea, you know we’d join you anywhere and in whatever direction you take.” Sarah states genuinely. “Gosh, that was terrible unintended pun wasn’t it?” She continues after a beat of silence between them as they burst out laughing.

“I can say with certainty that I’ve heard enough jokes about which direction to take to fill an eternity.”

“Immortal in their comedic value in my opinion.” Mitch cuts in with a smirk.

“You’ve only been with me four years, you just wait till it’s been ten!”

“Fair point. But back on the original topic, you think you’d be up for writing a fifth album with the band?”

He pauses to think about that for moment. Thinks of the sound evolution each of them have undertaken over the course of their careers.

“Honestly, musically and lyrically I’m not sure how much we’d gel anymore. I love the boys, their solo work too, but trying to combine all that diversity and added maturity in our personal tastes, I’m not sure how we could craft an album out of it all. I wonder whether this tour might be our final act, our final goodbye as the five teens we started out from now as the grown adults ready to progress into different avenues of our lives.”

There’s too much history, too many late nights, fights, confessions, shared experiences and a bond created only by living in such close confines with others that will surround the five of them forever more, but it dawns on him that this might just be there bittersweet ending. To say goodbye to such a monumental moment of music history. Personal experience aside, _One Direction_ helped shape an entire era of music beloved around the world. He’s seen things and participated in moments he could but only hope to imagine growing up, he wouldn’t change many things about the last ten years considering where it’s lead him too, but they’re all ready to move on with their lives now. Before it had felt like a part of him had been left so incomplete, the final paragraphs of a chapter left unread, but now as they’ve come back together to tour the world, it feels like that once gaping hole is beginning to close.

“It wouldn’t be a bad way to say goodbye.”

“No,” He says with a smile, “No it truly wouldn’t.”

~~~~

New York greets them on a particularly sunny day. Summer having come in full swing now that late June had arrived. This drawn-out tour had done them all wonders, instead of cramming in too many shows in such close proximity they’d had time to rest between dates and continent changes. Time to reform as a group and become seamless in one another’s lives again.

He wanders down an unfamiliar street between Zayn and Niall, the three of them disguised as best as they know how, only drawing the eye of a few passers by.

“You think that would work though for real?” Zayn questions as they enter Central Park. Perhaps it’s not the wisest decision to walk without security into such a popular tourist _and_ locals destination.

“Nah they’d clash with each other too much, the melodies are way off.” Niall counters.

“What about swing? Imagine a swing arrangement in the midst of an R&B heavy track, that would be sick. Good way to get the crowd on their feet.”

“For one of my songs I recorded back in January a music video in sort of that classic style, you could make it work.” He answers.

“Seriously? Which song?” Zayn queries him.

“Treat People, I wanted something different and it actually went alright. It’s fun that’s for sure, something I reckon fans would get behind.”

“It’s not a bad idea at least to experiment with then.”

“Thinking about songs though do we know which one’s we’ve decided to perform for our next pop up show? That’s what we’re doing out here isn’t it?”

“I mean I guess, but we’re out here as part of the challenge really.”

“Yeah but we’ve been wandering around for a half hour now and we haven’t been spotted properly yet, might as well bring it up.” Niall says as they turn around a bend.

“What about _Through the Dark_? Been a while since we’ve done that one.” He offers.

“Louis sung it a few times last year but I’d be keen for it. Reckon _Clouds_ for nostalgia’s sake?”

“Oh!” Niall agrees turning towards Zayn, ”Fuck yes!”

They continue heading west through the park, trying to point out differences from the last time each of them had been here with the sounds of the city echoing around them. 

“I guess it depends on which song gets chosen by hopefully the person who finds us soon enough.”

“Do we even know we’re in the right place?” Zayn asks.

“Not a clue, was a bit presumptuous to think the three of us could successfully navigate Central Park.” Harry says with a sly smile.

“You’d have thought our managers at the very least would have rebutted this idea.” Niall quips.

“Louis can be rather persuasive when he feels like it.”

“I like this challenge,” He states as they round a bend out into a slightly more open space, “Though we should have thought this part out a little more.”

“Couldn’t sleep last night, imagine if we get mobbed? Did anyone think of that when we decided on this?” Zayn questions.

“We’ll blame it on Louis, it’s fine.” Niall answers with a grin.

“Greedy bastard isn’t even out here either! So much for it being his idea.” Mumbles Zayn who shoves his hands into his pockets.

“Liam isn’t either.”

“Don’t try and defend your lover Styles.”

He smiles at the words, the three of them wandering side by side along the path. Passersby barely acknowledging them as they continue about their days.

“We’d best think up a quick escape plan, once we’re found we’ve no idea how long it’ll take before the press get word we’re out here.”

Before Zayn can continue his sight drifts over to two late teen girls, huddled together over what seems to be a journal cradled in the brunettes hands. Their talking and pointing occasionally between pages, their eyes drifting upwards occasionally to scan around them. It’s as Harry and the other two make their way closer towards where the two of them are stood, though still some yards away, that the blonde hair girl catches his eye. A flash of recognition is quickly replaced by a bright smile as she tugs on the arm of her brunette friend holding the journal.

“Think we’ve found our winners.” He states to the other two though not pausing in his steps.

The two young woman seem reluctant to approach them however, a slightly dumbfounded expression still clouding over the face of the brunette, journal now forgotten in her hands.

Zayn spots the two of them at his words, inevitably drawing to a halt as he sends a warm smile at the two girls. It seems to act as encouragement enough for the two of them to begin making their way towards them. The blondes hands winding their way around the brunettes forearm.

“I can’t believe you were right.” The blonde whispers to her friend just as they enter hearing range, blushing furiously. Surprisingly her accent is British and not American.

It’s Niall who speaks first as the two young woman stop before them, seemingly unsure of what they’re meant to say or how to act. It’s a state he’s witnessed countless individuals become enraptured in before their celebrity favourites over the years but it still never fails to make him feel slightly endeared that people become so flustered when introduced to another. “Was starting to wonder whether we’d never be found!”

This sparks a genuinely amused smile from the brunette, her eyes lighting up as she glances at Niall. “We’ve been wandering around for the past four hours trying to figure it out, this challenge has been incredible, who thought of it?” She questions, seemingly more at ease than her friend.

“Louis.” Zayn answers, “Though I’m afraid it’s just the three of us out here.”

“We figured,” The brunette says, “I mean… from the clues and all. We figured it would just be three of you. I’m Tina by the way, and this is my girlfriend Lillian.”

“It’s lovely to meet you both.” He says with a smile. “I have to say I don’t think any of us were expecting to be found by fellow Brits!”

“We’re here on holiday,” Lillian finally speaks up, her voice soft and brimmed with nervousness and she clutches onto Tina’s arm. “Our first together outside the UK, we both just finished our A levels.”

“Oh congratulations! You’re both very brave flying out across the world together.”

“I’ve always wanted to visit New York.” Lillian answers, eyes flickering up to each of them.

“Artist?” Zayn queries to which Lillian shoots him a gentle smile in answer.

“I guess that answers the question of who figured out the second clue.” Niall jumps in with a laugh.

“It was fantastic!” Lillian says with enthusiasm, seemingly slowly finding her feet coming out of her shell. “I take it you were responsible for the drawings?” She directs towards Zayn.

“I was, but it was Louis’ idea to have it as part of the challenge.”

“I loved it, having to piece the works together to move onto the next stage!”

“Lills was amazing, she stayed up our entire first night here to work through it all.” The pride in her partner shines through in every way, from the way Tina glances across, smiling fondly at Lillian to the way her voice softens as she speaks. It’s heartwarming to see a couple, still young with the prospect of many years ahead of them feel so open and comfortable to speak to them in this way. It makes Harry think that they must have all done something right to have people feel this way around them. To see the openness in their language, despite Lillian’s evident shyness, in being around them.

He smiles thinking that he’s helped create an environment where people of all diverse lifestyles and personalities feel safe and included. It’s everything he could have hoped for.

“How did you piece together this location?” Niall asks with genuine interest.

“The drawing lead us to look within your discography,” Tina starts directing her gaze towards Harry, “Then we logically thought through the songs, knowing you were playing the New York shows, ESNY was the obvious choice. We re found the link to it through the file from the first clue on solving the online riddle and sure enough amidst the playlist within the file, one of the songs was _Central To My Heart._ Seemed rather out of place in the list so it’s where we headed.”

“That was Louis’ choice.” Niall says with a grin, shuffling on his feet. “We thought it might be rather obvious to put in the first clue.”

“No it was great actually! None of it made sense without having to work through it. The main problem was trying to work through the first clue, whose idea was the lyric find anyway?”

“Again, that was Louis’ ingenious. He’d wanted since the start to put morse code into it all.”

“We really enjoyed it, it was different from the other challenges you’ve organized.” Lillian smiles, “We wanted to thank you by the way, for doing all of this for us fans. It means a lot to us you know, that you’re all going through the effort to do this, it’s enough to have you all back together, but these shows and what you’re doing for us truly is special.”

Niall moves first, stepping forward to embrace Lillian first, who reaches up and wraps her arms tightly around him, then moves onto her girlfriend. Harry’s quick to follow in his actions, pulling both girls into an embrace one after the other. Zayn too following after him.

“It means a lot to us too you know.” He says once they’ve all separated once more, “That so many of you are still here. Supported us through the bands years and as solo artists.”

“You’re all incredible people, we’re really proud to call you our role models and idols.” Tina says flashing him a bright smile.

“Alright, I’m starting to get too emotional and Central Park doesn’t seem like the place to do that so…” Niall states clapping his hands together, “As the winners of our New York challenge, the two of you get to decide on a song, any of which from the five of our discographies, band included, for us to perform at our show tonight. As well as VIP tickets for the both of you.”

This seems to stun both girls, whose jaws drop open in surprise and blink furiously at them.

“You’re kidding! You mean for you actual show, not just the pop-up event?”

“The true show.” Zayn confirms with a nod.

“Oh my gosh!” Tina turns, this time it’s here gripping to Lillian as if to tether her.

“Any song! Any at all?” Lillian asks wide eyed.

“Any.” He says with a laugh as he takes in the two of them.

“When do we have to decide by?”

“Preferably now, we’re due back at the venue soon enough to rehearse whichever one you pick and to work it into the set list.”

“Oh Jesus Christ.” Tina murmurs. “Ok, ok. What about…”

“ _Clouds_! No, no, no _Alive!”_

 _“_ What about _Small Talk?_ You love that one. _”_

_“Ready To Run?”_

_“Oh! Wolves!”_

_“_ Ti! We’re so dim, we have to chose it!” Lillian cuts off their exchange, gripping onto Tina like a vice.

“Chose wha… Oh my gosh yes! 1000%!” Tina says whirling back to the three of them. “ _Only The Brave.”_

His heart stops at her words, eyes flickering at the mention of the song. Out the corner of his eye, he catches Zayn lowering his head, smirking with his eyes downcast whilst Niall grins at the song choice.

“That’s your pick?” Niall asks the two of them who grin at him in response. A silent moment between the two of them makes him wonder about the relevance the song has to the young couple before hims own story.

“Absolutely. That song means a lot to us, means a lot to many people out there. Besides, we haven’t heard it live yet. Seems a good a time as any don’t you think?” Tina responds, unable to keep the bright smile off of her face.

“ _Only The Brave_ it is then.” Harry says, already picturing Louis’ reaction to hearing their song choice. They hadn’t talked much more about the song, it hadn’t stopped him from playing it over and over again in the months since the album’s release. He’d decided it was his favourite song Louis had ever written, perhaps joint with _Home,_ but that’s a thought for another time. The song had struck him since he’d first sat with Louis in his living room all that time ago, heard the honesty and burning passion in the lyrics and simple melody, the weight of the lyrics carrying itself. He’s not sure he can handle hearing it sung live onstage in front of thousands, not when he knows exactly all Louis has been through, what the incoming months are about to rain upon them both.

He’s vaguely aware that the others have carried on with the conversation whilst his thoughts tumble through one after the other. The fact a song such as this was even allowed under _Syco’s_ management amazes him still, that Louis will perform it live _tonight_ is a little more confronting. But it’s one step closer to where they want to be, towards the freedom they’re both now raging towards. It’s another step in ten years worth of history, and it’s a step in the right direction.

~~~~

“Hey now!” Niall yells into his mic, the crowd still roaring with laughter before them as Zayn slings an arm over Harry’s shoulders. “Do I get a chance to defend my actions here or what?”

“Nah mate, you’re a goner.” Louis chimes back, laughter laced through his tone as he wanders back towards the main the seats built into main stage, lined as always with throws and pillows.

“Poor choice of mates I say, who doesn’t come to my defence when it happened when I was _nineteen!”_

“No excuses craic, you’re still the one who went through with it.”

“That’s it, I’m leaving the band.” Niall comments with a deadpan voice, sending the crowd into an uproar of protest. “See!” Niall continues throwing his arm out to gesture towards the audience, “They at least want me here!"

“We still love you Ni, promise.” He says into his own mic, still tucked into Zayn’s side on stage right.

“Mitch!” Niall calls out, turning to face the guitarist standing with a smile on the raised platform, “You’re with me on this right?”

Mitch leans forward towards where his own microphone is positioned in front of him, “Think Sandy’s the better one to ask, he was there for it.”

Niall simply shakes his head in defeat, “Poor friend choice, I’m tellin’ ya.”

“Alright lads, enough of this we’ve still got a show to play. As much as I love watching Niall be called out.” Louis says, now nestled into one of the burrows.

 _Story of My Life_ has just ended, the five them having let the crowd sing out the final few lines of the song. The buzz of the crowd and reality of standing in front of so many people still racing through him even through the quieter songs.

Liam joins Niall at his side on main stage, wrapped in a giant flag with an intricate home drawn image of New York’s skyline painted on the fabric.

“Speaking of tonight’s show,” Liam chimes in then just as Zayn navigates him and Harry both back towards main stage, “Tonight we’re finally making good on a certain promise we made right from the start of our reunion announcement. As most of you will be aware, this show came with another of our challenges we’ve sorted for you all to work through, and we can now admit we found our two winners earlier today.” Liam pauses as the crowd cheers wildly behind him. “Now, from the VIP box I’d like you all to show a huge round of applause towards the winners of this challenge, Lillian and Tina, here all the way from the UK!”

“The lovely Lillian and Tina found us three mongrels strolling through Central Park earlier and have done you all rather a huge favour by choosing a special, one off addition to tonight’s set list.” The audience goes off, realising then that they’re gaining an additional song. They’d promised, back on their first livestream, that there would be the possibility of fans influencing an extra song onto the set list. Though the small shows they’d been playing had largely covered that option, playing it during those shows was only for a smaller crowd, not like tonight’s where there were seventeen thousand people attending the event.

“Now I’ve got to say,” Zayn cuts in then, finally taking a seat in one of the burrows, “This is rather special, seeing as this is the very first time this song is to be performed live. So without further ado, we’d like to invite Mr. Rowlands down to main stage to help with this one.” Mitch had already begun making his way down to them as Zayn had spoken, taking a seat on the stool which had also been brought out onstage, as well as the acoustic guitar he now carries.

Louis stands from his burrow, the briefest of glances cast his way as he shuffles forward into the center of the stage. Harry smiles back at him, looking out as the lights of the venue close off, spotlighting center stage. Phone lights immediately emerge, without even the first chord of the song having been played.

From where he’s seated behind Louis and Mitch, he still catches the smile Louis offers the crowd as he passes the microphone through his hands nervously as he takes a seat across from Mitch.

“Right well, gotta say this came as a bit of a surprise earlier. Wasn’t expecting to be playing this tonight, but cheers to you both, Lillian and Tina, sorry I wasn’t there to meet you earlier but, this one’s for you, and all of you out there who can relate to this song.” As if in an afterthought Louis looks up and adds, “Thank you for understanding it.”

The venue waits in silence as Mitch positions his hands over the strings, and softly begins to play the opening chords.

_Pour mercy, mercy on me_

_Set fire to history_

_I’m breaking my own rules, I’m crying like a fool_

_Tall stories on the page, short glories on the fade_

_I’ve been close enough to touch, but I’ve never cared for love_

_It’s a church of burnt romances, and I’m to far gone to pray_

_I’s a solo song_

_And it’s only for the brave_

_If the truth tell, darling you fell_

_Like there ain’t enough dying stars in your sky_

_It’s a tall tale, and it’s only hello, hello, no goodbyes_

_Pour mercy, mercy on me, I’ll fall upon my knees_

_And they’ll say I told you so_

_Come on when you know, you know_

_All the lonely shadow dancing from the cradle to the grave_

_It’s a solo song_

_And it’s only for the brave_

Not a single person sings with him. The venue remains in a silent stupor as Louis’ voice rings through the stadium, steady and sure. The only accompanying sound that of Mitch’s playing.

The phone lights don’t fade. Raised simply above the heads of the masses and the song fades out and the lights shine on.

 _Perfect_ is the only chance he has to recover from hearing Louis sing. His heart racing as they move through the upbeat number before he’s disappearing offstage. Breathing shallow and body stricken with sweat he’s greeted by three of their crew backstage as he shifts automatically through the process of changing. Back on stage he can hear Liam and Niall talking together with the crowd, distracting them as he hurriedly moves through the notions backstage.

Harry had been waiting to play this song for a long while now, heart pounding at the thought of performing this with Louis onstage with him. He’d not been expecting _Only The Brave_ to be the song choice tonight in the slightest, it seems strange a turn of events to place the two songs together in the same night, but here he is regardless.

With a final swipe of his brow to clear the glistening perspiration he’s directed back to the stage. The crowd livening as they see him wander back out onto main stage. Glancing up at Sarah positioned happily behind her drum kit, she sends him a wink. Shaking his thoughts out he aims straight for his microphone now placed in a stand at center stage. His solo moment of the show having approached too soon for his liking.

“When you’re ready Mitch.” He says, plastering a sly smirk on his face before the familiar chords rise and the crowd erupts as they realise his song choice for the night.

The venue lights splutter periodically, choreographed to perfection.

_Here to take my medicine, take my medicine, treat you like a gentleman_

_Give me that adrenaline, that adrenaline, think I’m gonna stick with it_

_Here to take my medicine, take my medicine_

_Rest it on your fingertips_

_Up to your mouth, feeling it out, feeling it out_

He sings, the crowd joining him with eager as he glances back behind him. HE continues through the song, the venue and crowd exploding as he sings through the pre chorus and chorus.

The atmosphere is electric as he dances through it all, a grin overtaking him as he grabs for the microphone and dances off towards the front of the stage.

 _The boys and the girls are in, I mess around with_ him _and I’m ok with it_

He can’t help but sing though he stubbornly refuses to look behind him at Louis as he sings.

_I’m coming down, I figured out I kinda like it_

_And when I sleep I’m gonna dream of how you…_

The lights shut off as he waves at the crowd once the song continues through the chorus once more.

_I had a few, got drunk on you and now I’m wasted…_

He doesn’t think he’s ever felt more alive on stage than as he does once the lights burn on and the audience screams back at him. Feeling like he’s going to explode he flings himself across the stage, catching the faces of those screaming the words to him as the lights flicker on and off, behind him the band playing out the chords and the boys grinning away.

A month. They have a month, and then the world will be open and waiting at their feet.

 _Here’s to freedom_ he thinks as the song fades and in the darkness, a hand momentarily slips into his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, now that we're here, I hate to say but there's only one more chapter to go (and an epilogue which I guess means there's technically two). I've had the ending to this fic planned before most of the narrative so I'm pretty excited for it, though it does feel bittersweet !! 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support so far on this however, I really love hearing everyone's thoughts on it !!


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. My. Goodness. 
> 
> I truly don't believe we've finally got here but here it is, the final chapter. When I started this I truly didn't think it would ever turn out anything close too this length but there's something rather addciting about the whole process. Thank you so, so, so much for sticking with me (and thank you to everyone who reads this to come) despite my awful updating schedule. Every comment and kudo feels so rewarding after having spent so long with this but I've loved the process of writing my first ever fanfic.
> 
> I'll load the epilogue tomorrow, and don't worry I truly mean that it's already written. But until then, thank you.

For this first time in as many years, London has since lost its feeling of light being a void concept. Home felt empty without Louis here, but there was still light lingering away from the shadows. Home feels like a strong word now for the house that surrounds him. He’d always thought of home as a person, hadn’t known who right he was with that statement till he’d found Louis. But it truly was.

The contract between Eleanor and his Louis is over, ended four weeks ago whilst they’d been playing shows through California. Harry had sweet talked Jeff into letting all five of them have the full day before the evening show off, and had consequently spent its entirety wrapped up in bed with Louis. Harry had spent just three days away in Italy, shooting a promo ad for Gucci but apart from that he’d spent most of his time since being back in Europe hauled up here.

Apart from the two of them knowing it was over, nothing else much had changed. They’d still yet to decide whether coming out sooner rather than later was a solid game plan, and ignoring the matter had been the route both of them were apparently content to settle on for the time being. The problem they faced other than them deciding when was the right time was having to have their teams seed all the information before anything could explicitly be declared. He and Louis were both all to aware of the change of direction both of their public profiles would have to undertake in order for their announcement not to be received in the wrong way. As if they were using it as a publicity move, or worse that they were queer coding.

Harry didn’t care for any of it. Didn’t want the responsibility of having to own up to something that should never have to cause a fuss in the first place. It was his life, his choices, but that wasn’t how his life worked. Hadn’t been _his_ life choices for a long while. Coming out, coming out with Louis right with him should be on their own terms. Consequences be dammed. But that simply wasn’t the life either of them lived. So the waiting, uncertain game continued.

With everything still so up in the air regarding the end of tour and the events which would occur at its conclusion it seemed like the matter would just have to wait. They were both happy, could spend all of their spare time together and for now after all those years of being apart it was more than enough for both of them. Harry knew the time would come where they’d both feel ready to tell the world. To be open about loving one another, but that was still a way off. For now he would continue to cherish having Louis wake up beside him each morning and know there would be no more goodbyes.

The weather is overcast, despite summer being in full bloom. He’d been hauled up home alone since early this morning. Louis having left to spend the day with Phoebe and Daisy who’d driven down to London last night. He’d been invited along but knew Louis had been missing his siblings, instead opting to let them share the day together. He had Louis to himself most days, he was far from selfish enough to not spare him for a single one.

Instead, Harry busy’s himself in the studio, notebook piled with scribbled lyrics including the song still lying unfinished he’d started with Mitch those few weeks back. Guitar in hand, seated precariously on the piano seat facing out towards the overcast day he sighs, glancing down between the notebook and fingers sprawled across the strings.

Distantly he hears the front door sound, the tell-tale sounds of footsteps passing over the wooden section of the floor. His eyes are trained on the door as Niall steps into view, choosing to lean against the open door frame.

“Accomplishing much?” Niall starts with, cocking his brow as his gaze is directed at the silent guitar perched in his lap.

“Oh, loads!” He replies sarcastically.

“Great, grab your coat and let’s go!”

“It may be over cast but it’s still summer out there.”

“You know what I mean, the expression and all, come on Liam’s waiting.”

“Liam?”

“Sometime today Harold.” Niall cries over his shoulder, already turned to retreat towards the front door.

“Can I inquire as to why I’m being kidnapped?”

“Nope!” Niall calls back cheerfully as Harry turns to lock the front door, setting the alarms in the process.

Trailing after Niall he pulls open the back seat door to the _Porsche_ , climbing inside as he greets Liam and they pull away from the curb. The radio drifts quietly through the speakers in the car as Niall prattles on about the last time he visited Japan, where they happen to be jet setting off too tomorrow to kick start the Asian leg of their tour. Zayn had chosen to fly back to Gigi who was currently in LA, opting to fly straight from LAX to Japan. The South American leg had been a whirl wind of non-stop travelling, sneaking out of each and every hotel room late at night and adventuring off much to the horror of their security team. But it had been the pinnacle example, and perhaps re-emergence of what the five of them had once been together. In his eyes, despite their history as a group and the years since their formation, it was everything they needed to have lived like teenagers once more. Stolen moments in the night only meant for themselves.

They travel together through the London streets, exploring as always as houses pass and people blur into one another. He wonders briefly as they pass the people by what struggles each goes through in their own lives, if any of them ever stop to wonder the same. If they wish their story was any other than what it is. He isn’t sure if he could ever wish for another. Not even after every bad headline of heartbroken night could he imagine not living his life as he does so. It’s not perfect, never has been, but it’s his nonetheless.

Eventually, Liam pulls the vehicle in towards a curb. The city having emptied out slightly behind them, this place more open and freer than the crammed city lifestyle. They haven’t left London, not completely, but they’ve left the business which envelopes it mostly.

The three of them bundle out of the vehicle, the air surprisingly warm despite the overcast and Harry follows diligently at Niall’s side as they wonder towards a wooded area.

“Come to kill us off then?” Niall half-heartedly directs towards Liam with a chuckle, though the confusion in Niall’s voice does little to quell his curiosity as to why they’ve been dragged out here.

“You mean you don’t know why we’re here either?” Harry questions towards Niall.

“No! Got kidnapped from my house just like you.”

“Liam.” They both whine together, causing the man to laugh and through his hands up in surrender.

“Hey, I just thought it would be nice to get some fresh air. No evil plan, promise. Don’t attack the driver.”

“You know we could always club him round the head a steal his keys. Imagine that, the headlines would be, _Popstar found deceased, police suspects vindictive bandmates behind the brutal attack!”_

“Vindictive?” Harry cries as they enter the shaded cover of the trees, no one else in sight.

“I have plenty to get Liam back for from years gone by don’t you worry.”

“Fairly unoriginal headline though, might have to kill that dream of yours about becoming a gossip column writer Irish.” Liam pipes up, shooting a lighthearted smile towards them both.

“Don’t crush my dreams like this Li, I’m too fragile for this shit.”

“Says the one who can drink us all under the table.” He points out.

“Anyways!” Liam cuts in loudly, “I dragged the both of you out here just to have some time together away from everything. I know Louis’ busy today, rang him this morning, and Zayn isn’t even in the country but thought it was better than nothing.”

“We’ll have some time together in Oceania and Asian you know?” Harry comments.

“Yeah, but it’s not the same as being at home is it?”

“No, it’s not.”

The three of them spend hours stumbling their way through the small woodland area, only managing to frighten the life out of a few unsuspecting wildlife. They come across an elderly couple who they stop and talk with for several long minutes, the conversation somehow deviating towards the construction of Hammersmith bridge of all things. They make their slowly back in to the city as the afternoon wears on into early evening. Liam takes the wheel once more and before either of them can protest, Niall grabs for the aux chord and has them singing along to an old tour playlist which he never thought he’d hear again.

It’s easy, and carefree between them as it’s always been. Singing obnoxiously as they wind through the busy London streets.

By the time Liam pulls up once more outside his house, the light is beginning to creep slowly towards the fading horizon, even the summer light giving way to the night. Stepping forward out of the vehicle he gives one final wave to the boys and makes his way inside.

The lights are on, semi loud music coming through his home speaker system and Louis’ voice carrying through from the kitchen.

“Dare I believe my eyes!” Harry exclaims as he steps into the kitchen, the sight of Louis scuttling around the kitchen, one of Harry’s own ridiculously outrageous aprons thrown over a short sleeved band top he hasn’t seen in years and casual black joggers. Louis’ hair is wild and unruly, fluffed up as he smiles to him, pausing in his movements at the sound of Harry’s voice.

“Well excuse you, I can cook _some_ things you know.”

“Don’t you start!” He tries before Louis cuts him off.

“Don’t you remember when I cooked you…”

“Say it, I dare you.” Harry says though can’t quite keep the laughter from his voice as he final pushes from the doorway and pulls Louis to him by his hips, refusing to relinquish his grip even when Louis is pressed flush against him.

“Chi…” Louis dares try but is cut short the next moment when Harry lunges forward and seals his lips to Louis.

“Mhh,” Louis hums against his lips pulled into a smile, “you taste like strawberries.”

“Ugh, that’s awful!” He laughs moving down to press soft kisses into Louis neck. Getting lost in everything that stills seems so familiar to him, yet matured and new in a way he’s still endlessly enjoying relearning once more. “Don’t use my own lyrics against me.”

“Was worth a try.” Louis replies somewhat breathlessly.

“Anyway my love.” He starts, forcing himself to pull away from Louis, “How was your day and also just _what_ are you cooking?”

“Excuse me Harold, I’ve worked very hard to make my darling partner a loving meal.”

“Oh did you now?” Harry answers, humour laced in his tone as he peers down into one of the simmering pots, noodles bubbling away beneath the surface.

“In other news, my day was lovely. Though I heard Niall and Liam dragged you out for some exploring.”

“Something like that yeah.” He smiles as he takes over Louis attempt at making something edible.

The two of them spend the next hour simply enjoying going over their day, talking about the places they wish to visit once they’re once more flown across the world and it feels just like it always used to. Conversation easy as Harry works his way around the kitchen whilst Louis grabs cutlery and they navigate their way towards the living room, settling down together with steaming bowls of spaghetti held in their laps.

“You what?” Louis cries, bowls now placed securely on the table, Harry lounging lazily over the sofa tucked in between Louis legs. Louis’ hands don’t stop their tracing, swirling over his forearm in a relaxing motion as Harry smiles with his eyes half closed.

“I was waiting to tell you until I knew for sure.”

“That’s what you were reading at the start of the year?”

“How do you remember the novel I was reading when we were barely spending any time together?”

“You still doubt that whenever I’m around you I _don’t_ take in everything you do. Don’t try an argue that you don’t do the same, I know you curly.”

“Alright fine, but back to the original topic, yes, I accepted the role.”

“The surprises just never end with you do they?”

“I like to surprise.”

“Hmm.” Louis hums in agreement. Feeling Louis’ weight shift down as he places a delicate kiss to the underside of his jaw. “The movie, tell me about it.”

“If I give you the book, would you read it?”

“Of course.”

“Truly?”

“I’m offended in your lack of faith in my reading abilities Harold, I will definitely be reading the bloody novel of which your starring as the main character.”

“The filming is supposedly being filmed here in the UK you know, Birmingham I think is the current location choice.”

“That’s not the plot but it’s still a nice tidbit to note. I think it’s amazing Haz, that you’re stepping into a role such as this. I’m really proud of you.” Louis says as he flattens his hands over Harry’s stomach.

“I’m excited for it. It feels like the right thing to do you know, it’s nice having a slight break away from music. Not that my love for performing and writing has lessened at all, but it’s just a temporary change in lifestyle you know. A few months of exploring what’s it’s like to live as if another life in a different time.”

“I have to say, I’m rather partial to the person you are here with me.” Louis says with a smile in his voice.

“Good to know.” Harry answers, covering Louis’ hands with his own.

“You know… we won’t be home for a while.”

It’s Harry’s turn to hum in response to that.

“And hotel rooms are never quite the same as…” 

“Louis Tomlinson, are you trying to convince me to fall into bed with you?”

They both bark out a laugh to that, Harry lifts himself up, half twisting as he presses a chaste kiss to Louis parted lips. Allowing himself to get lost in the sensation if only for a moment.

“You did not just say it like that.”

“I did indeed.” He mutters, lips brushing over Louis still as he smirks.

“You’re the worst.”

“You’re not making a very convincing case here mister, I feel I require better wooing beforehand.”

“I will up and leave you right here on this sofa and command the entire master bedroom to myself if you don’t stop with these daft attempts at humour Styles.”

“Oh, Styles is it now? Not Harold? Not curly?”

“You’ve had a single glass of wine, there’s no way you’re drunk right now.” Louis groans though half-heartedly as he sports a charming smirk. “And don’t you dare start with one of your corny lines following on from that.”

“If I recall correctly, those corny lines are what made you fall in love with me.”

“Yes, when you were _sixteen.”_

“You love me.” Harry smiles up at him.

“Strangely enough,” Louis says, slowly leaning forward to press his lips to Harry’s ever so gently, “I do.”

~~~~

They’re in Singapore, the heat almost unbearable, though it’s the humidity that truly forces them all into hiding since pre-show ended some half hour ago. Forgoing heading back to their accommodation, the five of them each opt to stay at the venue until their late show tonight which is set to start in just under three hours. There’s numerous fans and air conditions circulating through the venue, but even with the climate controlling devices, each of them are dead on their feet as they slump down together in Zayn’s dressing room. A pile of sweaty, exhausted male bodies.

“You think we could ask for a giant fan to be rigged above the stage tonight, several even?” Louis grumbles from somewhere in the pile of limbs.

“Even better,” Niall huffs, “I vote that we pull a sicky.”

“I’m not even gonna start on that Niall.” Zayn replies.

“It sounded like a viable option in my head.” Niall tries to defend though they all know he’s far from serious.

“All right.” Liam says and with seemingly great effort manages to sit up from where he was apparently nestled at the pile, simultaneously causing the rest of them to tumble together to the floor. “I’m crying out for a shower and I reckon the rest of you are the same, then I’m off for a nap.”

“Look at you, suffering in your old age.” Louis jibes at him with a wide smirk.

“Louis, you’re older than any of us.” Liam replies before he’s off out the door leaving the rest of them cracking up on the floor. The heat’s definitely getting to them.

Singapore is their last stop on the Asian leg of their tour before they set off for Perth, thus beginning the last few shows of tour. August had passed in a blur, the two week break they’d had after playing in Bangkok had been a blessing and though all five of them had stayed in the country, he’d seen none of the other boys aside from Louis.

The two of them had embarked on a handful of wonderous journeys during that time. Harry had awoken one of their first nights, promptly shaking Louis into consciousness also and demanding that they go on a date. Louis had wearily blinked at him, trying to sort through his words through his apparent tiredness and it had taken several long moments before he’d burst out laughing.

 _A date?_ Louis had claimed, _I think it’s finally got to you now, but you realise we’ve been together for months now and also, I think we’re a little past dates?_

 _Nonsense,_ Harry had rebutted, _just because we’ve been together a long while doesn’t mean we should stop going on dates. If you think about it, we do it all the time. I don’t care when we’ve been together sixty years and have our grandchildren racing at our feet, I never want to stop dating you._

And that had been that. Dating had become their new routine.

They’d managed seven so far, from coffee dates in strange, back alleyways in Tianjin, to a candle lit diner on a secluded beach in Taipei. So he supposes he should be less surprised than he is when Louis makes a grab for his hand when he attempts to follow after Liam in the directions of the showers in an attempt to at least temporarily escape the heat. He halts instantly, turning to look over his shoulder before he steps back into Louis’ space. Niall and Zayn filing out of the room.

“Tonight, at 12:30, me and you.”

“And just where might we be heading?” He questions, a smile already forming on his lips.

“Secret.” Louis says, then he too disappears out of the door.

At twenty past twelve Harry’s taken to pacing the length of his and Louis’ hotel room. He hasn’t seen his partner in hours, is starting to wonder what on earth has caused him to vanish for all this time when a knock sounds at the door. Fumbling his way through the modest sized living room area he reaches the door, not bothering to check who stands on the other side before he yanks it open.

“Fucking finally!”

Louis just laughs at him, eyes bright and smile crinkling at the corner of his eyes. “Patient much I see.”

“Shut it, I’ve been on edge for hours.”

Louis only grins in response, holding out his hand, “Great, best get going then.”

Following willingly they enter the elevator down to the ground floor, hands only dropping away from one another as the doors ping open. The lobby is quiet, only the receptionist and doormen are there to observe as Louis and Harry aim for the front doors. On many other occasions, well, most if he’s being honest, they sneak out some back door into an alleyway but this time Louis leads them both straight out of the front exit to a waiting vehicle. Louis pulls open the door for him, quickly maneuvers round to the drivers side once he’s tucked inside and pulls out onto the brightly lit streets. He’s not convinced it’s even legal for Louis to be driving here but he goes along with it anyway.

“Do I get any hints as to where we’re going?”

“Nope.” Louis answers with a grin, taking his hand across the center console.

The roads are surprisingly busy despite the late hour, a steady stream of traffic keeping pace with them as they head into the city.

“Disguise at the ready.” Louis says, offering him a cap and bandana to use as a mask, pulling on a similar attire. With the late hour hopefully they won’t be spotted, it’s not like being in London but they won’t risk it either way.

They leave the vehicle parked along a side street and wind their way towards where Harry knows the famous vendors area of the city is located in Chinatown.

For the next hour they work their way down the busy stalls, indulging in far more than they can actually manage to eat but in the moment it’s all part of it. Everything is simply incredible, as in everything. There are hundreds of people milling around them and even the hot and humid climate doesn’t deter the curious people of the night. They talk together about everything they can think of, of their last few shows and the new things they’ve noticed in the Asian cities they’ve been in till this point. They talk of plans for when they return to London, of next year and Christmas of all things and everything just feels so easy. Like nothing had ever torn them apart. A rift in time no longer a main concern.

Miraculously they aren’t spotted which he thinks both of them marvel at considering just how busy it is around them. Eventually Louis bundles them both back off in the direction of their parked car, risking walking hand in hand if only for one night. It’s something they’d rarely done over the years but with freedom so close they could both almost taste it, they risk it anyway. High off their newly shared experience and being in a mostly undiscovered place for them both, they can hardly protest.

Returning back inside the car he switch’s on the radio, both bursting out into laughter when the beginning of _Adore You_ plays through the cars stereo after several minutes. It happens more often than he’s willing to admit, hearing his own voice on the radio but as he goes to change stations Louis bats his hand away and continues to loudly and obnoxiously sing through the entire song. “It’s like you planned this.” Harry laughs as Louis’ hand in his tightens before they’re pulling into a parking space somewhere near the water. The area is vaguely familiar to him, he’s been to Singapore a few times now and where they’ve come to seems to ring a bell, but something feels off, missing even about the space before them. The area before them is dark, only faintly illuminated by the surrounding city’s glow in the night, though the noises buss around them. “Where are we?” He questions as he pushes open his door and stands from the vehicle.

“Do you trust me?” Louis tries to say in a semi serious voice though it loses all its effect when he can’t help the slight laugh which slips from his lips.

“That sounds like the cheesiest rom – com line ever.”

“Good thing you like them then. Now close your eyes and stand still?”

“What?”

“Just do it Harold.”

Shaking his head slightly he does as he’s asked. Only flinching slightly when a soft fabric is wrapped around his head covering his eyes.

“Is this really necessary?”

“Very much so.”

“Alright then.” He says as Louis grabs his hand and begins leading them forward.

They walk together for the better part of ten minutes. He stumbles his way up ramps and declines, stairs and strangely uneven surfaces which only leaves him more confused. The unique feeling of being exposed or in a high place overcomes him eventually. He can feel the change in the air around them, the specific smell of a hundred various plants reaches him soon after leaving the vehicle too. But he allows himself to be led all the same.

“Alright, here we are?”

“And here is where exactly?”

Louis doesn’t answer him, only moves to unwrap the blindfold.

“Open your eyes.”

Darkness greets him the moment he does. Faintly, he makes out the signature feature of railing before them but other than that he’s still just as lost as he was a moment ago.

“2:59, right on time.”

“Right on time for what?”

But his question is answered when a thousand lights illuminate the space around him and he gasps as the scene around him comes to life under the night sky. _Cloud Forest_ , Louis has brought him to _Cloud Forest._ High above the ground on one of the numerous walkways they’re the only one’s around. From up here the plant life thrums around them, coloured lights sending a glow up above them. He’s seen it before, been here in the day for the briefest moments but this is something else entirely.

“ _Louis.”_

Louis doesn’t say a word, just slips his hand into Harry’s without a care that someone might be around to catch them. It’s one of the last things on his mind however, still far too overwhelmed by the view surrounding them to care for the consequences of what should be such a simple action.

Perhaps it’s that thought which pushes him over the ledge, or maybe it’s the night they’ve shared together but one moment he’s standing looking out over the gardens and the next he’s spun and pulls Louis to him desperately. Not leaving room for any protest when he crashes their lips together. Hoping that every ounce of appreciation and how overwhelmed he is pours through the kiss. It only takes a moment for Louis to respond, pushing his hands up into Harry’s hair and sinking in towards him. Brushing his tongue over the seam of Harry’s bottom lip just like so many times they’ve experienced this together. The feel of Louis is something he’ll never tire of, not as his tongue finally pushes into his mouth or as Harry pulls slightly where one of his hands rests on the back of Louis’ neck, the other on his waist desperately needing him to be closer.

It’s perfect, with the world illuminated around him, life is perfect.

~~~~

Moving on from their Asian shows, the Australian and New Zealand shows are just as much a treat as ever. Together they each drag the others out on wild adventures, ranging from late night, somewhat reckless game drives out into the Australian wildlife, to midnight rendezvous in Adelaide, Perth, Sydney and Melbourne alike. Australian burns in the spring weather, skin barely coping with the humidity and still overly warm temperatures.

They manage to catch a three day break in Caines and he steals Louis away up forty minute flight from Caines, to a remote, high class lodge nestled away in the middle of no where. They spend their days swimming lazily in the pool, basking in the sun sipping especially delicious fruit cocktails made by their favourite bartender, an elderly woman by the name of Melissa. The somewhat treehouse resembling rooms are perfect for escaping from the past month of touring. Spending long hours each morning wound tightly together, pressing kisses over every trace of the others body and grinning like fools all the while. It feels like a never ending honey moon phase between them. Each press of lips to the others skin leaving a burning trail behind, an act that’s forever insatiable. Their time at the lodge, aptly named _Bloomfield,_ ends in a whirl wind and before they both know it, they’re piling back on the small fix wing back to Cairns.

New Zealand is special as always. From the raging mountains to endless blue lakes and wide open spaces, it’s another place he’s discovered he feels at ease in. One particular day, after a mid-day show in the capital, Wellington, he and Louis sneak off once more, boarding a flight to Queenstown and spending the nights hauled up together in front of the great blue lake. Watching as the busy tourist center comes to life all through the day and night. They dine together in disguise by the waterfront, watching as the boots drift around the small basin and further out in the depths of Lake Wakatipu. The following morning, as the dawn brings full clear skies, they charter a private helicopter. Flying over the ranges into Fiordland, landing on the Tutoko glacier high in the mountains before continuing down into Milford Sound. They don’t have time for a cruise, as is most custom for tourists into the wonder that is the Fiord, though they do however take several pictures of Mitre Peak, the glorious mountain rising straight out of the water and are visited by a nosy Kakapo, vying for the sandwich Louis quickly stuffs down after a warning from their pilot about feeding the flightless bird.

They fly out from Queenstown that night, rejoining the rest of the boys in Hamilton for the remainder of the night, visiting the Hobbiton set the following day before driving up to Auckland.

From there everything begins to feel like it’s truly ending. After months of touring, and everything before that which came along with it in the planning stages, it’s surreal as they pull up to their hotel that night to realise this is the end. That this pivotal moment of his life is drawing to a close. If it weren’t for Zayn’s suggestion, they’d been finished already.

The five of them clamber out of the van, taking several long minutes to stop for the fans waiting for them. Signing a variety of items and talking briefly with as many people as they can manage before finally being shuffled inside.

“Doesn’t feel right to end the night here does it?” Niall says as they trundle towards the elevator, voicing what they’re all thinking. In the low light of the hotel lobby, Harry longs to simply fall into Louis and have him carry him to their room, but there’s still too many prying eyes around and they can’t risk it, not yet anyway. That part will come soon enough. They’re all bone dead tired, but for their last night, it feels lack luster to end it here.

A hashed put together scheme later, the five of them sneak through the kitchens exit out onto the somewhat still active streets of Auckland just passed 1am. With their heads down and quick steps they quickly make their way towards Auckland’s harbour, before long the sight of hundreds of small yachts and the likes coming into view.

“You think if we jumped aboard anyone would notice?” Louis says as they walk past a particular elegant, double hull cat. Harry smiles at the words though reaches out to playfully tap his lover on the arm.

“Unfortunately I think the harbour master might have something to say about that, as well maybe as the owners?” Zayn offers.

They continue down the multiple walkways, carefully of any ropes or storage containers which line the decking as they continue to commentate on the different boats. Calling dips on the ones they spot and take a shine too before it turns into an all-out war who can find the fanciest yacht in the harbour. He’d have thought by now he’d be used to the way Louis reacts, especially now he’s nearing thirty, but despite it all he still can’t help the burst of laughter which races out of him when Louis shoves Niall aside and takes off into the night in search of victory.

He, Zayn and Liam take the much less taxing option of _walking_ around the harbour, as the signs notably point out around them is the only legal way of going about doing so. Several boats catch his eye though it’s not something he’s ever been particularly interested in, by the time Louis and Niall make it back to them, puffing and panting. Niall is officially declared the winner after showing them all an extremely upmarket, mono hull roughly twenty four meters, painted in an iridescent dark blue with silver trimmings lining the exterior. He can’t resist pressing a kiss to Louis temple at the frown which overcomes him, laughing all the while as the five of them continue to stalk off into the night.

~~~~

“Are you sure those candles arrived yet love?” Harry calls out to Louis from their master bedroom whilst pulling on the silk black shirt.

“Yeah, I put em on the counter this morning. Think Gigi grabbed them when they arrived earlier though.”

“Told you we should have hidden them.” He smirks despite being alone, his reflection the sole witness.

“Give her a break, she’s pregnant and I won’t be getting in the way of a pregnant woman’s wants and needs.” Louis’ voice drifts through from the bedroom.

With one final sweep over his appearance in the mirror he steps out from the bathroom, eyes drifting on instinct towards where Louis stands, silhouetted by the window in the fading evening light.

“You,” He starts, walking forward till he’s pressed against Louis’ back, leaning down to press a lingering kiss to the fabric covering his shoulder, “Look stunning.”

“A man can only try.” Louis replies as he tilts his head to the side and kisses him feverishly.

“I’ll have you know,” Harry claims between breathes, “That I didn’t just spend the better part of twenty minutes in the bathroom only for you to ruffle up my look the moment I stepped out.”

“Poor baby.” Is Louis’ only mocking reply before he turns to kiss him properly. Harry can feel the smile on his lips, taste it with every breathless trace of their lips.

“You’re the devil Louis Tomlinson.” Harry laughs, pulling away only far enough that he can rest his forehead against Louis. Relishing in merely breathing him in, holding him before him and knowing he’ll have this feeling forever and day more.

“Alright,” Louis says, sneakily maneuvering so that he can claim his lips briefly once more, “We have guests waiting downstairs.”

He huffs in reply, watching as Louis stalks away from him towards the door. “Nice of you to remember that little fact.” There’s no bite to his words, there never is when it comes to his Louis.

They make their way downstairs together, hand in hand. Having spent so long believing he’d never have this feeling again, he savors each moment as he allows Louis to lead the two of them through what is now _their_ house and out into the open yard. Surprisingly, the sun is shinning today. The yard bathed in golden light, everyone they hold dear perched somewhere before them.

Mitch, Sarah, Ny and each of Zayn’s sisters stand off to the left, on the far edge of the spacious deck enraptured in conversation with Lottie, Michael, Paul and Niall. In front of him he spots his mum and the older of Louis’ twin sisters smiling and laughing with one another. Zayn, with a heavily pregnant Gigi wrapped around his arm sport dazzling smiles whilst talking with Niall and Liam’s parents, a young Bear clings to his grandparent’s legs. Maya and Liam talk quietly to themselves, seated on the reclining chairs on the deck. Sandy and his family are wrapped up talking with Jeff, Glenne and Rebecca, Amanda and Zayn’s parents wandering back towards them laden with several loaded glasses between them.

Gemma eyes Louis and him and peels away from where she’d been standing, Ernest tucked securely on her hip while Doris squeals excitedly at the sight of Louis. The older man barely has enough warning to scope down and open his arms before he’s enveloped by the young child. Louis laughs into her neck, lifting her from the ground and holding her closely to him.

He feels complete. The sight of people he adores cast around him in a place that belongs to all of them. Each of the people here today responsible in some way in aiding him become the person he is today. Regardless of the size of that impact, he’s grateful for them all, grateful that he can stand here today as someone still so young and know he’s found his place in the world. That he’s found something he knows he’ll have forever even as young as he is. It’s more than just his story that’s led them all here, it’s a combination of fate, of sacrifice and tireless hard work, of uncertainty and victory, of soaring highs and lows and everything else in between. But their here. And they’ve made it.

“Lost you there for a second.” He registers Gemma say to him, a quiet knowing smile alight.

“Sorry, got stuck in my own head.”

“Figured.” Gemma smiles back at him, Ernest beaming towards him.

“And how are you mister?” He directs towards Ernest who reaches out for him. Despite the fact he’s now five years old, Harry still eagerly takes him from Gemma. “Excited to be back at school?”

Ernest nods at him eagerly and begins recounting all the wonderous tales he’s had over the last few weeks. Harry can’t get enough of hearing how he talks, excitement bubbling over in each one of his words, eyes bright and curious and he gestures wildly with each sentence. He’s not sure how long he stands there with Ernest settled on his hip when he realises Gemma and Louis have gone silent around him. Peeling his eyes away from Ernest how seems to notice the sudden quiet too, he glances between his sister and partner. “What?” He laughs.

“You two are going to make the best dads.” Gemma blurts out in all serious. He didn’t think it were possible for his smile to grow larger but it does after hearing those words. He snaps his eyes across to Louis but the blue eyes he adores so much are already focused on him.

Neither of them has time to respond before the distinct sound of chinking glass echoes around the yard. The chatter dies out at the sound, heads turning towards the source.

“Alright, let’s get on with these speeches so we can eat!” Niall’s father Bobby calls and everyone laughs though begins migrating towards the large outdoor table which has been beautifully arranged by several of the people here.

Placing Ernest down in a chair next to Lottie he sees Louis slightly further down, Anne close to him and a free seat between her and Louis. Harry makes his way over to them both, settling in just as Niall takes a seat to Louis’ right, Liam and Zayn completing the spaces further down. The five of them nearing the end of another adventure.

“Now, tissues have been provided and there is no shame in any tears shed alright!” Paul addresses them all which is met with ruckus laughter up and down the table. “I’ve done this all before, trust me. Right! Rebecca, I believe you’re our first spokesperson.”

Paul sits down at beside Jeff and Glenne as Rebecca smiles and stands. Rebecca’s speech makes everyone smile, she’s genuine and as she retells several highlight moments from the tour they all begin to cast themselves back into what the past few months of their lives have brought upon them. He reaches for Louis’ hand the moment she starts speaking and neither of them move to change anything as she eventually raises her glass and takes a seat once more. The process through Mitch and Sandy alike, though he does find himself by the end of Sandy’s speech wishing he could dive under the table never to resurface as several moments from tours long past are brought back to life. Mitch is charismatic in the way he speaks, offering a more civil toast to them all at the end of his speech.

Everything truly crumples down when his mum stands, champagne glass clutched in her left hand.

“Alright, I’ll make this parental spiel short I promise.” Anne starts with a smile. “I don’t quite know how to thank each and every one of you for what you’ve done for my five boys here. No matter what we’re faced with, from organizing this mammoth task to actually getting it to function somewhat smoothly. Operational perhaps at best.” They each laugh at that. “Over the years I’ve been witness to a lot of what happens backstage and I know none of it happens without hours and hours of nonstop dedication and hard work. It’s no easy task keeping these five renegades under management, but thanks to you all these past ten years have gone out with a bang.” His mum addresses to the rest of the table before turning slowly to look at each of the five of them, eyes watery. “To my boys, to _our_ dear five boys who have changed the lives of every one of us here today, I, we, are so, so endlessly proud of you. You began this as teenagers and you sit here together as grown men. With a wealth of knowledge and experiences, some which I never want to hear,” More laughter, “You all are responsible for changing millions of lives, for living your lives in a way which goes beyond what most people ever imagine. I’ve watched the way you’ve all grown and matured, and despite everything thrown at you all, you’re still sat here today. Strong. And resilient. From every parent and family member here, whether they’re sat at this table here or looking down from above, we love you boys, and we are so proud.”

Louis hand in his is an anchor, he knows it’s the same for him too. All five of them allow the tears gathering in their eyes to show. They’ve been through too much to let simple tears be what embarrasses them now, especially in a moment as precious as this.

Zayn abruptly stand up next, barely giving anyone time to recover from Anne’s moment before they’re gearing up for the next.

“What can I possibly say to four lads who I’ve seen and experienced things with I could never have dreamed. Never could I have thought of my life turning out anything like this and I know it’s been a bumpy ride, that we’ve each had our moments but I’m so fucking proud to call you all my brothers. We may of all had our times spent at the others throats, bone tired and barely functioning but playing _Madison Square Garden,_ performing in front of tens of thousands, writing in the wee hours of the morning and life on the tour bus would blow the mind of young me. I know you all had to deal with me leaving and all the shit that came with it, but I’ll never stop being grateful that the four boys I met backstage rose with me to the stars. I love you guys, always.”

“Fuck, Zayn!” Niall cries out, tears sliding down his checks and they all let out a strained laugh.

“Gotta follow on from that somehow, shit alright.” Liam says next, standing and bracing his hands down on the table, eyes misted over. “Young ones cover your ears here. But fuck. We fucking did it.” The table bursts into emotional laughter again, the usual passiveness of Liam’s persona slipping away as they grin at one another. “Here we are, another tour over but lads, this one was something special. There were moments at the end of the first time round when I truly thought we’d never get back here, but I’m so glad we did. You know, there’s something truly remarkable about five, somewhat unruly, defiantly underprepared teenagers coming together trying to make it in a business they know nothing about. We’ve had some steep learning curves, some pretty shit moments but standing up there on that stage with you lot the past couple of months made it all worth it. I know that as long as I live I’ll not forget a second of performing up there with you all. To everyone here working behind the scenes, the fuck someone knew what they doing.” The far end of the table is noticeably louder in their cheers than the rest of the table and everyone else raises their glasses towards their management team. “To you wonderful people who made up our backing band, _One Direction 2.0_ we could not have done this without you so thank you for everything. Touring with us lot mustn’t be a walk in the park. But I guess I really just want to say once again to everyone here, that my life changed because of you all and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“Speeches,” Niall starts with as in the process of standing, “It’s always during the dam speeches where the water works come out.” He smiles though those are certainly tears still tracking down his face though Niall makes no move to brush them off. He’s vaguely aware that his own face is now streaked with tear tracks. “You five know exactly how much I love ya, but I’ll say this, I’m with Liam that I wouldn’t change this for the world. We haven’t been an easy lot and there’s been times I’ve wanted to bash my head in, but you’re all my brothers and I wouldn’t dream of having gone on this adventure with any others. To you lot,” Niall says gesturing down towards their managers, “I have no clue how you put up with us but thank god you did because we’d be lost without ya. To all you friends and family here, I’m so sorry you’ve been subjected to our antics this past decade. But cheers for sticking it out this far. To whatever comes next I hope it racks up to be half as good as the last decade, so heres facing the wolves and to the rest of our lives lads.”

A loud cheer signals the end of Niall’s turn, glasses raising into the air when he realises it’s only him and Louis left.

“Ten years. Ten. Fucking. Years.” Louis eventually starts. “I don’t want to say too much, I think most of it has already been said. But there is one thing, and that’s no matter what we’ve all got facing us to come, you’re my family. You’ve given me the best years of my life, a level of happiness I can’t picture ever living without again and a place to call home. I always love you, but especially today.”

For the first time since the speeches began he untangles his hand from Louis, making for his own glass as he waits for the noise to settle once more.

“You know we so often in interviews get asked what’s been a highlight career moment and usually when that gets asked you say whatever comes to mind. With so many different scenarios we’ve all had over the years it often feels like you have an arsenal at your disposal to answer that but now I think I finally have my one proper answer. A little over ten years ago, a woman by the name of Johanna Deakin grabbed the five of us together, when we barely all remembered what the other looked like, sat us on what were some fairly dingy steps and made us smile for or first photo together. Now I don’t know how many teenagers have their worlds flipped upside down like we did since that photo was taken, but I’ll never forget sitting there scared out of my mind wondering what was gonna happen next. Now I know the fans mean something else when they say from the bottom of the stairs to the top of the world, but lads,” He pauses glancing at each of them, “You’ve been my brothers, and the love of my life,” He interjects before Louis can protest at the statement, “From the moment we sat together on those steps that night in the middle of July. Because where I would be without you all is a place I don’t want to imagine. I don’t know how we pulled off half the shit we’ve done, but we’ve made it here today somehow. And what makes up that somehow means everything to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For reference: Bloomfield Lodge is a real place in Australia, it's absolutely beautiful. I chose Queenstown because it's one of my favourite towns in my home country and Fiordland (it's a national park for anyone confused on the west coast) and Milford Sound (a place in Fiordland) is utterly, entirely STUNNING and if any of you ever travel to New Zealand, go there. It's more incredible than you can ever imagine. 
> 
> That all aside, I want to say thank you once more. For those who've been here the whole story, part way few and anyone else to come, thank you, thank, thank you.
> 
> Bye for now (a.k.a till the update tmrw)


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drove for seven hours today and spent an hour just now trying to connect my laptop to the internet where I’m staying to upload this and because modern technology has it in for me today apparently, it didn’t work so here’s me loading this from my phone. Life story over, here it is.

There’s something intoxicating about playing the O2. Harry’s never quite been able to determine whether it’s because London feels so much like a place he truly belongs in, or it’s because to him it feels like the main chapters of his life began.

Either way, the crowd before them is unlike any other he’s ever performed in front of before. It’s far from the biggest crowd, nor the largest arena but it’s One Direction’s last concert for 2020, for all the fans know it’s their last concert ever, and after  everything  he’s faced, not only over the past year but every year before now, standing in front of an audience packed to the rafters, audience thrumming with everything  alive,  he feels at home.

Halfway through the set as  If I Could Fly  had been queued in he’d finally, for the first time all tour, let his eyes cloud over, missing the entirety of his opening lines. The audience had collectively joined him in his anguish, seemingly joining him in his moment of realization of just what his life had become. It was far from the first time he’d had this feeling, far from the hundredth time too, but the thought didn’t make it any less emotional to deal with. Instead he’d sat, Niall pressed to his side in the carved out section of the slanted stage, with tears brimming in his eyes as he’d looked out over a sea of lights and knowingly smiling faces.

Liam had closed with  Remember.  He’d sat in their final meeting as a touring band last week proclaiming it to be the only song in his discography that was fitting of the final act. Niall left the entire audience in tears with a rendition of Dear Patient, the crowd light up the sky with lights and singing along with him. Zayn had left the entire audience stunned when he performed a new, unreleased song he’d finished writing just last week with his production team. Their own band had worked tirelessly with him throughout the week to work their own magic on the song. But the tiresome effort from all of them had been so very worth it to watch as the crowd had been left silent as Zayn sung  River Road.  Louis’ choice had surprised them all. Harry had sat with him late the previous Monday night, curled together on their sofa as Louis and he had chosen their songs, but as Louis and Mitch had stepped forth for only the second time ever to play through  Only The Brave,  every person in the vicinity knew instantly, that there was no better song he could have picked. For his own choice, he’d gone with  Fine Line.  He’d thrown several ideas into the mix, including, like Zayn, songs he’d never played or released before, but the song felt like closing a part of his life he never thought he’d have the chance to leave. So he’d taken it.

We’ll be alright.

The simple lyric he’d sung over and over again to the crowd as they’d screamed it back at him, only to collectively fall silent as the music swelled to its climax and then bloomed into new life.

Magical. The whole show, had been magical.

All of them are endlessly grateful they managed to squeeze in playing this show. From everything that’s to come afterwards and after everything they’ve gone through together. This final send of feels like closure. The entire set a goodbye to songs which helped shaped them into the people they’ve become. A story of maturing, of heartbreak and loss, of love and fortune and learning just what it takes to make it in this world. A narrative of being human.

It’s more than that also for him. More than the crowd, the crew and even the other boys. It’s the end of a journey he’s spent ten years of his life having been forced to oppress within himself. For the moment the final chord of  History  rings out, he’s free. They’re both free. And the rest of his life can finally begin.

Harry grips Louis to him like a vice. Stood on the far right he’s the last in line as the five boys who went from the bottom of the stairs to the top of the world, take their final bow.

He goes to turn, tears falling in free fall down his checks, eyes stained red when Louis’ hand trails down his arm, then grips unforgiving. Faltering he turns half back around, the crowd deafening around them, lights blinding, but still he narrows in on the smile in Louis’ eyes.

“Not yet love.” He reads the words fall from Louis’ mouth before the older lad is turning back towards the audience, mic lifting to his mouth once more.

Behind him the other boys, including their band, have also stopped. Although unlike Harry, there’s no confusion in their eyes, only beaming smiles and smirks decorating each of their faces. Brows furrowed he pauses with Zayn to his left, unsure of the going on as Louis walks confidently out to the stage edge.

“London!” Louis calls, “I know we’ve spoken enough tonight, thanking each and every one of you, including those who can’t be here tonight, for everything you’ve all ever done for the five of us lads. You’ve changed our lives and turned our worlds upside down, but before you all leave tonight, I want to take five more minutes of your time to be a little selfish.”

Harry’s truly confused now. This hasn’t been part of their plans at all,  History  was meant to have ended and that was it, show over. But now he watches as Louis speaks, the band make their way back up behind their instruments. Zayn, Niall and Liam coming to stand around him like a fortress, the same shit-eating grins lining their faces.

“Now I wrote this song, with Liam, a while back now. And we’ve never played it live, and tonight I’d like to remedy that.” Louis says, can hear the emotion beginning to tumble into his words.

“And finally, before we start, I want to say thank you. Thank you for believing in me. For never giving up and sticking with me through thick and thin. Thank you for making me laugh, to feeling like the happiest man alive and for giving me a life I giving me more than I could ever have imagined. Despite it all you’re still the one. Thank you for being my everything, my friend, my family, my home. Thank you for being you, and allowing me to be me.”

It’s been years since he’s allowed himself to listen to this track. But his heart still knows every last beat which combined, creates their everything. He doesn’t know how he manages to stay standing, how his lungs continue to breathe as the notes lead to the opening lyrics. But there’s one thing that carry’s through crystal clear despite everything exploding around him.

Louis. Stood directly in front of him, facing out to the audience like he was made to stand exactly there under the spotlights, cast his light out to every last person standing in the crowd at his feet. Louis, and his voice.

Make a little conversation

So long I’ve been waiting

So let go of myself and feel alive

He waits for Niall’s voice to start, but it never comes. Louis just keeps singing.

So many nights I thought it over

Told myself I kind of liked her

But there was something missing in her eyes

I was stumbling, looking in the dark

With an empty heart

But you say you feel the same

Could we ever be enough? 

Baby we could be enough

This time however, the three men surrounding him do join in as the drums crash behind him, music swelling all around him, and still Louis glows before him. He realises before long that he’s the only one of them that  didn’t  know Louis had this planned. Oh what a surprise it is too.

And it’s alright, calling out for somebody to hold tonight

When you’re lost, I’ll find the way

I’ll be your light

You’ll never feeling like your alone

I’ll make this feel like home

Again, Louis sings all on his own. Harry doesn’t believe anything in that moment could cause him to look away either.

Still high with a little feeling

I see the smile as it starts to creep in

It was there I saw it in your eyes

I was stumbling, looking in the dark

With an empty heart

But you say you feel the same

Could we ever be enough? 

Baby we could be enough

And it’s alright, calling out for somebody to hold tonight

When you’re lost, I’ll find the way

I’ll be your light

You’ll never feeling like your alone

I’ll make this feel like home

He still hasn’t sung a world. Transfixed as the arena explodes around him. The people screaming the lyrics up to them like never before. A deafening wave of sound washing over him, cleansing him and leaving him reborn. And stood before them all, leading the charge, is Louis. His Louis.

I’ll make this feel like home

I’ll make this feel like home

Harry watches, body stock still as Louis turns and looks to him dead in the eye.

Baby we could be enough

Somehow, he steps forward. One foot placed in front of the other. Carrying him away from the darkness and with each step, he’s making his way clearer in towards the light. Louis smiles as he sings. The sight one he’ll not ever forget. The crinkle by his eyes, the upturn of the corner of his lips, the beaming brightness that shines from his eyes and his voice which breaks over the words he’d written years prior.

It’s alright, calling out for somebody to hold tonight

When you’re lost, I’ll find the way

I’ll be your light

You’ll never feeling like your alone

He stops, halting before Louis. Microphone all but forgotten in the palm of his hand as he smiles towards the love of his life.

I’ll make this feel like home.

And under the lights of a thousand eyes, the whole world bare to witness, Louis pulls him in, and kisses him.

And the world around them erupts. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


End file.
